greenmangostudio

So this didn’t happen today, but on Christmas morning. As a bit of background, my boyfriend and I have been together since 2017, I have a son from a previous relationship and I have 2 children with my boyfriend. Anyways, because there is 5 of us, I signed gifts from us with my boyfriend’s last name. Like if his last name was Smith, I signed our gifts as being From The Smiths. Our 2 kids have his last name, so it seemed like a good way to shorten things instead of trying to fit 5 names on small tag and since 3/5 of us have that last name. Anyways, my dad noticed this and jokingly asked when we got married. My dad is a bit traditional and it’s bothered him I have 3 kids out of wedlock. I joked that we had gotten married a few months ago in secret to save money and my boyfriend went along with it jokingly. My boyfriend and I thought we were being clear that we were joking, but Christmas morning was such a chaotic time, that I don’t know if we were clear enough because now when my dad ref...

Today I fucked up by missing the hints of a pretty, tall, light-skinned, foreign woman with a gorgeous smile. I was waiting for a female friend outside a fancy place called Wolf Food Market in Brussels. She initially approached me asking whether I work for the market, which I clearly don't: there was no particular reason to single me out among the people who were standing outside. I said no. She proceeded to ask me in multiple ways whether I had plans or suggestions for New Year's eve. In retrospect, I realise that she was gradually losing hope as I was matter-of-factly answering her questions like the clueless nerd I am. Sigh... The whole thing lasted about a couple of minutes. I unintentionally dealt her the final blow when I mentioned I was waiting for a 'her'. She painfully took what I didn't intend as a leave-me-alone hint and left reluctantly as I was simply explaining what I was doing out there. What is wrong with me? I have a hard time thinking s̶t̶r̶a̶...

Happy New Year's! From a place where New Year's Day is done and dusted. At this point of time it's 1 am and yes, I still have a buzz. Only because I refuse to concede that the celebrations are over and that I should stop drinking but, wtf. TIFU because I disagreed with my wife on what RnB hit was a hit at the clubs in the 2000's, slightly past midnight 2024 and after queueing and playing a Spotify New Year's 2024 playlist. She's adamant that 30 cent and Usher were huge deals back then, whereas I was already full-on into 2000s house music during the 2000s and beyond, so IDGAF about RnB during the 2000s. TL:DR Apparently in 2023, 2 year's difference in age causes a New Year's gulf in what individuals feel how the 2000s went. My wife complete disregards what I have to say on the matter, despite my having 2 years of a jump, possibly more, on me actually being in clubs before her.

A little backstory I lived with my parents and they sometimes complain about me waking them up to go to the bathroom. Last night I felt tired and cold so I decided to use a water bottle as a bathroom, it was a little messy but better than using having to go the bathroom. This morning my boyfriend picked me up early to go out for new years.' I ended up taking the piss water bottle into corner, my boyfriend drops me off I go to my room and my mom walks in. She asks why its cold and was about to check the window when she steps on my water bottle. It projects piss all over her face, mouth, clothes, feet, and not only that but my books, treadmill, floor and curtains. My mom thinks its water starts complaing about why I have water bottle in the corner, I correct her telling her it is not water. She then asks me how I peed in a water bottle, why would I pee in a bottle. I tell her that I am tired of always getting scolded for waking them up, she says that she would rather me go to the t...

my anxiety and overthinking self is still reeling over this, so might as well just make fun out of this lol. so today, I had plans to hang out with my work crush. it was a nice time overall. all is well throughout right? couldn’t ask for more. then it comes to dropping me off. I totally blank out cause I’m not usually a passenger princess. lil mistake right? happens to everyone? you would think? Hm think again. You just know anxious thoughts have been waiting their entire life for this moment lol. so it begins. I chime “im like, so sorry, checked out for a moment, it was actually the next light where my apartment’s at”. the current light we are sitting at is the backside of my complex. they respond with “well, isn’t there where insert our coworker’s name walks to work?” Normally I wouldn’t mind walking (which I did mention), but bro walking at the backside of my apartment feels like it’ll be my last moments on earth lol. Unlike said coworker, I am NOT a big, burly man that people k...

Not today, but very recently. A few years back when I was really getting into the hiking scene I came across these really tough and supremely comfortable socks. Darn, they were nice. These socks were so nice I threw away all my other socks and just stocked up on these. This was at a point where life was pretty rough for me. Hiking helped tremendously and the sudden lack of blisters from these new socks pushed me to new limits and helped me find some light at the end of the tunnel. To me, they’re symbolic of freedom, joy and love. I don’t give them as gifts to anyone. She is the third, and the last I suppose. I went to several stores in the metro area to find the perfect ones. I got three pairs. I went all over looking for the perfect box, wrapping material (wrapping paper just won’t do), and other effects. This would be the only gift I gave anyone this season. I wanted it to be from the heart. Here’s the F.U.: I snuck the gift in and in the locker room I handed it off like a foo...

