greenmangostudio

(obligatory this was yesterday but I forgot the TLDR and had too much of a migraine to fix it) I love mixed drinks, but am also transitioning into a fully adult metabolism that can't tolerate constant sugar intake without significant weight gain. I've been trying to mostly use low or no calorie seltzer for most of my mixers lately. I also try to limit my caffeine intake since I asked a neurologist why I get all these headaches and she rightly chewed my stupid ass out over it. I still drink around 100-200mg daily. They make these cute energy drinks that are just 0 cal seltzer with some caffeine added that I bought for the first time yesterday. Bought a couple in each flavor for me and my partner to try over the next few days. Point being, I wasn't super used to the labeling. We were spending time with friends for the night so I had one mixed with vodka at the start of the night, then went back to my usual seltzers. When I ran out of those, super drunk me was very excited ...

Obligatory this happened 15 years ago. I got a job being the cameraman for our basketball team for game film which doesn't sound as fancy as it really is, it was basically just me with a camcorder following the players around and getting footage of the game that they could then watch later. This is back when camcorders only used tapes and you couldn't delete anything you shot which was my first mistake. My second mistake was getting bored during halftime and trying out the zoom function on the kids in the stands across from me who happened to be some of my friends and the girl I had to crush on at the time. So I'm zooming in and out with the camera for probably 3 minutes when I realized that it was still recording. I knew that the team was going to rewatch this footage for game footage and I desperately tried to find a way to delete or go back over the footage with game footage, but unfortunately there was no rewind function on the camcorder. The basketball coach happe...

Happened today. I promise, I usually don't have stepdad-reflexes, but my 3 year old son has a unicorn suit that he's been wearing for the last week. Well, it's cheaply made, so the zipper is terrible. He was trying to zip it up and he was getting very frustrated. I decided to come help, but I also couldn't get it zipped back up easily. I had zipped it about to his chest, but the dang thing wouldn't move. So I'm trying to slide this thing up and he's looking down at the zipper and I'm struggling with it. I turn my hand such my knuckles are facing up while holding the zipper between my thumb and pointer knuckle when it slips and I closed-fist punch my little guy right in the middle of his poor, darling face. Immediate tears, mom runs down to see what the hubbub is about, and through sobs he says "papa hur-hurt m-m-meeeeeeeee!" He is fine, but I feel bad Tldr: Try to zip up my kid's suit. Punch him in the face instead.

My TIFU didn't happen this Christmas or even last season. I still feel bad about it to this day and for me it has served as a life lesson on how read your significant other and take a hint. I didn't realize it at the time, but she is an absolute messiah with knowing exactly people need or want; she has a sixth sense for gift-giving like a magical Santa at the end of a made-for-TV Christmas Special. A few days before Christmas we were out spending the day shopping for our families. This particular mall was much longer than wide so we probably walked a few miles easy. By evening we were dog tired and discussing where to go out eat when I started thinking that I had just enough Christmas cash to get something I really wanted but never had. My family grew up poor - (how poor were you?) - so poor, I never had a really warm and fancy coat (it was always one or the other, never both) although we live in the south and the necessity of having one was far a few between seasons. As we ...

So I decided today to take my son to the park in his pram. It’s a nice Autumn/Winter day. Wrapped him up warm and put him in his pushchair and took the bread from the fridge because it was just the crust bits at the ends. So we get to the park, my son is loving the walk, I take the route to get to the pond and take the bread out. All of a sudden, what felt like 500 pigeons were on us. They were everywhere including ducks, swans and seagulls. They kept landing on my sons head and they were all over my arms. My son was laughing and enjoying it while I was sh—ting my pants. I couldn’t move and we were stuck because one side of us is the pond and the other side is a fence with a bench. We could only go forwards or backwards and I was petrified of running them over with the pushchair. More and more came at us, my son was watching them all and laughing whilst I was crying. All this reminded me of Alfred Hitchcock’s: The Birds. I decided to just keep going forward. We managed to get home wi...

My parents force me to go to group therapy every day 4 days a week. It is very invasive and takes up most of my time only giving me 3 hours of Freetime a day. I decided to buy some weed to treat myself because I haven't had nice things lately, you can imagine how pissed I was when I opened my bag and my weed was gone. I showed a person I thought was my friend the bag of goodies I brought hours before it was stolen and she was the only person I had told. We have to put our bags in another room when we do therapy so anyone can go through our stuff. When I tell you I was shocked to find out the weed I worked so hard for was now gone, I was pissed. I asked my plug if I could buy more today and his not answered his phone. I am going to confront my "friend" today and hopefully get revenge in some way idk. TL;DR I got my weed stolen from me by a fake friend a group therapy. You cant trust anyone.

