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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by chugging street coffee like an idiot.

So, I'm Vietnamese, but I've been in the US since I was six. Just got back to Nam, feeling all nostalgic and shit. Decided to grab a milk coffee from a street vendor. Looked innocent enough, big plastic cup, tasted pretty good. Big fucking mistake.

I drank the whole thing. Every last drop. Now, I've smoked weed, I've even hit thuốc lào (Vietnamese pipe tobacco) – thought I was tough. But this coffee? This shit was on another level. My heart started doing a goddamn drum solo. My hands wouldn't stop shaking. I swear I was seeing sounds and hearing colors. It felt like I'd mainlined pure anxiety.

Ended up in the hospital, looking like a total dumbass. Pretty sure the doctors just laughed at the Americanized kid who couldn't handle his coffee. They hooked me up to an IV and told me to chill the fuck out.

Seriously, Vietnamese coffee ain't coffee; it's a goddamn recreational drug. Never again. My heart's still trying to escape my chest. Vietnamese coffee is fucked.

TL;DR: chugged street coffee, hospitalized by caffeine overdose.

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