Skip to main content

TIFU by being a poo chucking monkey

This didn’t happen today, but when I was about 18.

Some friends and I went to a mutual friend’s place for a little get together. I barely knew the guy (friend of a friend type situation), but whatever. We start drinking, and at some point his roommate pulls out mushrooms.

Now, being a genius 18-year-old who had already been drinking, I decided that taking a nice casual 5+ gram cap was a fantastic idea.

We go for a walk and at first everything is great. You know, classic stuff—colors look cool, everything feels funny, vibes are high. Then about an hour in, I am GONE. Like my friends’ faces are melting and rearranging themselves kind of gone.

We end up outside a gas station, and this is where my brain fully disconnects from reality. I become convinced that life is basically a video game with levels, and if you do something you’re “not supposed to,” you unlock powers. I’m talking flying, time travel, all that.

So obviously, the logical next step…

I take all my clothes off.

Because yeah, that’s definitely how you unlock flight.

And then I black out.

After that it’s just random clips like a badly edited movie. At one point I remember seeing cops wheeling some crazy naked guy into a hospital, and I’m watching it like “damn, that guy is having a rough night.”

Spoiler: it was me. I was the guy.

Next thing I know, I’m waking up super groggy and there’s this nurse asking me my name and where I am, but she looks like a humanoid pig. So now I’m thinking, “cool, I’ve been abducted by pig people,” but I’m way too out of it to do anything about it, so I just pass out again.

I wake up again later and my mom is standing there holding my clothes. That’s when it hits me that I’m in the psych ward of the hospital, not a pig spaceship.

Fast forward to getting home. My stepdad looks at me and goes, “How you feeling, ya poo chucking monkey?”

And I’m like… excuse me?

That’s when I find out that while I was in the psych ward, completely out of my mind, in a room with nothing but a toilet… I apparently decided that after taking a shit, the best possible use of it was to pick it up and redecorate the room.

Walls. Floor. Full commitment.

So not only did I get arrested naked outside a gas station, I also turned a hospital room into a crime scene that I’m sure someone else had to clean up.

18-year-old me really thought he was about to unlock superpowers.

Instead I unlocked a lifetime ban from dignity.

FML.

TL;DR: Took way too many mushrooms, stripped naked trying to “unlock powers,” got taken to the psych ward, and while there decided to finger paint with my own shit.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by not disabling an option in Windows that seemingly made my PC stutter for the last 3 years

I bought a pretty good PC in 2019 (2300 € of goodness) but, a few months after I installed it, the PC started to have, at random, small freeze for like a second, every 10 to 50 min for seemingly no reason. I did tons of benchmark, pretty much read every posts about "my PC is stuttering/freezing help meee" on the internet, called the After Sale number from where I bought the PC. Removing and putting the GPU back helped for a few weeks, but then back to square one. Checked the state of my disks, the ventirad, everything ! Restarting the PC made the stuttering stop for like 1 or 2 hours that's it. I had GPU-Z and CPUID monitor on all the time to check if anything happened, and weirdly enough, having those monitoring program open made the stuttering way weaker ! Drove me absolutely crazy. Then one or two weeks ago I saw a post on r/buildapc about Fast Startup option in Windows and how it was a good idea to disable it... So I did. Since then, nothing. No stuttering, no f...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by accidentally adding the police to a private WhatsApp group for private poker nights / sports betting events.

So Poker is highly regulated here in Belgium, so is being a bookie. Yet for the past I don't know how many years I (first with some friends, now alone) have been organizing some private poker nights and have ran a private sports betting competition. This sounds like a big deal, but in reality it isn't. None of the proceeds go to me, nor is there a rake during the poker nights. Problem is: these poker nights happen in 2 pubs after hours when they are closed, both pub owners are really good mates of me. So technically the pubs might be violating the law even though people bring their own booze (some will bring a bottle of Wodka, some a crate of beer, etc ...), pub owners don't actually sell anything during those nights (technically, in practice they sometimes just serve at their cost). The buy-in is also limited to €25 euro (no rebuy), so they are basically soft home games, just taking place in a pub behind closed doors. And everyone knows each other. Most of these people...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by plastering a permanent male appendage onto my brother’s wall.

I M17, plastered a massive one square meter schlong onto my brothers wall today. For revenge. Last week I woke up from a nice, calming dream and opened my eyes to see an A4 peice of paper taped on my roof that said “Fck you.” directly above my head. there was no reason behind it. When I confronted my brother about it his reasoning was that he was bored. I thought it ended at that, so I got my brother back by putting saran wrap around his door and I made paper chains with little insults written on each loop and I taped that to his roof. He simply laughed and asked if I “found them yet?” I was confused what he meant by that but he wouldn’t say anything else so I left it at that. A few days later. At 12:00 at night, a poster from my wall falls to the ground, and behind the poster is a note tapped to my wall. (Crazy coincidence, it’s like my bedroom purposefully uncovered the note) The note had “tickle my urethra.” Written on it. I then decided to check behind a poster next to it to see ...
Post a Comment
Read more