greenmangostudio

My(19F) brother(22M) and his girlfriend(20F) drove two hours from their house to surprise my mom and tell the family that his girlfriend is pregnant. It was completely unexpected, but everyone was happy, especially my mom. She already has 7 grandchildren from her stepkids, but having one of her biological kids have a baby offically makes her feel old because she's only 13 years older than her youngest stepkid. Everyone in the house was excited for my brother and his girlfriend, even me(But being the littler sister I am, I had to make a joke). As he and his girlfriend were walking out, I looked at my mom and asked, "How is he going to keep a kid alive?" Only to hear him across the house say, "I heard that." It was a funny and lighthearted joke that no one took seriously. Well, about a week after the announcement, my brother informed us that his girlfriend lost the baby. Now, I know I didn't cause that to happen, but part of me wishes I had held my tongue ...

Tomorrow is the application deadline for the grad school program I'm hoping to study at. I had all the generic stuff finished a while ago, with only the writing sample left to submit. I revised my essay for the 5th time yesterday, I checked for typos and grammar this morning, and then I uploaded the pdf an hour ago. Once it was uploaded, the application portal let me submit my application. I paid the fee, and I was finally done! But then I got an email confirmation with a video about "next steps." The video started by explaining the statuses: submitted, in progress, verified, completed. Then it says that you should upload documents with at least 2 weeks until the application deadline, so the system has time to process everything. My heart sunk. I uploaded 1 day early, not 2 weeks. I was so angry. I put so much time and effort and thought into this writing sample. I even enlisted my friends to give me feedback. Now I learn that I was supposed to submit everything 2 wee...

So at the end of week I had a small but cold screwup and I figured maybe the internet could laugh with me at my icy misery. I’ll start with saying I have been so obnoxiously stressed at work. With the winter weather, I haven’t been able to be at work to accomplish tasks I need to and have had to do what I can from home. This has set me behind about 3 weeks on my tasks and with conferences coming up I’ve been about two breaths from just screaming into the distance. Yesterday I had a rather large item in my room at work that I could not stand being in my room any longer, I decided to take it out to the shed and get it out if the way and noticed the already horrible door handle on the shed that barely unlocks seemed frozen. But the door was unlocked anyways so I plopped the item down and went about my way cause I had a LOT to do. Now normally the shed at work stays locked. I was confused about why it wasn’t so I did the only sensible thing by locking it, as I figured I probably wouldn’t...

This happened a few years ago and I’m still embarrassed when I think about it. I was doing my weekly grocery shopping at Trader Joe’s, eight months pregnant. This was my second pregnancy and being pregnant when you have a toddler means that pregnancy brain hits extra hard. I’m very habitual when I go grocery shopping. I follow the same path and usually grab the same items every single time. I went down the first row and grabbed what I needed. Walked down the second row and got what I needed. Then I made my way down the frozen aisle. I grabbed what I needed from the right side, then looked to my left and saw something that made my pregnant brain go, “Oooooh yummy! I need this NOW.” I left my cart off to the right so it wouldn’t be in the way and grabbed the yummy item. Put it in my cart and continued shopping. I finished my shopping and made my way to the cashier line. Only then did I notice… there were things in my cart that I definitely didn’t pick up. Not just one or two things, b...

I work at a bank and today I noticed one of my ex’s friends was at one of the tellers. We ended on good terms and I always got along with his friends but like I only saw them when I was with him. He didn’t notice me so I could have walked away to my office but I decided to be nice and say hi and chat a little. He asked why they haven’t seen me since ex left….. and then said they all miss me, and his wife asks about me sometimes. I said I feel like it’d be weird to see them without ex/now that he’s gone (he moved out of province) and he said it wouldn’t be. The said we should all get dinner sometime soon and I said sure we could do that. Then he said … “promise?” So I had to promise. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of them but I know it will be awkward for me as I always felt awkward when I was around them when ex was with me. We don’t have a lot in common but they are all super friendly people. Now I have to have dinner with them sometime and I don’t even have money to go...

I have two interviews coming up. I told both of the recruiters I had close to entirely open availability. They just so happened to request an interview at (a) 9am-10am and (b) 10:30am-11:30am, respectively. As you can see, these don't conflict, but they are pretty close. I read both of these emails this morning. For whatever reason, I thought they were overlapping, so I quickly made an email to (a) (which I thought I had more leverage over in the conversation), asking to reschedule. ... only to realize about two hours later that the meetings don't overlap. .-. I quickly just sent a follow-up email asking to disregard my previous email. Hopefully that didn't blow this opportunity :( I feel dumb TL;DR - Thought two interviews overlapped. They didn't... I made myself look dumb and possibly ruined one and/or if not two opportunities.

Today was garbage day, and as I was getting ready to toss out the rest of it this morning, I noticed a small stack of mail sitting on the floor. It was early and I was in a mild rush to go to work, and we get a lot of junk mail and mail for people who no longer live here, so I tossed them out without a second thought. I come home and my mom is *fuming*. Apparently she was saving that mail for later because that pile was full of personal information, including a new credit card. I don't fucking know why she *left it on the floor* since we typically toss junk mail there, but as she asserts, I should have taken the time to actually look at the mail, and frankly I don't know what to say to that. My mom's always been very protective of her personal information, and I've just compromised it. There's nothing I feel like I can do to mend this situation. At best she admitted partial fault, but she largely blames it on me. Our relationship, at least for me, feels strained...

