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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by doing anal on the first date

Disclaimer: this will be gross and TMI

I just came home from the most embarrassing date ever and now I want to curl up into a ball and evaporate.

I went on this date with a guy, let’s call him Lenny (I have reasons for picking this name specifically). Anyway, Lenny and I had a great time at the start of our date, I’d truly felt that we had an amazing connection and the lead up to it with us texting and talking on the phone every now and then was also amazing. But the amazingness was about to explode in great globs of fire.

We eventually went back to his place and quickly wound up sans clothes. Things were getting hot and heavy, and me having a bit of anal fixation, I exclaimed mid-sex “I want you to fuck my ass”. Lenny obliged, but since I didn’t prep we took it to the bathroom, where there was inevitably a bit of mess, but nothing too concerning. Though it certainly did seem to loosen some stubborn stools.

After the deed was done and we cleaned everything up, we went back into Lenny’s bedroom where we cuddled. I could feel a fiery hot gas making its way out of my tender asshole. It was too forceful to control, and what happened next was terrifying. Brown lava shot out of me like a geyser. Lenny had turned pale as a ghost and I was lost for words, as I couldn’t fathom that I shat on this man’s bed, and got some on his leg.

He remained calm, let me tear up his bathroom like a hurricane and clean up once more. After what felt like an eternity, I left, having apologized profusely in light of ruining this poor man’s night.

Safe to say there won’t be a second date.

TL;DR: Had impromptu anal sex, finished the job and accidentally shat on my date’s bed and on my date himself.

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