greenmangostudio

Our office enjoys a good immature joke, but I didn't expect it to go this far. A co-worker with a great sense of humor tested positive at home and called to say he was coming to pick up his stuff from his desk, and that he'd mask up etc. Quickly before he came, I created a sign for his door with the words: THIS OFFICE IS INFECTED WITH COVID. IF YOU STEP INSIDE YOU ARE GUARANTEED TO DIE. To make it extra ridiculous, I included a clip art-esque image of a happy smiling skeleton peeking out from behind a casket lid. He came in to collect his stuff, he laughed and asked, "Who the fuck made that crazy thing?" and collected his stuff. Hours later, I put the sign on his desk, facing away from the corridor (you'd need to be behind his desk to see it). That was last Friday. Fast forward to this week... On Monday, our office manager notices nothing was cleaned/trash wasn't emptied on Friday. She thought nothing of it, we value the building's cleaning staff an...

I have a part time job as a bartender so I often have cash which I usually leave on my bathroom counter. I do this in hopes I won't spend it faster. I also don't share my bathroom with anyone so I'm never worried about it. For a long time i would keep it semi hidden in a book but lately it just sits out in the open. Then last night someone i considered a friend came over to hangout. I let them use my bathroom not thinking twice about it since they are my friend. I woke up this morning $100 short. It was easily noticeable since I had 2 $100 bills yesterday and only 1 today. I even went to the bank yesterday and deposited most of the cash leaving just over $200, guess I should have deposited all of it. I feel if I said anything they'd deny it and say I was drunk and probably spent it without remembering. Maybe their conscience will get to them and they'll return it or maybe they really needed it. Either way this person is off my Christmas card list now and I'll g...

TIFU by accidentally tumble drying my cat. So I'll start by saying that I have an awesome pair of noise cancelling headphones that I wear when doing chores around the house and they work well...like really well. I'm jamming out unloading the dishwasher and remember I have some laundry to fold and more to wash. So I go to the dryer and had done a load of bedding that was dry but still in the dryer. I decide I'm going to fluff everything up and get out wrinkles before I fold everything. I close the dryer drawer and start the dryer. Now thankfully I have two cats and see the other one standing in the laundry room immediately looking very scared. Puffed out fur but she won't run away like she usually would when startled. She's just looking at the dryer and back at me, back to the dryer, back at me, still supremely puffed up. I think maybe the dryer is scaring her and she needs to use the litter box which is right next to the dryer. Sometimes if there's change o...

Hopefully this is appropriate for this sub reddit, anyways here goes nothing, Had a rough night at work and got home wanting to go to bed. My intrusive thoughts got the best of me and I decided to go on a cam site where I found two models together. On this site you purchase "tokens" with real money and you use these tokens to tip the models and get them to do what you please. Anyways one thing led to another and my d*ck started doing the thinking for me. I wanted to see the two models in question do the naughty and have a happy ending in which they wanted 800 tokens for. Next thing ya know I have my card in hand and bought $80 worth of tokens, its $10 per 100. Once everything was done and my brain started thinking logically again, I now have a serious case of what a lot of guys call post nut regret. Now I will be punishing myself by going to work for 6 hours on my day off to make the money back. I can't believe I really just paid other people to do the naughty. It wasnt...

A few years ago when I got my first job in this country, I was new to America and did not know much of its pop culture. My boss was a friendly guy and we were a small office. He invited me along with my coworkers to his birthday party at his home during my first week. He told me that he and his son have their birthdays just days apart and always celebrate together. I had not received my first paycheck yet and was short on cash. I couldn’t afford two gifts either so I thought to buy one that they could share as a father and son. I didn’t know much about him except that he loved sports and had an autographed baseball in his office. He had told me his son wanted to be an artist and didn’t share his passion for sports. I was looking for something cheap in the sports section on eBay and I found a great value listing of a box of bestselling Sports Illustrated issues. The seller even agreed to gift wrap the box before shipping it to spare me the trouble. The seller didn’t have any photos ...

I have had pain on my tonsil for weeks, and I haven't been able to get in to see a doctor. I finally grabbed a flashlight and looked in my mouth. Then I grabbed a small crochet needle (the kind used for doilies) I had nearby, and sanitised it. I started poking the abscess just to get an idea of what was going on with it (I now know this was dumb as hell). To my absolute shock and horror, the hook slipped into the tonsil tissue and embedded. The more I tried pulling it out the more stuck it was getting and the deeper it was going into the tonsil. I panicked and twisted it a few times as well, which caused it the abscess to burst and blood to go everywhere. Still it wouldn't come out. After a few minutes of this I had a strong urge to swallow as my mouth was building up with saliva and I also have this reflex to swallow when I'm nervous, but I instantly had an intense jolt of fear when I realised that swallowing could potentially make the injury way worse (I would have had t...

