greenmangostudio

I did not believe my senior prank would backfire on me as hard as it did, but here we are. This happened a couple of weeks ago but it's too funny not to talk about. So I (18m) came out with the amazing idea to participate in the senior pranks in my school. There weren't many pranks being made at the school to begin with so it was kind of a disappointing way to end of the school year. For some background, my school has about 1,000 people in it, so it's relatively small; That also means word spreads incredibly quick, this is also important. I came up with the genius idea to create a "mandatory penis inspection" that was going to be run by someone with the name of "Dixie Normis" and had it labeled as a graduation requirement. How did I come up with such a genius idea? The internet! More specifically, a reddit post with a similar idea. I cobbled up the document on my school Chromebook, working on and off on it for the next couple of weeks. Adding a tweak...

Obligatory this didn’t actually happen today but in high school blah blah blah. Also it’s a little graphic, so sorry in advance if it’s too gross lmao. This is probably my most embarrassing sex story. So I was lying in bed and suddenly got the urge to jack it. No big deal, I just take off my pants and get going. Now here’s the thing, my bedroom door was open. I was fully aware of this, but instead of just closing the door, I decided to jerk off under the blanket so that if anyone walked by they wouldn’t see me. Right as I’m about to climax I hear my dad calling me and walking toward my bedroom. My stupid horny teenage about-to-cum brain decided to just full throttle the orgasm. Cum now, think later. So I do, and now I’m lying there with cum on my belly. My dad walks up to my room and stands in the doorframe. I’m still under the blanket, so he can’t tell what’s just happened. He starts a casual conversation, “What do you want for dinner?” I am staring at him like a deer in headlight...

It happened yesterday, but I was super hungry so I went to Subway. I was in the mood for a few different subs.My mind was not really all the way there because all I really cared about was satisfying my growling stomach. I was ordering my food and all went well.The girl making the sandwich and I discussed some of the options for toppings on the sandwich. She was actually really attractive and I couldn’t help myself but to ask about her favorite sandwiches too. I mean everything is going super well. I get rung up for all the sandwiches. The total was around 25 maybe. Then I remember one of the commercials and ask about the garlic aioli. The girl in question called it garlic aereola. I giggled a little bit and said “I’ll put it on your aerolas” I laughed a little bit and she blushed. Little did I know her dad was standing in the back. Dude is the manager. So now here I am flirting with his daughter to his face. Bro comes out and starts cussing me out. Next thing I know I’m out on the str...

I’ve just moved into my new house which is on a street of an old village, the neighbours front door and ours are right next too each other, our ones black and theirs are white, I was tired after working a long shift at the local factory (it’s hot and I had to stand for the whole shift which adds to the drowsiness) and didn’t realise I was opening their door until I realised that the front hall layout was wrong, I quickly shut the door whilst saying “oh shit wrong house” and quickly went in our door instead, worst part is that they have a ring doorbell so they probably have footage of me being a dumbass, I haven’t even met them yet so I’ve probably just made a really bad impression! P.S - if your reading this and think your my new neighbour, I just want to say Sorry! TL:DR - went in my neighbours home by accident since I was tired, and they have a ring doorbell = footage of me being dumb

I work at a cafe that has BYOB (bring your own beans) Wednesdays— as implied, the premise is that customers bring a bag of coffee beans, and for $1 we grind them for you and use our professional industrial equipment to make your preferred version of your coffee fix. It’s a fun community thing, 50% of Proceeds go to charity, yadda yadda yadda. At the beginning of the year, two really awesome students at the local high school turned their successful business project from the previous semester—a shop that sourced and sold locally grown coffee beans—into a real business, and it really took off in the neighborhood. The main grocer (independent, not a chain) now carries their beans as do some other shops around town. And to be clear, their success is well-deserved: the coffee is freaking delish and the boys that started the company both come from really impoverished backgrounds, so you really want to root for them. However, there is a slight problem. The boys sell two kinds of beans, a li...

I am waiting to get pulled up for this...maybe...but today my collegues and i were loading up my small truck with another trucks keys (using the orange key to move the tail of the truck open and closed) because they couldn't find the original trucks keys. When i closed the tail the pin didn't match with the lock (height wise) so my other coworker took the keys to mend it for me. I found tge original keys and took off because we had finished loading it up. I was driving down the highway (about 10mins away from work hq) when i got a phone call from a work mate asking if i had the keys to her truck. I checked my pockets and said no. She then asked if our coworker had accidentally left them in the tail controller part. I pulled over in tge emergency lane (for safety since i was on a highway) and sure enough there was the other trucks keys....i phoned my work mate saying that yes they were on the side of the truck. My gps said to get back i had to go another way and it would tak...

