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I (17F) have a best friend (17F, let's call her Maria) who I FaceTime pretty regularly whenever we are outside school and haven't had much time to talk. Today she called me before I was going to have dinner, so after talking for a while I said I'd call back in around an hour. Whilst I was eating I was asked by another friend to find a specific book he needed for his mechanics project in pdf form online as a favour. So I jumped to that task, and then realised almost 2 hours had passed since I said I'd call Maria. I forget things quite easily and also tend to hyperfocus on distractions- an issue Maria knows I'm trying to resolve in order to be a better friend. I texted apologetically, and asked if I could call back in another 40 minutes- she said that was fine. While I was still scouring the internet for this book, she calls me and I pick up, not having seen the time. I answer with my usual playful voice, but she doesn't say a word. I continue to ask how she is- no reply. We're on FaceTime and she's just staring blankly at the camera. I ask again if she's ok, and she says, "check your texts." She usually does this when she's upset- will call to hear my voice and "true reactions" but then text herself (I'm fine with it, just think it's kinda weird). I then checked the time, and turns out that the 40 minutes I'd asked for had ticked over an hour. My heart dropped and I immediately started to apologise and explained how I lost track of time doing this favour, recognising how hurt abandoned she must have felt. "I'm so fucking sorry, I'm such an asshole, you must feel so forgotten, I hate that I've made you feel like this- I don't know how I can make it up to you" I said. And I guess her texts were reasonable for how hurt she felt- "You're literally putting me off for hours without explaining why. I don't understand why you can't keep track of time, I never forget things like this."
Usually I am pretty mindful and will remember, or will even set myself alarms to call back- it's just that today I fucked up. I then stayed up until 2am apologising and trying to make her feel better- this typically includes me explaining in detail why she's my best friend, how much she means to me and why I need to do better as a friend, ending with her always telling me to tell her I love her to make her feel better (it's like a weird tradition now). So after that it was resolved and we're on good terms now- my issue is that things like this happen quite frequently- not so much me forgetting to call Maria, but this same ordeal also occurs each time I appear to get along quite well with someone else- even if I try to include Maria in our conversation, she goes quiet and refuses to talk until we go through the whole 'I call, she texts' procedure. I once told her I was going to my therapist (things aren't great at home atm which is also probably why I've been so scatterbrained recently) and she misheard that I was going to stay over at particular a friend of mine's whom Maria hates (she must have misheard the word "shrink" to be the name of the friend)- she went red and snapped at me, and I was left confused until I had to figure it out myself and then ask her about it. I'm beginning to feel quite emotionally exhausted and that after every pledge I take to be a better best friend and accommodate for her insecurities, there will always be something else that I do that hurts her and makes me feel like a terrible person. I feel guilty every time I hang with other friends now, and am always hesitant to tell her my plans to hang out with other people because I know she'll get jealous and upset. I really appreciate her as my friend- our happy moments unforgettable, but I'm beginning to think my flaws simply exacerbate her insecurities and we should withdraw to a more distant friendship that doesn't rely on constant validation, because it feels like I keep inevitably hurting her and I don't want that. She's said multiple times, though, how me "leaving" her would "destroy [her] life." She also has her exams soon so I don't want to affect her emotionally and hinder her doing well. What do I do? Should and how do I come about this conversation about distancing, or is this level of friendship salvageable?
TL;DR: I fucked up by losing track of time, leaving my friend to sit around for hours awaiting my call. Her reaction was similar to that of when she gets irrationally jealous in response to me being friends with other people, and while I fucked up and hurt her, apologising for hours on call after, am beginning to realise this friendship is quite exhausting and at times suffocating. Need advice on what I should do.
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