Sometimes I feel like such a dum-dum when I talk to her. We met online about a year ago and sometimes I forget that she lives across the pond. I'm grateful that she hasn't cut me off because of my small world view. She is my first friend that was born, raised and lives in a different country. Anyway, as we were conversing I asked her what her plans were for the 4th of July. She said was going to work and that she wasn't doing anything special. My melon head was like what you're going to work?! I hope you get double pay for the holiday. She then said, "girl, the 4th is American independence" I did the biggest FACEPALM. I then apologized profusely for my ignorance. We laughed about it. But for real, at my ripe age I should know this. Unfortunately, this would not be the only time I’ve said some ignorant things lol. Thankfully she is very graceful when she corrects me. TL;DR I asked my English friend what she was going for the 4th of July. Although we laug...

My husband and I, his work buddies and their spouses have started having monthly dinners on rotation at each other’s houses that usually end with lots of alcohol. About a month ago we were over for dinner and one of the wives shared some “gummies” with us. We were in the midst of planning a birthday camping trip because my husband and his buddy’s birthday were two days back to back. It was decided that it was going to be a responsibility free/ kid free trip so my high ass made the joke “just how adult is this trip going to be, like we swapping spouses here?” His buddy’s fiancé was raised in a preachers household so the look on her face was just soo priceless. We got back from our trip yesterday(was great had tons of fun). My husband and I were sitting outside and he tells me that apparently right before the trip his buddy and his fiancé had a spat about him texting me to coordinate who was bringing what. On the trip we went floating and I said “that’s a nice butt”, talking to my husba...

I feel a bit sad right now... I was always the lonely kid during school so I was really really excited because i thought I was finally making friends in university , they talked a lot with me and were kind and all, so i decided to invite my "friends" to my beach house, my plan was to everyone bring some food and we would kinda make a picnic in the beach. When i talked to them about it during classes they all seemed like the idea, but over the holidays I created a group chat with 13 people a few days ago and invited all them... they complete ignored me. everyone saw the message but only 4 people said something, all declining the invitation cos they "couldn't do it", i feel so sad cos they didn't even bother to say something... Im not even sad aboute the people who couldnt make it, because they at least cared to say something. I was just so excited to have a fun day with my new friends.. but ig i was wrong. I always sucked at socializing and was so happy thin...

Was reminded of this story when I was reading comments of an r/askreddit post. This happened around two years ago and can be abbreviated as short as the title. I was cooking a new recipe which meant I was scrolling on my phone back and forth between the ingredients and the preparation part of the website. Obviously I could have just cut all required ingredients and then start cooking, but who has time for that? I decided it would be best to follow the recipe as precise as possible, which meant a lot of "while cooking this, cut this and this and at it to the pot". Rushing the cooking was ensured. Anyway, while trying to find the amount of celery sticks I needed to cut I heard a noice from behind me. As I turned around I accidentally knocked the knife off the counter sending it towards the floor. In a reflex I decided that saving the precious sharp edge was totally worth the risk, so I did the only logical thing: drop my phone and grab the knife. As you can imagine: I wasn...

Today, like most days, I took a shower. Sometimes, I like to brush my teeth in the shower. You got your hot water, little steam, and just go to town with that toothbrush. Make a little mess, mid-sesh rinse, no problem! Switch to the pulse setting for a pressure washed clean. Perfect. As I was showering this morning, my toothbrush slipped and I dropped the toothpaste onto the little half seat thing in our shower. No big deal, right? WRONG. Now, my wife's been out of town for a few days. And, when in the course of human desires, it becomes necessary for one man to undertake certain tasks solo, and a hot steamy ambiance concurs, one must assume the power of self and burp the worm. So, this leads up to me sitting on that little half seat thing, and I eventually notice a certain... Freshness. A slight tingling. A distracting iciness. Quickly becoming an all too wintergreeny bite on my brown eye. My error becomes very apparent. I drop the task at hand to try and rinse my way out of ...

This happened last night. My girlfriend and I are staying at a VRBO with a nice private pool. We decided to get naked and have a sexy sunset swim. We ended up on the stairs leading into the pool and my gf started giving me a blowjob. That ended pleasantly enough and we got out to shower and continue our evening. This morning I got up and found a home monitoring screen in the kitchen. On it were two camera angles — the front door…and the pool. I clicked on the pool and there were several clips of previous families having fun in the pool. The last 30 minute clip is just me and my gf, swimming naked and ending with me getting blown. I tried to delete the clip but it’s asking for a PIN. I showed my gf and we looked up ABnB rules for security cameras. As long as it was disclosed in the listing it is not against the rules. I’ve accepted that we should have read the fine print. But now I have to contact the owner and ask them to delete the clip and trust they won’t copy it. TL;DR: got a b...

