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TIFU by catching my friend masterbating...

So a friend of mine invited me over to spend the night at his place, and like any two respectable gentlemen sharing a roof, we decided to engage in the ancient ritual of figuring out what the fuck to eat.

We were a bit lazy so we settled on pasta, simple, tasty, and quick to make...unfortunately he was all out, so I told him to remind me later to get them once I go out for a smoke.

So there I was, washing the dishes left over from lunch like the great houseguest I am, when I heard the front door open and close. Naturally, I assumed my friend had gone out to buy the pasta we needed.

After finishing the dishes, and seeing all that running water must've made me want to go for a number 1.

I made my way to the bathroom, opened the door, and lo and behold. My dear friend, phone in one hand, mid stroke with the other.

I don't know what a normal person should do in this case as this was not included in the friendship training manual. However, I like to believe that I handled the situation with grace and composure, by turning it into a lighthearted joke.

I simply said "make sure to wipe down the toilet seat when you're done, I don't wanna get pregnant.

I thought it was a pretty solid joke, if I do say so myself. A little dark humor to diffuse the tension, maybe get a chuckle or two, and then we'd move on with our lives like any normal two grown adults.

But after he came out of the bathroom, he was very awkward. He wouldn't look me in the eyes. He couldn't even hold a conversation. Every time I said something, I'd get a one word response.

I figured I'd give the poor guy some space to process whatever it is he's feeling, so I decided to go home and leave him be.

The next day, I tried texting him.

Nothing.

Called him.

Straight to voicemail.

I even tried to visit him at his house again, thinking perhaps we could sit down, have a conversation, and put whatever this thing is behind us, but he wouldn't even acknowledge my presence let alone open the door for me.

And as I was looking at his door, that's when it hit me.

I lost a friend...Not because I betrayed him. Not because I hurt him. I lost a friend because I walked into a bathroom at the wrong time and made a stupid joke about getting pregnant.

TL;DR: I caught my friend masterbating and now he won't talk to me.

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