For the last couple of days i (22F) noticed a really bad smell whenever I went to bed. Last night it got so bad it actually woke me up. I sniffed my armpits and the smell was absolutely horrible. It made no sense since i showered the evening before. I got out of bed and sprayed some deodorant on which helped a little bit. This genuinely concerned me so I called the drs office and was able to schedule an appointment for this morning. I took another shower before I went. The dr checked and didn’t smell anything unusual. He told me it might be a reaction to food but wasn’t sure what it could be. He asked me to call in a few days to give an update. I went home and i changed my sheets. While doing that, I accidentally knocked over an aloe plant that stood on my nightstand. Thats when i noticed. The roots of the plant were rotten to the core. I sniffed the plant and I determined that the smell came from there. I was absolutely mortified! I called the drs office and I had to tell them that ...

First, if this isn't the right place for this, please kindly let me know. I can't really blurt this to any friends and need someone to know my ridiculousness. Let me preface this by saying that I'm doing this from my active main account because people that know me will not at all be surprised by this. Background: I am a married stay at home mother to a three year old and a one year old. Being a parent is exhausting but I feel like I've got a decent grip on things, most of the time. I grew up in a household that did not cook. A normal dinner was an over baked, unseasoned chicken breast and an unwashed microwaved baked potato. No disrespect to people who like that, I just wanted to make better, tastier meals for my kids. I've always wanted to be a good cook. My dream is to make a meal and have my husband say after taking his first bite, "Holy shit! This is delicious!!!" and do that eyes-rolling-into-back-of-head thing. In the over ten years we've bee...

I’ve (30m) been growing out my hair for the better part of the year whereas normally I keep it short(relevant later trust me). This morning, I went to go clean my ears with a qtip as I normally do every so often and when I went to put it in I hit hair. This is where I fu’d. Instead of putting the qtip down on the counter, I just pushed it in my ear so it’d stay there while I moved the hair out of the way. Sadly my big paw jammed the qtip even further as I went to push my hair back. Immediately cried out in pain and fell to the floor. The agony I tell you!!! Once I’m able to get up I put my finger in and sure enough there’s blood on it. Waited for my doctor to open up and went in sure enough they said I have blood still built up and they can see lots of damage. Follow up with an expert Friday morning, fingers crossed I didn’t do anything permanent. In the meantime I’m stuck with pain meds, ear drops, and wondering if I should stop growing my hair TL;DR pushed qtip in ear, much blood, ...

2 days ago, I (16M) went to Wendy's for a late night craving. I pulled up, ordered, and drove to the window, only to realize that I didn't have my wallet. I had no cash in my car and I didn't have any type of electronic payment set up. Immediately after the man opened the window, I let him know that I accidentally forgot my wallet. I felt awful, as the food had already been prepared so it was too late to cancel. The guy asked me if I had Apple pay or anything, but I unfortunately did not. Then, this absolute legend PAID FOR MY MEAL! I was beyond grateful that the food didn't go to waste and the guy was generous enough to cover the cost of the food. I felt terrible about not paying for my food, but I ate it and went back home. The next day, (yesterday) I decided that some fries and a chocolate frosty sounded good, and I went to Wendy's. It was at about 8:00 PM, and this time, I made sure that I had my wallet. I ordered and pulled up to the window, but this time t...

So this happened yesterday... Me being the jokester/prankster that I am, and I know that's one of the reasons my GF is even dating me, decided to get my GF a gag gift for our anniversary, I thought I was being funny but she did not agree. So we like to go camping and hiking in our free time and my girlfriend always complains about having to pee behind trees, she hates squatting in the woods, she's told me this numerous times, so I decided to order one of these peequality things for her... it's a silicon funnel for women to pee standing up... I personally thought it was a hilarious gift and also useful, but goodness gracious the look on her face when she opened it was pure unadulterated anger... I don't know if she found it offensive or was expecting me to get her something more expensive, or jewelry or what. But SHE WAS PISSED. She was yelling at me like " SERIOUSLY IS THIS ALL IM WORTH TO YOU, A PEEQUALITY?!?!" and I tried to calm her down like babe its not...

My mom’s been sick so I agreed to help when she said she was having trouble finishing some homework. I’ve helped her in the past, usually just walking her through the material. She sent it over Sunday and it was due today. I was busy with work yesterday and forgot to look at it. Today I opened it up and saw it was her midterm for law and society. She said she was busy with another paper and didn’t have time so she needed me to do it for her. I felt awkward and warned her it’s not a good idea, but also didn’t want to say ‘no’ since it was now last minute. This is kind of my area of expertise, so it was pretty easy tbh. 6 extended response questions, ended up being like 3 pages and took me maybe 40 minutes. But now she’s asking me to take her final for her because it’s going to be in the same style and she won’t be able to replicate the work or my writing. After talking to her, I’m worried she might get in trouble because it’s pretty obvious she didn’t write it. I cited Supreme Court ca...

