TIFU By cutting myself out of my bestfriend's life

It's not as dramatic as some of the other stories, but it's a little heartbreaking.

My best friend and I used to date, and then I decided it was best we stopped when I realized we were getting to a point where I felt like we argued more than we worked together. I consider myself to be a fairly level-headed person, so despite the ups and downs, we broke up fairly amicably and shuttled down to just being friends.

I love him like he's my brother but have ZERO romantic interest in him now (to the point where I'm I can't imagine how I felt the way I did about him when I was romantically involved with him).

It's been over a year since we broke up and have been friends, and since then, I have dated other people, and he is just getting into the scene again. There's one girl he particularly likes, but she is absolutely against her partners being friends with their exes still.

When he found this out, he did call me to talk about it, but he also stated he did not tell her about me at all, which made me panic. I told him if he got serious with this girl, I wasn't going to lie about how I knew him. I would be more than welcome to respect boundaries, though, and add new ones.

That being said, he's been seeing her a bit more and still hasn't told her about me, but he tells me everything about her. I realized he seemed to really like her, which made me think that he was not planning on defending our relationship at all.

He's not my first male best friend, but he's the first one who's a) been my friend for so long and b) I've also been romantic/intimate with. So I was fairly worried he'd just try to lie or push me out of his life since he liked this girl so much.

After a conversation with him that only resulted in an argument, I basically decided I would cut myself out of his life since he seemed determined not to talk to her about it.

A little later, after my head cooled and I talked to my sister, my emotions got the better of me, and I reached out again. (I blocked his phone calls and removed him from my instagram).

He talked about how hurt he was and said I betrayed him by just cutting him off like that, but I said I didn't understand why he was hurt if his plan was to push me out of his life anyway since he didn't tell her about me.

Apparently, his plan was to have this conversation with her at a later date (tbd) and then if she wasn't okay with me being around he'd just amicably break things off (which was not clear to me previously).

Now that we're on the same page, I feel like I've ruined our friendship by trying to get out the way of his future relationships. He's the type of person who isn't actually good at forgiving people, especially when they cause him emotional pain (he's a bit hyprocritical in this way, but he is also human).

I don't know if our friendship will ever recover after what I did, and it's hard to imagine my life without him in it.

TL;DR after fighting with my ex boyfriend who has been demoted to best friend, I cut myself out of his life under the impression the new girl he's seeing wouldn't want me around and he would eventually cut me off anyway. After speaking with him again, I now understand he had no intention of cutting me off and would rather end things with the girl he's dating. So, I broke our friendship over my own insecurities and lack of trust.