Skip to main content

TIFU By taking 2 stool softeners, then waiting and taking 6 more

Story time, hold on to your guys. Happened a few years ago.

I had surgery on my toes. I had to have my big toes fused, and sesamoids removed. I had to stay off my feet. I was taking pain meds and laying on couch. Of course, the pain meds backed me up, and I already slow moving system.

3 days without shitting. I decided to take stool softeners. It's been a minute since I went, so fuck it, take 2. I'm gonna need it. 30 minutes later, nothing. I grab the box. Fuck it, this shit ain't moving. I take 6 more and chug some water. I pass out on the couch for an hour.

When I wake up something isn't right. Uh oh, the gurgles start. Finally I can get rid of what feels like a rock in my bowels. I sit on the throne. Nothing, but my stomach says otherwise. The gurgles start to get angry. My stomach feels like I ate rocks still. I start to drip sweat. I get chills with them. I'm shaking like a background dancers ass in a music video. Next up, the worst anxiety feeling I've every had. It feels like my soul is trying to leave the horror I wrought upon myself.

Finally, a few minutes later, it begins. The boneless brown trout are angry. They want to escape, but all at once. It feels like my ass is ripping everything around it apart. The brown trout are peeking. Then, they begin their migration. Poseidon gives a huge wet sloppy cold kiss on my cheeks. I'm still dripping sweat, head to toe. Still chills, causing my whole body to shake. Soul still trying to figure out how to leave this disaster. I feel out of body, but still in at the same time.

10 minutes roll by. 15. 20. 30 minutes later, it's all finally over. The last of the trout, now more liquid than solid, have finally been freed. My ass feels like I bent over to get the soap and a prison train came into the station. I'm drenched in sweat. Chills still all over my body. I feel weak, like a newborn fawn. My soul finally gave up on its attempted escape, but I still feel like I have no move. My body is telling me that I need to escape, maybe leave my bowels behind. My ass cheeks are wet. They're also completely numb. My feet fell asleep. Trying to get to the couch was a drunken style stumble. Never taking the orange pill again Morpheus. I never want to see how deep the brown hole can go.

[Edit: I realize you are not supposed to take that many. I didn't have any laxatives. I couldn't drive, and this was around 10 pm. Family had gone to bed and stores closed. I was desperate, so decided to go for it.]

TLDR: Took a total of 8 stool softeners, and found out how bad the brown hole can go

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...
Post a Comment
Read more