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TIFU: I feel bad about how I behaved at my friend’s house

So last night me and my friend decided to have a sleepover drunk and I’m 18 and this is genuinely the first time i’ve ever drank. She’s drank many times before. I really wanted to get blackout drunk and know how that felt but my friend was very paranoid about getting caught and I guess her plan was to not get blackout. I didn’t know. We never communicated any of that. I just thought we’d try to finish all we had.

So we did both end up getting pretty drunk and then my friend suddenly told me to stop so that she could get to my level of drunk. She was also getting really sleepy and she tried to make me sleep too but I wanted to be up for longer and I wanted to keep going because I didn’t want to waste the rest of my drink plus I wanted to get blacked out. I had it in a water bottle and she took the water bottle away from me and I kept trying to get it back and then she was getting annoyed because she just wanted to sleep but I really wanted to get blacked out once before college

She had gotten blacked out before and has been to many parties so tbh I guess I was a bit jealous of her. They threw many parties in her school, my school never really had much big partying going on and I also never really thought about getting drunk up until recently. But now since I had the chance I was bummed out that we didn’t get blacked out because I don’t think i’ll ever put myself in that situation in college parties and that was my reason

I feel bad how I behaved at her house though, I should’ve been more understanding

TL;DR I was being pushy because I wanted to experience blackout and I feel bad

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