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TIFU by contemplating too much

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TIFU by lashing out at my coworker after she drunk kissed me

Hi reddit, using a throaway account here.

I, a 31 year old man have a 28 year old female friend who's also my coworker. Her role is very different than mine in the company but we're at the same place in the pecking order. We've been good friends for almost 4 years now and everything was going well until one day I found out that her boyfriend of 2.5 years left her out of the blue, took some of her money (not a significant amount of money for her but significant for most people) after cheating on her. I tried to help her emotionally during this time period but I don't think so I was of much use other than basically forcing her to go to therapy. Fast forward 3 months and she's getting better but still she's not as happy as she used to be and generally gets a bit sad whenever she sees a happy couple together because it reminds her of her own "happy times". Around the same time

a new girl shifts into a house next to mine. She knock s on my door to ask some things about the neighbourhood and stuff and omg she's the most friendliest, well spoken, magnificent women I've ever met. We instantly hit it off and become exclusive after a month.Even though my friend and I have been sharing our dating lives with each other for years I purposefully didn't tell her about my girlfriend because of the reason mentioned earlier. Two months later my friend and I were drinking in my office in the evening (usual for us if work gets hectic) and we drank wayy too much that day. She kissed me and even I kept on going for a couple of minutes. Then I realized the shit I was doing and lashed out at her. Telling her How she made me the one thing I didn't wanna be my entire life ( My mom cheated on my dad when I was a teenager and lot of shit happened which I'm not gonna share here but it made me a half numb man from the ages 16-21. The thought of cheating disgusts me more than anything else and my friend knew this story). She got so confused,started crying and left. I sat on the couch to think about what just happened and dozed off. I woke up at midnight and then I realized she didn't even know I had a girlfriend and even if she did I continued to kiss her. I immediately went home and told my girlfriend everything. She being the angel that she is saw that I was still a bit drunk and just put me to bed. Now we have reached to present day. I've got a dozen missed called from my friend because my phone was on silent and a text from her apologizing for kissing me and saying she didn't mean it. She's also really angry at me and asking why I lashed out at her. I don't even know how to tell her everything now. Never should've hid my relationship from her.

TL;DR Friend/coworker drunk kissed me and I wrongfully lashed out at her for making me a cheater even though she didn't even know I was in a relationship.

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