I work at a store that’s in a food court with multiple stores close together, to the point where sometimes I stand next to employees from other stores sometimes while working. The stores don’t really interact with each other at all. I’ve only been working a few months so I’m not completely sure how things work, it’s also my first job!! :] This morning wasn’t busy, and one of the boys from the next store calls me over. He asks me “do you want cookies?” and I go “sure, thanks so much!!”. I thought it was like extra food? (I don’t know what I was thinking the store literally just opened so he gave me fresh cookies…) I also misunderstood and thought he was offering it to my store as a whole and not me, so I immediately go to my manager and other co-workers and go “they gave us cookies :D”. Like two hours later I’m still thinking, “wow what a nice guy” until another worker from the same store calls me over. She asks me, “do you know ——?” I say no and she tells me he’s the one who gave ...

This blunder takes us back to my grad school days, but its roots stretch back to when I was a toddler. As a kid, I had this blanket, right? Not just any blanket, but THE blanket. It was blue, had cartoon dinosaurs on it, and I named it 'Dino'. Dino was my fortress of solitude, my cape of courage - you get the picture. Fast forward to grad school. I've kept Dino all these years, tucked away in a special box under my bed. It's my little secret, a piece of childhood I couldn't part with. I never thought it would be a big deal, until... Enter Sarah, a girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks. She's cool, smart, the whole package. One night, she stays over, and things are going great. We're cuddling in bed, and she decides to playfully rummage under my bed. She finds the box and, thinking it's something mysterious and exciting, opens it. Out comes Dino, in all its faded, frayed glory. At first, she thinks it's sweet, a cute memento. But then, I make t...

Okay, so last night was our big family Christmas dinner, and let me tell you, it turned into something straight out of a sitcom. I might've had a bit too much wine, and things got... interesting. We're all chatting and laughing, and I end up in this deep convo with my brother-in-law, who's been single for what feels like forever. In a moment of wine-induced 'wisdom,' I start telling him how any girl would be lucky to have him. I go on and on about how if things were different, and I wasn't married to his brother (my husband, duh), I'd totally marry him. I even did this dramatic pretend proposal thing, right there at the dinner table. Cue the record scratch moment. The room goes dead silent. You could've heard a pin drop. My husband is staring at me like I've grown a second head, and my brother-in-law is just awkwardly laughing, trying to play it off. The rest of the evening was this weird mix of awkward chuckles and people trying really hard to c...

So it was about 2am and I decided to go to the bathroom. I looked down at my pubes and realised I was basically Tarzan down there. I look around the bathroom to find my clippers, only to realise my brother must of taken them with him when he went to stay at his girlfriends. Probably should of told him I used those for my pubes. Anyway, I look at alternatives and I see my razor. So right enough, I get to work. This shit is rough, but it’s making slow progress. I get most of the hair shaved exact for one area that is between my balls and my dick, and that clump of hair has been pissing me off. The razor gets caught on a bit of thick hair, but I carry on. Almost have it until.. “Holy fucking mother of god man!”. It hurt like a motherfucker. I look down and see a cut that went from the top of my balls to the bottom of my dick. It bled for a long while and still stings. I also woke my entire family up and didn’t have an alibi prepared. Anyway, this is the same story I’m going to have to aw...

Hey fellow Redditors, today I royally messed up, and I can't believe how absurdly dumb I was. So, there I am, sipping on my morning coffee, feeling like a genius because I thought I could outsmart my Roomba. I decided to play a little game with my robotic vacuum. You know, make life interesting. I attached a string to it and tied the other end to a small toy car. My brilliant idea was to let the Roomba drag the toy car around the house, creating a DIY automated remote-controlled car. Genius, right? Well, the Roomba had other plans. It took off like a rocket, racing through my living room with the toy car in tow. Everything seemed perfect until it hit a snag—literally. The string got caught on a chair, and the Roomba, not realizing it was tethered, tried to make a great escape, dragging the chair along for the ride. Long story short, my DIY project turned into a disaster. My Roomba went on a rampage, knocking over furniture, pulling curtains down, and creating chaos. It even man...

So.. today i was scammed. I am a college student, i study IT, mostly hardware but i learned software too. I got a sms from a number out of my country (first clue). It seamed like my post service,it said that i got a package in their warehouse and i need to confirm my address with a link attached. The link was very strange (second clue) but i still click it, and the site seamed extremely real. So i introduced my information in it. Then it said that there was a tax, a very small amount. So i put the info of one of my cards, it didn't work. So i put the information of my second card and then it worked. So i thought that ,, that was all,, oooh this was just the beginning. Then i got 6 messages that said the token for one of my cards got suspended and i got suspicious. But finally i blocked both of my cards about 40 minutes after i put my information down, and i asked the bank if any of the money were gone, but luckily none of it was gone. And now I wander how could i possibly made su...

