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TIFU by telling an ex we could get married

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TIFU by being cheap with Ice Breakers Mints

First off, I want to apologize to the housekeepers who work at Bellagio. Obviously a throwaway…never thought I needed to post here. (Warning: contains gay sex.)

I was in Vegas this weekend (no, nothing good ever comes of Vegas). After checking into the hotel room, I decided to play some slots in the casino. I was also kinda horny and knew there was a 99% chance of a hookup if I simply turned on Grindr. So I washed myself and headed downstairs to play some slots while I waited for a suitable companion for the night.

On the way to the casino, I stopped at the gift shop (Tutto) opposite the elevators to grab Ice Breakers Mints (the round tin). It was highway robbery. I couldn’t believe how much they marked up a stupid thing of Ice Breakers. I was not going to let my money go to waste so I revenge ate the entire thing while playing slots.

Then the right guy came along. He was also staying at the Bellagio, except he had a fountain view. So I ended up in his room for the hookup.

My stomach gurgled as I was giving him bj. But I ignored it. When it came to doggiestyle, he had me face the window so we could both watch the fountain while he mounted me from behind. I ignored the gurgle again, thinking that I had washed myself thoroughly enough - I was good to go even with the gurgles.

Well, I was wrong. I was not good to go. I exploded. I imagine it was just like the fountain, but maybe less boom and more earthy. In any case I didn’t stick around long enough to find out. I ran. I barely had my jeans on and only one shoe in hand. I barely heard the “what the actual fuuuck” as the door closed behind me. I had left a shoe behind. That was not the Cinderella story I wanted.

I texted my friend about what happened. He immediately said it was the Ice Breakers. Something about sorbitol and gut allergies. That sounds right.

TL;DR: I was cheap and ate a whole thing of Ice Breaker Mints because they were heavily marked up, not realizing it can cause gut allergies. My revenge eating turned me into a gay Cinderella who had to buy herself a new pair of running shoes.

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