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TIFU

TIFU: A few months ago I was dating this girl who i knew for a few years, previously my best friend and the love of my life, but we rarely saw eachother and only saw eachother like 5 times in 3 month when we dated, her mental health was really bad and we'd go days/weeks without talking, and when we did text, itll only be like 1 or 2 sentences .Anyways, we saw eachother one day on a Saturday in July. She sounded pretty sad due to stuff going on at home and told me it wasnt anything i did wrong, as soon as she got into my car, I asked "can I kiss you?"(whenever I ask this, I always imply on the lips) She replied with "i can't I don't want to ruin my makeup", I said no worries, later about 35-40 minutes I asked again, she gave me the same response. I immediately asked "what if I kissed your neck and don't ruin your makeup", she then says, "yeah sure" enthusiastically. Before kissing her, I double check and say "are you sure" she says "yes" with a smile on her face, and right before kissing her I ask "is here on the neck ok" and she said yes. I kiss her for a like 30 seconds and as soon as she says we need to go (because im dropping her off at her cousin's house) I tell her ok. I asked later on the way there if those kisses were okay, she said yes. We while driving I was playfully kissing her hand and we were laughing and talking with 0 awkwardness. Anyways I dropped her off at her cousins house

About a hour later I got a text saying she's breaking up with me. Saying that I genuinely did nothing wrong and this breakup was on her, and she has been considering this for a while. She even stated that I deserve better, and how her mental health is terrible and she needs to see therapy and figure out her life, she went into details as well like her family life and her parents making it hard to see eachother, and how she isnt ready for a relationship yet. My ocd is immediately tying this to the kissing situation but she told me the kisses were totally ok, I feel terrible its been 5 months and no mention of it since. I feel like a monster. I have severe ocd and myself have been raped/sexually assaulted twice in my high-school days and I know ocd likes to attack your biggest traumas and spins you into becoming what you feared most. Before those kisses, i didn't manipulate/threaten/guilt trip her, i feel terrible about this whole thing even if she said I did nothing wrong. I feel i heavily fucked up even if she reassured me the kisses were okay!

TLDR: Asked to kiss mu girlfriend twice and got rejected twice due to her makeup and proposed a different idea and asked if I could kiss her neck so makeup doesn't get ruined.

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