TIFU by creating a literal golden ratio of clean glass and bad timing

​TL;DR: Cleaned my school bus window so well it looked invisible, tried to toss a cup of my own pee out of it after a long route, and ended up covering myself and the driver's cab in urine right before a surprise inspection from my nightmare boss. Got suspended, but it gave me the push to quit and change careers.

This actually happened a while ago, but I’m finally able to laugh about it and the smell is long gone.

​For context, I used to be a mini school bus driver. I’m normally a massive clean freak and my bus was usually spotless. But my former boss was an absolute tyrant who treated everyone like garbage and seemed to live to make our lives a living hell. If there was a single piece of dust, you’d get written up. Last week, one of the kids left an empty soda can in the back. I missed it during my sweep, and my boss called me into his office just to belittled me and act like I’d committed a felony.

​Naturally, this kind of micromanagement led to a union meeting to address his toxic behavior.

​Fast forward to the day of the incident. I had just finished an insanely long route, and my nerves were already shot because I had that union rep meeting right after. The boss never lets anything go, so I was on high alert. To make matters worse, I had to pee so badly and couldn't hold it.

​There was no time to run into a facility, so out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a giant plastic cup, parked the bus, and took care of business in the driver's seat.

​Now, here’s where the fuck up happens.

​I decided to throw the urine out the driver's side window so there’d be no trace left in the bus. What I completely forgot was that earlier that morning, during my obsessive cleaning routine, I had wiped down that window until it was practically invisible. ​I mean, this glass was pristine. It was a masterpiece of clarity.

​Without looking twice, I gave the cup a confident, hard toss toward what I thought was open air.

​SPLASH.

​The window was fully rolled up.

​The liquid hit the clear glass at high velocity and bounced right back. It drenched me. It soaked the dashboard, the steering wheel, the seat, and the floorboards. I was instantly covered in my own warm urine. ​I panicked. I spent the next hour frantically scrubbing the bus with whatever cleaning wipes and towels I had left, but you can't easily scrub away that level of mistake. I smelled terrible, the bus smelled terrible, and I was running severely late.

​So, I finally pulled into the bus yard, praying I could just park, sprint to my personal car, and deal with the union meeting later. ​Because the universe has a sick sense of humor, guess who was standing in the yard waiting for me? My boss, along with a supervisor, conducting a surprise fleet inspection. ​As soon as I opened the doors, the wall of stench hit them. Then they looked at me soaked, smelling like a subway station, clutching a bottle of disinfectant, and looking visibly traumatized.

​They didn't listen to a word I said. They immediately suspended me for a week without pay on the spot for gross misconduct and unsanitary conditions.

​That suspension ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me. Sitting at home smelling like bleach finally gave me the push I needed. I called them up, handed in my resignation, and completely switched careers. I'm doing much better now, but I will never, ever clean a window that well again.