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TIFU by eating beef jerky

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TIFU by wearing yesterday's pants

The day started with me continuing to troubleshoot a network issue within the house that absolutely defies logic and everything I know to be true, but I won’t dwell on that since it’s just the appetizer of a full on 6-course shit dinner. 

Flying out to Dallas today. I tossed on my pants from yesterday, grabbed my shit and out the door. 

I hop a train, hit the airport and realize to my horror that I have a knife in my pocket. It’s a $300 knife so I’m not down to toss it and while I could probably go home/back, it would push me close for my flight. So I weigh my options. 

Can I mail it home?? Nope. No post box or anywhere to buy stamps/supplies. 

I can check luggage for free! Let’s do that! 

I have my laptop bag and a cpap machine that I’m carrying on. I don’t want to check either because of the abuse but think I may be able to fit my laptop in the cpap bag. So I find a spot and start sorting through my shit. I pull out my work phone, my kindle and laptop. Those are what needs to stay with me. 

Fuck! The laptop is too big. 

Okay next plan. Find a piece of luggage. $50 later and I’m set! Unplanned bag purchase but whatever, it’s a bag I’ll reuse. I toss the knife and a couple work shirts into it and check it. 

Off to security and the gates! Security wants all laptops, kindles, iPads etc out of bags so I pull out my laptop….. wait. Where the fuck is my kindle?!? Goddamn it! I forgot the fucker when I shifted things around. 

I bail from security and rush back to where I would have left it. Nope (duh). Rush down to lost & found who laughs at me and says “check back in a day or two”. 

At this point I’m like suicidal or postal. Can’t quite tell which but I get to the delta lounge for a beer and to try and figure my fucking life out. 

And then my flight gets canceled pushing me out 3 hours.

Whatever day you’re having, at least it’s not mine. 

But the upside is I’m midday drinking with a lot of justification. 

In the lounge, I have the kindle marked lost/stolen so perhaps I may get it back.  When I get to Dallas I realize that I bought it with my Amex and they have purchase protection which covers things like this, so I file a claim and order a new one.

I get back home 4 days later, and unpack my bag, and FIND MY GODDAMN KINDLE!! It slid to the absolute bottom of a pocket that only unzips half way down the bag, so with the bag being stuffed I never felt it and miraculously didn’t notice it in Dallas when I had unpacked.  Returning the unopened kindle to Amazon and canceled the Amex purchase protection claim.

TL;DR: Accidentally brought a knife to the airport leading me to thinking that I lost my kindle, setting off a chain of events only to find my kindle 4 days later.

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