greenmangostudio

So TIFU. There was a post I’ve just now seen from 10 months ago posted in this subreddit. It mentioned about not realising that eating dried apricots were similar to eating prunes. I couldn’t comment on the post so made my own to say OH MY GOSH. Do not eat half a bag of dried apricots in one sitting! To clarify what the previous poster said ‘4-5 max’. It’s my one day off this week and I’ve spent the last two hours feeling a bit funny and have had to hang up the phone on my dad to make it to the bathroom in time. If you’re reading this in the future not knowing why you’ve experienced the same it’s because apricots are super high in fibre and other stuff that’s good in SMALL doses. Some of the properties mean that liquid is sent to your digestive area and makes it pretty hard to store what your body’s been cooking. I hope you’re having a better day than me haha. TL;DR - I ate half a bag of dried apricots and am stuck on the toilet.

One thing I (20m) noticed a few years back when I first started drinking socially is that when you do/say stupid shit while drunk people don’t hold it against you as much as if you were sober. If you’re mean or do something especially egregious, of course, people still dislike you for it, but if you just embarrass yourself they just laugh it off in a way they wouldn’t if you weren’t drinking. Now I have adhd, which means I have the impulse control and vocal filter of a concussed toddler. So, whenever I’d especially embarrass myself I’d just lie and say I was drunk at the time. Overshared? Sorry, I was drunk. Made a joke that landed terribly? Sorry, I was drunk. So on and so forth This worked very well for me, until recently. Seemingly out of nowhere, one of my friends asks me if “I’m okay” saying that she’s “concerned about how much I’m drinking”. I’m confused and ask her what she means by that, and she says that I’m drunk almost every day, including early in the morning. Guess I di...

Literally happened earlier this evening, and still both giggling about it. I tried to go all passionate, kissing down Caroline's thigh, aiming for that primal, sexy “rhh-c’ham” sound. Instead, my attempt at a seductive growl came out more like the start of a Homer Simpson “om nom nom.” She burst into absolute hysterics, which set me off as well, and now every attempt to recover my dignity with a follow-up bite has ended in the same breathless, uncontrollable laughter. I’ve fully Pavlov’d myself into a thigh-kissing punchline. At this point, I’m less seductive husband, and more snack-obsessed cartoon character, but at least we’ve had the best laugh we’ve had in ages. Pretty sure I’ve permanently ruined thigh kisses for both of us though! TL;DR: tried to get all passionate, kissing down SO's thigh, but my attempt at a sexy growl came out as a Homer Simpson “om nom nom.” Now every attempt to recover my dignity just triggers fits of laughter, and I’ve probably ruined thigh kis...

I got a tattoo kit for my 21st birthday, practiced on some fake skin before realising I really need to have a go at real skin before I actually tattoo anyone. I chose my foot, made a cool design that goes straight down the middle, from the top to the bottom of my sole. I thought it would be great because if I mess it up, It won't even be visible most of the time. The actual fup happens when I tattoo my foot, I do it, it looks great, I wash it...I haven't gone deep enough. That's okay though, it's not like it hurt so I can just redo it a little deeper... I cried. It hurt so badly that my manly little eyes blahed themselves blind. I've never had a tattoo before, and I thought I was so tough for not feeling anything during the first go. Now there's no going back, do I want an unfinished tattoo? Absolutely not. I have to finish this, little by excruciating little. Tl;Dr - I tried tattooing my little manbaby foot and now I'm stuck with it as some type of m...

I used to be on literally every major social network app you could think of, it started off with MySpace then moved to Facebook and then as social platforms came along I joined them and made friends, got in contact with old friends and made new ones. Then the world changed pretty drastically post covid, social platforms seemed to favour toxicity, depressing stories and whatnot, it was affecting my mental health so after some deep thought I ripped myself off everything (bar Reddit, which I recently joined back onto and loving it). This decision has basically severed ties with everyone I knew, nobody even sends a text/calls and the only irl friends I have don't even come see me. As a huge introvert and someone who gets anxious and depressed fairly quickly it's sending me down a spiral I'm not enjoying and despite my best efforts (subreddits for finding friends) it isn't working at all. Sorry I'm aware most TIFU posts are pretty funny, this one isn't...if you ...

I'm an archaeologist, meaning I work outside and end up with poison ivy a few times a year and often have a bad farmer's tan. When my sister asked me to be her maid of honor last year, she specifically asked me to make sure that I didn't have an awful farmers tan or poison ivy for her wedding, to which I agreed. I had an agreement with my supervisor that I wouldn't be in the field the two weeks before her wedding to ensure this. However... two weeks ago we had a permit from a federal agency unexpectedly come in earlier than we were anticipating that had very specific dates in which we were allowed to do the field work. And my name was on the permit so I had to be the one to do it. It was basically go out and do the fieldwork this past Thursday and Friday or never be able to do it and lose a valuable client. My field is precarious enough as it is due to all the cuts the US government is making right now that i definitely didn't want to screw this up for us. So I to...

I was walking back to my parents house through a wooded area on a beautiful day, to walk off this weird post-drinking dissociation I can feel on days after drinking. Perhaps that's a contributor to what happened next. I was in a neighbor's backyard and I realized I needed a stick to clear any spider webs, so grabbed a long, curved one. When I did I realized it kinda seemed like a Katana (curved Japanese samurai swords), I started thinking about a character I tried yesterday called Acheron from Honkai: Star Rail who looks really sick using her katana. This character: https://honkai.gg/acheron-character-guide/ I was dramatically "sheathing" and unsheathing it and doing "cool" sword moves to clear webs. Then I heard chatter and looked up at the neighbors back deck and saw 4 of them just starting at me. One just gave me a tiny awkward wave and I did the same. I just hope they couldn't hear the sound effects I was making I'm a grown-ass 37 year old m...