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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by letting my straight A childhood friend hit a THC vape and messy himself

So my buddy Mon, a valedictorian, lives two blocks away, parents stricter than airport security, finally got a late night pass for his birthday. I thought, that we are finally going to enjoy this night worth out worrying about time. At 8 PM, the crew (four of us, beers in hand) were chilling at my place. Lights off, movie playing, vibes set. One friend pulls out a THC vape. Mon's eyes light up like he just discovered a new element.

We warned him. Told him it hits like a truck. He promised he’d take it slow, which he did, at first. One or two baby hits. Respectable. Then we got deep into convo, and I guess nobody noticed that Mon still had the vape.. and had apparently become one with it.

Out of nowhere, he just erupts into the most violent coughing fit I’ve ever witnessed. Like, full body seizure coughs. Sounded like he was trying to summon a demon. We’re all freaking out, telling him to inhale or breathe or do something other than vibrate and drool. His lips started going pale, man was legit coughing out more oxygen than his lungs could find. Saliva everywhere. At one point, he just stopped moving. We thought we killed him.

Eventually, he calms down. We get him seated on the couch like a war veteran. Tell him to relax, drink water, maybe rethink life. Then... we notice a dark spot spreading under him.

Yup. Mon pissed himself. Right there. On my couch

So now we’re all high, mildly traumatized, and trying to carry this dude like a sack of potatoes into the spare room. We laid him down, threw a towel underneath just in case round two happened, and then began the longest couch-cleaning session of my entire life. Trying to scrub upholstery while baked is a special kind of hell. I think I gained muscle mass just from the stress.

Anyway, happy birthday Mon. Next time were sticking to soda and Mario Kart.

TL;DR: Let my straight A childhood friend try a THC vape for the first time. He coughed so hard he nearly passed out, pissed himself on my couch, and we had to carry him to the spare room and deep-clean the furniture while high out of our minds.

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