To give a bit of context, I work at a McDonald’s and my coworkers and I are pretty chill with each other. We occasionally make jokes and mess around when things are slow. So today 2 coworkers and I were having a bit of a laugh by putting 100 quarter pounders into the system to freak out the kitchen staff. It was a good laugh and I thought it would be an even funnier idea if I added on something more. I put down 888, the max number you can select at once, of the double quarter pounder cheese deluxe sandwiches. And it was hilarious, there was a nice moment of laughter, but then panic ensued. You see, there’s a printer in the kitchen that prints out receipts for modified items, and so it started printing, one receipt at a time, for each sandwich. Now in the moment of fun, I had completely forgotten that the printer does that and I thought that it only printed if someone clears the order, but it turns out that it prints automatically. And with 888 receipts queued for printing, there was n...

This was actually yesterday. About a month ago, I started a new job working overnight. Under this particular company, there a very few employees in the building during an overnight shift (max 3). This includes my position and security. The first month has been great. I really like my coworkers and they help make my shift feel like it’s gone by faster. I have this particular security coworker (let’s call him Carlos) that works with me on the weekends I’m especially friendly with because I sort of see him as a cool father figure. He likes to give me advice, we have good conversation, and his presence is overall nice. I do want to emphasize, however, that I see our relationship as entirely amicable. I wouldn’t consider him my friend because at the end of the day, we are in a professional environment. Yesterday, I got to my job and Carlos is already standing at my desk waiting for me. I didn’t see this as anything out of the ordinary because he usually comes up a little later and stan...

TLDR: I felt like things were going well in a new relationship but at the first sight of perceived rejection I blew the entire thing up over text. Less than 24 hours after first becoming physically intimate. So I had been talking to and seeing this guy I met on Hinge who I was actually very excited about since we had so much in common and we got along so well. Our sexual chemistry was pretty intense as well and while we both said we wanted to take things slow (for both separate and similar reasons) it became increasingly difficult to do so. I got back from being out of town on Friday so he came over to watch a movie and have dinner. We had one of the best first hookups I’ve had in ages and enjoyed a really nice night together. To preface, I had been honest with him about having PTSD around sex & relationships and about my mental health journey in general. Before we passed the physical threshold I told him that it was very difficult for me to detach emotionally and that I was alr...

If you've ever opened a tin of corned beef you know how annoying it is when the little key thing pops off. Well I was really wanting this corned beef so I was trying my hardest to get into it, scissors, prying it open, trying to spoon it out, I got to a point where the lid was pretty loose so I tried to pull it open big mistake, I felt the sharp end scrape against my thumb. I know exactly what had happened, I just could not bear to look, after about 30 seconds of bracing myself I look, blood EVERYWHERE, I'm panicking, running it under water, wiping it, my partners panicking the bleeding just isn't stopping, it eventually did stop and I got a plaster on it but god damn did I really give my blood sweat and tears for that corned beef...it tasted nice though. ​ TL;DR: Wanted corned beef, ended up cutting my thumb open.

This happened today. My girlfriend and I live in separate apartments in Brooklyn, but we share a storage unit near her place. I'd gotten a Zipcar subscription for a trip last month, which left me with a monthly fee that I was looking to justify. So I reserved a car for an hour and half to go pick up some of my crap. That's a half hour to get there, a half hour to pack, and a half hour to lug the stuff up to my place. This will become important later. I apparently took longer than anticipated packing things up, and, as I'm pulling up to my place, I realize that the "meter" on my reservation is nearly up. Don't really love that you have to anticipate your trip down to the minute, but figure they'll just charge me for an extra hour and it'll cost me an another $15. Boy was I wrong. Parking is scarce, so I double park, throw on the hazards, exit the car, shut the driver-side door, and go to start unloading my stuff. Hmm this is odd... I didn't lock...

I was having dinner tonight with my wife and a few minutes in I noticed she hadn’t said anything yet. I tried to make small talk, but for the next couple minutes I noticed she was heavily scrolling on social media and aggressively scarfing down her food in her own little world. I sarcastically asked her “how’s your feed?” (referring to her Instagram feed she was scrolling on while not paying any attention to me) She got uncharacteristically annoyed at me and told me to shut up and kept scrolling. I was pretty taken back by how rude she was being. Later on we got in a minor argument and she called out the fact that I called her a pig at dinner. I was so confused and asked her to elaborate what the hell she was talking about. She explained she had a long day watching our three kids and the last thing she needed was me asking how her “feed” was at dinner. She thought I meant animal feed. Like, the food you would feed farm animals…because she was eating like an animal. TL;DR: I ask...

