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TIFU by carjacking an old man, eating his food, and roasting his taste in snacks

Obligatory "this didn't happen today, but yesterday." My soul still hasn't fully re-entered my body.

Yesterday afternoon I was running a quick errand at the grocery store while my friend waited outside in the parking lot. She drives a plain, silver Hyundai Elantra—literally the most generic NPC car on the planet. I was running on four hours of sleep, staring down at my phone reading a recipe, and basically walking on autopilot.

I saw the silver Elantra parked right where I remembered leaving her, opened the passenger door, and dropped inside. Without looking up from my screen, I threw my bags at my feet, pulled the door shut, and reached straight into the cupholder.

There was an open bag of chips sitting there. I grabbed a handful without asking, shoved them into my mouth, and immediately said:

"Sour cream and onion? Be so serious right now. I explicitly told you salt and vinegar, what is wrong with you?"

Complete silence....

No "fuck off," no eye roll, no defense of sour cream. Just someone breathing loudly next to me.

I finally turned my head to glare, and found myself making dead, unbroken eye contact with a man in his late 50s gripping his steering wheel for dear life. He had a travel mug in one hand and looked like he genuinely believed he was about to get murdered over potato chips.

My brain completely crashed. It took three excruciating seconds to register that this man was definitely not my 23-year-old friend, there was a random baby car seat in the back, and I was actively chewing a mouthful of this complete stranger's food.

Instead of doing what an emotionally stable person would do and apologizing, my panic-fried brain made me whisper,

"Well... they're not bad,"

gently set the remaining chip back into the bag, and scramble backward out of the door. I ended up scraping my knee on the asphalt on the way down.

I scrambled up, looked two rows over, and saw my friend's actual car. She had watched the whole thing from her front windshield and was crying laughing with her forehead slammed against the steering wheel. I hauled ass, dove into the real car, and told her to floor it before this poor man called the cops.

--

TL;DR: Autopiloted into a stranger's car, stole a handful of his chips, insulted his flavor choice to his face, and scrambled away on all fours like a raccoon.

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