greenmangostudio

M37. My apartment complex has laundry rooms. I WFH, so today I went to do my laundry during business hours because hardly anyone is around. I saw a lady roughly my age there, hard to tell because I didn't look at her or acknowledge her outside of a singular nod. I start my laundry. I fill two washers, leave my laundry bin on the top of one and my dryer sheets on the other for later. I come back after 45m and the dryer sheets are stolen . No one else is using this washroom, no dryers are running, they're not in the trash, and the lady is gone except for her bins. "What the fuck? Who swipes a couple dryer sheets and then doesn't use them?" Very weird, but whatever. I dry my clothes and set my laundry bin on top of the dryer I'm using. Immediately next to my dryer is the lady's empty bin (on top of her own dryer, which is running -- she's not present). When I pull them out and take them to the apartment, I notice red panties in my stuff. Here's h...

This is my first post on Reddit so bear with me. So my grandparents are in town visiting from across the country, and we heard there was a brand new Mexican restaurant opening nearby that was supposed to have live mariachi music. Naturally, we figured it’d be a fun night out and brought the whole family. We walk in and the place is insanely loud—like full-on fiesta chaos. The mariachi band is doing their thing just a few feet from our table, and it’s basically a sonic assault. As we were sitting down I discreetly asked the hostess if there was any chance they could turn it down a little bit because grandma has sensitive ears. (She doesn’t and loves live music) She says she’ll do her best and manages to get the band to tone it down a notch (bless her), but it’s still loud. Here’s where I fucked up: the staff, being amazing, comes over to check in with my grandma—the one I claimed had sensitive ears—and she, totally unaware of what I said, just goes, “Oh no, I’m fine! I love live mus...

I (38 F) went away for the weekend with my husband (38M), his brother and sister in law. We had been out together and my husband and I came home first. We were just getting a few things sorted for dinner and I was in a playful mood. I got to teasing my husband a little bit. Flashing him. Telling him about something I thought about a woman we'd met earlier in the day. Just fun and playful. No harm done! Unfortunately, we hadn't heard his brother and his brother's wife coming in and so they suddenly appeared in the door offering help with my husband pitching a pretty obvious tent. We tried to act normal and my husband shuffled over to behind the island pretty quick but I could see him going red. I don't know if either of them noticed. My SIL slightly stuttered but that could be me overthinking. I was relieved it wasn't at a worse time! But my husband was pretty embarrassed. TL;DR: I gave my husband a boner in his trousers just before his brother and sister in law...

So I (22F) live with my roommate Sarah (21F) and we've been cool for like 8 months now. Her boyfriend Jake comes over literally every single day and I'm starting to lose my mind. Like he's here when I wake up, he's here when I get home from work, he's eating our food and leaving dishes everywhere. I swear he lives here more than I do and he doesn't pay rent. Yesterday I finally snapped because I came home and found him using my laptop without asking. I told Sarah this isn't working and Jake needs to limit his visits to maybe 3 days a week max. She got super upset and said I'm being controlling and that it's her apartment too so she can have whoever she wants over. Now she's barely talking to me and Jake hasn't been over since which honestly feels amazing but also I feel kind of guilty? Like maybe I should have talked to her about it earlier instead of letting it build up. My friend thinks I was totally reasonable but my sister says I was b...

So my fiance had hernia repair surgery 4 days ago, and he's been home for a day and a half. Surgery went perfect, his pain is manageable, he's doing so amazing he doesnt need too much assistance. We have his recliner set up in our bedroom so he doesn't have to constantly be in bed. Its an old chair and needs some servicing, when you lift the feet and lean back for a full recline occasionally the back doesn't catch and it halfway tips over. Not a big deal when you can lean up on your own. He fell asleep in his chair last night like he often does, so I woke him to check pain levels and let him know I was running to the grocery store. I was gone almost a half an hour. He texted me while I was driving home but I don't check texts while driving. I get back to our bedroom and he is in full turtle mode; he went to recline all the way back not long after I left, the back didn't catch, he couldn't lift himself up because his belly was split down the middle. He ha...

TL;DR my parents hate my girlfriend Sorry for the stuff all over I am feeling strong emotions I feel as I have been royally fucked in the ass. I have been dating this one girl for quite a bit and we love eachother a lot. My parents decided to go through my phone and learned of her, mind you I was going to tell them soon, and they saw a string of messages talking about her cutting herself. They think she is mentally ill, but it is because her parents are absolute POSs and my parents don't know about it. My mom is contacting her aunt and wants her parents to know but that's only going to make it worse. My dad is the only one intruding and wanting to know every little detail, but now I can really look at them the same and I don't feel comfortable saying anything. I don't want to be in a room all by myself with them. My dad doesn't explicitly say that he hates her, but its pretty obvious. They want more details if I want to hang out with her, it if I do then they wil...

