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TIFU by texting a guy who doesn't like me

Tale as old as time and not at all surprising. Cute bartender at the college bar I visit had me starstruck and we were talking for a little before an actual "date" was scheduled. Idk if I came on too strong or expected too much but he sent me a message saying he didn't think it was gonna work and that was that. That was last year and I've seen him outside of the bar on campus a few times and we are polite, but it still burns me.

Idk what's going on with me lately but I think the loneliness and boredom were getting to me and against my better judgement I sent him a text asking if he was gonna be at the bar tonight. Wasn't sure he'd respond but 30 minutes later he did with "Yes I will" and I asked if it would be okay if I joined him for a bit. No response yet, and I'm not sure why I'm even doing this.

I don't like drinking and I'm not even that hungry. I hate that even after the ghosting and awkward shit that happened I still want to be around him and be "liked" by him or something. Even if he says yes I dont know if I'll go. This sucks.

Update 1: He said to feel free to join him, so I guess I'm heading to the bar. I'll let y'all know how it goes🫡

Update 2: Okay I was reading some comments and yes youre right that its not ghosting if he said he didnt think it would work. I just didn't know what else to call it. My bad. We've had small talk but 10 mins in his friend showed up and they've been talking. Ordered a food and drink that I absolutely don't wanna finish so idk how this will end. Will update later

TLDR I texted a guy who doesn't like me after months of him ghosting me to go to the bar and I hate myself for it

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