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TIFU by not doing BLS properly

Tw: death

My (25F) grandfather (85M) has passed away a few days ago. He has many comorbidities and has been hospitalized for a month for a viral infection and arrhythmia. He refused to do a procedure for his heart condition. He had a cardiac arrest at home so we contacted 911 and I began chest compressions. At some point around 300 compressions the operator asked me to give 2 breaths and i did them but was so grossed out (im BLS certified too)

He only survived for one day with endotracheal intubation and passed the next day due to cardiac arrest. I was told he had brain insults due to insufficient oxygen

I’m always thinking if only i gave more rescue breaths. I feel so selfish but i feel nauseous every time i think about rescue breath

TL;DR: I think i killed my grandpa with improper CPR

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