Let me preface this by saying I work in HR. Of all departments to screw up in, it's mine. We were on a Zoom with our regional director, my manager (mid-40s, graying, authoritative but nice), and about six other team leads. It was a tense meeting. Budget freezes, re-orgs, all that jazz. Someone asked a question about PTO policy changes, and my manager jumped in to clarify. I meant to say, “Yes, David can explain it better than I can.” Instead… I said: “Daddy can explain it better.” Dead silence. I realized immediately and tried to backpedal, but I just ended up babbling something like “DAVID. Sorry. David. Not… not daddy. I don’t call you daddy. That’s not, sorry.” I swear I saw his mouth twitch. The rest of the meeting continued with a level of awkwardness only known to HR professionals who’ve just publicly called their boss daddy in front of upper management. I will now live underground. TL;DR: Meant to say my boss’s name on Zoom. Called him “daddy” instead. HR nightmare ...

Today I had a job interview for an agency that I've been dreaming about working at. It's a lateral move for me instead of a promotion, but I'd do pretty much anything to work here. After applying to pretty much any job they had available, I finally got the call! I did the HR screening call, they said I'd be a good fit and boom we're onto the next round. In the next round interview, we're cruising along. I'm answering all the questions perfectly. I'm taking notes when they're telling me about the role or answering a prepared question I had. I've never felt more prepared for a job interview in my life. And I guess they felt the same because I got the email that they wanted to do a final round interview with the two leads of the team I'd be reporting to. This.Was.My.Moment. And I would be damned if I messed it up. The second round interview is going great. Same thing as the first round. I have a good chemistry with the two of them, we're ...

Matched with a woman around my age last week or so. Also two kids. Convo was great, she was funny, I seemed to be actually smooth. After about a week of talking, earlier today I asked her out. Decent food, arcade games (plus she had mentioned in her profile she'd win at a certain arcade game)...that game wasn't there but still a decent first date place. What followed is something that I'm still here in shock about. She says she had been hesitant to match with me originally because her previous relationship, the man had had the same name and now I've asked her to go to the SAME PLACE as for their first date. After no ways and all that, she asked for my last name, DOB and a FaceTime after. Considering the coincidence and the fact I'd seen her last name (please take that out of that photo if you see this)...that seemed more than reasonable. It is important to know at this point, with knowing her last name, that I had snooped on her to the point of realizing her o...

Out of town at a hotel for a conference, high speed Internet and mobile phone in hand, step into the dry shower at the end of a long day at work downstairs. Using the provided lube (conditioner), my work was done in short order. I then turned on the shower to warm up and went back into the main room to put down my phone. Here's the fuck up- we all know, or should, that the best way to clean a protein-rich, goopy substance, does not involve hot water. In fact, hot water just leaves the slippery proteins while washing away the water soluble parts. Forgetting this, I boldly stride into the glass-walled shower only to nearly break my damn legs and neck as I slid in from one side to the other on what felt like warm ice, barely catching myself on the shower grip handles. Now my foot hurts. TL;DR: masturbated in shower and slipped on my own hot load, nearly hurting myself very badly.

My wife and daughter are out running errands and I started to make my lunch. I just came off a long work stretch of back to back meetings. I knew I needed to use the bathroom sometime soon, but I dodnt feel any real urgency. I didn't even think I hard a fart coming, but apparently my body went into autopilot for it. It turned out to be very loose poop. I am wearing basketball shorts and I found out that I pooped by the sound of watery stool hitting the kitchen floor. I just cloroxed the whole floor, threw out the trash, and started laundry for my clothes. I don't think I'm going to tell my wife about this one. I am cracking up but have no one I can safely share this with. Tl;DR I got caught up in making lunch and pooped on the kitchen floor by accident

Hey reddit, new poster cause i’ve never had a reason too but now i do. this morning i (23F) checked my boyfriends phone. i know already stupid decision. i’ve never done something like this i usually trust the person completely but something was off. he showed me a photo of his longtime ex to see what she looks like now and was calling her ugly and that she let herself go after they broke up. she looked really good and was working out in most of the photos. after that we had a great night but i couldn’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t being honest with me or just trying to make me feel better. i have a lot of self confidence i never think im bad looking but it was weird. so this morning a call came through his phone and the name said kat, which isn’t his ex’s name. i had the password and got curious. after looking for a bit and didn’t find anything so i decided to look up my name in his messages to see what he’s said about me. this is where i fucked up. i saw his friends were talking ...