So some backstory, I'm a soccer player and I play usually midfield. But today's practice our goalkeeper was sick I think. So practice starts, we do are warm ups and usually after warm ups we do penalties/free kicks. But our goalkeeper wasn't here and nobody wanted to volunteer, so I was getting tired of waiting so I just volunteer. We go on through the entirety of practice and I'm not doing half bad, I missed some balls I should have blocked but life goes on. Now for our final drill we have to run from half field and coach kicks the ball from behind us and we chase it and try to score. We are about halfway through the drill when my friend goes up. He gets the ball and runs up to about the top of the box and shoots right in the corner. I don't even realize what just happened but my legs auto jumped and barely saved it. Everybody was impressed but I just start internally panicking since i don't like being goalkeeper, and if we don't have a goalie on Sunday I...

This was a few years ago. So I was working one day by the restaurant where I’m still employed. It was a particularly slow day, so I would occasionally wander back to the kitchen to exchange some texts with my correspondents. Two of those correspondents were my boyfriend at the time and my father in a separate thread. They were both responding to me at lightning speed so I was constantly going back and forth between the two, sometimes not looking at the name of the person I was texting. I was feeling pretty frisky this particular day, so I went to text my then-boyfriend, “Anal tonight?” I hit send. I looked at the name, and to my absolute horror I realized I’d made a blunder and sent the horny-in-the-moment message to my dad. My coworker up front said all he could hear from the kitchen was my voice shouting, “NOOOOOOOOO!” I knew I had to save myself. I immediately texted my dad again, this time saying, “Sorry; autocorrect. I MEANT to say, ‘Doing anything fun tonight?’” My dad just resp...

My dogs where barking like crazy, so I went out to investigate. There was a little kitten under an old furniture in my backyard. My smaller dog crawled underneath to grab the feline, who bolted in my direction and I instinctively grabbed it. The kitty was so scared that he bit me and drew blood. I placed him in one of our chicken cages and quickly went to wash my hands with antibacterial soap and then clean the wound with peroxide. Yesterday my finger was red, swollen and it felt on fire. I went to the emergency room where I spent hours until they injected me antibiotics, pain medication and the rabies shot. They also prescribed me some antibiotics for the following days. Today I took the first pill, my stomach couldn't handle it and a while later it sent me to the bathroom. I felt horrible, so I took a shower and headed to bed. When I got to my room, one of my dogs somehow got to my antibiotics and ate them. Idk what to do now..... I'm in pain, fighting an infection with no ...

So I used to work for this crawl space company, we would do insulation removal, install, sump pumps dehumidifiers, French drains, vapor barrier, mold treatment, etc. The job we had was in a really Rich neighborhood on the New Jersey shore. But apparently there were two houses with the same number on similar sounding streets. Our gps took us to the wrong house. The customer wanted insulation removal and the crawl space entered was out back. Apparently the customer was not going to be home so they said to just start working, but we went to the wrong house by mistake with no one home and the crawl space enterence out back. And we started to work by removing all the insulation and put it in trash bags. When we got a call from our boss an hour later we realized it was the wrong house because the real customer called asking where we were an hour later because they had a security camera and never saw us at their house..we literally ripped out 1/2 of this million dollar houses insulation tha...

technically happened a year ago. also technically a mutual fuck up. on my second date with my now girlfriend, i went over to her house, presumably with the intention of getting it on. so we ordered burgers from a local burger place and watched a movie together. we actually ended up watching the entire movie before we started getting hot and heavy. we were downstairs on her couch for a minute, and things were getting hot. i was super into it, so when she asked me to go upstairs i was like, um obviously. but before we went up, she went into her fridge and grabbed a kirkland signature brand red gatorade for me and one for herself (the generic costco brand, for those who aren't familiar) (also, i am incredibly charmed by this move). this was almost exactly a year ago, meaning it was june. and we live in the southern US, so it was hot *.* the temperature downstairs was perfectly fine, but upstairs was warm. she had the AC going, but it hadn't cooled down nearly to the level down...