Sorry, English is bot my native language (Here we go rus-eng translator) Today I found myself completely alone in terms of friends. This may sound stupid or something, but I was left without my best friend. That's how it was. I proposed to my boyfriend (now fiance) and we decided to tell our two best friends about it. We decided that rings are not what we would like to mark our marriage with, but earrings are what suits us. A year ago we told both friends that earrings were our option. Therefore, in order to tell about such a joyful event, we decided to show our friends devices for home ear piercing (not the best option, we still think, but at that time we decided to stop there). our friends started shouting at us that piercing our ears at home was not safe and bad (fairly). One of my friends said that she would find us a piercing specialist herself, as long as we didn’t suffer from crap. But we began to hint to our friends that they had misunderstood something. This made them bot...

She is alive and recovering. I (41M) left my wife (37F) home alone while she was having a heart attack to go play Magic the Gathering. My wife and I have been married five years. This past weekend was a release for the latest magic set. Our friendly local game store closed over a year ago, so the nearest location was an hour away. On Thursday my wife had trouble falling asleep. She was tossing and turning and said her jaw hurt and her chest was bothering her. I asked if she wanted to make a doctor appointment and she said no as she didnt have a general practitioner since her last one moved out of the area. Friday morning we both went to work. She said she felt no better but she had been filling in responsibilities for a coworker who had not been pulling their weight recently. She said she was having trouble and very tired all day. She went to sleep early and didnt feel like eating dinner. I spent the night doing simulated magic the gathering drafts and keeping an eye on her. Taking ...

This happened last weekend and I still cant sit comfortably. Like I am stil thinking about it hahaha ffs So I was drunk and horny, a dangerous combination. My roommate has a massive tub of Legos from when he was a kid, and my drunk brain thought "I can engineer my way out of being single tonight." Spent like 45m building what I thought was a pretty solid design. Smooth edges, good shape, wrapped it in a condom because Im not a complete idiot. Just mostly one. Guys it was so well done. Everything was going fine until it wasnt. Turns out the structural integrity of Legos is meant for building houses and spaceships, not for... internal pressure testing. The thing just disassembled inside me. I spent the next two hours in my bathroom having the most shameful experience of my life. Picking out individual Lego bricks. Some of them were still connected in little sections. I found a 2x4 brick that I swear wasnt part of the original build. Had to call out of work Monday because...

Obligatory disclaimer: this happened recently and is still actively ruining group chats. For context, my sister and I have never been close. Growing up, we clashed constantly. She’s always been the type who cannot be wrong, will not apologize, and somehow manages to repel friendships like it’s a skill. Fast-forward to adulthood: nothing has changed, except now she also has a superiority complex. After college, she decided to fully commit to the “traditional wife” lifestyle. Married her boyfriend, got pregnant, left school, and leaned all the way in. They now have four kids under eight. Their youngest has severe medical needs due to a congenital spinal condition, which obviously adds a massive amount of stress to their household. Meanwhile, my life went in a very different direction. I finished law school, I’m starting my career, and my husband already has one. We’re comfortable, childfree by choice, and very happy staying that way. This difference has never sat well with my sister...

Obligatory did not happen today; happened a couple years ago, now. My mom had asked me to pick up something from a nearby address. She sent me the address (let's say it was 123 Main St.) and told me to ask dad for the required cash. When I arrived at the address, there was an Amazon package at the door. I thought that I would take the box and then leave the money in their mailbox or something. But, something felt off about the situation... I double-checked my messages and realized I didn't have the correct address. Mom didn't tell me to go to Main St.; the street I was supposed to go to was more like "Main Hedge St.". After realizing this, I plugged it in and went on my way. TL;DR Missed a word in the address I was supposed to pick something up at; nearly stole someone's Amazon package.

So I recently had a trip for work. I'm making sure I eat enough protein these days, for the gainz and whatnot. I like "pure protein" bars and I've been eating them for a while. On my way to the airport, I grab a four pack of pure protein bars. It's a new flavor I haven't tried, lemon cake or something, and it's got 20g protein, 2g sugar, and 200 calories just like other varieties. I usually eat 2 or 3, I was hungry, and they were delicious. I ate 3 before I got on the plane and the fourth in the air. Little did I know, these were not the bars I was used to. I started to feel the digestive unease, and I took a look at the label. There are NINE GRAMS of sugar alcohols per bar. I just consumed 36 grams of malitol syrup. I probably don't need to tell many of you what the consequences of this were. by the time we landed, my stomach had fully unionized and gone on strike. What followed was not diarrhea so much as a continuous evacuation order of my colon. ...

