TIFU by going on a spontaneous tinder date without knowing the person and ending up being a babysitter for a drunk wreck.

Like most of these posts, this happened years ago. Strap yourselves in random internet friends, this one is a rollercoaster. It may be long, but it's well worth it.

So years back I decided to head up to my old town to surprise some friends and hang out.

It was a Saturday and I had no plans so I figured why not go surprise some buddies and chill for the weekend. I drove up to my friend's house to find they were all out dirtbiking for a few hours and I was going to have to wait till they got home.

So I'm sitting on their porch smoking a cig while I decide how to best waste some time. I popped out my phone and started mindlessly swiping on tinder. Suddenly, I match with this girl and her first message says " hey I don't normally do this but you're really cute. Let's hang out!"

Now, I'm the kind of guy who prefers to get to know someone before I immediately go out on a date with them. But I was bored and had a few hours to kill, plus what's the worse that could happen?

Oh how wrong I was.

So this girl invites me out. I ask where she wants to meet and she says she's currently drinking at a bar downtown. I think " that's a little odd.. it's 1 pm on a Saturday and you're already out drinking?" But then again, it is a college town and it's probably not a big deal. ( Red flag number one)

So I hop in my truck and head down town. I arrive and head in to meet her. A little nervous because I hardly know this person, but I'm optimistic.

She spots me from across the room and comes over with two drinks in hand. She walks up, slams one of them while giving me the " wait just a second" sign with her finger, then slams the other drink and leaves her empty glasses at a random table. She then pulls me in and gives me a big hug and an even bigger kiss right on the lips like we knew each other or something. ( Red flag number two) this girl is already pretty tipsy and I haven't even had my first drink and it's maybe 1 or 2 in the afternoon. Also who immediately kisses someone they've never met?

Again, I'm being optimistic so I think " maybe she's just having a good time and maybe I shouldn't over think things" I tell myself to lighten up and just have fun. I don't normally party like this, maybe I'll learn a lesson on how to let loose.

So we chat for maybe 15 minutes. She explained she and her siblings have been at the casino all day and they're out celebrating because they won like $30'000. Then she says " oh speaking of my siblings..." And walks me over to the bar to meet them.

So we just met and now I'm being introduced to her family... it was weiiiird. We walk over and her 4 sisters and their 4 significant others are all hanging out at the bar. They all half heartedly say "hello" but I can tell they really don't care who I am. She then says she'll be right back, orders 2 drinks, slams one and runs off to go dance to the next song leaving me with her siblings.

So I'm trying to make awkward small talk with these people and starting to think maybe I should just go because I don't exactly want to hang out with this girl's family and some red flags are starting to pile on.

Then, one of the siblings walks over and asks the bar tender for 2 shots. " Oh cool" I think, " this dude can see I'm feeling a little weird and he's gonna give me a shot and try and make me feel a less awkward.

Nope.

The bartender passes him two shots. The sibling looks at me and says, " yo, you with Tiffany?" " Yeah" I reply. He slams both drinks, slaps me on the back and says " good luck buddy" and disappears off into the crowd. ( Red flag number 3)

"Well fuck" I think. Maybe I need to reconsider what I'm doing here..

As I'm trying decide if I should go, some commotion breaks out on the dance floor. Apparently, Tiffany was dancing away and some girl knocked her drink out of her hand on accident. Tiffany went into a drunken pushing/yelling match with this poor girl and caused enough of a scene that the music literally stopped. There's lots of shouting and yelling, and my tinder date is doing all of it. She's making a huge deal and throwing fists with this girl and her friends over a spilt drink ( Red god damn flag number 4). All these drunk girls are now in a 5 person fist fight defending their friend while Tiffany is going drunk hulk on all of them.

At this point, I recognize it's my time to leave. So I did. I went straight out to the curb, lit up a smoke and stood there trying to figure out how to spend the rest of the afternoon.

As I'm doing this, they threw Tiffany out of the bar. I've never seen someone be physically thrown from a bar, but damn that girl could really fly. Two big bouncers straight up tossed her to the curb while she's screaming and spitting at them and crying. At this point, it's like watching a car accident.. I just couldn't look away

Her siblings come out seconds later and start yelling at her. " You always do this." " We were just trying to have a good time and you always get fucked up and ruin it" " you have a drinking problem" and a slew of other things. Then, they say " you're on your own tonight. Find your own ride home" and her siblings bail.