(M35) Yesterday I left the city that I lived in for 12 years to move in with my girlfriend. I've known her for a little over 2 years and after 1.5 years of being together we finally moved into the same apartment yesterday. The buildup and anticipation was quite intense for me emotionally, saying goodbye to my old place, leaving behind some friends and basically going from a familiar environment into the unknown. Be that as it may, I'm glad I get to live with my gf because she's absolutely wonderful and I really love her plus I have really close friends nearby which softened the blow of moving considerably... Yesterday I moved all my stuff and it was absolutely exhausting. My buddies helped me load and unload my stuff and we managed to haul all of my belongings to the new place in one go. Of course, while loading and unloading, I felt obliged to lead by example, power through and help where I can, so I might have pushed myself too far with lifting and carrying. My friends...

This actually happened yesterday but even if I wanted to type this out yesterday I couldn’t because I went into a full blown mental breakdown. So heres what happened… Also I apologize for my grammar. I know grammar means a lot on Reddit but after the car crash I’m still pretty out of it. Yesterday I got up for work which was very hard to do because I spent the day/night before packing all of my belongings into boxes because I’m getting ready to move. My move out date is July 23rd. I was told that if I payed my rent before the 1st of July I’d only have to pay $1,289. However if I waited until the 1st of the month I’d have to pay 1,589. I don’t fully understand how they came up with those numbers but that’s what I was told. I’m currently living off of pennies so the thought of saving a couple extra hundred dollars was fantastic. Anyway I got some breakfast on my way into work and then went inside to start my workday. My workday was good but halfway through the day I realized I didn’t ...

So today in the evening i was hanging out with my wonderful gf and it was super fun, but at some point she started saying that she looks awful and that she's fat. I immediately started hugging her and telling her that she's beautiful and hot and told her that i love her a lot and that i wanna always be with her. She denied stuff with her being beautiful and said she's fat again, even though she's 164 cm tall and wieghs 60 kg. That's not even overweight. And i told her that "she'd be fat if she weighed 80 kg" and she got even more sad and started saying that i love her only for her looks and that i wouldn't love her if she'd weigh this much.. i told her that i love her mostly for her amazing character, i always told her that, but she didn't listen. I tried to explain her that i meant that if she wieghed 80 kg then she'd be overweight, while she's not right now, she didn't listen. I guess it was a poor choice of words and dumb th...

A few years ago we moved to a new house. Due to a few things, the only place that I could really put my gaming setup was on the opposite side of the house as the WiFi router. I quickly realized that my connection was hit or miss, so I decided to buy a WiFi booster to put about halfway between the router and my game room. I got it set up, and from there is should've been easy sailing. Unfortunately, I noticed that my connection was still hit or miss, but I figured it had to have been better than it was before I hooked up the extender. Fast forward to a month ago, and my connection really started taking a dump. I'm talking, disconnects every 30 minutes or so dump. It made it super hard to play online games because I was getting disconnected all the time. I reached a point where I was avoiding some of my favorite games because I was worried that I'd get disconnected and ruin the experience for others, and I might even get banned in some games for "leaving" a match ...

This actually happened yesterday, but I'm still in the process of piecing together what happened. So I've been talking to my crush over text for 2 months now. We couldn't meet irl for a couple reasons but we set yesterday as the date to meet up. My parents weren't home, so she couldn't come over on her own, as her mum wouldn't let her. So I organised a house party so she could come. (I geuss they thought we wouldn't get up to anything if there were people in the house). This was the first time I'd seen her in 2 months, and hopefully if things went right the first time we had sex. I assumed sex was on the table, because one particular night, we were sexting away and we got so riled up, that she wanted me to sneak into her house and do the dirty that night. But unfortunately I can't drive, and it was like a 2 hour bike ride to her house and it was already 3 in the morning, so it didn't really happen. So yesterday I got very nervous, and before s...

An hour ago we got back from a drive in movie. We’ve been together for years and we have no shame in tooting and such in front of each other. We had barbecue foods for dinner and of course baked beans. I love baked beans, however they are still baked beans and I already have IBS like most people. It was almost like the exact moment we pulled into the place I started getting pain in my sides. Normally when I toot I don’t care , it’s just him so I don’t care. It was so extraordinarily horrible we had to get out of the car and go to the snack bar and get food. We got back and it was almost like it stained the air. So we got out again after rolling down the windows and walked back to the snack bar and pretended we forgot drinks even though we had brought those with us. Im hoping it was the lighting but I swear he looked pale afterwards. TL;DR: ate baked beans before a drive in and almost knocked out my boyfriend with my horrible toots

For context I’m a 5’5 not very intimidating (other than body language) 18 year old girl. I’m not great at being rude to people or just straight up saying no; I know that for safety you should just say no to strangers generally but I tend to believe people have the best intentions. :/ Everything was okay at first. It was a really nice hot day out so I just tanned for a while. I’m not an exhibitionist btw I just don’t really care. I definitely don’t find it sexual at all and I don’t sexualize others for being naked in this context; I had hoped that since it was a nudist beach, other people would have the same mindset: it’s just being naked and without sexual context, it’s not sexual. Just bodies. Most people seemed pretty chill, like that was their mindset, and I really appreciated that. People were naked, like 50% of the beach maybe, and it was really busy. Some people tried to start conversations with me but I shut them down pretty easily with short responses and looking busy doing ...