I swear I just did the dumbest thing. I was at my window smoking weed at my parents house. My mom went oudside for a cigarette and I didn't want her to notice I was smoking. But I had to relight the joint and my lighter makes a super loud clicking sound... I took a step back into the room, I kinda stopped for a second, I saw my backpack on my harmchair and I told myself : ooooh but that's why you put your lighter under cushion when you want to muffle the sound! I swear guys, I put my hand with the lighter under my backpack, in between the backpack and the seat, to click it. I had to see the flame to tell myself : wtf are you doing? I have never felt so stupid in my life... The bot says my text is too short, so I'm just gonna write anything at this point. I still want to tell my little story but there's not much more to it right? Okay perfect that's enough...now wtf does TLDR mean?? TL;DR : So there you go, that's how I almost burned my house down (probabl...

Today my mother made some AMAZING chicken rice today, like the best food I've had in weeks, so I sent a picture to my best friend saying "look what i'm eating", to which he responded "looks good". Now, I wanted to exemplify just how good the food was, so I googled "mind explosion" and went to the pictures. Okay, good results, but I though that a mind explosion didn't really fit because we were talking about food, so I googled "tongue explosion" (what I SHOULD have searched was taste explosion). Obviously, the results were... not something you should see while eating. I instantly lost my appetite, and I wasn't even halfway done... As I'm writing this, over an hour has passed and I still can't bring myself to finish that chicken rice. :( TL;DR: saw gore while eating the best meal ever and now can't finish it

My wife and I both work from home and my job is super chill. Hers doesn’t start til about 10am. Mine starts at 8am. 8am rolls around and I’m laying in bed on Teams messaging people about work related stuff while my wife is asleep. I put my phone down and start reading my book because there’s not a lot for me to do. I hear a ping from Teams and a coworker wants me to cover a meeting for him. No big deal. I say I can do it and he emails me the registration information. I set my phone down with our conversation up in case he wants to message me again and start reading again. My wife wakes up and starts cuddling me. I put my book down and kiss her etc. eventually her shirt comes off and shes on top of me. I’m still in my undies and t shirt at the time, wife on top of me with her boobs out, I’m feelin’ ‘em, and all of a sudden we hear “HELLO!?” coming from my work phone. I look down and there I am on VIDEO on TEAMS with my coworker. I immediately hang up and my wife throws herself back...

Obligatory *this did not entirely happen today.* My (23f) girlfriend (23f) and I are pretty experimental with sex. We’ll try anything once. (Some things we won’t be trying twice, such as this.) We were staying in a remote house for our anniversary weekend over the summer, and we decided to have some outdoor sex. Because we were outside, we realized we could try peeing on each other, which we had wanted to try for a while, but hadn’t been able to due to the clean up. Well, when she went to piss on me, it accidentally dribbled down onto my face and into both of my ears. No biggie, I just shook it out and we carried on. I should take the opportunity now to pause and say that I have had eustachian tube dysfunction since childhood. I have had 12 sets of tubes, and issues with my ears all my life. This is important later. So when she peed into my ears, the piss traveled through the tubes and settled behind my eardrums I guess. This caused a pretty nasty infection that withstood 5 round...

Hi r/tifu I am a white man rooming with a black man in college. This is our second semester together, and things have been very stable up to this point. We agree on a lot of things politically and ideologically, but I came from a different upbringing and lived a very sheltered and ignorant life, and didn't do a lot to break out of my shell and understand and explore different people's histories and cultures outside of what I was taught in school. A few nights ago, I was at a friend's house, and one of my roommate's friends was there. She is also a POC, and has been over to our apartment a few times and we've gotten along really well. We got partnered together to play a round of Quiplash, and I was the one who was mostly suggesting ideas for prompts to enter. I refuse to repeat what I said, but I made one of the biggest atrocities committed in the early years of the US a joke response to a prompt we were given. I showed it to her, and she was not amused and beca...

The title says it all. I picked up some caramel chocolate from Aldi and ate the whole thing. It wasn't until I was done that I read the ingredients list and it said it had sorbitol. Not knowing what that was I looked it up and it's apparently a sugar alcohol commonly used in confections that also doubles as a laxative. I've spent the entire day regretting that decision while violently pissing out of my ass as my stomach cramps up. Note to anyone getting chocolate from Aldi, check the ingredients for sorbitol before making your purchase or you too will be regretting your decisions like I am. Next time I think I might just stick with my usual Cadbury camello chocolate bars when I'm feeling in the mood for some caramel chocolate. TL;DR: I ate chocolate with a laxative in it without knowing it and now won't stop shitting.

Not the craziest story but hey. I'm obligated to say this was a few months ago but I cringe every time I go past the petrol station . My petrol was getting low, not dangerously so but it said 27 miles left, (oftentimes it then suddenly drops to about 16 for example, and then 5 and then 0 very fast) I didnt have my purse on me as I just didn't need it... Picked my daughter up from school and then went on to collect my 2 stepdaughters from across town and then set off for home. En route the gauge went to 7 and then suddenly it was 1 so I stopped at the petrol station near our house. The petrol was on 0 as i pulled up to the pump and that's when I realised I had no money. I left the kids in the car at the pump and went in to talk to the cashier, it wasn't mega busy but there was a queue, I'd heard that they can help you if you can't pay for fuel. Like keeping something of yours as security. It was an elderly man and he basically refused to help. At this point i...

this happened yesterday but it's still painful. yesterday, we had a really bad snow storm, bad enough that my wife had to sleep at work (she works in a hospital and they offered rooms to people working over the weekend). in the middle of the storm, I had a couple drinks and took a hard nap. I slept so hard, I missed every phone call my mom made to me. so she thought the worst and bombarded my wife with calls to check on me. so she ended up driving home in the middle of the storm, thinking the worst. when she got home and saw that I was fine, she screamed at me. it's one of the worst times I've ever heard her yell at me. I tried to calm her down, after all, I didn't really do anything bad except not hear my phone. but she was not having it. TLDR I fell asleep in the middle of a storm, missed several phone calls, and made my wife think I was dead.