So today, I was walking through the grocery store when I saw someone waving excitedly in my direction. I didn’t recognize them, but I panicked and assumed we must have met somewhere before. Naturally, I waved back like an idiot. Full hand wave. Big smile. Maybe even a double wave. The person looked confused. That’s when I realized they were actually waving at the person directly behind me. Awkward, but whatever — I kept walking, hoping the ground would just swallow me. Fast forward three aisles later, and I run into them again. And for some reason — probably sheer social panic — I waved again . Like a sequel no one asked for. They just looked at me like, “Are you okay?” I was not okay. I left without half my groceries and dignity. TL;DR: Thought someone was waving at me, waved back enthusiastically. Turns out they weren’t. Then I waved at them again later. I live with the shame now.

So this happened a few years ago when I was living in China for a work exchange. I had only been there for about a month, barely knew enough Mandarin to order noodles without accidentally requesting something with intestines (No racism intended but people love meat and seafood) in China, but I was feeling a little more confident each day. One afternoon, I’m in a train station in Guangzhou, trying to read the departure boards like I know what I’m doing, when I hear a voice behind me say: "Excuse me, Do you speak English." I turn around, and there is a Canadian traveler, backpack and all, looking both relieved and very lost. He tells me he’s trying to get to a place called “Xianggang” by train, and asks if I can help him figure it out. Now here’s the thing: I had just learned that “Xianggang” is the Mandarin word for Hong Kong. And I knew that trains to Hong Kong did leave from that station. So I light up like a proud little maple leaf and say, “Oh yeah, I’ve got you! I’v...

So, for a bit of context about a few weeks ago, I under went surgery to shave off a portion of the bone in my heal and remove a portion of damaged tendon after suffering for the past 3 years. After a few weeks of being unable to move around, I was gifted a lovely walking boot which meant that I had discovered freedom once more. I was told repeatedly by my friends, not to do anything stupid, to ask for help and to take it easy. Did I listen? Of course I didn't During the time stuck in a cast, my mother taught me a wonderful coleslaw recipe and needless to say I became addicted. VERY ADDICTED. It got so bad I was eating this delicious creamy concoction daily. When I got back home after getting the boot, I was determined to make that coleslaw myself so I got on the local bus into town to get the ingredients I needed to make this irresistibly tasty coleslaw by myself. After collecting the ingredients, I took the bus home and this is where the story really ramps up. As we approached m...

So this wasn't on purpose, I swear. I agreed to dog-sit for some super close family friends while they were out of town for the week. Enter: Peter (not his real name, but it fits). Peter is possibly the most high-maintenance dog I've ever met. He has to sleep in bed with a human, or he won’t sleep. He has his own room—because if you leave him unsupervised in the house while you’re gone, he will wreck everything. He requires constant attention. If you're not petting him, he’ll nose you until you give in. And if you do pet him, you better not stop, or he starts the whole thing again. Also? He’s not really potty trained. He knows to go outside—he just doesn’t always feel like it. To make matters worse, I'm apparently highly allergic to something in their house. Every night I spent there, I had coughing fits, sneezing fits, couldn’t breathe properly, and was knocking back Benadryl like Tic Tacs. But I stuck it out because I love this family. They didn’t have another opt...

For the last 2 fucking years, I’ve been going into office 3 days a week. Each of those days started with me stepping into an elevator to the 14th floor and ended with me coming off the elevator at the 1st floor. In between there are countless times where I’d use the elevator for lunch or whatever occasion I need to step out for. Without fail, everytime I have ever been in this elevator alone. I’d do some goofy shit because it’s my own personal space. Sometimes I’d dance to whatever song is playing in my earbuds, if it’s lil Wayne I’d do throwing money gestures. If it’s benson boon I’d do an air guitar and sing out LOUD - imagine the high note of “PLEAAASE” in beautiful things. 2 years I’ve been doing goofy shit like this, including throwing it back and catching myself doing it and laughing out loud saying “Bruh I’m actually stupid af” Today, I walked towards the elevators like usual and found myself alone in it once again… so, I Looked at the elevator’s mirror and started posing l...

This afternoon, my coworker was startled by the discovery of a very large, dead bug in a bucket of sanitizer. I actually rather enjoy insects, and while everyone else was revolted, I found the big fellow quite fascinating. I couldn't recall having ever seen this type of bug before, and I took a quick picture before disposing of it so I could identify it using Google Lens (it was a huge fishfly, for anyone curious). My boss later asked if I'd happened to take a picture. He hadn't gotten a good look at it, himself, and he was curious to see it and get an ID. We don't take too kindly to bugs where I work, and I suspect he was interested in knowing if this large, winged intruder might be the first sign of an impending issue. While he stood looking over my shoulder, I opened my gallery to show him the picture I'd taken. I'm sure that anyone can take a decent guess as to what sort of thing happened next, based on the title. But we're going to pause and rewind a...

