Skip to main content

TIFU: Wasted Love

I never thought I'd be writing one of these, but here I am, utterly dumbfounded and heartbroken. Buckle up, because this is a wild one.

So, I've been with my girlfriend, Sarah, for ten years. We're talking serious, "settle down and get married" kind of relationship. Then, my estranged uncle, let's call him Gary, shows up out of the blue. I hadn't seen this guy since I was a kid. Apparently, he'd been living abroad, "finding himself" or something.

Anyway, he's back in town, and my parents insist we reconnect. I'm hesitant, but Sarah, being the sweet, supportive person she is, encourages me to give him a chance. So, we invite him over for dinner.

That's where it all started to go wrong.

To break the ice, I made the mistake of mentioning how much I hate the movie Jack and Jill. I mean, it's objectively terrible, right? Sarah, bless her heart, tries to be polite, but Gary just lights up. Turns out, he's a huge Adam Sandler fan. Like, huge.

Over the next few weeks, Gary and Sarah start hanging out. At first, it's innocent enough. They're "bonding" over their shared love of bad movies, particularly Jack and Jill. They have these movie nights, just the two of them, where they apparently quote lines and do impressions. I'm working late most nights, so I don't think much of it. I mean, it's my uncle, right? And my girlfriend. What could possibly go wrong?

Oh, boy.

Last night, I came home early from work, excited to surprise Sarah with a romantic dinner. I walk in, and... they're making out on the couch. To a Jack and Jill DVD playing in the background. I wish I was making this up.

I won't go into the gory details, but let's just say there were a lot of tears, accusations, and yelling. Sarah claims she "developed feelings" for Gary, and he apparently thinks she's his "soulmate" because they both appreciate the cinematic masterpiece that is Jack and Jill. My uncle, my freaking uncle, stole my girlfriend of ten years, and they bonded over Jack and Jill.

I'm still trying to process this. Ten years. A decade of my life, down the drain. And the reason? Adam Sandler. I'm half-tempted to write a strongly worded letter to him, but I don't think it would help.

TL;DR. My life is a bad movie, and I don't see a sequel in my future.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...
Post a Comment
Read more