After 36 hours of non-stop snowing, I decided to tackle my driveway. My neighbor had used his tractor and snowblower attachment to do the main parts, but I have a few areas for parking that he didn't do. I was thankful for any help as he does this for most of the cul-de-sac that we live on. I have a medium sized snowblower that should be able to tackle the 10 inches we got over the last 2 days. I also have 2 great danes. When we let them out over the course of the lasts few days, they didn't go far from the man door in the garage to do their business. I was able to get the large "deposits" out in to the yard area, but couldn't do much for the yellow snow.... I started out facing away from the wind, and as I headed back towards the house, into the wind, I was reminded that blowing yellow snow doesn't taste great. TL;DR - Got dog piss all over me

Saw the spray in the drawer (it's meant to reduce muscle pain) a couple of hours ago and the curiosity was killing me. Asked my advisors (the groupchat) if I should do it. They of course told me to, as I would in their shoes, as this represents an opportunity for entertainment One of the worst ideas I've ever had. At first it kinda burned but it wasn't too bad. The pain got dramatically worse. Ran into the shower with clothes on, pulled my pants down and started spraying cold water all over my balls. That barely helped. The pain hasn't subsided yet but I've grown accustomed to it by now (10 minutes later). Currently in bed just suffering. Keeping it clean and dry and patiently waiting for the pain to subside. According to google it shouldn't last all that long. TLDR: Sprayed menthol on my balls out of curiosity. Deeply regretting it, in terrible pain

You can read the original post here, but the short story is a friend of mine who i liked when through a DV situation with her father, a year later I asked if she wanted to be in a relationship, she didn't seem interested so I gave her space but froze and didn't contact her again for two years. https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/DjGQlutZC3 Folks on that post said that the friendship is toast and I agreed, but i still wanted to apologize to her not for my own peace but because she deserves it. I was gonna do it last night but saw that it was her birthday (I'd marked it in my calendar ages ago), so I decided to start by wishing her a happy birthday and that all was well. To my complete shock she actually responded and said thank you, you've always been so sweet to me. We even caught up a little bit. She was celebrating with her family that night so I figured I'd wait another day to send the apology since it wouldn't be a good idea to drop that when she's trying...

I stepped in dog poop on the way to the subway. It was so bad. I was super late though and didn’t even TRY AT ALL to get it off on the street or the grass or anything at all. The smell was….. horrendous. I was on my way to a shoot for a video I was about to be in…. I had to rush and was already so late!!!! I sat next to a woman and accidentally stepped on her bag’s belt that was dragging on the ground. When I stepped on it…. The poop …. Yea… it got on it completely. She smelled something RIGHT AWAY and asked me if I had spilled something. I said “no. I think you stepped in dog shit” and pointed to her belt. She fell silent and I turned beat red. There was a long pause. She looked down at my shoes and started saying “I don’t think so. I think your boot has something on it.” To which I denied and said NOPE NOPE NOPE. This woman, freaking GRABS her belt off of the ground, touches the poop onto her finger, brings it to her nose, smells it, and then sticks her finger out to me to smell.....

I collect Playbills from Broadway shows. Today I went to a convention in NYC with a booth that sold vintage ones; they had two rare items in stock that I’ve been trying to track down for a long time, and eagerly bought them for $50. Like an idiot, instead of putting them in my backpack, I put them in a merchandise bag a booth gave me for free. I go to a few panels, grab some lunch, eat in the hotel lobby. I’m stopping in the restroom and realize I don’t have the black bag on me. I look around everywhere - it’s not where I was sitting in the lobby, it’s not in the restaurant where I got food, it’s not in the room that had panels. Feel like a total idiot. I’ve put in claims with the Lost and Found of the con, but of course, nothing’s happened yet. I could cry. TLDR: Bought two Playbills I’ve been trying to find forever, set the bag down somewhere & forgot where.

I am currently visiting my family in another city and it just so happened that there is some nice dental clinic in which I decided to have an appointment. To go there, I chose a quicker route which had a big open area on its way. While there I suddenly heard a buzzing sound coming closer. It is important to add that I am Ukrainian, the city is front-line and that buzzing was a drone on its merry way to kill someone. I can’t describe it other than bone deep terror, being stranded there in the middle of the road with nothing but chest high fences around with my only thought being that I didn’t want to die so abruptly. Luckily, there was some small building I could hide behind (not without falling on my way there). Once it flew over my l quickly started to stumble to the more narrow place but then that thing turned back! Well, at least now I was a bit closer to relative security and after some running I took shelter under the bigger building, waited out and went to the clinic. In hindsig...