This title is not an exaggeration. I ruined my pool party in the most macabre way imaginable. I have a lovely pool at my house, and it is summer here in the northern hemisphere. Those are about the only justifications I need to throw a pool party. I had one in-progress yesterday. My pool has a fountain attached to it. Water, fed by a separate pump, cascades over rocks and into the pool. Also lovely. I fucked up big time. I did not run the fountain at all during the off-season. Normally I do click it on occasionally to keep the pump primed. Not this winter though. This winter I chose careless optimism. When I did turn on the fountain for the first time this season, my guests were there. Children splashed happily in the water and attractive women lounged nearby in a variety of strings and minuscule cloth pieces. I wanted ambiance. So I gave everyone…. PICKLED LIZARD JUICE. When the pump turned on, it was in fact already primed. Water began flowing immediately over the rocks and in...

Like others this FU didn't technically happen today but I'm dealing with the hard and painful consequences. On mobile, not a throwaway because IDGAF anymore The initial FU was not even mine but happened about 4 years ago. I was pregnant and had an unplanned C-section. Everything was hunky dory, or so as all thought. Fast forward 10 days later and I can't keep a single piece of food or drop of liquid down and I wake up screaming in pain from cramps stronger than contractions. My mother finally convinced me to go to urgent care. I promptly get an X ray and the tech asks me if I had a drain after the C-section. I tell him I'm pretty sure I didn't and immediately call my husband who has lots of surgical experience. I relay the question to hubby who recognizes the "drain" immediately as a tab on a laparotomy sponge. They're specifically designed this way to show up on x-ray for this exact occasion. Rush to the ER, convince my mother to take her flight ho...

I am a bisexual man and I've been talking with a straight girl and other bisexual guy. I had been hitting it off really well with both of them and there was some light flirting. It was getting to the point where I was really nervous about really hitting on either of them for fear of losing the other, and I think it may have given off the vibe that I wasn't interested because sometimes I didn't flirt back. A few days ago I was talking to the girl after a class we had together and the guy dropped by to say hello. I introduced them to each other as anybody would with their friends, but I had to go to my jext class and ended up leaving them both there as they kept talking. Saw them both together today and they thanked me for introducing them because they are now officially dating. Like obviously none of us were ever an item or ever even really serious, but that was tough to hear. I just laughed it off. In retrospect, I dont think either of them had any idea I was interested....

—am also a dumbass. I’ve been handling auto injectors since 2014 (learned with EpiPens in EMS). But I’m an autoimmune disease mess and I’ve taken my own crap over the years. This time Humira, for a super fun disease called Behçet’s. I opened the package, prepped my skin, opened both ends of the injector, grabbed my skin and the pen [upside down] and PAH, fucking auto injector needle right into my thumb. I was so mad. It just got everywhere. I don’t think much got in at all and I was inflamed as fuck, so I used the second pen I had [correctly], then freaked out that I might’ve gotten some in when it hit my thumb and called the specialty pharmacy, left a message on the urgent line since they were closed, and the pharmacist was totally chill, which helped. He was all, “sometimes doctors like…use a loading dose with Behçet’s and maybe yours didn’t but we can pretend it’s that with the amount you might’ve gotten in” (ie it wasn’t a dangerous amount) Except there are some side effects. ...

TIFU: By being horny and a little kinky For the last few months I been horny. You know how it is. Recently I found some NSFW subreddits that are into bdsm. Specifically being dominated. Usually I am good at keeping my personal information close and not letting it get out of hand because I know there are tons of scammers out there The fuck up: I don’t know much about WhatsApp. I was unaware that when you send someone your QR code that your phone number would show up. I was texting with someone I didn’t realize was a scammer and they asked for QR code. Me being a naive and horny guy sent it to them without thinking. I then proceeded to do some ‘tasks’ I’m video form. A short while later they ask for money so I block them. Lo and behold: they have my phone number. They found out who I was and threatened to send the video if I don’t send them money. So I led them on for about an hour while I privatized my accounts until I found an old Facebook account that I couldn’t remember the email...