A few months ago I got nostalgic about the whole custom ringtones trend that was popular back in middle school. So I played around on my phone, found the setting and tried out a few until I got bored. Didn't bother resetting because my phone is always on silent anyways, so I figured there'd be no consequences. Fast forward to today. I've got my headphones in, blasting Dear Maria, and in a deep focus on some CAD work when my music abruptly cuts out... A few seconds of noise cancelling dead silence... (nightmare sing-song Portal turret voice) "Helloooooo! Is anyone there?" I don't often have nightmares, so it's been a minute since I jolted upright in a cold sweat quite this violently. Much to the bewilderment and general concern of my coworkers lol TL;DR: Pranked myself with a time-delay jumpscare by forgetting my custom ringtones.

I've been trying some of the local food spots lately and posting little reviews on my story like nothing crazy, just like how good this food tastes or the ones I had a bad experience with. I didn't think anyone will take me serious tbh i just enjoyed doing it. Only reason I've been eating out so much is because I had some wild luck with entertainment recently and figured why not explore the food scene instead of living off sad desk salads. But I was wrong turns out a lot of my followers, living close to me have been using my reviews to pick what they eat and now I'm getting DMs asking about specific dishes. The breaking point was when this lady stopped me at the grocery store to thank me for saving her from terrible takeout because apparently my story about that sketchy Chinese place prevented her from ordering there 💀 Then yesterday some dude recognized me at Starbucks and asked if I'd tried the new taco truck yet. BRO I just wanted my overpriced coffee in peac...

So it’s been hot right? And I work in a truck with no AC for about 5-8 hours a day. I’ve not been hungry but mostly thirsty so I’ve been doing nothing but drinking and maybe having fruit and crackers. Well I got off work yesterday with extreme pain in my side, told my husband and he panicked because it sounded just like his experience with appendicitis that he had when he was younger, so he drove me to the ER. After some tests it was discovered that I was just extremely backed up. Like so full of poop it was clogging my intestines and causing the intense pain. I was given some strong laxatives and electrolyte drinks to get etc etc… My husband was laughing his ass off saying I lied when I told him I wasn’t full of shit. I’m so embarrassed. Remember to eat something with fiber wven in this heat guys. TL;DR Instead of bursting appendicitis, I was bursting with poop

May this come as a warning: I picked up what I thought was gonna be a refreshing jug of cranberry juice, from my local walmart. Oh, it hit the spot just right, and on this sweltering, 95° day I could barely get enough. Everything was going exactly as planned for probably about an hour. I continued my bike trek of probably 5 or 6 miles. And took refuge in some shade and laid down to cool off. It felt like gas, but i'm much too wise to trust a fart. My rumbly tumbly was making me aware that shit was about to go down. It was a few minutes before I found a restroom but I did arrive in time. I sat there and became the ugliest fountain for probably five minutes. At least long enough to google, my questions about cranberry juice ingestion, and confirm my fears. It's hot, i'm sweating, and I just put all of my hydration in the toilet. I still had another six miles to go home. I was very fortunate when I stopped at the skate park and someone with a pickup truck was kind eno...

So this happened two days ago, and I’ve barely slept since. I’ve been working at my current company for almost five years, and I recently got an offer from another place with better pay and remote work. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I decided to take it. I wrote up a polite, professional resignation letter, attached it to an email, and meant to send it to my direct manager and HR. Except I didn’t. Instead of typing in my manager’s name, I clicked “All Staff” which, for some reason, is not only still an active mailing list, but also includes everyone in the company worldwide, including executives, people I’ve never met, interns, and the literal founder. So I sent it. Subject line: “My Resignation” Body: “Hi [Manager], attached is my formal resignation letter. Thank you for the opportunity, and I wish you and the team all the best moving forward.” Thirty seconds later, I start getting pings. Not from my manager. From… everyone. Coworkers I haven’t spoken to in years messaging...

For reference we had an indoor cabin. So no balcony to let the room air out. I was on a cruise with my partner and we were both super excited to go to the buffet for lunch (and admittedly a snack and dinner later. I gained like 7lbs in a week). I ended up trying a ton of new foods and eating a lot of red meat. For dinner I think I got fries, mashed potatoes, a minute steak, a hamburger, some Asian dish I don’t remember the name of, and multiple dairy based deserts. I’m not personally lactose intolerant but my boyfriend is, still a lot of dairy can upset my stomach a bit. Between that and the unlimited pizza restaurant let’s just say we didn’t exactly make the smartest food choices for two people staying in a small room with no windows. We went to bed and I forgot what time it was exactly but the room smelled so bad for a second I was concerned there was some short of issue on the ship. The air was dense…. Like almost chewable. I heard what’s gotta be the longest fart I’d ever heard c...