This didn’t happen today, but the fallout definitely did. A few weeks ago, my roommate’s girlfriend started texting me out of nowhere. At first it was casual, then it escalated fast. She told me she loved me, said her and my roommate “weren’t anything serious,” and eventually started sending me nudes I absolutely did not ask for. I should’ve shut it down immediately. I didn’t. I didn’t encourage it either, but I didn’t block her right away, and that’s on me.After a few days, the guilt really hit. This is my roommate. I live with him. I see him every day. So I stopped responding, cut contact, and figured that was the end of it.It was not the end of it.She went straight to my roommate and told him that I was asking her out, that I was trying to get her to leave him, and that I was crossing boundaries. None of that was true, but by the time I found out, the damage was already done. Now my roommate doesn’t trust me, the apartment is unbearably awkward, and I’m stuck realizing that “sta...

Obligatory “this didn’t happen today,” but the consequences are very real. So, a year ago, I (21M) was in my second year of college, studying something that made my parents proud but made me want to scream internally. I’d been writing and producing music for years on the side, and I started getting some traction online — small gigs, a tiny but loyal following, and people telling me I had potential. One night, after another long, soul-sucking lecture, I had an epiphany: life is too short to live someone else’s dream. I quit college the next week. Told my parents, told my friends, packed my laptop, my keyboard, and my hard drive, and threw myself full-force into music. Fast forward to now: I’ve been grinding constantly — producing tracks, networking, performing wherever I can, sometimes for free, sometimes for $20 tips. I’ve gained followers and even got some local gigs. Sounds great, right? Except… reality hits hard. No steady income. My savings are dwindling. My friends are all gr...

TL;DR: ended up burning my finger and also left with wax on my anus that I can’t figure out how to remove. I have an appointment in 30 minutes please help. An easy part was making the wax in the microwave, and I was even able to do it on my armpits with no issue. I need to be fair. I took like multiple tries over the course of like 30 minutes, but it didn’t hurt. But now I’ve I’ve had wax on my day for like 10 minutes now and my bird finger hurts like hell. I thought that eventually the wax would stop being so sticky and easier to remove, but it’s just not. I also try to stick it to parchment paper but that didn’t work either. Should I soak myself in water? would that make it worse? all I wanted was to stop suffering from swamp ass!! I had to put my burned finger under water for 10 minutes and apply alovera and it still hurts. Fml Pretty soon after I posted I tried the bath and it worked in about a minute. I feel fine now, but enjoy my panic post lmao

So this happened today. Wifey was getting ready for the gym. She was having trouble getting her sports bra done up. She could only secure one of the three clips. She's been doing quite a lot of strength training lately and it's probably getting a little snug but all her other ones are in the washing machine. Anyway, she ends up asking me to help her. I look up and tell her "I'm sorry madam, you've got the wrong department. This is lingerie removal . You need lingerie installation " Anyway, I turned on the lights grabbed my glasses and for the first time ever, attempted to install a bra. Here is the FU. My wife managed to get the bottom clip secured, leaving two for me to do up. Everytime I tried to secure the second clip, the bottom one would come undone. I tried like 20 times. Then she started giggling and I started too and my hands weren't steady enough. So now my wife is at the gym without a bra. And I just looked at the bra I couldn't do up ...

So i(27m) have had a beard for the past 6 years. Sometimes long, sometimes short, sometimes moustache was stubble. But I’ve always had some kind of facial hair. I saw some videos online of guys shaving and seeing their partners reactions, so I thought it’d be funny to give it a go. My partner(29f) and I have been together for 3 years so she’s only known me with a beard. Last night I felt the urge to shave it off, I get that sometimes, either it’s itchy or the moustache is getting too long. Anyway, my razors broken so I used her razor to do a clean shave. And went downstairs, I told her to close her eyes and gave her a kiss. I expected shock, maybe her covering her eyes in disbelief, but what I got was her almost disgusted. She refused to look at me, closed her eyes and spend 10 minutes asking why I did it. She said she was going to be sick and told me to grow it back. I said to kiss the man she loves and she pulls up a photo of me with a beard and kisses her phone, laughing. I tri...

So from the other day - This is what I get for putting off doing my laundry. I had to get ready for work and all I had left were some boyshorts that were a few years old that still kind of fit, but I remember them for being annoying and riding up all the time. They were all I had left so I had to tough it out. I work in retail currently where I am a "merchandiser". Basically my job is to unpack our product shipment and display it on our sales floor by hanging or folding our products so they look good displayed out on the floor. I am always moving around at work. Going to back to get more hangers or tags, bending over to get boxes, climbing ladders etc. The whole time I'm moving around I can feel my underwear riding up my ass. I try to pick it throughout the day but it was non stop. I was BUSY today so I could only pick it from the outside of my jeans which really doesn't do much. Every movement I made caused the boyshorts to ride up again. FINALLY it was time ...

The FU was two nights ago, and we discovered it last night. We got a good deal on an introductory offer for Hello Fresh and thought we'd try it for a few weeks to get some recipe ideas. Our dinner repertoire has gotten a little monotonous lately. Our first box showed up two days ago and we start unpacking. Big square insulated cardboard box with an ice pack on top, two bags of ingredients in the middle, and another ice block below. We pulled the bags out and put them in the fridge and put the box outside to be dealt with later. Last night, we pulled one of the bags out to start making it. We open it up and all the ingredients are there except the chopped chicken. We were very confused until it dawned on me. I went out to the box on the back porch and lifted up the bottom ice pack and underneath it was two packs of meat that had been left outside for about 30 hours. Luckily, we had some frozen chicken breasts we could thaw and use, but it sucks wasting that food. TL;DR We unpack...

