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TIFU by calling my grandpa

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TIFU and became an accidental eco-terrorist

Like many hefty people, I have a pretty big sweet tooth. So imagine my pleasant surprise when I saw lots of low sugar fruity candy on my grocer's clearance rack last night. And not the usual stuff that's meant for diabetics, but the bougie candy that I normally wouldn't touch because it is expensive.

While I'm mostly a chocoholic, I can walk on the fruity side for a bargain. So I grabbed some peach rings, strawberry licorice, sour fruity stars, and so on. They're half-off and low sugar, so I filled a basket with the goodies and headed to checkout with the rest of my groceries.

During my drive, I try the licorice- not as good as my fave, but way better than Twizzlers. I get home, put the groceries away, eat dinner, relax with a streaming movie, and finish up the licorice. I later grab a bag of peach rings.

Decent enough, and I look at the nutrition label in depth and notice the fiber content- 12 grams. Intrigued, I look at the other bag and see that it has 26 grams of fiber. I'm slightly alarmed because 40 grams of fiber in such a short period can't be good, especially since I already take a fiber supplement twice a day.

Later that night, it begins. The farts aren't loud, but each one smells worse than the previous one. My cat starts wishing for thumbs so he can call and report my butt for hate crimes against

Today has been more of the same. On top of methane emissions that put cows to shame, the farts have started to burn upon release. More than a few nose hairs have ragequit because of the unending stream of toots unleashing fumes that trigger an unpleasant tingle in the nose.

TL;DR I overdosed on low sugar/high fiber fruit candy, and the flatulence marathon is about to knock me out.

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