Before starting the story I want to make some things clear, I (M,16) live in Romania (this is important because people don't give a fuck about the legal drinking age here and you can go anywhere and buy alcohol).I have two really good friends, F1 (M,15) and F2 (M,16). The fuck up happened on F2 birthday, me and F1 decided to surprise F2 with a wine so I told him to buy it before we went out to celebrate. So we go out, we say happy birthday to F2 and give him our present, the wine. We started drinking the wine and it was awful and I questioned F1 what kind of wine did he purchased. Well it turns out that he bought a 2l bottle of red wine for 20 leu(which is about 4 dollars). I didn't want the wine to go to waste, so I drank most of the wine (about 1,5l). After drinking the wine, we went to a pizza place and ate pizza and drank beer. We stayed out till 11:00 pm. I got home at about 11:15 pm. I didn't feel dizzy and didn't need to vomit so I went to bed at around 11:30 ...

Alright folks, this is a tale about Heineken beer. This beer has always been a staple in my family; some of my earliest memories of my father are him drinking from that iconic green glass with my uncles. My grandfather was a stereotypical strong patriarch of the family - he never drank, but he would spare no expense buying rack after rack of Heineken to keep everyone satisfied at every family event. He passed many, many years ago, but the tradition has been faithfully kept ever since, both as an homage to him and to all the wonderful memories we've made with Heineken in hand. My very first beer was a Heineken. I hated it. I've given it plenty of chances since, but every one I've ever had tastes stale and watery. I could never understand why my whole family happened to love them. Probably a matter of sophistication. I never told my father because it would've broken his heart. In fact, like a dutiful son, I would always drink one or two to join in with all the other m...

Granted, this happened roughly 4 years and 4 months ago, but it still haunts me to this day. I was taking Spanish 2 in high school, and the class that day was proceeding like normal. We had a unit test in a couple days, so our class time was spent doing review. The teacher let us review however we wanted, so everyone was in groups doing their own thing. I was sitting with my friend, and we were trying to use our Spanish vocabulary words in Spanish sentences. Basically, we would say a sentence out loud in Spanish, and then we would say the same sentence out loud again, but in English. We got through several sentences okay, but then I f*cked up. I said, in Spanish: "My older brother bothers me." That was all fine. The problem is that the Spanish word for "bother" is molestar . When I started saying the same sentence in English a moment later, my brain turned off and I said out loud: My older brother [**lests] me. Of course, two seconds before I made that slip-up...

I've (22f) recently come to the realization that I have been speaking wrong for years. By that I mean I've forced my voice lower than it's intended to. My voice would get tired half way through the day and I would lose my voice every day. I didn't realize speaking in a lower voice would cause this much strain and damage. I happened to watch a YouTube video on finding your speaking tone and realized that for years I've tried to talk in a lower, more masculine voice. There is probably a reason behind that, like wanting to seem like a stronger person than I am. I think this all started with insecurities and anxiety around people, but now that I've been on antidepressants I've started to unravel all the things that were caused/ stem from the anxiety. Now that the anxiety is gone, I can focus on "fixing" myself so that I can tolerate myself and learn to live again. I hope that this story might help someone else who is struggling. TL;DR I was damaging...

First I have to say, this is probably the most embarrassing shii I’ve done in my 20 years of being alive, and with all the years I have left, this we’ll probably take the cake. Me and my girl have sex quite a bit when we’re together. We sometimes record ourselves doing so and just save for when we’re apart at times( jobs) or if we just want to see how crazy we went the other night. So a day ago we basically went “balls to the wall” and had sex for quite awhile and we recorded a good bit of it. It was about 2 mins worth of 5 videos. As I said before we like to keep the videos and entertain ourselves when we’re apart. Well…. I sent them through Snapchat and it every single fucking video got sent to her, and somehow, it got sent uploaded to my Snapchat story as well. My girl just so happened to open her Snapchat to look at the vids I sent her and there it was on my story for everybody to see. I had no idea for 2 hours that those vids were up and neither did the 17 people that seen it. ...

I live with 3 people. Our friendship is not typical. We constantly do and say horrible things to each other. So this starts a few years ago. All 3 of my housemates did something to me I couldn’t just forget. I won’t say what they did so this isn’t too long but I vowed that if I ever had a chance I would get revenge. My chance came. One of my housemates started dating a girl. When we met her she wanted to follow us on instagram. When I looked at her account I realized she had a linktree. I pressed it and saw she had an onlyfans. My friend knew what this meant. He had told us she didn’t have an instagram. So I immediately subscribed. At first I never actually looked at her posts. I just went to it as proof that I had it. I brought it up a lot. “How’s our girl doing?” If he mentioned something she bought, “your welcome.” One time he asked us for advice because she hadn’t had sex with him in a month, “so you haven’t seen your gf naked in a month? I just saw her last night.” Then I got t...