I 23(M) almost caused a car accident this morning. I was out of class and decided to head to a nearby chain taco joint by my college. When I was on my way I was about to pull into the parking lot. I was looking and turning left when all of a sudden another car that came out of my blind spot and almost ran into me. I immediately felt terrible because I should have checked more carefully. I could tell the lady in the car was extremely pissed off as she was yelling within her car. I went to park and she rolled behind me and laid on her horn for a minute and then walked up to my door. I opened up my driver door and was flamed about how she has a two year-old in the back of her car. That was really all she was yelling about was just the fact she has a baby in her car. Like I said I felt responsible and terrible, and I profusely apologized and claimed responsibility. She kept going on about her two year-old in the back of her car, which at this point I was already done. She then went back t...

TL;DR: I didn't delete my hidden "insult column" from a work spreadsheet before sending it to our biggest client. He unhid it and read that I called him a narcissistic man-baby. This is happening right now. I am literally typing this on my phone in the handicap stall of the 4th-floor bathroom because I physically cannot bring myself to walk back to my desk. My hands are shaking so bad I can barely type this. So, for context, I work in supply chain. It's boring, data-heavy, and involves dealing with vendors who think they are the center of the universe. To keep myself from going insane over the last two years, I started adding a personal touch to the master contact spreadsheet. I created a column at the very beginning (Column A) that I labeled "PITA." It stands for Pain In The Ass. It's a simple 1-5 scale. 1 is a saint, 5 is the kind of guy who calls you at 4:55 PM on a Friday to complain about a font size. Next to it, I have a "Notes" co...

TLDR: A rushed surprise demo of an “intelligent” energy planner to a Navy official resulted in all of our tanks self-destructing and “winning” the battle, confirming SkyNet and torpedoing my career. Just as a disclaimer, this is a past FU, but I was telling this as polished senior engineer at my last day party and thought I’d share here…. ~20 years ago I worked in a defense contractor for a few years as a special projects prototyping engineer. Basically my job is to internally workshop a concept, get buy-in, and then transform my learnings into a spec that we then farm out to suppliers and other contracts to build the real version of it. One project was for a range of hybrid and electric military vehicles, I was architecting the energy management architecture. The core of it was beautiful, a precursor to ML-based Model Predictive Control. it is basically a graph based planner that can search a space of actions given conditions and outcome, and pick the best next action. For any hyb...

So, by the way, "this didn't happen today but literally three days ago, and I'm still on the couch." For the past 1-2 months, my girlfriend has been working on her master's thesis. It is a 100 page monster about some super niche topic in environmental policy that I barely grasp, but she has put every bit of her heart into it. She has been worried about losing it, but, like a true academic, she always kept postponing it. The file only existed on her old MacBook, which was so slow that it was like a tortoise on tranquilizers. Last weekend she told me that the laptop was "practically worthless" apps crashing, the death beachball every five minutes, the works. Being the supportive and (slightly tech-savvy) boyfriend I am, I proposed to "get rid of the junk and clean up in no time." She was reluctant at first, but in the end, she passed it on to me with that trusting smile that now haunts my nightmares. To start, I went through the common proced...

TLDR: Took a childhood best friend on a fancy vacation over New Years, he thought he needed to repay sexually. So this actually happened over NYE but it took until recently to work things out enough that I can share the story. So as context, this is not meant to brag, but I grew up very modestly lower-middle-class in a small suburban neighborhood. After college, a really good tech job plus right-place-right-time led me to be really well off. However, socially it’s been a mess — I don’t feel like I really bond with the people I work with or the high income social scene. I really like my childhood friends, so sometimes I will take them along to a nice fancy vacation. I have an estranged relationship with my parents so the holiday season is time I spend vacationing with friends and chosen family. This year, a (straight male, 30s) childhood friend and I were connecting about being tired of cold winter and I convinced him I needed a vacation buddy to try out a resort in Maui. I offered ...

So I just moved to a new city and I’m trying to make new friends. I am a high functioning AudHD so it’s naturally a struggle, but I decided to really push myself and I went to a nerdy hangout spot and met a few guys and girls in a group and somehow managed to get myself invited to their next card group party. So last night we were all at their house and we were having fun talking and exchanging stories and the topic slowly became about gender identity For context, one of the group members was a trans woman. And they were simulating their period via a period cramp simulator. Which, as far as transition goes is the most dedication I have ever seen in a person for almost anything sexuality or otherwise. But the guys being guys in the group and the girls laughing obviously decided that we could all try it ourselves because we could handle it. The girls of course, went first and they went all the way to the max level with almost no physical signs of discomfort, except for one girl who me...