So we're babysitting tonight and the kids brought their Meta Quest 2. Everyone is asleep (I checked) and thought "hey I've heard VR porn is a thing. Lemme take a look while everyone is out". Idk if the triggers were just that sensitive but all the sudden the "hub" vid I was trying to watch in private browser downloaded. DELETED IMMEDIATELY. But looking around I see that with parental controls the parents get a push notification for downloads on their phone app. I'm just waiting for an angry message or at least to get absolutely shit on for the rest of my life (they're my in-laws and they NEVER let stuff go). I'm just hoping it doesn't give them the details since I deleted the notifications on the headset and deleted the files already but omg I want to off myself right now. TLDR: I mean it's not a long story. Accidentally downloaded a VR porn vid on a headset with a parental controls app. Preparing to never hear the end of this

I (15 f) have always been into reading, and usually I’ve read non fiction or historical fiction books. But on tik tok I was recommended a particular trilogy that is a bit adultish. (Okay actually very) and I’ve liked the first book so much that I decided to bring it to school. My last period was the last period before a break so we just had it free. I decided to use it to read. I got out the book and my teacher (who is an English teacher) came up to me excitingly and asked “Ooooo watcha reading?!” I tried to act mysterious and play it off and say “oh just a novel that a friend told me was good..”. My teacher then grabbed it from me and read the back. The thing is the back is the most toe curling description ever, going into kinks of the couples of the books, and their unhealthy lifestyles. I sat there mortified. As he read it, I said “yeah I’m just trying it out haha. It’s kinda funny…” and he then looked at me and said “I am always SUPPORTIVE of what people read.” And handed it to me...

As you all may know Over the past few months, Tik Tok has been posting clips of South Park episodes. Me (20M) and my brothers (18M & 16M) have gotten into the show this way, and we really enjoy it. I thought it would be funny see our parents reactions to a couple of episodes, and my brothers agreed. That brings me to what happened. I showed the episode "Breast Cancer Show Ever" which is season 12, episode 9. It's where Wendy beats up Eric Cartman. Aside for a couple scenes where Cartman ate his underwear and take a dump his teachers desk, it was pretty harmless and tammed for South Park standards. My mom call it crazy, but it didn't make her walk away, and my dad was cracking up laughing the whole time. Then my Youngest brother decided to pick an extreme episode. He chose "Cock Magic" which is season 18, episode 8. Those of you who have watched the episode knows how bad it gets. The episode shows a lot of male genitalia and it made my mom very uncomfort...

First English isn't my first language so please excuse some mistakes. Ty Me and my boyfriend are together for almost a year but we know each other way longer. Him and I are really close we tell each other everything and trust each other. I would like to say that we are perfect for each other but that's not the point of the story We have our little arguments but we usually clear that up except for one thing. He is really smart guy and has really big IQ but he is literally triggered by anything that "stupid" people do For example if one person does something hard and longer way and he doesn't that makes him mad and other stuff like that. For years I tried to calm him down when he is in that faze but his only respond to that is "you don't understand me" but when I ask him to explain it's "why are you so stupid to not understand it. You are like the others" and then doesn't talk with me for a day. But otherwise he is a really nice pe...

So, I, 17M, have been looking for a new place to work after I quit my old job. I live in a pretty out-of-the-way place, so finding somewhere local is pretty difficult. That's why I was very happy when I found an opening at a nearby gas station (20 min drive- very nice considering the nearest city is over an hour away). I got the owners phone number though one of the employees, then sent her a message- as you do. I listed prior job experience, when I'll be available, some of my skills and stuff like that. Things you usually do when applying for a job. After that, I had a therapy session-- Towards the end of the session, she said she'd send me a message to schedule the next meeting, as the receptionist was sick that day. Okay, fair enough. ​ I received a message not long afterwards- unnamed number, asking if we could meet up a week or so later. I, having forgotten that I'd sent the owner of the gas station a message, assumed it was my therapist. I'm usually very ...

So I have a cat who escaped the house and came back the next day covered with fleas. I put on flea treatment on my cat and went to work combing and getting rid of the fleas. I would put the fleas in a water bottle in which I filled with dish soap and water so I could dispose of later. I had it on my table and I had completely forgotten about it for hours, and was thirsty so I drank from it immediately tasting the dish soap and swallowing some dead fleas.I immediately ran to the restroom after realizing what just happened, got on my knees at the toilet and proceeded to throw up about 5 times. Seeing some dead fleas mixed with my vomit was not a good sight indeed. Possibly the most gut wrenching thing that I have done to this day. TL;DR: I had accidentally ingested dead fleas and dish soap thinking it was just a normal water bottle.