I am sitting in the optometrist chair, opposite to them. It’s been a year or so and all I want is to get an updated prescription. Everything is going just fine, they are about to dilate my eyes. Then the question comes, while their face is a mere foot away and they are looking deep into my eyes. “Are you lactating?” Silence for a moment to process that. “Um, no.” Silence. Now I’ve never been asked that in my 21 years of life - and I’m about to collapse dead from the effort it is taking to not laugh, but he is a foot away from my face and still very intently staring into my eyes. I summoned every shred of energy to keep a straight face, but I could feel my face slipping. He replies while looking me straight in the eyes, again a FOOT away from my face. “Good.” The silence stretched out but inside my soul is now battling every single natural impulse to burst out in laughter. Good? GOOD?? At this point he can see it on my face, and promptly misreads my inner tension. “I didn’...

(Obligatory: English is my second language) So I (21 M) am a broke college student. I've started going to the gym to help with my anxiety and insomnia. I've studied hard my freshman year to get on the state budget and even harder to get the state stipend which requires 9.0 GPA. The stipend isn't huge (around $1k), but I am a comp sci major and I didn't have a PC. All the payments finally came through and I decided that I want to fix my diet with the rest of the money I got. This is a good time to mention that i have undiagnosed ADHD. I went to a professional as a part of the mandatory college helth exam to get myself checked out and she confirmed my suspicions, but lacked clearance to get me a proper diagnosis. That brings us to today. I went to the supplement store to buy some protein for my awesome pancakes and I was browsing the isles and noticed BCAA suplements and blue raspberry pre-workout I always wanted to try. So I swiped my debit card away and bought it all!...

(Note: I already told the Cliff Notes version of this story in a comment last week, but I'm bored so today I'm gonna tell the whole story.) Obligatory not Today, but a Friday in June 2021, doldrums of Covid--not a time you wanted to be near a hospital. I was eating a lovely granola bar at my desk at work. As I unwrapped it, I noticed an especially large, glistening whole almond on the bar. I noted, "Hmm, that's as big as my thumb." Eating while typing, my mouth got distracted. Suddenly that giant almond had slipped unchewed to the back of my throat, and I thoughtlessly swallowed. I had no idea the gravity of what I had done. I mean, everybody knows that nut pieces can end up...undigested, but I had never swallowed a nut so large, not by a longshot. I awoke Saturday morning feeling...funny. I had a very small pain just under my stomach area, but no worries yet. I proceeded to drink two big coffees and eat my cereal as normal. This was another mistake. After an ...

So I'm an idiot. A few months back I thought I'd be clever and send free samples to some smaller influencers to help grow my brand. Can't afford real ads so figured this was worth a shot. Found 12 people who seemed genuinely excited about my stuff and said they wanted to work together. Sent out packages worth like $300 total. TWO people posted. One actually tagged us properly. The other 10 just ghosted me. One girl literally posted about a competitor's similar product a week later using the EXACT same setup I suggested. Like c'mon bro... Yeah I know, I should've had contracts or whatever. But come on, basic human decency. Lesson learned I guess. Now I'm scared to try anything like this again. TL;DR: Sent free products to 12 influencers, only 2 posted. Lost $300 and my trust in people.

It was 6 years ago now but I still think about it often. My husband (then boyfriend) and I were playing a game on our phones and this particular round you had to list as many names starting with W as you can. My best friends middle name starts with W so I entered that and I got no points for it. (It is an uncommon name). My boyfriend, who was pretty bored with the game, started entering random words, one of which was "cum". He got zero points for it. I had the bright idea to screenshot the game screen and text it to my best friend Carlie, saying "haha your middle name is as real as Cum for a name". (In hindsight, not even a funny joke). Only I didnt text it to Carlie. I texted it to Claire, my boyfriends very religious spinster aunty. Panic mode set in. Head in my hands I told my boyfriend what I did. He offered no help other than "she probably doesn't even know what cum means." All I could think to do was say "I am so sorry, that was meant for ...