Not today, but a few days ago, here goes: So I heard wintergreen oil can help inflammation. I bought some to put into lotion and massage oil for my messed up knee. After I poured a few teaspoons into a little cup I made the mistake of holding the tiny measuring cup with my mouth while I opened the container I was going to mix it in. Big mistake! Little cup shifted and dumped the liquid into my mouth. I didn't think much of it. An hour or so later I don't feel so good. I double check the original bottle and notice that it says external use only, dangerous if swallowed. I dig deeper and find that the active compound in it is related to aspirin and the amount I swallowed was equivalent to taking around 70 aspirin. I go to the ER, they get me back quickly, doctor is making calls to poison control. I get asked several times if I deliberately ate it. I said no, that it was on accident. I end up being transferred to a larger hospital and put in ICU. Psych is called because it was an ...

I shat my pants at universal studios Repost because I’m going back soon and needed to get rid of the nerves I (F19) went on a family vacation a couple of months ago to universal studios. It was was amazing! Great food and rides. Now one of the best options for food for a large family like ours was to go to the 3 broomsticks and a feast from Harry Potter. The food was great potatoes, chicken, ribs and more! I gobbled that shit like no one’s business. I mean I was going IN. Now it’s a couple hours later and the park is about to close. My family and I are walking through the dr. Seuss land and my stomach rumbles. I’m like, ‘it’s fine just a fart all will be well’. Spoiler: all was not well. I duck into a corner so I don’t subject an innocent bystander to the foul smell coming from my body. I let it out. At first I thought that it was just a wet fart. I mean it’s Orlando, it’s about a million degrees and I was already going through swamp ass. I go to walk away and my butt cheeks are WET...

My corporate office is in a dead zone. I saw the nurse called but with no ring so I read the transcript. “OP’s son was in my office today and his tongue fell off. There are still little bits of it in his mouth and we need to know what to do.” So I look at my colleague and jump up and start calling the school nurse but the call won’t go through because I’m in a dead zone. I go outside and finally get the nurse on the phone and ask her “what are we doing - are we going to the hospital?” It turns out the actual message stated “OP’s son was in my office today (to get his medication), but the medication was on his tongue and fell off and now there are little bits in his mouth and we don’t know what to do” (as in she didn’t know if she should give him another dose or not). But for 20 whole minutes I thought my son’s tongue fell off. It did not, in fact, fall off. TL;DR I read the message from the school nurse instead of listening to it because I was in a dead zone and thought my son’s...

When I was maybe 12 I went to an outdoor fair with my bff and her family. You had to get tickets for food, so bff and I each got a hot dog ticket. We ordered our hotdogs and then realized the sweet old ladies serving in the food tent didn’t take the tickets. We went back again and tested our luck. We each got a second hotdog, and the ladies still didn’t take the ticket. Note, the fair was packed and the food tent had at least 4 or 5 ladies on each side of the tent (picture a large tent with a long counter on each of the four sides). It was the right amount of confusion so they didn’t even remember us coming back. In our 12yo minds we had won the free hotdog lottery. We would keep going back and hit a different side each time. Needless to say we each ate about 6 or 7 hotdogs before we started to feel nauseous. Ended up not being able to enjoy any rides or attractions at the fair. And couldn’t even stomach any of the treats like cotton candy etc. We had cold sweats and I’m sure at leas...

Three years ago I adopted a stray cat from a shelter. It started off as a joke in the beginning. Whenever I served her food I said "Bone Apple Tiddies" as a little quip to make myself laugh. (It's a bastardisation of the french "bon appetite") But my autistic ass loves routines so before I even noticed it, I've been saying it now twice daily for 3 years, giggling every time. I finally got tired of saying it last week but then I noticed she doesn't finish her food anymore. She starts eating it as always but when I walk off she keeps looking back at me as if she's waiting to hear it. She stops eating it halfway through and I couldn't figured out why. Today I tried saying it again and she ate all of her food. I guess I am now doomed to say it for eternity. Edit for cat tax: https://imgur.com/a/J8KYhSp https://imgur.com/a/1bP4KQG Her name is Kiwi. She's turning 6 soon and she has a perma-mlem (Vet doesn't know why. She doesn't se...

I have two separate steam accounts and the one I have linked to discord is the one I normally use that has a bunch of friends and family on it. Well my other steam account has some NSFW games on there... And my discord was displaying what I was playing on my second steam account even though I don't even have it linked. Guess it doesn't matter because it just shows whatever steam accounts you have on your computer and displays it for whoever to see on discord. A family member messaged me saying to make sure I'm not sharing my content over discord when I'm not streaming... so yeah... Just kill me now please... TLDR: My family and close friends saw I was playing porn games through discord because I didn't know it somehow links all your steam accounts to it.

It all started when my cat Schrödinger got sick a few days back. This morning, when I was looking forward to a lazy day after two super busy ones, he started pooping blood again. So back go the vet we went. He’s fine, he just once again ate something he shouldn’t. It is that cat’s goal in life to find things on the floor he shouldn’t eat just so that he can eat them. Menace. But while we were there, the vet enquired about his size, saying he was very large for his age. I explained that he was a Maine Coon, and that they get really big, and that his dad Hades had a really broad heavy bone structure and that Schrödinger had inherited it. She just gave me a look and told me to watch his weight. And I just stood there for a second and then said “Well, you know, weight gain does run in my family.” The silence was deafening. Even Schrödinger looked up from his current position in the sink. Me: (sigh) “It’s OK. I heard it too. I’ll just see myself out.” TL;DR: My cat got sick so I took ...