I (19M) shaved my pubic hair for the first time. During my teenage years I got scared and thought that I would mess up and cut myself bad. That fear persisted until now. It was a forest down there, only the top of the head was visible and it was an extreme bother. I said "fuck it" and just did it. I cut it with scissors first, to make it easier. Then I applied shaving gel and shaved it with a new razor. It took very long but most of it was gone, all that was left was a few strands and tiny specks all over. Here's where the problems comes in. It's itchy all the damn time. No matter what I do it's so goddamn itchy. I've tried shaving the tiny specks but they won't come out. This makes both my classes and my time I spend with my family so uncomfortable as I always have the urge to itch my fucking balls. I shaved with the grain, and I don't know what I did wrong exactly. I regret it so much as it's so much worse than when I had an entire ecosystem...

This happened when I was 15 and just becoming sexually active with my first girlfriend at the time. Since we were both getting into it, every day where I had the house to my self which was a lot because I lived in 2 houses and whenever one parent was at work we would just go to the other one, we would do it as much as possible which lead to a lot of… garbage. After we were done I would just throw them in the garbage in my bathroom which I shared with my younger sister. Now this is where the life scarring embarrassment came in. I must have been doing that for about a month before my mom said she needed to talk to me. Apparently the smell from the condoms could be strongly noticed every time you walked by the bathroom and she had to throw the garbage out herself multiple times. I myself did notice a smell but for some reason didn’t believe it was the condoms. Apparently her and my sister were taking out the garbage and one of them even fell on the floor and my innocent sister asked...

First ever post to Reddit and I've gone anonymous because I'm ashamed. This happened three days ago, at a work party. I (31 Male) was drunk, but alcohol isn't an excuse. I had attended a work party, which by midnight, I, and the majority of the group I was with, where very drunk and walking or stumbling back to a pickup point to our arranged rides home. A gentleman (A) from a different department and team from me, approached and asked me to call my direct colleague (B), as he was sharing a ride home. I dialled the number and just gave him my phone. B called back and I answered, drunk and started trying to figure out why he'd called, when B said "I don't want you, I want... Oh I can't remember his name" to which I said "Oh, the Gay Guy" Someone in our group said "The gay guy?" A laughed and said "Yes, I'm gay" and I gave him my phone again to speak to B. I woke up the next day and felt awful. Firstly I reduced hi...

My husband is a huge Metallica fan, he’s also a Swiftie. Over the last couple months we’ve been dealing with the TS album drop and ticket nonsense, and I learned that if I see anything drops in her online store that I think hubby will like that I should purchase it right away because if I think about it for even a minute the item will be sold out. Cue this morning. Husband is at work and I got the email about the new Metallica album and tour. I immediately forward it to hubby and go check everything out. I have the fifth member exclusive vinyl in my cart as well as the smokey black and the “discounted” t-shirt. No reply from hubby yet, so I go check out the shows and ticket options. I send him a long text explaining what shows we’ll probably try for and apologize for bugging him. I check my cart again and see the total, and really I’m only wondering if he wants two of the non-fifth member colored vinyls (to keep one wrapped). I decided to shower before placing the order. While sho...

I've had relationship issues when I was young (girl left me for my friend, then the exact same thing happened with a different girl and different friend a few years later) but around 3 years ago I got back in touch with a girl I met in grade 3, and everything was great, she took my virginity and we began dating shortly after. We went through a lot in 3 years, and my parents lost their house and started living with my sibling so I moved in with her and her family. I've had trust issues my whole life as well as anxiety and depression, it took a lot for me but I was finally able to trust her and open up. But two days ago she didn't come home from a night out with friends I got scared and worried and was up all night trying to contact her, the next morning she said she was at a hotel with her friends and told me this weeks ago. Then last night when I was on break at work she messaged me and said she cheated, so I went home, packed my bags and am now staying on my sister's...

TLDR: I checked my credit score a couple of days ago and I haven't been able to sleep since. Now, it's not as bad as you may think. At all. With the holiday season coming, I applied for some payment plans and got rejected, which made me realize: I need to pay my cards off. I'm $4,000 in debt. My job pays well but not well enough. My parents have abandoned me because they don't approve of my partner so they're 0 help. As many of us in the USA, I wasn't taught about credit and how it works so once I got approved I just started spending without thinking and didn't realize how high the APR is. So no matter how much money I'm pouring into paying them off, they somehow are still 100% used. If anyone has any advice, please let me know. I've applied for personal loans and they're of no help either. I'm struggling, I'm depressed, I don't have an appetite, I hate America. You can't do anything here with bad credit, let alone get your ow...