This happened about 30 minutes, I just finished cleaning it up. Be ware the picture is not for people with weak stomach. ​ ​ So about two or three hours ago me my friend and his GF went out to a local restaurant, we had a few pints of beer and some fries and pizzas. After about half and hour we paid and went to a rock concert that was happening at our town centre. Well after 5 songs from the band, I start to feel my stomach bubbling and being upset. My friend's gf also said she needed to use a toilet. We did not use the one at the restaurant because it's outside the building and you need to take a key from the bar, and exit the place and walk about 10 meters to the restroom. So I suggest we go to my apartment which is just 5 to 7 minutes of where we are. Mind you I have a very week stomach, but I said to my friend's GF that she can go first, ( she asked me politely ) and I said "Of course no need to ask me, I was going to let you first anyway ) . So we head inside...

I am going to be asking my long term gf to marry me soon. I've been scheming a beautiful plan to have a wonderful proposal in front of both our families at a place that she loves. Today I went ring shopping and I found one that I really like. It, as I expected, was rather pricey, but I really loved it and I knew she would too. I was discussing it with my dad, and he asked me to send a picture. While I was on the phone with him I went to send the picture, but right as I was doing so, she sent me a text and I accidentally RESPONDED WITH THE PICTURE OF THE RING! She then texted me extatically. She was super happy and crying tears of joy when I went home to her, but I am so dissapointed in myself for spoiling my own proposal. TLDR I accidentally sent my future fiance a picture of the ring I was planning to propose to her with. She is over the moon, but I'm annoyed at myself for ruining the suprise.

I have type O+ blood, and give blood from time to time. Since I have the most common blood type and am a universal positive donor, the local blood bank has been calling me constantly. I finally answered and set up an appointment for today. The blood bank is on the other side of town. I made sure to eat, got there on time, and was all ready to give blood. They did the finger stick to check my hemoglobin, and we’re good to go. Until she checked my pulse. She said it was a bit high. She told me to sit and think calm thoughts and she’d be back in 5. So I play a relaxing game on my phone until she comes back. She takes my pulse again and it’s still too high. I can’t donate today. That’s when I remember the watermelon monster energy drink my fiancé brought me. I had it just before I left to go donate. I only have caffeine maybe once a week, and didn’t even think about it. Turns out, it’s a common problem with donation attempts. People drink caffeine, don’t even think about it, and their ...

My husband, myself and our son are very much what one would call nerds. I love comic books, they love games. Now, we're all on Discord, but for some reason I wasn't on my sons chat... thing. I'm not that into the lingo. Which will come into play later. So I asked my husband: "Can you ask him to let me join his chat...thing?" He did, my son accepted and sent me a cute little gif with some character or something with a sign, that said: Knus. Now, in in Denmark, knus means hug. I found that sweet. So I wanted to send him a gif back. And I found a nice picture of Scout from TF2 ( a game he plays) with the word kys on. In Denmark, kys means kiss. So I was happy with my response. As soon as I sent that response, my husband doubled over laughing. Apparently, my son had sent a screenshot of our chat. And I could hear him racing out of his room to get to our bedroom. And that was when I realized... I was born in 1980. I remember the first Jackass shows. I remember...

So this tifu happened a few weeks ago. Some context, my wife's great uncle and his son came from England to visit his sister ( wife's grandma) here in the US that he hasn't seen in 40 years. So we were at the park for mother's day getting to know them and eating pizza and letting the kids play on the playground. Everything goes well. We leaving the park and as we're driving away I tell my wife to say " See ya later wankers!" to her grandma, uncle , great uncle and his son. Without hesitation she does it ( very proud husband moment). We laugh and drive off thinking they'll find it funny. We found out a week later from her uncle that my wife's great uncle and his son were very offended and it took and good amount of convincing from her uncle and grandma that she didn't mean it and was only joking. My wife told me thats the last time she listens to me. TL;DR: Told my wife to call her English great uncle and son "wankers" as a joke, th...

My gf and I were at the mall yesterday. We split up when she had to be at the hair salon. I decided to go to the gaming lounge inside the mall and kill time playing games. I paid for an hour of gaming. A random kid approached me less than 20 minutes later. I was playing Spiderman at the time. The kid watched and laughed every time I died or walked like a normal pedestrian instead of swinging through the city with my webs. I paused Spiderman and asked the kid if he wanted to play. The kid said he wanted to play Mortal Kombat. Multiplayer. I accepted the challenge. Not gonna lie, the kid was good, clearly an experienced gamer, but his downfall was underestimating me when he realized I selected a female character to fight the big bad brute he selected. The kid was unable to defeat me and it seemed to frustrate him. Towards the end of my hour, I said "good game bro" and got up to meet my gf. I didn't see the kid again until my gf and I were going up on the escalator. The k...