TLDR: I’m a sleep deprived mom suffering from postpartum insomnia & I live in central Texas so I’m also dying from Cedar fever, and accidentally took way too much unisom and benadryl and starting fighting the hat man and his army of spiders. Last night, I took 75mg of unisom (I know I know but I was desperate to sleep) when we got home from family Christmas, because the previous night I got 2 hours of sleep and just needed to knock out and rest. However, my husband is going on a hunting trip this weekend & was leaving me his truck, so he needed my car keys which were lost. So I got up to help him look after I was already almost asleep. That woke up me from the sleepiness of the unisom I had taken about an hour prior. After we found them buried under wrapping paper trash from presents, I laid back down to hopefully get some sleep. But then the baby wakes up. My husband is taking a quick shower, so I do this feeding. Now in Texas, we have what’s called “Cedar fever” this time o...

It all started with a trip to Grocery Outlet, where I stumbled upon a box of fudge-covered Oreos for just 17 cents. Yeah, you read that right, 17 cents! Like any sane person who loves a good deal (and Oreos), I grabbed three boxes without a second thought. Fast forward to me at home, working on the code for a project and devouring the entire box. The next few days were, to put it mildly, rough. I was constipated for an entire week during Christmas. It made me sick, gave the sweats, massive headaches. I thought I had Covid, took a couple negative at-home tests. Nothing moved, nothing helped, and I felt like death. My family's advice ranged from eating prunes to doing squats, but nothing worked. Desperate, I turned to the laxative aisle in a CVS and grabbed some disgusting Milk of Magnesia in a blue bottle. Now, for those of you who don't know, this stuff is POTENT. But did I know that? Of course not. I chugged it like it was a Christmas eggnog. Directly after drinking it, I...

Me lying in bed mortified Narrator- You're probably wondering how I got here... It all started when I let my 10 year old watch Mean Girls a few weeks ago. (Maybe an f-up in some people's eyes, but I love that movie) She asked what "Is your muffin buttered?" meant. I believe when your kid asks questions, you as a parent should answer them, honestly so they will keep asking you instead of asking kids who don't know what they're talking about. I told her it's another way of asking if you've had sex with someone. I shared a fun fact that the line was supposed to actually be "Is your cherry popped?", which is a more common term for losing your virginity. I thought nothing more of the subject. Fast forward to Christmas Eve and we're at my very conservative in-laws house playing a game of Say Anything. The game goes as follows: -Everyone takes turns being the picker. The picker gets a card and reads a question aloud. -The rest of the pla...

I am not even attracted to her sister. Last night during foreplay my fiancée and I were talking about her previous experience when she was younger, and I liked hearing about her being slutty back in college. One of the stories she mentioned that sometimes they'd do hotel parties where they'd get a cheap motel room or whatever and get drunk with a bunch of friends, and there were usually some hookups at the end. She mentioned one of the times she brought her younger sister to party, and ended the night in bed (without sex) with her, her sister, and a guy. The guy tried to get with both of them and made out with both her and her sister, and my fiancée didn't realize at the time until later. "Hahaha omg grosss..." Fastforward and we're having sex and shes riding me. We've been fantasizing about having a threesome recently (usually MFM but sometimes MFF) and been doing a lot of dirty talk about it. Mid-dirty talk it pops into my head her story like 10 minute...

I spent hours preparing a fancy three-course meal, complete with candles and soft music. Everything was going smoothly until I realized I had mixed up salt and sugar in the dessert. As my crush took a bite of the chocolate mousse, her expression changed from anticipation to horror. Trying to save the moment, I nervously took a bite too, only to confirm that I had created a culinary disaster. We both politely tried to hide our disgust, but it was evident that the dessert was a complete failure. To make matters worse, my attempt to salvage the evening by ordering a replacement dessert ended up with the delivery person accidentally ringing the neighbor's doorbell thinking it was my house, causing an awkward interaction with the neighbor. My crush and I shared a few forced laughs, but the romantic atmosphere was irreversibly shattered. As the night progressed and I wanted to drive her home, I discovered I had also accidentally locked my keys inside my car, leading to an embarrassin...

Someone suggested I post this here. This happened easier in the year. So I was home alone and had recently bought a new toy and was pretty excited about trying it out. I took myself upstairs to the bedroom and put some porn on my laptop. I have a favourite video that never fails to get me going so whacked that on and got myself comfortable, hands between my legs teasing my clit until I’m ready for the main event. I crack out my vibrator and start fucking myself silly. Just as I’m on the brink of coming, at the point of no return, I see something out of my peripheral vision, turn my head and that’s when my eyes widen in horror. There, outside my bedroom window, is our window cleaner, with a huge grin on his face, with me sprawled on my bed, vibrator whirrng away inside me, red faced and absolutely mortified! I ran out of there as quickly as I can. Embarrassed beyond belief! When I told my husband he thought it was absolutely hilarious. Now when the window cleaner comes round for ...

My brother asked me to make an update post, unfortuntately i can't link the original post because deleting it was part of the deal but TL;DR i let my brother put a music system in my bedroom on a table i had for my RC Boat and i wasn't allowed to listen to my music on it and it meant he just sat in my bedroom all day listening to his music, things get heated when he buys a subwoofer for the system. ​ A lot has happened since then, i didn't expect the post to blow up, but one of my biggest fears actually came true, my brother saw it on christmas eve, and after reading the 200 or so comments told me that he was moving the stereo out and into his room in a week, a few hours later my brother commences he's making space for it in his bedroom and what do i see? he's not joking and indeed moving it until we made a deal, i wasn't expecting to get it back. ​ Fast forward to today, me and my brother finally negotiated a deal we are both happy with and is being reason...