First I have to say, this is probably the most embarrassing shii I’ve done in my 20 years of being alive, and with all the years I have left, this we’ll probably take the cake. Me and my girl have sex quite a bit when we’re together. We sometimes record ourselves doing so and just save for when we’re apart at times( jobs) or if we just want to see how crazy we went the other night. So a day ago we basically went “balls to the wall” and had sex for quite awhile and we recorded a good bit of it. It was about 2 mins worth of 5 videos. As I said before we like to keep the videos and entertain ourselves when we’re apart. Well…. I sent them through Snapchat and it every single fucking video got sent to her, and somehow, it got sent uploaded to my Snapchat story as well. My girl just so happened to open her Snapchat to look at the vids I sent her and there it was on my story for everybody to see. I had no idea for 2 hours that those vids were up and neither did the 17 people that seen it. ...

Throwaway My 23M girlfriend 23F of 3 years and I were invited by the friend group to go out last night, she declined stating she wanted to stay in and told me to go have fun. I told her I’d be home by 11pm. We stayed out partying, having a fire, and talking. However once I got home - far too drunk and tired but coherent. I allegedly told her how I screwed our mutual friend before promptly falling asleep. This is not how I remember this conversation. This morning I woke up to my girlfriend + her stuff gone, and a “I don’t want to see or hear from you ever again” text message. When I reached out to mutual friends - everyone was mad at me for cheating on her. Queue my confusion. I didn’t cheat on her. I tried explaining myself but nobody would listen. I tried reaching out to her but my phone number was blocked. Also found out I’ve been removed from almost all the group chats we had. I finally sent a text to her brother saying “this is what I meant when I said I screwed -insert friends...

TIFU by leaving a customer a provocative voicemail There isn’t anything crazy to this story but it was for sure a fuck up. I work in a corporate office for a furniture store. We often have delays on merchandise which angers customers beyond beliefs. It’s not our fault, it’s not even the vendors fault, but that’s beyond the point. I had an escalated customer waiting on two pieces of merchandise. One labeled BIG CHAIR and a cocktail table. As I was leaving a voicemail I accidentally said your big cock hasn’t arrived. I apologized profusely and spent 20 seconds tripping over my words and stuttering to find the right ones. They called back right away and said I should be fired for pulling such a shameful stunt. I was told afterwards by a coworker you can re-record voicemails by pressing pound and following the prompts. I hate it here. Luckily my manager can’t stop laughing about it and said shit happens. I need a vacation. TL;DR : I left a voicemail for a customer telling them the...

Me and my girlfriend are 19M and 18F respectively and are both college students. Tonight we headed out to a party at about 9pm, where there was going to be a lot of drinking and partying, as expected. Now, my girlfriend is quite small and slim, so that definitely doesn’t help to the fact that she has an extremely low alcohol tolerance, so I knew that was going to be an issue later on, I just didn’t realise how much of an issue but I wasn’t going to stop her since she insisted beforehand that she would be fine. Anyway, onto the interesting part of the story. So I hadn’t seen my girlfriend for a couple hours until 2am when the party was just sorta finishing and people where leaving, where I finally found her again and she was absolutely drunk, completely gone. I told her we were leaving to which she told me I was ruining the fun, but people where already leaving which I pointed out to her and just kind of took her with me because I knew if she stayed it would only get worse. And now I h...

This has been going on for a while, mostly benign but it came to a head this afternoon and I can't help but laugh. For context, I am not deaf but my brother and uncle are, so I have learned ASL in order to speak with them, names changed, yada yada. Okay now for the story, back in 2019 my wife and I moved to a neighbourhood in the suburbs of [local city] as I'd just gotten a pretty substantial job offering with a tech company the year prior and had been able to get a place for us. The place we moved into had a shared backyard with neighbours on either side, these weren't big yards either but it was nice to not have fences to box you into your tiny yard when you sat outside; this worked out better than we expected as one neighbour, we'll call him Frank, was retired and enjoyed tending to the shared yard and could often be found outside tending to weeds or mowing the lawn for everyone . I'd help in kind with things as I could, and generally we got along great; unti...

