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TIFU-I completely screwed up by ignoring my college requirements and now I’m broke and hungry

I’ve spent the last couple of months working on my final paper, and to keep myself from completely losing my mind, I decided to eat whatever I wanted. Naturally, that worked out wonderfully: I gained a ridiculous amount of weight. I used to weigh around 85 kilos, but at one point I reached almost 120.

The funny part is that I now have to stay in college for another semester because I somehow made it through the past five years without completing any internships or extracurricular activities. To make up for those missing hours, I have to enroll in a university program next semester.

However, my aunt, who has been paying for my college, decided to stop because our agreement only covered four years, and I’ve already been studying for four and a half. So, in order to finish my degree, I’m now trying to save money like a maniac to enroll in the program next semester.

The tiny problem is that I don’t have a job, I live alone, and I basically survive on the money my mom gives me.

I don’t want to get a part-time job because I hate leaving the house, and I’m already focused on passing an insanely competitive civil service exam so I can become a federal agent or some shit. My dream is to become a federal agent at 22, just like Grace Ashcroft.

Since coming up with this absolutely flawless plan, I’ve gone down to 105 kilos, so I guess I can keep this nonsense going for another two months. Yeah, I’m clearly a genius—about to earn a degree, yet still somehow capable of coming up with ideas this spectacularly stupid.

I’m not looking for solutions. I’m only accepting praise for my exceptionally brilliant plan.

TL;DR: I spent almost five years in college without completing my required internship and extracurricular hours. Now I need another semester, my aunt has stopped paying my tuition, I need to save R$5,000 without having a job, and my master plan is to live as cheaply as possible while studying for an insanely competitive federal government position.

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