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TIFUpate: allowing my coworker to set me up

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TIFU by telling my parents I am going to masturbate

Obligatory this happened literally 30 minutes ago.

I (21F) live with my parents and we have a two-story house where the bathroom is on the second floor. When I was a child we used to hang out a lot in the living room on the first floor. Ever since then whenever I go to take my shower in the evening and they/we are in the living room I announce it to my family that “I’ll go take a shower”… idk if any other family does this but this is to let them know I will be in there for a while, they don’t knock on the door, my mother doesn’t shout my name looking for me etc. It’s just more convenient.

If you are someone with a clitoris and a detachable shower head you may know where this is going… yeah I’ve been a bit obsessed with masturbating with a shower head since I was probably 17. It’s so fucking quick and intense. Goes unnoticed because it sounds like you’re just showering. Literally done within 10 minutes tops.

For some time now while heading to the bathroom I’ve been thinking how embarrassing it would be if one night I said “I’m going masturbating” instead of “showering”. I normally just chuckle to myself and do my business.

Not today though. I was very horny since waking up and was thinking about my shower-me time the whole day. I contemplated taking a shower in the afternoon but figured it would be too weird plus the anticipation would make it even better in the evening. So I’m in the kitchen with my dad, mom is watching TV. We are casually chatting about what to make for lunch tomorrow. Mind you, I am aching at this point and can’t stop thinking about the shower (head). Two seconds of silence and I announce “sorry guys I’m way too tired I’m heading up to masturbate and go to bed” halfway to the stairs …. Silence…. “Yeah I mean shower hehe” ….

I ran out of the room before they could speak. I don’t think I’ll ever leave my room. And I obviously didn’t even masturbate.

Tl;dr - I accidentally told my parents I’m going to masturbate instead of I’m going to take a shower…

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