Today my phone broke so I took the afternoon off of work to go get it fixed. When I arrived at the repair store the attendant was out to lunch. There was a massage parlor next door. I had an hour to wait and no phone to play on so I decided to pass the time by getting a massage. Now, this is not a high end massage parlor but I figured it would be fine as a first time guest. ​ I WAS WRONG. ​ Then an attractive woman greeted me with broken English. Immediately I started to suspect I made a grave mistake, but I didn't want to be rude so I ordered a 1 hour massage. She asked if I had cash. I did not and paid with a card hoping this might be a signal of my innocence. She takes me to a room and is a bit rougher and down to business than an American masseuse. She left the room so I could undress and I did. At this point I was afraid of what I got into so I left my underwear on as another signal that I wasn't looking for anything untoward. ​ Well my masseuse comes in and immedia...

Today was my grandmother's funeral. I was a Pallbearer, which essentially means it was my job to carry her casket. She was 96 and lived a full life. Fell a few months ago, broke her hip, got a UTI and COVID, which finally took her down. Anyways, I'm a bit of a gym bro, and thought about waking up early to train beforehand, but decided against it. It was Deadlift day and figured I'd get enough work in throughout the day. It's known in my family that I love exercising, so someone cracked a joke about me taking today off. I jokingly said, "well Today is deadlift day anyways." Just thinking it was funny that I got to lift the casket - similar to a deadlift! It was only when I saw the look on everyone's face that I realized the double entendre. Today was Deadlift day, as I literally lifted the dead. Now, this would've been hilarious if it was my intention, though still a little crude. But no, I pissed off my entire immediate family with a tasteless jok...

So I effed up today and thought I might as well share it for a laugh. I'm at vacation right now and figured what better to relax than to visit a swimming hall and a sauna, right? (Now there was a bit more of eff uppery on my behalf - as in I didn't actually check if the swimming hall was opened before I was on the bus, the other one close by was closed as well and it took me an eternity to find one at all, but that's mostly just me being me.) Now I love red hair. I've had it red for quite a while - started at 15, although I rarely keep it dyed forlonger than 2 years at a time. Recently I figured I miss the colour a lot, so I decided to go red again. Exceot my workplace isn't really onboard with wild or unnatural colours, so I figured I only dye the lower half of my head plus some strands at the front. Pretty much everything that would be shaved in an undercat is red. Since I absolutely loathe spending money where I don't absolutely need it I always dye it my...

This happened in February of last year, but my friends have been telling me I need to post this story online … so here goes nothing: My wife and I (both 31 years old, at the time) moved into a new three-unit apartment building in San Francisco. One of our neighbors is a 70-something year old retired veteran, we’ll call him Joe. For context, Joe is a white American guy and he’s also a devout Hindu priest. One day I run into Joe in my hallway, and he tells me about this charity he manages for a community in Bangladesh. I wanted to support my neighbor and the charity, so I ask Joe to send me the GoFundMe link. The next day at work, I go on the GoFundMe page and donate $150. Or so I thought. Moments later, I get a text on my phone warning me of an unusually large transaction on my credit card. I’m confused and swipe to open the text message. It says I have made a payment of $15,041 to GoFundMe. Immediately I’m sweating. How could I have donated FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS? I spend the next...

So I (25M) was cleaning the bathroom today, and to do so I decided to take everything off the sink and put it on the ground. Wich means toothbrush and shaver were on the ground in the little glass for like 5 minutes. My 1-year dog decided to check on me as she usually does when she is alone, just to see if I'm here and go back to her business. However this time she decided to eat my 3-blades shaver... I discovered it like five minutes later with only two of the three blades remaining on the ground. Guess where is the third... that's right. In her belly. So here we are 3 hours of road, two vets and a radio later, she is getting a surgery to tale it off right now as I'm writing those lines and the vet calls us hopefully tomorrow with good news for our dog and bad news for our Bank account. TL;DR : while I was cleaning the bathroom my dog decided it was a good idea to eat a 3-blades shaver.

For context I 30(M) i grew up only child with a single mother (so family dynamics is something unknown to me) im getting to know this girl (26F) has a child and lives with her big family lets call her N . We aren’t dating yet because she needs time we both need time to get to know each other and to see if i would be a good male figure in her babys life. Now for the story of how i f*cked up today So i got a message from N that she wanted to get her nails done and wanted to see if im availabe to take care of her child while she did that because for some reason the baby stays and is better behaved with me than whith her family or her for that matter. So i told her yes that i would pick him up latter and so i did, I had him with me all of the afternoon while i was walking back to Ns house i bumped into her moms girlfriend (most sexist gay person I’ve met) and she starts laughing at me and says from now on your name is not so and so your name is the baby sitter (she used a degrading word ...