Story time, hold on to your guys. Happened a few years ago. I had surgery on my toes. I had to have my big toes fused, and sesamoids removed. I had to stay off my feet. I was taking pain meds and laying on couch. Of course, the pain meds backed me up, and I already slow moving system. 3 days without shitting. I decided to take stool softeners. It's been a minute since I went, so fuck it, take 2. I'm gonna need it. 30 minutes later, nothing. I grab the box. Fuck it, this shit ain't moving. I take 6 more and chug some water. I pass out on the couch for an hour. When I wake up something isn't right. Uh oh, the gurgles start. Finally I can get rid of what feels like a rock in my bowels. I sit on the throne. Nothing, but my stomach says otherwise. The gurgles start to get angry. My stomach feels like I ate rocks still. I start to drip sweat. I get chills with them. I'm shaking like a background dancers ass in a music video. Next up, the worst anxiety feeling I've...

So this event took place around 2007, I was 11-12 years old. I had a fascination with all things butts, buttholes, and poop related things. One day I was sitting on toilet doing my business and I noticed some marbles my brother would play with in the bath. I thought wow those are perfectly round and smooth, I bet i could find another use for those... I picked up one of the small ones and touched it to my butthole, and then with little to no force, it was gone. I sat for a minute and thought about what I just did, and then I tried to retrieve it. I dug around a little bit and then dug some more, but nothing, I couldn't find it. I pushed and pushed I tried everything my newly pubescent brain could think of, and the panic sank in. Dread overcame my body as I realized I needed some.. professional help. I slowly walked into my father's room, tears in my eyes and said I needed to goto the hospital because I have a glass ball lodged somewhere in my rectum. My father was not a nice ma...

The title is pretty self explicatory. In the college I study there's a student's association named Delegación de Estudiantes. If you are part of the group, you can use the private room they have. We pretty much use it to study, help other students or eat lunch, nothing else. We have a small couch in case anybody wants to rest for a bit. Another thing to keep in mind is that the college I study at closes at 9 pm. Yesterday there were only three of us. Me (19M), my friend Oscar (19M) and my other friend Maria (19F). W e were studying there and Oscar fell asleep on the couch somewhere around 6 pm. He was having a rough day and hadn't slept all that well that day. Maria and I intended to leave somewhere around 7pm, and she wnated to wake him up before we left so he also left with us. I told her that we should just let him sleep a bit more, there are two avaliable set of keys to enter the room and the both of us (Oscar and I) have access to them. She begrudgingly agreed, so a...

So this happened a couple days ago, and I’m still dying inside from the secondhand embarrassment I gave myself. I live in a neighborhood with annoying parking rules. Every other week it feels like there’s street cleaning, construction, or some other reason I can’t park in front of my house. That day, I came home exhausted from work and ended up parking a couple blocks over on a side street. No big deal… or so I thought. The next morning, I end up waking up late and super disoriented, grab my keys, and head outside to leave for work. My car is GONE. I’m instantly in panic mode. I pace the street. I check up and down the block like 5 times, as if it might magically appear. I even ask my neighbor if they saw anything (shoutout to Lisa, who definitely thinks I’m insane now). After spiraling for 20 minutes, I call the police to report it stolen. Fast-forward a couple hours: I get a call from the officer I spoke with. “Sir… we found your vehicle.” “Oh my God, where?!” “Exactly where you...

Since it’s scorching hot today I decided to work on the brakes on my car in my closed toe Keen sandals (not their fault, I’m not blaming them). I have an old pair and sometimes I don’t lock in my foot (i.e. sport mode on crocs). I knelt down with my foot a little back and my big toenail somehow snagged on the front closed part. As I put my whole body weight down it pried my nail off the nail bed and significantly up. Some choice words followed that. I needed to shower to wash away all the blood. I ended up cutting the nail at about 1/4 length as it bent way back there, but that small portion left is still not connected to the nail bed. It has some play like it is free floating. (I didn’t take any pictures of the immediate aftermath and figure I should spare that image). TL:DR bent down in my sandals and snagged my toenail, completely ripping it up off the nail bed in a painful bloody mess.

About 4 years into our marriage I (32m) began to be more aware of some of the signs of autism and or ADHD. I would see random tik toks or posts on Reddit that would make me think hmm. Maybe that’s why she struggles with this. Or that would explain why she reacted this way. One simple example is how difficult it was for her when plans changed. She just didn’t do well when they were changed for whatever reason. Anyway I thought about this for a year or so before sharing with her. She did NOT take it well. Her only grid for autism at the time was her cousin we can call him John. John was nonverbal and basically needed 24/7 care. So without a grid for it, she thought I was saying hey you are basically like John… In hindsight it would have been so much better to get some relatable tik toks and watch them with her or something. TL:DR I told my wife I thought she might be autistic and she thought I was comparing her to someone who is nonverbal and needs 24/7 care

