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TIFU by lying to my friend aka my roommate

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TIFU by lying to my friend aka my roommate

Today I fucked up by lying to my roommate who is also my best friend about me finding an apartment to rent.
I (23F) and my roommate (23F) have been living in the same room for almost a whole year. Until today we had never EVER had any problems and she had become one of my closest friends. We were both actively trying to find ourselves apartments to move out to so we wouldn’t have to have any roommates at all (we currently live in a three bedroom apartment as 6 roommates) so me finding an apartment wasn’t the problem.

The problem began when my DUMB ASS got an appointment to check out this apartment (which had previously been suggested to my roommate around two months ago and she’d immediately told me about it and that she was interested but she never got an answer). So I went to check out the place but I never told her I got an appointment for the same apartment.

Me and another girl were invited over to check it out and one of us was supposed to be chosen to move in and the owner said he will decide quickly so I assumed in a few days.
I was honestly excited about getting the place but due to previous rejections kept quiet in case I didn’t get it. I had also noticed that anytime I told people about something in my life that was still in the process of happening it would 99% of the time not work out.
After getting no answer for a week I just concluded that I hadn’t gotten the apartment so I got annoyed and decided to forget about it.
A day or two later I wanted to be sure so I emailed the owner about why I didn’t get notified about getting the place or not and he told me he’d decide in a few days.
Now even after this I kept my otherwise forever wide open mouth shut. That Wednesday I received an email telling me I got the place. But I hadn’t really legally gotten the place so I thought if I told anyone and later got told that the owner changed his mind it’d be kinda stupid and embarrassing.
Then I got a formal appointment to sign the lease on my way to work after class
And my stupid ass
After coming back home
Lied to my roommate. Why you might ask? Cause I’m a self destructive piece of shit. I thought she’d be mad I didn’t tell her from the beginning so I said I’d only gotten contacted to see the place and she should contact the owner since he had previously said that he had many apartment units he wanted to rent at the same location.
Well she did contact him and he told her “no I only had one apartment available and I gave that to (my full fucking name)”

She later confronted me about it and I told her the truth. It was horrible. She was so super disappointed in me. She definitely hates me now and I don’t have my best friend anymore or enough time to mend things since I have to move out in a few days. I hate myself so much and have no idea how to fix things. I got super stressed and bought her an electric hand mixer she had wanted for a while as a way of apologizing but I know she’s super mad at me.
I don’t have any family in this town and life is super hard as it is, I really didn’t need or can afford to lose a good friend over my own stupidity.

Tl;dr: I lied to my roommate about finding an apartment, she contacted the owner I’m about to rent from and found out I lied and now hates me. She’s my only friend. I really fucked up big time

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