It felt stupid to let that little marble of shit keep me from being productive. I’m under a ton of pressure at work, and I didn’t want to take a day off for some bullshit I felt like I could take care of on my own. Then, I went fully feral and decided that’s exactly what I was going to do. So I sterilized a razor and a sewing needle, and got to work removing a marble sized piece of white chalk from under my skin. In my car. At 1:30 on a Tuesday. In front of my place of work. Yeah. Idk. Skip to today, it’s infected, it hurts like hell, and I’m going to urgent care on my lunch break. They were impressed with my pain tolerance (especially given it’s location), but pissed I brought them my unfinished project. I got the whole thing out, but it was a hack job (obviously). I’m gonna be taking antibiotics and junk for like 2 weeks, and have a totally not cool scar in a fucked up spot for the rest of my life. TL;DR I fucked up by being a DIY surgeon in my car on my lunch break, and got a na...

This just happened a few hours ago. It's been nice out recently, and my kids and I have spent a lot of time on our backyard trampoline. I love trampolines, always have, and luckily my kids do too. I work from home, and I felt like getting some fresh air, so I went out and started jumping on the trampoline a little just for fun and some exercise. We've got a basketball hoop on there, so I was bouncing around, dunking the ball, just having fun. I'm 42 with some minor knee issues, so I was taking breaks here and there; there's nothing more comfortable than taking a micro-nap on a trampoline on a cool spring day with the sun shining. I didn't bother to change my clothes beforehand, so I was wearing the same old ripped jeans, wrinkly stained white v-neck undershirt, and trucker hat that I'd been wearing while building Drupal websites for work all day. I also have a fairly bushy beard and haven't showered yet today, so my hair is all bed-headed and my beard is...

New account for reasons. I decided to study Physics at 35 years old. With gray hair, I stand out as noticeably older than the average student, having previously studied and worked in a different field. Frst day at university, during the first lecture, several professors were present, introducing themselves and welcoming us. The "lecture" ended and as I sat near the exit I became the first one to reach the door. The professors were standing nearby, engaging in conversation with each other, with two of them looking curiously in my direction. As I reached the door, I decided to play it safe and thought to myself, "Make a good impression and don't embarrass yourself by pushing the door in the wrong direction like an idiot." Since it was a marked emergency exit and the frame indicated it would open outward, I was quite confident it would swing that way. However, being small in stature and not particularly muscular, I found some doors incredibly difficult to open...

I didn't tell my parents I managed to get an earlier flight home. I thought showing up at the house a day early would be a pleasant surprise for my mom and dad. I allowed my parents to believe I was arriving this morning until I unexpectedly appeared on their doorstep yesterday. I noticed a lot of cars standing in our driveway. I opened the door and entered the house. There was a lot going on. Everyone was wearing furry costumes. It was the stuff of nightmares. I noped out of the house and called an Uber to pick me up and drive me to my friend's flat. I returned to the house this morning. I knocked on the door. My mom opened. She looked human. A sighed. Both my parents were happy to see me. I doubt the two of them know I was at the house yesterday, but I'm not 100% sure. Someone must have seen me. I'm not sleeping peacefully tonight. That I'm sure of. TL:DR I didn't tell my parents I was coming home a day early and walked in on a furry party happening at the h...

So I've (30M) have been married to my husband (30M) for almost three years now. I can't imagine my life without him, he's amazing and I love him with all my heart and soul. Right now we have a financial arrangement where he stays home most of the time and takes care of the house and I work full time. It works really well for us - I make enough money for us to do fine and he really loves taking care of the house and getting to be a house husband. This means he also does most of the cooking. He's usually a very good cook, but a few weeks back he decided to make pizza as a quick lazy meal. He got distracted, and it got burnt. Not burnt to a crisp or inedible, but definitely dark. He was very upset, because he sometimes feels like he isn't pulling his weight if he's not doing perfectly at taking care of the house/cooking, and tbh I was really hungry and have a strong stomach. So I told him it was fine and ate the pizza. It wasn't even that bad, just, you know,...

This happened when I was about 13. While I was in middle school my granny took myself and a friend to see Niagra falls, my first and (so far) only time being there. I wanted to be prepared for this adventure, so I brought a long all my trusty adventure gear - sunglasses, cargo shorts with the XL pockets, hiking shoes, mosquito proof shirt, and of course my full-brimmed camo hat with chin strap. For one of the afternoons she booked us a boat tour of the lower falls. I donned my gear and boarded a very full boat complete with a quirky and knowledgeable tour guide. Being my enthusiastic self, I found a seat towards the front and sat next to my friend. The guide pointed out many of the natural and historical landmarks on the tour. While my head was on a swivel, I realized that the chin strap would swing and hit my face in an annoying way, so I lifted it above the front of the brim and folded it up so that it would stay out of my way. The climax of the tour involved taking the boat close...