We made tamales for Christmas. I was in charge of chopping garlic and jalapeños. Didn’t wear gloves like a dumbass. I chopped everything and washed my hands, thinking I’d be fine. 20 mins later my hands were on 🔥!!! I tried washing them again, putting milk on them, baking soda and a few other home remedies. None worked. I was thinking everything will be fine, just don’t touch the baby, my face, my eyes etc. Which I succeeded wonderfully at. The problem was that an hour or so later my balls started to itch. I absentmindedly scratched them… a few mins later my balls started heating up. 🤦🏻‍♂️ they ended up not being as hot as my hands but for the next hour or so I had hot balls. I’m just glad I didn’t touch anything else down there. TL;DR - cut jalapeños, got jalapeño hands and scratched my balls later which resulted in jalapeños balls.

My very small family (aside from me it’s just my mom and my aunt) had a dinner several weeks ago where we discussed potential Christmas gifts we wanted. My mom is a certified yoga instructor and practices multiple times a week by herself at home as well. Since her dog often lays on the mat at home while she’s practicing, she wanted an XL yoga mat. I texted in our group chat what each person wanted so we would all remember and we all went our separate ways. I coordinated with my mom what we were getting my aunt so she would not get duplicate items but unfortunately, my mom only asked for a yoga mat and nothing else and my aunt and I both assumed we were going to be the one to buy it. Last night I dropped my gifts off at my mom’s (where celebrations take place) and my aunt noticed the similarly shaped box and asked if I had gotten her the same gift. Unfortunately with it being Christmas Eve, neither of us had time to secure another gift as the yoga mat was each of our “big gift” for m...

So the story goes my boyfriend (m, 25) is yet to pass his driving test and his parents have been encouraging him to get it done asap. So earlier this year, I (f,26) wrote up a contract detailing how I will incentivise him different ways in the bedroom at each stage to keep him motivated, with the end goal being him passing the test obviously. After the lovely Christmas lunch with his extended family, many of whom I met for the first time, I decided to take my anti-anxiety medication to calm down a little bit and to enjoy myself a bit more. This is where I fucked up.. We went back to the dining room for some desserts and after, some of us, including my boyfriend and I, went to the lounge to chill and chat a bit. The topic of his driving test came up with his mom telling his uncle that I was helping him. To which, my medicated self, replied, we have a contract in place that I cannot share the details of and smiled. At this point, I didn’t hear this (thank you, medication), but accordin...

My girlfriend asked me if I would do bad things in Westworld. I won't go into what exactly she asked because there are certain rules in this sub reddit, but she basically asked me if I would do bad things. The conversation took place via WhatsApp. I've only seen the first episode of Westworld so far, but from my understanding, it's a game world where you can do whatever you want as a human in god mode, almost like GTA only that you're inside as a real person. I thought about it for a second and thought to myself "Okey, so the last time I played GTA I did bad things there too. Now the game is just more realistic. Would I still do bad things? I don't know. I probably would." Then I answered her in roughly the same way. She then asked a few times for details. But I didn't realize that she was upset. I thought she was just asking out of interest. While I was chatting with her, I played a game on the side. I tried to imagine what it would be like in Wes...

My son was in the hospital for 3 months, in a city several hours away. My wife and I took turns staying with him. He nearly died multiple times. It was the hardest scariest time of my life. I had pre-ordered my wife a Christmas present that was supposed to be done and shipped by mid-December. It was not. We came home early December. My son is ok but needs a lot of therapy and PT amongst other things. We are broke. Multiple major appliances broke down and had to be replaced when we were dealing with this crisis. We were able to stay in the hospital, but the travel and food costs were a lot. I was emotionally exhausted and paralyzed. Really I still am, but so is she. I kept telling myself the gift would ship. Her mother sent some packages. I flat out lied to myself and made excuses to not have to make this difficult choice. Christmas morning comes and there is literally nothing for my wife to open. Even her mother sent combined presents which my daughter promptly opened. And in the me...

To start off: yes the kid is ok and yes i called poison control. So my 10yo kid had been begging me for one of those Cirkul water bottles. It’s a water bottle that has cartridges that you sip through and it’s supposed to last for 6, 20oz bottles of water through it. i bought a bunch of cartridges to go with it and avoided the ones that said “CAFFEINE” on the front. what i didn’t know, was that there were others that had hidden caffeine, equivalent to a few mountain dews or an energy drink. my kid came bursting into my room FREAKING OUT at 1am saying “i’m dying i’m dying i’m going to die!”. i had no idea wtf was happening. i thought it was a nightmare or something. then they started complaining about symptoms like racing heart and vibrating skin and diarrhea and i got worried. i asked what they had eaten/drank. they told me they just opened a new cartridge of the water and had 2 bottles of it. i pulled the box out of the trash and was terrified when i saw the caffeine content in smal...