Hopefully I can get through this message, it's difficult to focus right now lol I just got home from Thanksgiving in Texas with my parents and my husband couldn't go with me this year. He stayed in town and saw our friend while I was gone. unknown to me he bought some homemade cupcakes with psychedelic mushrooms from him. Early this morning he picked me up from the airport and when we got home he decided to run to the gym. While he was at the gym I decided to go to the freezer to get ice cream. There were several items blocking the way so my lazy ass decided to not move them to the side to grab it. As I was closing the door, I saw some cupcakes and thought they were leftover from husband's thanksgiving since I couldn't be there. So I ate one and started doing some chores. we decided to go to the in-laws when he got back to watch the football game. When we got there I started to feel off and feel panicky. I already deal with anxiety so I was worried I was having a pa...

Happened about a week ago, laughed it off but I definitely cried a little inside over my newly flattened burger, though it is really funny Planned a a pick-me-up evening of a bit of self care — really boring stuff tbh, just lighting some scented candles, putting on a face mask while enjoying a nice book, all finished off by ordering a takeout to eat while watching a movie. So, before turning on the film I ordered a McDonalds — drink, chips, big mac and an apple pie Turned out I wasn’t very hungry. Finished my fries and apple pie by the end of the film, but I just wasn’t up for the big mac. No problem. Can eat it later (gross — cold burger leftovers, I know, but I wasn’t going to waste it) I put the burger (still in its little cardboard box) in one of the paper bags and the paper / cardboard waste in another. Intended to put my burger in the fridge to have it the next day and recycle the other bag Here’s where I screwed up I squash stuff before putting it in the recycling bin. So ...

I came home to find my partner asleep, so I carefully crawled into bed with them. I happened to have a lot on my mind, so after some time I started speaking quietly to them. I've never done this before, but it was cathartic to say my thoughts out loud. Since they were asleep, I told them things I would never say to them if they were conscious. I am diagnosed with major depressive disorder as well as generalized anxiety disorder. Lately, I've been in a severely bad mental state - so bad that I cannot get out of bed, take care of hygiene, go to work...you get the picture. I think about ending it every day. I am in conversation with my school administrators, work supervisor and HR, family and friends support system for accommodations during this time, and also have been meeting with all kinds of medical professionals in an effort to find something that helps lessen my mental anguish. Ive seen many therapists/counselors, have been on multiple medications, do my best to maintain s...

I’m supposed to be drawing images for her book and I sent the images to her. She called me while laughing after a while and I was very confused since the drawings for the book weren’t really funny. I later found out that I had sent furry porn. Bendy porn. The cover wasn’t the worst so I hope she closed them after seeing that one. But I had other ones. (It was 4 am when I did those) Literally the worst things you can imagine. I immediately deleted them and now currently suffering in my room since some of those drawings were HIGHLY nsfw. The best option is that they haven’t seen all of them because some of them weren’t that horrible. She’s currently doing her work like nothing happened and I hope or the love of god, she didn’t see the last slide. I’m pretty sure furry porn is not supposed to be in her book about birth. TLDR; Sent my mom porn drawings while trying to send her two images for her book. Hoping she didn’t open all of them.

Yesterday. This was yesterday. This was DUMB. Setting up some old stereo stuff I'd had in storage for over a decade (divorce, it makes life interesting) and hooked up a small pair of Radio Shack speakers I have had kicking around for twenty years to test the thing. These had a strange tweeter called a "linaeum". Also an old semi powerful speaker amplifier that can push some decent power. (Looks like this Things I forgot: The new to me turntable didn't need a special turntable input. My long-unseen pre-amplifier has a turntable input, and is set up for a very low output cartridge (moving coil). Those settings are internal, so you can't see them. When putting old speakers back into service, you REALLY REALLY NEED to pop the grills off and look at them! All these things combined resulted in the following. Me, in my excitement, fired everything up, cued up a long stored single (Donald Fagan: I.G.Y.), set the volume to (what i thought was) a moderate level, and dro...

Yesterday, my friend invited me over to a friendsgiving. It all started out fun and all, but eventually I had one drink too many and ended up being really aggressive and mean to everyone there. Ive never had this problem before, ive never insulted someone or said the things that i said last night in my life not without reason. Im not an aggressive or a mean person at all. I have no idea how last night happened. I had a trouble filled childhood, i used to be really mean. I still have remnants of this. Ive tried so damn hard for the past 3 years to be as nice as possible, but ive been completely alone regardless. Its ironic, that when i was younger and an asshole I had many friends. For the past 3 years, ive been nice or trying to be and completely alone. Finally, about a half year ago, i met a wonderful guy who became a good friend. We hung out every week or so. It really pains me that what could have been a wonderful friendship is ruined because i got too drunk and said things i do...