I've had a tough time lately, I've been forced to sell my house that I adore as me and my partner have broken up. To try perk myself up I asked some friends to join me on a little city getaway. Hoping this trip would help me destress has not gone to plan. I've just gone to check into my flights before we fly out tomorrow and have realised that I have completely fucked the dates. I had us flying out in a couple of months not tomorrow. I had a complete meltdown when I saw I had fucked up and frantically started checking my options. And yes I could have moved the flight and maybe the accommodation but as you may know when you get older, time when you and all your friends are all free is hard to find. So I moved the flights. It has cost me close to triple what we have paid and has drained my savings. I will probably not tell them to save face and to not make them feel uneasy about what I've had to spend. I'm just hoping this does not hang over me the whole trip and I c...

So this happened a month and a half ago (the moving part), but I got told today just how much they're hurting. I moved out of state from my kids (14f, 15m) for a great job opportunity and my partner who is military. It was a hard decision to make, but with their dad and other family support, I thought it'd be hard but ok. So wrong, I'm more depressed than ever, my kids are so hurt that when I do come back (made the decision two weeks ago to move back) they only want to be with me on weekends. I understand their hurt and probably some distrust in me and I'll support their decision, but I'm heartbroken. I f***ed hard core and will live with this regret forever. I know these are normally humorous f ups, just had to get it out. TL;DR: I moved away from my kids over a month ago, and now when I move back, they only want to see me on weekends.

Today looked to be a standard day at work. I work in a cleanroom fab where my company manufactures semiconductors on 200mm silicone wafers. It's an highly iterative process that requires fine tuned machines, specific airflow, and a multitude of different processes that do different things to the wafer. It's incredibly important that the environment and the machines necessary to do the job are in proper condition. These wafers are worth a ton of money, a full set of 25 can have a value of high 5 figures to low 6 figures easy. That means the machines that make them need to be in the best condition, which means regular preventative maintenance. That's where I come in. I'm a maintenance technician for my area that works on the tools to make sure they're in proper working order. I won't go into too much detail, but there's a certain toolset that's easy enough to manage but if you're not careful certain parts can break very easily. That's what happe...

It all began last week, I had to call a colleague from the help center at the company I work for. It is a call center, so you never have the same person responding. The call went great, very professional but I also thought we had some chemistry. I liked her soft voice, friendly and positive attitude. She offered to send me a message on the company instant messaging app to inform me when the issue I called for would be resolved, that's how I had her contact information. And that was it. However, I had our interaction in mind all week after that. (I don't have many friends and just moved in a new town.) There's no way to meet that girl in a normal setting, all I had was her name and company instant messaging. Every other option would have make me a stalker, I won't wait at the exit of the office or scour the internet for all her accounts or anything like that. So I sent her a message, quote "I liked our short interaction last time, you seem an extraordinary girl a...

So theres this homeless man that sits outside my local train station. We’ve exchanged pleasantries, saying hello to each other and having a conversation whilst i way for the train. Even gave him my sandwich once when i was really hungry, but i digress. Well, today as i said goodbye to him he said “have a safe trip home!” To which I cheerfully said back “you too!” The look on that poor mans face. Ive never seem such a look of pure betrayal in a humans face in my whole life. I feel so guilty. I didn’t know what to say, so i just walked off trying to not make eye contact with the man i just insulted. Fml, i cant go back. Well, at least i don’t have to give up my sandwiches from now on. TLDR: said “you too” to a homeless man when he wished be best going home. Homeless people don’t have homes

So I’ve been in exam season for about 3 weeks now, on a diet of instant ramen, caffeine, nicotine and alcohol. While this may be keeping me going, it also keeps going through me. Which led to yesterday. It was meant to be another regular revision day on campus, but as I was getting ready to start the day, I felt something sinister. It snuck up on me without warning, and I was running out of time. I ran into my safe space, a toilet that’s been historically empty and as I sat down, ready to let go of the torrent of shit and paint the porcelain, someone barged in. I immediately clenched, not wanting to subject an innocent soul to the relentless and indiscriminate napalm I was about to release. I was prepared to sit my trial in silence, suffering until I heard the person start crying. Half of me felt sorry for the poor bastard who probably just watched their degree crumble in front of their eyes and needed a safe space, and half of me wished he’d hurry the fuck up. As he was having a fu...