So I started a new job earlier this year. With 2 owners who are nothing like I have ever worked for. Very complimenting and always helping. I grew immensely in my field and this year for christmas they gave me a big gift; Large bottle of my favourite liqour, chocolates, travel bag and a very nicely filled envelope.(I didn't open till I was home). I thanked them multiple times for everything and went home for my christmas holiday. I was exctatic when I got home and showed everything to my girlfriend thinking all was well. Next day my boss texted me: "you didn't throw away the card did you?" At this point I knew I f'd up since I didn't text him to thank for the money. He asked if I got the bonus and wondered why he didn't hear anything from me. I apologized and thanked him for the amazing gift again and for everything they did this year. Now I just feel like an asshole for not texting them with a simple thank you, meanwhile my other coworker did a nice po...

Though it's always said that you should never click "unsubscribe", because that simply tells the spammer that it's a good email address, and I used to follow that guidance, over the years I've started sometimes clicking it on emails that make it past the spam filter, especially if they seem to come from at least a somewhat reputable source, as it seems like more and more companies are honoring these requests. Unfortunately that was not the case today (well, yesterday actually). Received an email for "Life Line Health Screening", and stupidly, thinking that this was a reputable company, tried to unsubscribe. Well, the floodgates have been opened. This particular mail account, which typically only receives a one or two messages a day, almost immediately started getting a much higher volume, almost 100 so far. Not just for the Life Line thing that I stupidly tried to unsubscribe from, but for window replacements, luxury bedsheets, portable heaters, seat ...

Ok so basically I went to a park with my coworkers at night to have a drink, we bought some booze and snacks but I brought vodka, which really wasn't the best idea. After a few drinks I began to feel really drunk and things became quite fuzzy, couldn't remember much and was, to my knowledge, too drunk Well, the thing is, after fucking around we started to talk about our bodies, mostly because some of my coworkers work out, I'm a heavy guy so I began to talk about how hard it is to try a thousand diets and still not being able to loose weight, a little embarrassing but nothing too much really, I could manage. Some time later a girl started talking about something personal, I'm not going to get into it but it was in the topic of relationships, I comforted her, but as soon as I said something like "You are worth more you know that" she said something like "And so do you" and I just, couldn't take it, I said "Nah, I'm not really worth not...

This happened a few months ago and is still on going, my brother was renovating his bedroom and decided he wanted a hifi, a decent modern one that can do music streaming but also CDs, he bought it and some speakers but when he went to install the shelf to put it all on his studs detector kept saying there was pipes in the wall, at the same time i also cleared out my bedroom and made some space atop a set of drawers for my RC Pond Racing Yacht (you see where this is going?) that needed some work, it was a nice place to keep my little woman of the ponds and maintain her. ​ Well turns out that since the hifi couldn't go in his bedroom, he started eyeing up that lovely space in my bedroom, he talked me into it, there was nothing i could do, he told me i could use it too and listen to my music on it, and i assumed he wouldn't use it much. ​ This was only a small hifi box, i could put my boat on top of it maybe, that's when he brings in one of those amazon alexas with the sc...

What a nightmare my life has been recently, but this - this I really fucked up. For some context, our pet rabbit is suffering from some health issues in the past few weeks, had a surgery and this week things should have already been better but anyway after her stitches were removed it must’ve been itchy and she chew on the wound to the point where we had to go back to the vet for a treatment and we’re back to the point where she needs pretty much nonstop supervision during the day and has to wear a cone for the night so I can get at least some sleep. It’s really exhausting mentally, physically and financially. For Christmas Eve me and my partner usually do a tour de families. Heading out in the morning, drive to his family (mum and grandma, ~90 min), have lunch and gift giving, then drive to my family (~40 min) have dinner and gifts and drive home (~90 min). This year due to the circumstances we decided it would be safer if I just stay home and he would do the usual at least with hi...

Today I fucked up by deciding to wrap my girlfriend's diamond earrings. I took out the paperwork that showed the cut, clarity, color, etc. It looks sloppy in the box, so I put it in my sweatshirt pocket knowing I would just give it to her later. So then, we went out for dinner and I changed out of the sweatshirt. I had thrown the sweatshirt in the dirty laundry, and when I came back from our date, I grabbed the dirty laundry and threw it in the wash. Later on in the evening, I transitioned the clothing from the washer to the dryer. After the dryer was finished, I noticed a bunch of ripped and torn paperwork in the lint trap. My girlfriend was downstairs dying her hair, and So I asked her if she had maybe left some paperwork in her clothing that I had taken out of the dryer. She said no. So then I started to look at the paperwork, and as I started to open up the part that was legible, I realized it was the certificate for the diamond earrings. I yelled loud as hell "noooo, I...

