TIFU I screwed up today, by confusing a work chat with a veterinarian, or how I became the company's main pervert

It happened literally two hours ago. I'm still sitting in the office toilet, looking at my resignation letter and wondering if I should change my name and country of residence.

A little context: my cat (his name is Lucifer, and he fully justifies his name) has started having digestive problems. The vet told me over the phone: "Listen, if he can't go to the toilet again, you'll have to give him a light tummy massage and... um, check for any lumps on his back. If anything, take a picture and send it to me on Telegram, and I'll tell you if everything's okay."

Like a caring cat dad, I run home from work during my lunch break. Lucifer screams. I understand - it's time to act. I put my phone on the washing machine, turn on the flashlight, take the cat, and perform this procedure that is as humiliating for both of us as possible. I take a quick macro photo of the "problem area" under his tail to send to the doctor.

And here my brain decided to completely shut down.

At the same time, our HR director was sending me a private message on Telegram. We were just preparing to launch a new big project, and he wrote: “Hi! So what, are you ready? Drop what you have there, the team is already waiting in the general chat for the final update.”

I go to Telegram on full automatic. I see the top chat, where it says “(18 people)”. My brain reads this as a call to action. I click “attach photo”, select the LAST photo taken (yes, the same close-up) and proudly send it, adding the caption:

“Listen, it looks a little swollen and kind of creepy, but if necessary, I can massage it to make it better.”

30 seconds pass. I wash my hands. I get a notification. Then another one. Then my phone starts vibrating as if the world is ending.

I open the chat.

My photo. A work chat for 18 people. The entire top management is there, including the founder of the company. And my signature about the massage.

First comment from HR:

“Um... bro, we certainly appreciate your dedication and involvement in the project... but maybe that was for personal messages?”

Second comment from the founder:

“I’ll probably refrain from commenting on the design of this interface.”

Only at this point does it dawn on me that they thought I had dropped... well, you get the idea. My own. Because in a macro photo of a shaved cat’s butt against the background of my fingers, it’s practically impossible to make out that it’s a cat. It just looked like a very strange, abstract and extremely inappropriate anatomical photo.

I panicked and deleted the message for everyone. But as we know, if there are 18 people in the chat, at least 10 of them had already managed to hide it.

I wrote in caps lock: “THIS IS MY CAT’S ASS! HE’S CONSTIPATED! I SWEAR I MIXED UP THE CHAT!”

The chat is now dead silent. No one is typing anything. I returned to the office, walked past the desks with my head down. I think my colleagues are now looking at me with a mixture of horror, pity, and mild interest.

TL;DR: I was going to send a photo of my cat’s ass to the vet to get advice about constipation. I accidentally posted this in a work chat with management along with a suggestion to “massage it a little more to make it better.” I’m looking for a new job.