My cousins visited my house yesterday, so I though I would introduce them to vr. They were waiting for a game to load which took more time then they wanted, I was in my room watching the screen from my phone. All of the sudden I just see the screen shaking like crazy then twisting, so I go outside my room. What do I see? Those fuckers are twisting the speakers of my quest 2 while the (aftermarket) headstrap was on the ground and they were stomping on it. It wa completely broken. They threw the headset on the ground and started pressing on the screens until they heard a pop. I was in shock when I saw how badly it was broken, with the speaker section totally torn off, you could see the internals. I raised my hand and slapped the one that was using it at the time (15 m) and the older one(18 f) just started yelling g at me, trying to get a few punches off before my parents intervened. I am now grounded for a whole ass month because my cousins destroyed my vr headset, and controllers. They...

I live with a disability that limits my ability to move parts of my body, impairs sensation, and causes chronic pain. Last night I kept being awakened by intense pain in the toes and main parts of my right foot. Typically, when I have these nights, I manipulate my toes and rub my foot until the pain returns to a manageable level and I return to sleep within a half an hour. Last night, I was frustratingly up four times groggily trying to move my toes and rub my foot and everytime I would finally find relief from the pain and return to sleep the pain would return within two hours. When morning finally came, I work up and removed my socks to put on a fresh pair when I found several lose elastic threads in my sock wrapping around my foot and my toes. Had I not tried so vigorously to relieve my pain I am not sure I would have maintained adequate circulation and feel like was in danger of losing some toes or part of my foot. It's entirely possible on my worst pain days I might have gone...

Well, technically didn't happen today, but it wasn't super long ago. Anyway, I went to the store to pick up an Amazon package and decided to do some shopping and bought some prunes in a can since they looked good. It was my first time having any. I also bought some spicy peanuts to accompany them. Anyway, I tried the prunes out later that night while studying for a major college exam that I would have the next morning. And goddamn those prunes were good. Eating a few of them lead to me devouring almost an entire can. I then downed those spicy peanuts (really bad idea) and swallowed it with some wine, I know, weird combination. I then resumed studying the rest of the night. I later woke up like at 2 in the morning and was in excruciating pain. I thought my stomach was going to explode and split in two. I could see it MOVING. I got off the bed, moaning and hunched over and somehow managed to get to the kitchen where I started tossing and yeeting stuff out of the pantry until I...

Today I F'd up by saving my sister's life from my father, my Father (M 40, also ex military) has always been hard on me (M22) as I am not his biological son. Abuse, Assault, The abuse horror stories you might imagine. Today was supposed to be my sister's graduation party (F 19) as she just graduated high school. All was well till an argument Started over absolutely nothing. I thought nothing of it till I came outside again and saw him pinning her to the ground, marks on his vehicle that show a face imprint as if he threw her into the side of the car, blood on her face and all, as I approached he put his legs on either side of her neck and began to crush her neck. This is when I stepped in and quite literally threw this 250 - 300 pound man like 10 feet. This is when I unintentionally took the anger on myself not realizing it. I helped my sister up and everything seemed to calm down. (Side note I still live at home as finding income that can actually support the purchase of ...

Hey everyone, I wanted to share a recent embarrassing moment that happened to me at a bar. So, I was enjoying my evening when I overheard a woman venting about her ruined vacation due to a volcano eruption. Now, here comes my unfortunate attempt at humor. I recalled a dream I had about disrupted airplane traffic and how it would have prolonged my own vacation. Trying to lighten the mood, I jokingly told her that it would have been better if she had already been at her destination when the eruption occurred. I meant to suggest that she would have had a longer vacation in the place she wanted to be, avoiding an immediate return to work. To my dismay, instead of laughter, she gave me a confused look and asked if we knew each other. She even questioned if I wanted her to be there when the volcano erupted. My joke had clearly fallen flat, and I was left feeling mortified. To make matters worse, even the bartender, who had been serving me, seemed uninterested in my direction after the i...

First off, I am allergic to a wide range of different foods. I have so many food allergies (and I swear I'm developing new ones) that I struggle to keep track of them all. At first, I was only allergic to peanuts. When I was about 9, I became allergic to soy. Then I became allergic to tree nuts when I was about 11. Fastforward a few years, I became allergic to fish and sesame too. Now I am allergic to most fruit and veg, bean, pulse, and everything I just mentioned. It's quite normal for me to eat something I don't know, have minor mouth tingling, and then I take an antihistamine and it goes away. I know my food allergies well, but since I am allergic to so many things, there are some things I forget are actually a form of something I'm allergic to. I normally avoid Asian food as if it were asbestos since I am allergic to basically all of it. I generally can't eat any food anyone else has prepared or eat at restaurants either, so I make my own food. I went to a B...