Obligatory disclaimer that this happened a few weeks ago just wanted to wait until it no longer made me cry. I (25f) recently went back to school for a post graduate program. The workload has been intense (six courses) and particularly hard with assignments coming left, right centre faster than anyone could keep up. The final four weeks were tough and keeping up with deadlines was like that final lap of Mario kart where the music speeds up and you’re desperately trying not to slip over a banana peel. We have the same professor for courses we’ll call Class 1 and Class 2 who combined the final project for both courses into a two parter — two different assignments but on the same topic and in the same groups just one was written and the other was technical. Each was worth 20% and we had a month to do them — December 9th. I’d worked with this group of friends we’ll call “Jack” “Wendy” “Alice” and “Sarah” before and knew they were good workers. Early on, Jack and Sarah mentioned that the...

So today, in the pursuit of some good ol' workplace stress relief, I decided to let out a stealthy fart during a meeting. Little did I know, my digestive system had its own plans, and my attempt at a silent symphony turned into a full-blown shartfest. Picture this: Serious discussion, attentive colleagues, and there I am, thinking I'm about to deliver a discreet toot that would rival Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. Instead, my digestive system decided to drop a mixtape. Now, I'm sitting here in my "I swear I didn't just shart" stance, contemplating life choices. I excuse myself and waddle to the bathroom to attempt a sink bath. Moral of the story: When the wind of flatulence whispers sweet nothings in your ear, sometimes it's best to keep those cheeks tightly sealed. TL;DR: Tried to fart in a meeting, accidentally dropped a brown note. Symphony of embarrassment ensued.

So yesterday was my (36M) birthday. My wife (30F) and I are from Michigan (U.S.) and decided to try something new and drove to London Ontario (Canada). We bar hopped and got a hotel to stay the night. Despite drinking quite a bit I woke up feeling pretty good. We left the hotel and picked up McDonalds for breakfast. We got back on the road and shortly after that I felt the sudden need to “go”. It was definitely the alcohol shits. The feeling went away a few minutes later. I decided I could likely make the hour and a half drive back home without stopping. The feeling kept coming back periodically. I saw a sign for a rest stop along the highway. I pull in and realize it’s only a large parking lot for trucks and two outhouses. It was cold, windy and raining. I didn’t have to go THAT bad. So we kept driving. The whole way back there were no towns and only a few exits with no restaurants or gas stations within view of the highway. We are approaching Sarnia where we will go over the brid...

I was never the type of kid that wanted too much in life. My grades have never been that great until collage in which I think I found something for my soul. I'm studying English Literature, now last grade, and I'm 20. I so far am the best student in the department with the GPA of 3,68 and willing to be an academician. Sounds good right? Yeah it was. Until I just fucked it up. With the influence of social media and my close friends, I habituated to watch some gambling shit. It seemed fun and all, though I never thought about playing. Then? Yeah you've probably guessed it right. My ma is a widow who had to work her ass out to raise me and my 2 siblings. She always wanted us to go to school just for us to live our proper ways of life. My older sister has made it. And I was about to I guess. My mom has never been able to go to school as his dad thought schoolgirls were becoming "whores" or something in the end. My father cheated on ma and left us when I was an inf...

So I (23F) work a front desk job, some of my co-workers like to stop by and chat. Today, one co-worker (we’ll call her Ava, fake name) stops by to share an add in she likes to add to her diet coke. She mentions that she has a couple in the staff fridge but they are starting to freeze. She makes her diet coke and I say I’d like one too. Ava goes and gets it for me and hands it to me, I take it and I realize it’s FROZEN. She brings me a cup of ice and the add in she likes. I go to open the can (completely and utterly oblivious to the repercussions of it being frozen since Ava turned out fine) and it EXPLODES. It made the loudest boom noise in our quiet office, clients in the waiting room completely ignoring what just happened. There it was, all over my computer, my paperwork and the explosion was SO big that it got high up on the walls and ALL OVER the median we have separating the front desk people and clients. We both froze because we cannot believe what just unfortunately occurred....

Yeah , this happened to me just an hour ago and I am mentally devastated. I ( 17 F ) have been struggling through some pretty bad issues with my life resulting into stress , anxiety and laziness. I am in my highschool and my final exams are coming up , yet I don't have the motivation to study. So what do I do ? I , like most of the other teenagers my age , start creating a hypothetical, imaginary world in my mind and download a very popular ai app called " C...ai " . ( I don't know if I am allowed to name the app here . ) I started chatting with these fictional characters and stuff when the h0rny teenager in me awakens and I download an another app called ... " Chai " . For those of you who don't know , " Chai " is an ai character generating app where who can talk to fictional characters except there is one problem ; it allows NSFW contents . I , like a h0rny idiot teenager , started chatting with a random chai character in the middle of...

Went to do some Christmas shopping yesterday. Mind you this was actually attempt number 2 to go Christmas shopping since Sunday was the most packed I have ever seen a mall in my life. Said to my fiancé, why don't we take halfway on Tuesday and go to the mall when it shouldn't be as crowded. Turns out the mall is almost as crowded on Tuesday's as it is on the weekends. A full day of shopping has been conducted. Got through almost everything needed, with one last store to go. Naturally had a lot of bags and went to consolidate the bags I was holding. During that time, I failed to notice that I had left the gift for my fiancée's grandmother off to the side and this morning when she went to get the gift asked me "where is the gift in the red bag?" ​ Heart sank to the floor. Now I will most likely be buying the exact gift again, or hopefully finding it in the mall... Merry Christmas! ​ TL;DR went to go shopping and forgot one of the most important gifts for F...

