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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by going above and beyond for a civilian drug screening and showing too much skin.

I’ve been in the Navy for the last 5 years and it is required that urinalysis tests are directly observed. My command had a problem with guys using a prosthetic called a whizzinator a while back and to combat this they implemented a local procedure that required guys to stand a couple feet from the urinal, drop their trousers and underwear below their knees and lift their shirts up above their belly buttons. It was totally invasive but after a few years you get used to it. Fast forward to yesterday and I had to provide a sample for a civilian contractor that works on the base I used to be stationed at. I filled out the paperwork and it said someone was going to follow me to the head (bathroom) so I figured it must be like the Navy since they work for the Navy. A guy followed me to the rest room and told me to go into the stall, I immediately went in there and adjusted my clothes like a toddler, the poor guy seemed taken aback and asked me if I usually pee this way. He informed me he only had to stand outside of the stall to take custody of the sample right away but he didn’t have to see it leave my body. I totally showed the guys my cheeks when I didn’t have to. TL;DR I followed my old Navy commands pee test protocol when i didn’t have to. Does anyone have any experiences with observed drug tests?

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