Hey, so this happened a little over a year ago, but a co-worker brought it up today and this story needs to be shared for "educational purposes." I'm a paramedic and, at the time, I was a little over 6 years into my career in EMS. This shift started off like any other. I got up, drove to work, got ready for my shift, and checked out my ambulance. The only thing that made this shift a little different was that I actually brought a lunch to work. I live in Illinois and we are lucky enough to have been blessed with the incredible delicacy, commonly known as, White Castle. The night before, my girlfriend and I, decided to indulge ourselves and visit this exquisite dining facility for some tasty sliders. After we finish eating, we realized that we may have bought too many, but it was fine because I would just take them to work the next day. So, lunch time comes around and I eagerly make my way to the kitchen to heat up my little square guilty pleasures. I scarffed them down...

Ive been kinda lonely and no matter what I do I cant get my friends to hang out or do anything besides playing video games or going on discord. They refuse to go to a bar, a park or just even get dinner. I floated the idea of doing a podcast with them but insisted we do it in person. They really liked the idea and accepted the in person condition. We have gotten together 4 times and have had an incredible time. Meaningful, engaging conversations with everyone contributing and having a good time. I didn't tell them I wasn't actually recording it, and no intention to actually produce it. I just told a white lie to get all of us together. Now they are asking when I am going to "finish editing" and release the first couple of episodes. Even if I wanted to change my mind and release it, I didn't actually record anything and have nothing to edit and release. I am not sure what to do from here, I just really don't want to lose what we have. They don't seem like...

So I’ve been hit with the awful flu that’s going around, it just hit me all at once about 24 hours ago. High fever, shivering like crazy, worst headache and sore throat of my life. Did a Covid test but it came back negative, so I figured I should just pound cold medicine and coconut water and get some sleep to try and get in to work today. I set an alarm for 7AM, just in case I didn’t feel well enough to work so I could call my company staffing line and give them time to find someone else to cover for me. 7AM rolls around, I feel like death, I’m sweating buckets and I’m completely freezing. So I call the staffing hotline half awake and mumble feverishly about not being able to make my shift. The guy on the other end of the phone sounded really angry, and I couldn’t quite make out what he was saying? So I just said “Okay thank you bye bye.” hung up and went back to sleep. About…. 8 hours later I wake up again, and instantly I’m slightly haunted by the weird phone call. He’s usually...

So... My hands are still literally shaking, LOL. A few hours ago, I volunteered to sweep the living room of my grandma's house. I want to note that my grandma's house is a few walks away from the beach. There's gonna be a birthday party tomorrow for my aunt, who also lives there. I broomed the floor first before I used a wet floor mop. I didn't mind mopping as I didn't have anything else to do earlier. Then, my two younger cousins, both under the age of 10 were running around the living room, disrupting what I was doing. I had to stop in between to scold them. Their older sister, a 15-year-old, was supposed to watch them but she was too busy on her phone. After a few minutes of constantly scolding them, the kids eventually stopped and rushed outside to the beach, with their sister following after them. So there I thought I had fewer problems to think about. Turned out, I didn't notice I made a puddle in the corner of the living room that I have not mopped ye...

A very late update to my tifu I made three years ago! I'm writing this post to eternalize this moment on reddit as today is my wedding day to the same guy I drunkly correlated liking him to having a lactose intolerance. I rushed to reddit to be reassured about my dumb ass move and all of you have been so supportive and have even asked for an update! The past three years were really really great in a broad way, it wasn't perfect, and we had our ups and downs but I'm genuinely happy right now! I'm glad I fucked up, and I wish for all of you to fuck up and to keep fucking up despite how awful it might turn out (okay to some limit, I mean) Also, he told me that he requested that they would write "Happy wedding day to us Lactose Intolerance! Hey don't write that, her name is Alex", on our wedding cake. Will post pictures if that turns out to be true lol. Also Bojack Horseman reference in case no one noticed. TLDR: IM GETTING MARRIED

This just happened 5 mins ago. I (36M) had some beer and pizza last night, and today I woke up with a really puffy face and bags under my eyes. I put on one of those Korean masks. It’s like a white cloth soaked in some kind of liquid, with eye, nose, and mouth holes. You drape it over your face and let it sit a while. My wife had ordered salads on DoorDash and they arrived while I had my mask on. I know it looks ridiculous, but I’ve driven DoorDash and you see all kinds of stuff. I didn’t think it would phase the driver. When I opened the door, it was a girl probably like 20 years old and she full on shrieked when she saw me and dropped the food. I mean, she couldn’t have screamed any louder if I had answered the door wielding a blood-covered hatchet. It was loud, I’m sure the neighbors heard. She just said, “Oh, I wasn’t expecting a person in a mask.” She picked up the food, gave it to me, and ran off. Tl;dr I answered the door in a Korean face mask to a DoorDash driver. The girl sc...