This happened a while ago but I still cringe when I think about it. I hopped on a short flight from Dallas to San Antonio to visit my brother. I ended up on an aisle seat towards the very back of a packed plane. As I sat, the guy seated next to me was busy and I decided not to bug him with the quick hello or the classic "business or pleasure" question that people tend to ask. About 15 minutes into the flight I began to eat one of those very dry Biscoff crackers. Without water on hand, I realized I over committed my salivary gland for some real work. Of course, at this exact moment, my seat mate begins his opening introduction. I nod to him and smile, but I was not about to open my mouth to pepper him with Biscoff cracker dust. Unaware of my dilemma, he asks me a question. I motion to my throat with my hand to suggest I was finishing a bite. His eyes go large and he quickly apologizes and turns red in the face with embarrassment. I was surprised by his reaction and thought ...

Today, I thought I could outsmart traffic by following my GPS down a "shortcut." Spoiler alert: it was a disaster. As I confidently drove down a narrowing dirt road, my GPS seemed more excited than ever. But then, disaster struck. The road became a path, and the path led me straight into a vast cornfield. I'm talking Children of the Corn vibes here. In the middle of nowhere, surrounded by towering cornstalks, panic set in. My GPS cheerfully declared, "You have arrived!" Sure, in the Twilight Zone, maybe. Realizing I was stuck, I called for a tow. Picture this: a tow truck navigating through a sea of corn to rescue my misguided car. Moral of the story: the GPS might lead, but sometimes it leads straight into a cornfield. Now, my car boasts a rustic cornfield backdrop, and I'm questioning my GPS's sanity. TL;DR: Trusted GPS, ended up in a cornfield. Tow truck through corn is not a scenic route. Listen to your GPS cautiously, folks.

Iykyk and if u dont, let me tell u, when girls stain their underwear in this time of the month, they can't js throw it with the other clothes in the washing machine, because it can easily stain other clothes. So what we do is washing it by hand first and then throw it in the washing machine, or at least that's what I (16F) personally do. I usually like to soak it in warm water first with a little soap before I actually begin washing it by hand. I closed the drain of our bathroom sink, filled it up with some warm water and soap and soaked my underwear. I took a shower, came back to actually scrub it and guess what...THE DRAIN WOULDN'T WORK, IT WOULDN'T OPEN, IT WOULDN'T LET WATER DOWN. I tried and tried until my hands got tired and it wasn't easy especially when ur mom keeps knocking on the door bc she needs to use the bathroom too. I had to let her in and break the news to her, our sink is full of bloody period water and its somehow clogged. She was disgusted ...

I spent last night playing videogames with the homies and everything was sweet. We had some pretty good time, and I was meant to work from home the next day so I did not mind staying up late and take short naps and breaks in-between tasks at work. After I've finished with my gaming session, I was very tired, and I thought before I go to bed, I'd just take the trash bag out. The way it works in my apartment building is that the big recycling bin is usually placed right next to the entry door INSIDE the apartment building. So whenever I take the trash bag out, I always automatically assume that it is there, throw the bag in the bin, then go back up to my place. Welp, yesterday was different. The recycle bin was not in its usual place, as a matter of fact, where it is usually placed now is empty. This means that the recycle bin was taken outside of the apartment building for the trash recycling company to pick them up and empty them, standard procedure, seen it happen before, n...

I (m 29) just moved in with my girlfriend (f 34). This is the first time i have lived with someone but things are going well so far. Yesterday, my girlfriend said that she is going to go get brunch with her girlfriends and that they will be coming back to the house afterwards. I had a big night on saturday so i was a bit tired, but i had my plan in motion. I was going to jerk off, then shower and get ready so i can see her friends. I was having a particularly good wank session, and i was so into it that i busted all over myself. I was going to shower anyway so i didnt care. I just wanted to rest for 5 mins before taking a shower. The next thing i hear is 2 girls screaming and then proceeding to laugh...i was awoken up by this and i see my girl friend and her two friends looking at me while i am naked covered my in jizz. I was on the couch and planned to get up to shower but i had clearly fell asleep. The way our apartment is laid out means that you see the couch as soon as you op...

This TIFU has slowly happened over time, but it’s today that it all culminated into a terrible realization. My kids don’t watch TV that often. But when they do, they usually choose to watch “Octonauts,” a show about anthropomorphized animals saving ocean life. They love it and it’s guaranteed to bring about 22 minutes of uninterrupted time for me to accomplish whatever I need. A couple of months ago, I proposed to my wife a quickie while Octonauts was on. 22 minutes was more than we needed (whomp). But anyway, it worked as planned; we had fun with no interruptions. We’ve done this several more times since then. Octonauts goes on, clothes come off. I’m always the one that puts it on for the kids though, and I didn’t realize that I was slowly conditioning myself to expect getting laid as soon as I heard the opening theme song of the show. As chance would have it, we had only put on Octonauts for quickies since that first time. In other words, I never put it on just to do some chores...

