Skip to main content

TIFU by watching too much cat video content on social media

TIFU (this happened last night, but I had to get it off my chest.) Hopefully it never happens again, but I'm sure it will because my brain is stupid sometimes.

I am not on social media 24/7 or anything, but I get a lot of cat-related videos that come across my feed, and I love the little dopamine hits from looking at cute kitties. One of my favorites right now is Gumbus, who really enjoys her lickable Churu treats, and if you haven't seen her you really need to. I would say cat content is probably easily 50% of the total content I see on social media. This is the preface to my true FU.

Last night laying in bed with my husband, we were ramping up for round two. We were doing a little touching, and just casually (sexily) talking about different things we find hot, or want to try someday, and just letting conversation flow. As couples do in between sessions, you know? One of the things that's recently been on our radar (recently as in, like just yesterday it came up) has been exploring Nuru massage. For the uninitiated, Nuru massage is a sensual massage that involves a plant-based liquid lubricant, which the masseuse (or masseur) coats themselves in, and then slides around naked atop the other person, essentially using their whole body to give the massage. It sounded fun, so we were talking about how we'd want to try it, and things were heating up (especially in certain areas, if you know what I'm talking about).

How are these things all related, you may ask?

For some reason, my head went from, "ooh, Nuru massage sounds hot and I want to try that," to "I wonder why it's called Nuru massage... mental note to research that later," to "Nuru rhymes with Churu..." Oh no. Oh no no no no no. I could not reel my thoughts back in in time, and all of a sudden my brain hones in on "Churu massage," which was just effing HILARIOUS for some reason. Husband is knuckles-deep at this point and I burst out laughing uncontrollably for at least five minutes. Once I could finally breathe again, he asked if I was going to clue him in on what happened just now. Through more snort-laughing (sexy, right?) I told him about the Churu massage brain lapse and collapsed into giggles again. Once I calmed down I told him I might need a couple minutes to get my head back into sexy mode. How I turned things around mentally at that point, I have no idea... but I really wanted to finish round two so I pushed through.

TL;DR Watch too many internet videos of cats who LOVE their Churu treats, and brain decides that a great time to wax poetic and make a hilarious connection is right in the middle of sexy time. Laughing ensues while patient husband waits out my ADHD brain derailment.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...