Now at this point, Tiffany ( whom I've talked to for pretty much 15 whole minutes) is a crying mess on the curb. I feel so bad for this girl. Obviously, she made some crappy choices that led her to this moment.. but she's also a person who's having a really rough afternoon and is now very alone and possibly too drunk to make better choices that will lead to her getting home safe. So, I decided to go talk to her.

She's still crying and having a rough time of it all. I offer to walk around downtown with her for a bit so she can sober up and maybe we'll find her a cab or something.

As we're walking, I can tell she's getting progressively more drunk. But she's obviously not drinking anything so I'm guessing she probably slammed a few more drinks than I thought. Then she's puking all over the curb and she's barely able to stand.

After everything, she's still a person and I decide there's no way I can put her in a cab when she can barely stand. Not to mention she's puking so much, the cab isn't going to let her go alone. I decide that I'll take her home where her roommates or siblings or whoever can deal with her. Lucky for me, this town is small and it only takes 15 minutes to get from one side to the other so I'm sure it'll all be over soon.

Nope.

We get to my truck and I help her in. I ask her where she lives and she says something about the Northside of town, but she was slurring her speech so bad I didn't really catch it. No problem I think, I live on the northside too and it's a small area. We'll figure it out. It takes maybe 10 minutes to get to the Northside and the whole time she's puking on my floor and out my window. She. Is. Fucked. Up.

I'm already pretty irritated because I just wanted a nice afternoon out, but It'll all be over soon and I'll need see her again I think.

Then she falls asleep. I pull up to the first neighborhood on the northside and start asking her where she lives. She's still asleep. I try and shake her awake. Nothing. She is full on rag doll passed out. So I pull into a circle K, get her some water and a Gatorade and try to wake her up. Eventually she comes too, pukes some more and downs the water ad the Gatorade. I ask where she lives again and she manages to point down the street before passing back out.

So I'm driving up and down this neighborhood. At each new street, I'm shaking her awake asking her where to go. She sometimes opens her eyes enough to look around, shake her head and fall back asleep.

I drive around the Northside for a full hour. She's woken up a few times, pointed at a few streets, puked more than once, but mostly slept while I'm driving around asking her where to go. Plus, she's pointed at multiple places that weren't even close together so I wasn't even sure if she knew where we were.

Finally, a full hour of this goes by, my truck is covered in puke and she sits up points to a house and says " that one". And then proceeds to puke even more. Idk how this girl even had this much vomit in her body.

I am exhausted. I pull up to the house and park. Go around to her side and it's pretty clear she's not going to be able to stand. So, I tell her to puke out what she can before I carry her inside. She does and I throw her over my shoulder.

We get to the door and I knock a few times but no one answers. So I just let myself in. I figured at this point, I've dealt with this girl's drunken ass enough and my patience is gone. Whatever siblings or roommates are there will surely be grateful I got her home safe so who cares if I just let myself in.

I get her to a couch and put her on her side. I find a pot from the kitchen and put it in front of her In case she's got to hurl again, as well as glass of water and some Alka seltzer. Then I find a linen closet and get her set up with a blanket and a pillow.

After that, I left and headed to my friend's house to tell them about the worst date I have ever had.

THEN

The next morning she calls me, absolutely infuriated. She's yelling at me and frankly I'm completely confused. Finally she says " why the fuck would you leave me here of all places?!"

Me: " Dude. We're lucky I even found out where you lived. You were so plastered it took me an hour to even get you home" Her " but I don't live here!!"

So it turns out that 2 years prior, she had a best friend and a fiancee. A week before her wedding, her best friend and her fiancee ran off together and eloped. She hasn't seen or spoken to them since. That was the home I apparently dropped her off at.

They were out of town that night and came home the next day to find her passed out on their couch with puke everywhere. I imagine it was an eventful reunion. Anyway she asks me to come take her home and frankly, I was so done with that mess I declined.

And that my friends, is the story of why I decided to delete tinder from my phone and never go on spontaneous dates again.

Tldr; I spontaneously met a girl for a date, she was plastered and ended up being thrown like a sack of potatoes out of the bar, she was ditched by her family and the universe gave me the " get this drunk girl home" side quest that turned into a hour of vomit, tears and frustration.