Obligatory this happened on Tuesday, and yes, it’s exactly as stupid as it sounds. So I’d been working all day, had soup on the stove, and realized I was out of pomegranates (which are basically the only food my anxiety lets me eat without a full blown panic attack). The grocery store is two streets away a simple five minute walk. Easy. In and out and back home to finally relax. So I stop at the dollar store first to grab my grandfather a sudoku book and some chocolate. Then I head into FreshCo with two bags: - one dollar store bag (already paid for) - one empty green reusable bag for groceries First thing I grab? Three pomegranates. They’re awkward to carry, so I toss them into the green bag and keep shopping. I grab cherries which I balanced on my fingers, juice boxes, and a FreshCo gift card. I check out. I even buy a bag at checkout to put them all in. What do I forget? Three pomegranates. The only thing in the green bag... So I pay, grab my receipt, and start walking out,...

​This happened yesterday ​My wife was wearing this obnoxious, neon-orange north face puffer jacket. It’s the kind of jacket you can see from a different zip code. We were at Target; she went to the candle aisle while I headed to electronics. ​I finished up, walked toward the candles, and spotted the back of that orange jacket leaning over a bottom shelf. Being the "funny" husband, I decided to sneak up, gave a solid, playful "good game" slap on the butt, and whispered, "Found you, nerd." ​The person stood up. ​It was not my wife. It was a muscular man with a full beard wearing the exact same neon jacket. ​I froze. My hand was literally still hovering in mid-air. He just looked at me, deadpan, and said: "I mean, it’s a nice jacket, but maybe check for the beard next time?" ​I didn't even apologize. My brain just short-circuited. I did a 180 and walked straight out of the store. I didn't even wait for my wife or the stuff we were suppo...

TL;DR I got sick and did drugs to help my work day and now I'm getting extra work load. I have just returned from a week "vacation". I was visiting family, during which I had to help remodel my mother's kitchen, help my sister set up her home office, and find time for my father's birthday, my anniversary, and my step sisters birthday too. It was jam packed and exhausting especially because my family parties hard and works hard. And then to top it off, my adult son was sick the entire time and I caught it the last two days. So yesterday I went back to work and I'm feeling completely depleted. I'm not sick but I feel like I had no recovery, my mind and body are struggling. My sister offers me her Adderall and I take it figuring it'll get me through the day, because it's 9am and I'm 3 coffees in and I feel NOTHING but pure exhaustion. So I get to work and I'm functioning it's going well. Then my husband showed up with a key bump. So to...

I (21M) had been home alone for a few days while my parents were out to see family over new years while I stayed in the country due to work. Unfortunately they both got sick during the trip and when they came home I find out they got norovirus, they were ok so we just kept great hygiene and I tried to stay away as much as possible since I work with food. Fast forward to Sunday, my final day of three days off before going into work: 17:00, I feel a bit tired while working on a car at our shop, I don’t think much of it and call it a day and head home. 17:15: I’m driving home and feel slightly nauseous. 18:00: definitely feeling sick, have a bucket on the ready next to my bed. 18:30: TIME FOR WAR. I spew what looks like my previous 3 meals into the bucket, then have liquid diarrhoea like I’m a human garden hose. I try to drink, but nothing stays down. 23:00: at least 6 liters of fluid have been lost (about 8% my bodyweight) I know I have to drink something. I know I have to rele...

Obligatory “This happened about a year ago, not today, so sorry” I (38f at the time) was spending the weekend at a beach cabin with a group of female friends, all of whom were married and had children. Of the five of us, I was already divorced (10+ years), two were in the midst of divorce, one to a nonbinary person and one to a man, and two are still “happily” married to men. All have at least one kid, and all were pretty much just bitching about their husbands/partners being shitty in a very hetero-normative, gender binary way that left them doing all the emotional and logistical labor in their relationships, including childcare. So the fuck up: since we were sitting around talking about relationships, as you do, I made a joke about how no matter who it is, if someone says they’re opening the marriage, I assume it’s leading to divorce, and I’ve never been wrong yet. My two friends who were mid-divorce both gave me dirty looks, and then I remembered: both of them had told me the pre...

This actually happened New Years Eve and, honestly was a fitting end to the year. I'm 31m, matched with a beautiful 35f on one of the apps and somehow convinced her to come on a hike with my dog and I. Now my dog is adorable, will draw you right in with her big brown eyes and cute little eyebrows but has an endless motor. She doesn't get tired, and gets upset if we don't walk fast enough (foreshadowing). First mistake was deciding to meet in a nearby county park to avoid the fees. Second mistake was decididing to going down a 35-40ft grade 3, maybe grade 4 leafy hillside where she slid down 90% of it on her butt within the first 20 minutes. We found out on the way back (I know, she kept going), that we missed a small left turn about 50 yards before the hillside. We spent the next 30ish minutes engaging in decent conversation, I notice she's not asking me a ton of questions in return but I obliviously just chalk it up to her being nervous. I'm an idiot. Third mi...