This just happened a little while ago. My gf and I are in the process of moving into our new home, we had been living with family so it's been a lot of carloads of stuff when we had a chance. I went up today and loaded my SUV up with those cube organizer book cases and shoved an assortment of non-breakable things in and around them to make sure I was getting the most out of my trip. That stuff was sliding all over the place but I thought nothing of it. I stop at Wal-mart to grab some groceries since it's on the way, Black Friday meant it was pretty busy. I do my shopping and return to my vehicle, I opened the back door and time slowed. A decorative shoe box slowing falling to the black top, I scrambled to catch it. It made contact with the parking lot, it bounced sending the lid flying. I watched as dildos, bottles of lube, and other assorted adult items rained out of the box and onto the pavement. I scrambled, sweeping an armful of dicks back into the box and shoving it bac...

As the title reads, I posted a minute long video of dick print + stroking my dick to my snapchat story for a good hour. My girl and I have are long distance right now due to work, so we try and spice it up here and there by exchanging sexual pictures here and there. Well, she called me and told me she was in the mood, so I complied and went into the bathroom (gross, but ya gotta keep your girl happy) and sent her some seductive pictures. On top of that i recorded my dick boingaloinging out of my boxers and playing with it. Thought I sent to her, but turns out I posted it on my story. Thankfully, it was only for a good hour, plus I’m 8 hours ahead from the majority of my friends, so I don’t think that many people saw it. But the ones who happened to see it, were (still are) in my physical presence, so they came running up to me, banging on the door (I was in the bathroom, actually using it for it’s intended purpose) telling “Yo, your fucking dick is on your story. Take that shit down.”...

Hello reddit, I'm 16 M, When i was little i had friends in school (who are friends to me in the current day) i told them as a lie that i was red and blue (which doesn't even exist to my knowledge) colorblind because for some reason i wanted to be unique or some of the sort, this snowballed into my friends telling other people about this and for 9 years i've been called colorblind i wanna admit that i'm lying but i'm afraid of the consequences that might happen. worst part of this entire lie is my friends are planning on buying me colorblind glasses, i don't know what to do or how to admit this lie with the most minimum damage i can do to not lose friends or just something minimal i want to try and minimize the possibilities of big issues with any method. Help TL;DR| I Lied about being colorblind for 9 years and my friends believed me and are going to buy me colorblind glasses i dont know how to admit my lie EDIT: I did i told them the truth via text in our gr...

This happened a couple years ago but basically my relatively new girlfriend at the time had some major cramps and constant UTIs and neither her gynaecologist nor people at the hospital knew how to properly help her. Fast forward to us in bed having some fun times and while I had my fingers inside her I felt some sort of metal wire and thought to myself „no wonder you’re having issues, if there’s some fucking metal wires inside of you“ and being the helpful guy I am I promptly yanked them out. She stopped moving, looked at me funny and I looked in my hand. „What the fuck did you just do?“ Turns out they attach some wires on IUDs so women can check wether they’re still there or not and I just pulled out my girlfriends birth control. Needless to say she was in quite some pain and pretty pissed at my uneducated ass trying to „help“ her. Following weeks were a bit of a pain cause she couldn’t get a new one straight away and her hormones got fucked sideways a bit, but now were able to lau...

I'm going to preface this by saying that I have pretty severe anxiety and have spent the majority of my life being overly cautious as to not do anything that could potentially harm me (except for smoking, idk, my brain is dumb). So this morning I go outside to sit on my porch and smoke a cigarette, a very common practice that I engage in. I usually check the chairs in the morning for spiders but I was barely awake and thought to myself "how many times have you actually found anything on the chair?" Wow, much growth, challenge those irrational thoughts bitch! So I just sat myself down and then immediately jumped back up BECAUSE MY ASS WAS ON FIRE. FIIIIRRREEEEEE. I look down and see a big ass wasp writhing in pain. Serves him right, tbh. My brain immediately goes to "Fuck, I've never been stung before. What if I'm allergic?" Cue the 1 and a half hour panic attack. I feel like I'm dying but I can't tell if it's panic or anaphylaxis. A mod...

