greenmangostudio

My friend asked me to babysit her 5 year old daughter for a few hours while she went to work. She is vegetarian and is raising her child like this also, which I'm totally fine with it's not my business. So while I was babysitting we decided to go to the park and at some point she came to me and said she was hungry and asked for those things she saw the other kids eating, which was a hotdog. So I bought her one while completely forgetting that she doesn't eat meat and has never tried it before. She ate half of it and gave the rest to me and then a lighbulb turned on in my head and I realized what I had done. When we got back home she was fine, but after a few hours she puked. I told her mom what I had done and that it was a honest mistake. She got very angry and started accusing me of doing it on purpose which I didn't. I feel terrible and she doesn't want to me speak to me again. TL;DR I gave meat to a vegetarian kid

My niece, who just turned 5 on Saturday, loves Rapunzel. Her mom asked me to help her set up a Tangled themed birthday, Since I really adore my niece, we really went all out to make it the best party ever. We had purple streamers, a tangled sheet cake, and had the cardboard cut out of a tower on the wall. For the cherry on top, my niece really wanted Rapunzel herself to come over. All right, no problem. One of my friends has a pet gecko lizard thing who is pretty social, and she likes to dress up as a princess for tiktok so I asked her if she would like to be our Rapunzel for the day. I figured my niece wouldn't know the difference between her crocodilian creature and the chameleon-iguana whatever in the movie. She accepts and everything seems fine. Day of the party arrives, and the kids are shaking in anticipation to meet Rapunzel. My friend is set to arrive any moment now but I get a call from her, telling me she can't make it because of an emergency and is now at the hosp...

I have been trying to stay in contact with old friends recently and picked up the habit of replying to their Instagram stories. I would ask about what they are doing and stuff. I come across this friend who posted a IG story of her meal, it was dumplings and a bowl of soup at a restaurant. Seeing the nice quality of the dumplings, I tried guessing where the place is. For some background information, I live in Singapore where we tend to turn abbreviate many words. One very common example that everyone knows is "HDL" which means "Hai Di Lao", a hotpot restaurant many people in Singapore love. So it was common to call restaurants in their abbreviations, Macs, HDL, SLF (Another hotpot place). So with that, I sent her "DTF?". I meant Din Tai Fung which is a nice dumpling place. I reply to IG stories very quickly and sent it without a second thought. Few days later I get added into a groupchat, the groupchat contained my old friend's friends who I barel...

TL;DR: After talking about South Park with 4 of 5 guys at the bar, I said "Timmy!" like the Timmy character from South Park to the bartender named Timmy, to have the 5th guy who is blind have a go at me for the way I said "Timmy". Put the TL;DR at the front of the post just to make the punchline and context before I go into detail about what just happened. So here we go. I finished work and decided to go down the pub to see the normal crew of tradies that had knocked off work today. We were playing pool, sinking beers, and just have a good Humpday afternoon. An hour in to the shenanigans, a blind man and his guide dog come in to the pub. Nothing really to note on any other day, but as I said, it devolved from a fun time to an awkward time within a very quick time because of the combination of us and what happens later. Whole time old mates here, we are all chatting about and getting along, and I was helping him out find his drink, where the doors were and the r...

Tl;dr at the bottom. Obligatory this did not happen today, but rather a few days ago over the weekend. Also, I'm on mobile, so please forgive any formatting issues. My wife and I have an awesome relationship, and an amazing sex life - so, naturally, we couldn't help but have a bit of fun when we had a quiet night to ourselves over the weekend. At some point during our little session, my wife (the Saint that she is) took up residence upon my face. A great time was had by all, and her enthusiasm did not go unappreciated. In fact, it was highly encouraged throughout.  Fast forward to an hour or so later. We're lying in bed still, watching tv, I'm about to have a smoke. Just as I go to, I notice my top lip feels weird. I run my tongue along it, and it feels like I've got a giant grain of rice in my lip?! What the hell. And why does it feel so big? Why does it hurt? I go to the bathroom to check it out, and see that my lip looks swollen and red in the middle. I che...

Obligatory it happened last week. For some context, I'm uncircumcised. I go the the store to pick up condoms and I see these Trojans with "spermicide lube". "Neat", I said to myself, "extra protection. .. NO. Let me tell you how this particular spermicide works.Nonoxynol-9, the primary compound in the spermicide basically destroys the outer membrane of the sperm, preventing it from impregnating the egg. How? By shredding it to pieces. What Trojan DOESN'T tell you, is that it can also shred your skin on a microscopic level. The box reads "some people may be sensitive to nonoxynol-9". Understatement of the decade. I couldn't pee pain-free for a week. My foreskin and penis head was so damaged, it swelled up for two days straight. But that's not where my troubles stop. When I was a teen, I had a mild case of phimosis. For the uneducated, that means that the foreskin is tight, and doesn't retract all the way. If I tried, it would ...

The other day my family and I were having a memorial of life party for one of our family members and it was a pretty cold day. My mom had the great idea of getting a fire started in our fire pit but unfortunately, we had no wood split yet this year. So it fell onto me to get enough split for the rest of the part. The only problem is that this was an Irish-American party so I was already three drinks in and being a lightweight I was pretty tipsy. But being the good son I am I didn't let that stop me and got right to work. You may think that this is where the FU is but that is where you would be wrong, it was a bit dicey but I got it split and the party went great. The FU actually happened today, funnily enough considering that never happens on this sub, when I decided to get ahead on the wood splitting duties so I wasn't left handling a splitting maul while drunk again. I got about a cord split but considering it was American Elm I was having to hit it awful hard with my 12-po...