Skip to main content

TIFU by inviting my crazy uncle to my 7th birthday party

This happened when I was turning 7. It was my birthday party and things were actually going great. My friends were there, we had snacks, and my mom got me exactly what I wanted a brand new Moana DVD.

Enter my crazy uncle. The one who smells like alcohol and does wild stuff. The second he arrived the whole mood in the room shifted.

We got to the cake and everyone was singing Happy Birthday. He was singing along normally until the very last line. Right at the end he screamed "happy f-word birthday" as loud as he could in front of all the kids. The room went completely silent. My parents immediately threw him out.

While my parents were outside saying goodbye to the guests, I snuck off to my bedroom to finally watch my new movie. I was so excited and alone in front of the TV.

Somehow my uncle managed to sneak back into the house without anyone noticing. The door suddenly burst open and he walked right up to me. He said “I forgot your present. Happy birthday.” Then he ripped the Moana disc out of the player, jammed in his own blank CD, and quickly ran off.

Being 7 years old I just sat there and watched it. It wasn’t Moana. It was the movie Jackass. I watched the entire thing in absolute horror. There were so many gross and shocking scenes that completely shattered my innocent little mind especially one involving a guy filming his own business in a toilet. I was sitting right in front of the TV gagging, dry heaving, and screaming but everyone outside was chatting and couldn’t hear me.

That day left me pretty messed up for a while.

TL;DR: On my 7th birthday my uncle ruined the party by swearing loudly in front of everyone, then secretly replaced my Moana DVD with the movie Jackass. I ended up watching the whole inappropriate movie alone as a scared little kid and it traumatized me.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by making a joke that landed horribly

I was talking to someone and thought I was being funny, but the second the words left my mouth I knew I had messed up. It was one of those jokes that sounds fine in your head and then just dies completely in real life. Nobody laughed, the mood got awkward instantly, and I could feel my face getting hot because I knew I had just made everything weird for no reason. What made it worse is that I tried to recover from it instead of just shutting up. So then I started talking more, which only made it more obvious that I was panicking. You know that feeling when you can hear yourself getting worse while it’s happening and you still can’t stop? yeah, that was me. I kept trying to act normal, but the whole thing was already gone. After that I just wanted to disappear and pretend it never happened. I’m still thinking about it way more than I should, which somehow makes it even more embarrassing. I really should have just kept my mouth shut for once. TL;DR: I tried to be funny and the joke...

TIFU by sh*tting in the bushes at a high school

So I’m training for a local 10k race in a couple months. That’s about 6.2 miles. Not a long race but not a short one either. I’m making good progress and tinkering with what works for me on longer runs, how I can keep my body moving at an easy, consistent pace for about 70-80 minutes. I’ve been increasing the distance over the past few months, prioritizing getting the distance down before I work on pace. I train early mornings at a local high school track within walking distance of my house. They have public hours almost every morning from 6-8 am. It’s a very nice track with good lighting and ✨no public bathrooms✨. Because I’ve been focused on increasing distance I’m waking up earlier and earlier to get to the track and really hammer it out before I go home and shower for work. In turn, I’ve been drinking a little extra COFFEE most mornings get my body going. Til now this hasn’t been a problem, I don’t leave the house until my body takes care of business. I successfully dropped the ...

TIFU by selling a pair of nightstands with a bottle of lube…

Title. This past weekend, I sold a pair of “BRIMNES” nightstands (via Facebook marketplace) that I’d previously picked up from IKEA years back. Girlfriend and I were selling them to be replaced by a more thematically appropriate pair. Anyway, prior to selling them off, mine respectively was used to hold a bunch of miscellaneous shit: Papers, art supplies, and of course: This bottle of Trojan lube for accessibility purposes, and as such it remained even after being cleaned out for sale. I figured why not? It can stay in there until they’re sold. It’s also worth noting that I never attached the wheels to either stand and opted instead to keep them in their provided drawers. As a result, whenever I moved them, I’d hear a gentle ‘thud’ that I assumed was the collectively packaged wheels shifting. So, day comes for pickup, I load them into the buyer’s car and she drives off. No problem. I offered for her to test the drawers beforehand but she voiced her good faith in my ad details and...