I get a lot of Spam and sales calls on my phone. So, when I don’t recognize a number I don’t say hello and usually answer with some random line. So, I see this number I don’t recognize on my phone and I answer it with “Joe’s morgue, you stab them, we slab them. The girl on the other line says “Excuse me”. So, I repeat it. She says she’s calling from the local police department and she received a call from my number that called and hung up and was calling to make sure everything was ok. I told her that definitely wasn’t me and she said she may need to send a unit. I reiterated it wasn’t me as my phone was sitting on a tray next to me and I haven’t touched it in almost an hour. She read the number back to me and it was one digit off. She again asked if everything was ok. I told her my actual number and she reluctantly said “Ok……”. And let me go. Of all the normal lines I use for unknown calls, of course it had to be that one. As a result, I wouldn’t be surprised if a unit drives by. ...

I just came to this realization yesterday. I’m on mobile so forgive me for the format. For the past 6 weeks, my mental health was steadily declining. I was having a lot of car issues right around when it started (I commuted over an hour away from home), and I attributed those feelings to that. Since then, I got my dream job and the commute is less than 10 minutes, my car issues have been fixed, and I got the apartment I’ve been dreaming of for months. I should’ve been ecstatic! Instead, for 6 weeks, I have not cleaned my room or detangled my hair. I would just wash my hair and put it back in a bun. I had no energy to do anything. I would get home and just lay in bed until it was time to sleep. I kept asking myself, “why am I not happy right now?” I got sick a few days ago. One of my friends suggested getting a probiotic to help the situation, so I went to the pharmacy 2 days ago. There I saw this multivitamin I’ve been taking since last year. I had ran out of it like 2 months ago, ...

It was a regular, stressful day. Worked 9-5 and spent all of those hours scrambling around my fluorescent hellscape trying to meet an impossible deadline for a project that got put on my desk. By the time I leave, I am exhausted. BUT. My little brother asks if I want to go to GameStop. Hell yeah I do. I pick him up and we drive. He ends up buying an Xbox (he had been looking for a deal on the series X for a while now) But that’s not the console that ruined my night. When we get home he is so stoked, has the system set up within twenty minutes and is downloading games. I, tired and a little jealous, tell him to enjoy it while he is still young. His biggest worry is which version of Plants vs. Zombies to download from Gamepass. “Hey, I’m gonna be pretty occupied with the Xbox for a while, why don’t you take my Oculus? I haven’t been using it recently anyways!” Not really my thing, but I’ll humor him. Maybe if I play it we’ll have more to talk about? I say goodnight and get home, ta...

So I met this girl on tinder. we lived a good distance apart but we started going on dates in February. we had been meeting regularly for about three months and been intimate. Our dates were fun and i liked her as a person. Despite this we were having trouble holding conversations. Our interests did not align at all and we kept trying to introduce the other to our hobby but it wasn't for us. Still this was my first relationship in a while so I figured these things take time. Yesterday we went on a really fun date. Go karts and laser tag progressed to movie and making out then we had sex. After when we were cuddling she says, "how would you feel if I started seeing other guys?" This is NOT my fetish and not a relationship dynamic I would like but as I say we never really hit it off so I thought ok she wants to go back on tinder. Ie breaking up I said "I guess I would understand but I wouldn't be able to stay in that kind of relationship." She asked what I...

Technically this happened yesterday, so it’s a YIFU. Anyway, I had worked a long day where I was on my feet for most of it and at nearly 8 months pregnant, this is quite a feat. I was EXHAUSTED by the time I came home, everything was swollen and everything hurt, I’ll spare the graphic details. My husband had been home for a few hours before me, mowed the lawn and was ready for a shower by the time I arrived. I wanted to jump in with him, do a quick body and face wash and hop out. The thought of taking a separate full shower made me want to fall asleep right then and there. So, I get in the shower, wet my face, start massaging in my face wash. As I am hogging all the water, I stand to the inside wall of the shower so my husband can come around and get some water as well. With my protruding belly, I can only get so close to the shower wall. In an attempt to go around my large pregnant ass, my husband loses his balance and in his words starts the “rolling down the windows” arm motions....

This didn’t happen today but around six months ago. This past year I moved to a small rural town, to cut back on cost of living. I had a friend from my home town come visit me. Wanting to show him a good time we decided to go out. In total their was five of us, myself, my GF, visiting friend, roommate and his new GF. We get a few drinks, and begin catching up. The bar was very busy and louder than usual. I notice this one man in his 20’s who is way over dressed then anyone in the bar. He was wearing a well fitted old school brown leather jacket, turtle neck, tons of jewelry. To top it all off he was wearing red tinted sunglasses. Even though it was inside and late at night. Very odd. I have never seen anyone in this town dressed in the fashion and assumed he must be visiting. My roommates GF sees a friend of hers. Our whole group begins talking to her and step outside to smoke by adjacent benches. This is where the fuck up happens. My roommate, his GF, and her friend are on the...