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TIFU

I woke up bright and early this Saturday after a hectic Friday night of not drinking ( go me ) I'm not even sure why , I can't go anywhere I'm literally rained in ( NW Qld ) so I decided to make a coffee and tidy up in the kitchen . Now last night I had a bit of a craving for chilli ( Shanez fire sausez , death by fire sause rated 10 out of 10 on the heat scale , not for the faint of heart ) so I'm pigging on some chicken an veg rice you know onion garlic tomato and peri peri sause then we do dabs of the death by fire sause every couple of bites . Great time , it burns going in and it burns coming out . I mean your piss and shit burns coming out the next day . It's fantastic . So 6 am there is that bottle of demon sause on the table still, so I grab it, screw the lid on and put it in the fridge . I make coffee , I turn on the TV , I sit down and drink some coffee and then , without thinking, I scratch my balls , and it wasn't a quick scratch , I had a good old pre shower morning ball scratch . Then I go back to my coffee . I notice a tingling sensation on my balls , I look at my hands, ohh shit now I can feel it . My balls are really starting to burn now . Shit there must have been some sause on the outside of the bottle . Fuck my life, it's 6:15 am I am currently dipping my balls in a glass of cold milk , is not a sentence I ever thought I would utter.

Tldr. Today I scratched my balls after touching hot sause and now I'm sitting in my kitchen with my balls in a cup of milk contemplating life choices.

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