Today, the CEO of our company swung by to answer questions. My question was basically “what would it take to get a promotion.” His answer, “do what you gotta do, and just keep asking.” I responded that I had already asked quite a bit. To which he said “just keep doing it, you won’t annoy them. You’d be surprised how many times people had to ask.” I revealed my number was 37 (these past 4 years). Right then and there, he left and then I learn I am fired. I overheard him saying to my boss (direct boss) “37 times? Why would you allow this?” It made me wonder why I was given the advice to keep asking and told “oh you won’t annoy them.” That clearly wasn’t true, as proven by the following events. Still, shouldn’t have admitted I have any ambition if they didn’t want me to have it. TLDR; I asked 37 times for a promotion, and the CEO hated that (despite originally telling me to keep at it).

So I was working my usual afternoon shift and I was just getting stuff done, like filling up sauces and cleaning tables. I then went to my manager to see if he wanted anything else done. "Check the bathrooms". This was the beginning of my unknowing downfall. I made my way towards the restroom thinking "oh it'll be clean!" (Usually they were clean). Nope. I enter the stall and I see A WHOPPING HUGE PRINGLE CAN LENGTH DINOSAUR SHIT. And not only that, but there was paper everywhere inside and blood. This shit had to have hurt horribly bad coming out. This shit was so bad that I made a sign of the cross after I saw it. So I tried flushing it and with each flush, it wouldn't fucking go down. I panicked. I went back to my manager and told him about what's going on and he told me to get one of my coworkers who knows how to deal with stuff like this. So we go inside and he's like "yep, that'll do it". So he tells me to fill up a mop bucket an...

TIFU by trying to add novelty lobster oven mitts to my wedding registry. Now I’m rethinking things. Oh lord. I, M(24) met my fiancé F(26) in college, about six years ago. We were instant sweethearts who bonded over both feeling “out of place” at the fancy California state school we ended up at. Things have been going decently well for years, I love her very very much. My fiancé has always had some unique quirks, but she has a diagnosed anxiety disorder and is from rural Idaho, so I maybe give her the benefit of the doubt a little bit too often. Something I have been silently aware of is the fact that my fiancé has always been a little weird around black people. I am white, and so is she, but I was adopted into a black family when I was little, so my whole extended family is black. My best friend “Tim” is also black, we grew up in the same city and were roommates mates the first two years of college. My fiancé has never liked Tim, despite him being my childhood best friend and so...

so, i’ve been told by my dentist for the last year??? or so that i grind my teeth in my sleep. if they knew that, idk why they didn’t give me a mouth guard. i’m literally getting gum recession, which they said was from grinding, but i just assumed it was partially also from brushing my teeth 20 minutes a day every day for a year when i started college (OCD friends out there, you KNOW). didn’t take it too serious. surely, nothing will happen! surely, i’m 20, it can’t be that bad, no! girl, i should have pushed for a mouth guard. because. BECAUSE i have been very stressed recently. been a rough month, you know how it goes. car problems, physical illness, mental illness, people problems, boy problems. you know. i’m just a girl, etc etc i FREQUENTLY have nightmares of my teeth falling apart, crumbling, etc. which just makes this so much worse. last night, i remember waking up in the middle of the night to a “crunch” sound. it’s a dream, right? it’s a dream, this happens in my dreams al...

I am on a cruise right now. Today, we stopped in the Bahamas. There, I tried downloading music that I wanted to listen to. I have international call/text/data, so it was not a big deal. The cruise's WiFi does not allow you to stream music or download it, so all music must be downloaded if you want to listen to it. However, I forgot to download a playlist on my phone as we were leaving, so I tried downloading it as we were still near the Bahamas, just not on an island. It downloaded all but 8 songs as it stopped downloading (one of the songs was stuck on 34% for 5 minutes). So, I tried downloading them again because I thought we were still in the Bahamas. However, we were now in international waters. A couple of minutes later, I get a message from AT&T that I reached $50 (USD) on cruise data after downloading some songs since we were no longer in the Bahamas. I begin to panic, but then thought that there is no way only a couple of songs could be that expensive, so I kept downlo...

Posting on mobile so I'm sorry for any formatting issues. Posting on a throw away TIFU by crushing my boyfriend's balls in my sleep, My boyfriend and I were in bed on a nice relaxing Sunday morning, neither of us had work or tasks that needed to be done today. So we were taking it easy, having a little bit of a sleep in. My boyfriend always wakes up earlier than me, and usually spends that time cuddling me, while scratching my head and browsing Reddit on his phone. I was half asleep, and thought this would be the perfect time to massage his balls and have some lazy Sunday morning sex together. But I didn't realize how tired I still was, and I fell asleep while cradling his balls. So there I am, asleep and suddenly for the first time in my life I get jolted awake from feeling like I'm falling, I've never had this feeling before, so it was quite frightening. I was panicking. At the same time my boyfriend was making panicking noises, not the type of noises you wo...