I (29m) haven't had a girlfriend in 10 years. Can't go into details without it sounding like a pity-party, but short version is I don't have the looks, the game, or the personality for a relationship, no matter how much I want one. I was at Friendsgiving with friends and acquaintances. Everyone was drinking, and the topic of fetishes and kinks came up. People talked about the "weird" things that turned them on. One couple liked to take turns on top, another couple would do an intensive workout beforehand, etc. Eventually they asked me if I had any. I said "consent," which got mixed reactions. When they asked me to clarify, I just told them that after being alone for 10 years, the idea of being wanted was kinda hot! Well, that just sort of killed the whole mood, since I was the only single person (guy or girl) there. We still talked, but I kept getting weird looks all night, and one of the couples left early. We sat around and watched the game after, b...

My mom has been in memory care for over a year. The few times I brought her to my house she gets very agitated and wants to go home. Today is Thanksgiving and my wife and I thought it good to go have dinner with her. I called yesterday and found out they are having a brunch. My wife worked last night and works tonight so she wasn’t going to make it. She stated that “she probably won’t recognize me anyway” which is true. She also doesn’t recognize me anymore either. She is also is also deaf so talking to her is near impossible. Basically use an app on the phone to type messages in large font to her. She only understands very simple questions half the time. I headed out to go have lunch with her but now am stuck in a parking lot down the street trying to justify in my head why I am OK not seeing her and not feel guilty for not following through. TLDR; feeling guilty for not wanting to visit my mom with Alzheimer’s.

So I (17f) decided that red hair waesnt what I wanted anymore. In the beginning of July, I did half of my hair black and even tho black box dye is really hard to get rid off I did a good job to dye my hair ginger at the end of august. Two days ago, I decided to be blonde again (last time I was 11). I buyed some bleach, purple shampoo, you name it. After washing my hair, I realized that the half black hair I got months ago was still there and mixed with the orange to make this wierd dark blonde orangey hair while the other side was stained orange. I tried everything and nothing worked, so I decided to dye it light brown. Little did I know that purple shampoo left green highlights in my hair. Plus that brown dye didn’t stick well to my scalp. Now I have green hair with blonde roots. Even tho I hate to say that, I think I will need to dye it black. I cannot afford a hairstylist, so now my hair sucks now. TL;DR : I decided to dye my hair blond and it was ugly so I put brown instead, whic...

Obligatory, this happened over 20 years ago. My friend and I noticed that his son who was about 13 at the time had never been camping so we decided to correct that error on his part. I lived a couple of states north from D and his son C so D packed up his car with "stuff people take camping" having likely also never been camping in his life. They arrived with the contents of their cabinets (in terms of food) and a large pile of things like tools and luckily some coats and stuff like that. I added in my camping equipment which was a bit more normal and I had spare stuff for them as well. Off we went driving to Canada because I wanted to share my love of the Bay of Fundy with my friends kid. We make it there and all is well, we find a very nice campsite off the beach right next to the river where the Tidal Bore rolls in, really nice place. The campsite was cars only and had a very nice little fire pit, ringed with metal and pretty full of ashes from old campers. So we're...

I need to preface this with I'm an adult with braces. Specifically, braces behind my top teeth. Anywho, tonight we're watching a movie and getting naughty and I go for sexy times. So movie on, go for a little down town action. And... It's stuck. Let me tell you, I have never been so scared. I moved a millimetre, it comes with. I tell him I'm stuck, he's like, 'are you serious?". Mouth around penis, I'm mumbling, yes. We're both scared we'll have to call paramedics and be found like this. I'm open mouthed, dribbling and scared. Fuck. He's saying, "let it go down, it'll work out." I'm less sure but I try. With some pulls but eventually I feel rust in mouth which means blood. Oh heck indeed. It's a waiting game now. All I can do is try and wait. I'm still dribbling and scared. Eventually, penis goes flaccid, I somehow disconnect and now I have an ice pack against the barely intact banjo string. Tldr: had se...

literally want to scream right now. I used opalescence last week and have had some sensitivity on my two front teeth. I read that applying a small amount of sensodyne to my trays for an hour would help, so I did so but only about 10-15 mins. Apparently my trays must have had whitening in them because my teeth are dehydrated now where you can see the white spots. Meaning I’ve accidentally “whitened” my teeth (opened up tubules) and for the next two to three days can’t have acidic or sugary foods, or foods that can stain. I am honestly about to lose my mind lol. Moderators are saying I need to hit 750 characters, I guess if anyone is a dentist or dental hygienist and has any advice for me let me know :/ TLDR accidentally whitened my teeth on thanksgiving meaning my foods will be restricted for 2-3 days

So, this morning my partner and I woke up all horned up. It’s one of those things that doesn’t happen first thing in the morning as often now that we’re both in our late 30s, pretty stressed out from stuff in our lives (babies and a sick parent needing attention), and having been together for ~15 years. Anyway, we wake and we’re both in the mood. Babies are asleep and her mom is staying at a friends. One thing leads to another and she’s on her hands and knees as I’m happily pounding away feeling all happy and giddy. She’s normally not vocal during sex but today she was loud and I thought, hey, I’ll join in. So I’m saying things, she’s saying things and I’m completely losing myself in the moment. Then at one point she goes “ah! Ah! Ah!” and me being the dumbass that I am respond “stayin alive! Stayin alive!” Immediately, she turns around with what can only be described as confused/annoyed/WTF dude all rolled into one. So there I am, with her hair in one hand and gripping her hip wit...

