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TIFU my life

Never thought I’d be sharing something like this, but here I am. I’m an immigrant who moved to a new country full of dreams and hopes. After two years in a degree I thought would help me, I realized it wasn’t worth it. I’ve been trying to break into finance and just completed Level 1 of the CFA, but the journey has been lonely and isolating.

I’m working in a low-growth job, far from my family, and it’s taking a toll on me. To make matters worse, I’ve struggled with porn addiction for eight years, which got worse when I found myself alone. The only support I’ve had during this time is from my long-distance girlfriend, who’s been incredible despite her busy schedule.

Recently, while trying to quit porn, I had a night where cravings hit me hard. I tried to avoid giving in by scrolling through social media and stumbled upon a site for anonymous sexting. I thought I’d give it a shot, but within a minute, I felt sick to my stomach and realized I made a mistake. It’s been five days since that moment, and I’ve managed to stay away from porn, which is the longest I’ve gone in years.

I opened up to my girlfriend about my struggles, and it hurt her deeply. Now, she’s contemplating whether to stay with me or not, struggling to trust me again.

She means the world to me and I’ve failed her and our relationship. I’m just a failure. I’m consumed by guilt and sadness, wishing it were me suffering alone instead of her. I had dreams of marrying this girl, and now I see her potentially leaving because of my mistakes. The last five days have been a blur of tears, and I find myself hiding away at work just to cope.

I’m not looking for sympathy, just a space to express my feelings.

TL;DR: I fucked up a beautiful relationship due to my addiction.

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