This happened yesterday and I still want to crawl inside my own spine. My girlfriend (F25) and I (M28) have a running joke where we send each other ”secret agent selfies” while we’re out and about. You know, random selfies or even mildly spicy ones with captions like “Mission in progress.” Cringe, I know. Love does things to you. Well, I was at Starbucks waiting on my drink and thought I’d surprise her. I took a subtle, shirtless-in-the-bathroom-mirror pic (from earlier), captioned it “Your target is in position.” Opened up AirDrop, saw “Emily’s iPhone” and thought, “Aha! Her Starbucks name is Emily!” Narrator: It was not her phone. I realized this as I heard a small “OH MY GOD” gasp from a woman sitting at a corner table. She was holding up her phone in horror. Then locked eyes with me. She immediately packed her laptop and stormed out. My iced caramel macchiato has never tasted more like shame. TL;DR: Tried to AirDrop my girlfriend a sexy photo. Sent it to a random woman at Sta...

So, today I decided to fix a small leak in my kitchen sink… without asking for help. I thought, "How hard could it be? It’s just a loose pipe, right?" Well, I was wrong. I went to tighten the pipe under the sink, and before I knew it, the whole thing burst open. Water started spraying everywhere, and I panicked. I scrambled to turn off the water supply, but in the chaos, I knocked over a bunch of cleaning supplies, which then spilled all over the floor. Long story short, the kitchen got flooded, and I ended up needing a professional anyway. All I wanted was a quick fix, but now I’m left with a mess and an expensive bill. Has anyone else ever tried fixing something themselves and made it 100 times worse? Any tips for not overestimating my handyman skills in the future? TL;DR: Tried to fix a kitchen leak myself, flooded the whole kitchen, and now need a plumber. Should’ve called a professional from the start.

The other night I was hanging at a club in Braga, my hometown, trying do some form of dancing, nearby there was a girl that caught my eye. Totally in her own bubble, going with the music. Not wanting to interrupt I accepted my fate and just kept parallel dancing, each of us in their own flow. As songs go by, in one of those moments I was staring at her, I noticed 2 angry guys behind her back on that pushing and shoving stage of a fight. She isn’t moving away.. she can’t see.. so I stretch my arm and loudly say “watch out”, pulling her away and putting myself as a wall, with my back to her, facing the guys Fortunately, security quickly stepped in and the fight was over in seconds, and everyone starts chilling again. On a moment where the music slows down and she reaches for her purse, i approach and say “Sorry for touching, it was getting tense there”. She answers “oh no, I’m thankful” staring at me for the first time. Damn, i melted. Anxiety kicks in and I feel a 15-year old agai...

My best friend and I (both 22F) have this really stupid inside joke where we refer to anything mildly annoying as “peepee behavior.” Like, “That email from my boss? Big peepee behavior.” Don’t ask me why, it’s dumb and funny and it stuck. Anyway, I was on my way to her place for a movie night. She lives with her mom temporarily, who’s also super nice and always offers snacks and tea when I visit. As I pulled into the driveway, I meant to text my friend “Get ready for some serious peepee behavior tonight” (referring to the awful horror movie we planned to watch). Only I texted it to her mom. The response? “Hi sweetie, I’m not sure what this means but we have lemon bars if you’re hungry.” I haven’t been able to make eye contact with her since. TL;DR: Meant to text my friend a dumb explicit joke, accidentally sent it to her sweet, church-going mom. She offered me lemon bars. I deserve none.

So there I was, standing in Buc-ee’s snack aisle—America’s Mecca of beef, beavers, and bad decisions—when my lizard brain whispered, “Hey champ, ghost pepper jerky can’t be that spicy.” Fast-forward to 10 p.m. I’m annihilating said jerky when I start getting this uneasy warm feeling in my stomach. Cue the Metamucil. But why stick to the recommended single scoop when you can double-fist fiber like an overachieving geriatric? I felt like I needed triple the dose to calm my poor stomach. Midnight strikes. My stomach starts sounding like it's microwaving quarters, at the same time my intestines file a hostile work environment complaint. I race to the toilet because if I had waited even a second longer I would have turned my sheets into a cursed Jackson Pollock painting. Friends, God’s cruelest joke isn’t mosquitoes, stubbed toes, or Nickelback, it’s the brilliant idea to install capsaicin receptors in the human anus. It felt like Satan himself was pressure-washing my colon with boi...