It's the late '80s. I am at the local rock club, playing Arkanoid. I was a regular at the club, and had gotten pretty good at the game. Even I didn't realize how good. A gal comes up behind me and says, "If I beat you at this game, you have to buy me a drink; but if you beat me, I'll buy you a drink." Of course, the right move here is to stop playing, declare "You win.", and go buy her a drink. This is the wrong sub for that. Hmm, this is the wrong site for that. "That makes no sense!", I think. "I bet she isn't even any good at this." I don't even drink much, but the prospect of a free drink from a gal was all the incentive I needed. I CRUSHED it. Played longer than I had ever played before. "OK. It's YOUR turn!" "Where the F did she go?" I am still wondering. TL;DR: TIFU by being competitive instead of not an idiot.

tl;dr It was a mistake to give a girl cash to get her to stop abusing United Airlines customer service reps who couldn't just waive her flight change fee. Just moved out and rebuilding my life. Our first date was in NY late Dec, we had matched on Hinge and she said she was always back in New York and would be moving back in Feb; both of these turned out to be a lie. Our second date was her friend's wedding in Philly, I was in my last semester of business school and took the train down, she flew from Oklahoma. We overslept on the day of departure and she missed her flight. She called United to get on a later flight and when the rep told her that she would have to pay a fee (COVID policies weren't a thing yet) she started screaming. At 30 years old she was terrified her dad would see the charge and that wasn't something she could deal with. She mentioned how often she took the airline, she'd never had a problem like this, in hindsight it was textbook bullshit....

I am currently in my final year of highschool, Canada, over the years I’ve connected with a few girls but it never surpassed the talking stage. A few weeks ago an exchange student from Germany switched to my class, from the advanced program (she wasn’t great in French). From the moment I saw her, I thought she was beautiful and I had to talk to her. Throughout the week we had time to get to know eachother, I was the only one to befriend her, I made her laugh, and I talked to her like she wasn’t just a German exchange student, but a person. Monday I took her out to lunch and I can comfortably say we really hit it off. She told me afterwards that due to circumstances beyond her control she was forced to move about an hour away and change schools starting Friday. I found out Monday, it hit me Tuesday, today (Wednesday) school was cancelled and Friday is a day off. This leaves us one day, she asked me for lunch tomorrow. I just don’t know how to deal with this, it feels like I’ve been wai...

Tl;dr petty high school drama, but I just need an outlet for my own sanity Sorry in advance I’m on mobile lol Freshman Year. A new girl walks in, shy and extremely reserved. She ate lunch in the library, and was way too scared to talk to any of her new classmates. As quickly as she showed up, it seemed like she had already disappeared. One boy took notice in me though, and I know he felt bad for me. This began my best and worse years of high school. I know you’ve watched teen romcoms. Think of this boy, you all know the one I’m talking about. Hair as gold as the sun, eyes that signature ocean blue, and a laugh that felt like warm sand under a brilliant sky. He reminded me of Summer, so that’s what we’ll call him. When I first met Summer, let me tell you I was taken aback. I was waiting in the lunch line, thinking of nothing in particular. Probably just fantasizing about whatever show I was going to watch that day, Summer quickly interrupted me. “Hey! I’ve noticed that you haven’t...

NSFW for mention of marijuana use, just to be careful So I'm 26M, and I'm staying with my parents. Happy Thanksgiving everyone who doesn't celebrate but likes taking time off to hang out with their family and stuff. Anyway I get some pretzels from a vending machine this afternoon and when they fell out they knocked out some peanut m & ms too. Which is great because I wasn't expecting to have them but I freaking love peanut m & ms. Anyway then it's tonight and I'm high and I want some peanut m & m s. So I get some from my bag. Then I decide this would go great with some club soda so I walk to the kitchen with the m & ms in one hand to get a can because my dad doesn't mind sharing. I run into my mom in the kitchen. "I'm going to eat some peanut m & ms," I tell her. She's says, "no." I'm confused. "Not right now," she says. So I sit down at the table and she leaves the room. And I'm sitt...