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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by trying to surprise my girlfriend with a romantic dinner

This happened today and my kitchen still smells like regret and smoke.

My girlfriend’s been telling me I should be more romantic and thoughtful, so I decided to cook her a nice dinner at home. I cleaned the apartment, lit some candles, put on some soft music, even wore the shirt (you know, the one that only comes out for Christmas or funerals).

Dinner was going surprisingly well. Nothing burned (yet), she was impressed, and I was feeling like Gordon Ramsay minus the yelling. So I figured I’d top it all off by flambéing the dessert. I saw a guy do it on TikTok—it looked easy and dramatic. Spoiler: it was dramatic. Not easy.

I poured some rum over caramelized bananas and lit it. Immediately, a pillar of fire shot up like I had just summoned a fire god. The smoke detector started screaming, my cat took off like a missile, my girlfriend yelled, and I, being the genius I am, tried to blow it out like it was a birthday candle.

Didn’t work.

I ended up throwing the flaming pan into the sink and dousing it with water. Smoke everywhere. My shirt now smells like I was at a campfire… in hell. The cat still won’t look at me, but luckily my girlfriend laughed so hard she cried. She called me “romantic but also a health hazard.” Not sure if I should feel proud or concerned.

We’re definitely ordering takeout tomorrow.

TL;DR: Tried to be romantic, flambéed dessert, almost burned down the kitchen. The cat hates me, girlfriend thinks I’m a fire hazard.

Anyone else ever tried to be romantic and ended up nearly burning the house down?

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