Got sucked into those “hybrid athlete” reels, dudes who lift heavy and ran marathons while casually smoke weed like it’s performance-enhancing. I’ve been hitting the gym for quite a while and I barely drink or smoke, but curiosity won. Bought a THC pen, took a few hits before my session, felt chill. It hadn’t hit much, so I stepped outside, puffed again, then went back in. The gym was packed, peak hours, every bench and mirror taken. Went and started my life on the smith machine for some incline press and Mid-set, the high hit like a truck. Forgot how to count reps (and I was only supposed to be counting till 8). Arms went numb. I just laid there, pinned under the bar, spaced out and surrounded by people. Too high and too embarrassed to call for help. Luckily, a guy noticed me frozen and quietly asked, “You need help?” I nodded, he lifted the bar, I muttered thanks, grabbed my flask, and dipped without looking back. After that experience, I’m honestly baffled how those guys perform w...

Today I was cleaning, answering messages like doing all these stuff at the same time and somewhere in the middle of it I threw something in the oven and then completely forgot. Left the house for what I thought would be a quick errand and got totally lost. In the middle of it I remembered that I left my oven on and rushed to my apartment, but unfortunately it was too late. I came back to a congratulations steak and I had to open every window in my apartment. The worst part is that the errand wasn’t even essential cuz I could’ve easily done it another time, I just got in a spontaneous mood and thought why not do it now. Anyways lesson learned, don't ever go out before the oven gives you the done beep TLDR; I forgot my oven on and went out

I've been with my gf for 3 years now and since the beginning she knew I smoked somewhat regularly weed. I've had long breaks of not smoking but I never knew how to talk with her about how much I do it and when, specially cause I know she isn't the biggest fan about it but tries to be comprehensive. At the beginning, we decided that I could do it whenever I liked but just make sure to tell her (we don't live together and likes to be aware of what im up to), but since the beginning of this year I've been in a depresive episode in which I started smoking more and without caring when or for what, staying up late just to smoke or going on walks or runs just to do it, even when we had plans and faked I wasn't high. Thats when I stopped telling her, because I knew she would be worried and wouldn't aprove of my excessive usage, so it's been a snowball of lies from there on. I would do it all the time and not tell anybody knowing im not in a good mental place, ...

Me (23M) and my girlfriend (22F) have been struggling hard lately. We literally have bread but no butter, our dog Max gives us guilt trip stares because his bowl's been empty for 3 days, and we're washing dishes with Head & Shoulders because dish soap costs too much. Our fridge is just expired sauce packets and stale crackers at this point. I work part time at this warehouse plus been trying random side hustles here and there but nothing's really panning out, while she's job hunting with zero luck. Basically we're both grinding but getting nowhere fast lmao. Last month I'm scrolling at 2am after another failed attempt at making extra cash, feeling sorry for myself, when I find this sketchy site selling "designer" knockoffs. Fake Supreme for $30? My tired brain goes "yo I deserve this after busting my ass all week!" So I blow $120 on bootleg everything while we're literally rationing dog kibble 🤡 Packages arrive and it's strai...

Hi all, this is basically a post from a new account as my family knows I use reddit. Also English is not my first language. This is a long read. TLDR at the bottom (TLDR generated by ChatGPT) So I (30 M) have always had a tense relationship with my cousin Greg (39 M). He is a cousin from my father's side. While our families get along and we visit each others homes during holidays or festivals and regularly update each other, my interaction with him has always been tense since childhood and we rarely talk/call/message each other to the point where Greg talks more with my younger brother Charlie (27 M) to ask how I'm doing or anything related to me. Reason - Greg has basically bullied me through from my entire childhood to even now. He still talks to me like I'm still a child and often puts me down passive-aggressively and often making fun of my shortcomings and always trying to show he is better than me, for almost anything, be it - my physical aspects - I am shorter an...

Only a 125. Only going like 20. Took a corner way too hot not because I’m Valentino Rossi, but because I’d convinced myself I was late to absolutely nothing. Mid turn I realised I’d overshot the line, panicked, grabbed front brake like it owed me money… …and physics said nope. Front end slipped out instantly. Next thing I know, I’m rolling across the road like a Greggs sausage roll in the wind. No cars, no audience just me, my pride, and a very confused wood pigeon watching nearby. I’m fine. A bit bruised, a bit embarrassed. Odometer’s snapped off, one mirror’s doing a 360 impression, and my gloves now have character. Bike? Still starts. Still rides. Bit scuffed. Same as me. Lesson learned: don’t grab the front brake mid corner like it’s a panic button. And maybe slow the hell down on tight corners unless you fancy getting intimately acquainted with asphalt. Yamaha YBR 125 one down, countless rides to go. Stay safe out there. TL;DR: Took a corner too fast on my YBR 125, panick...

This happened yesterday and I’m still trying to forget it ever occurred. Spoiler: I can’t. So I was wrapping up a Zoom meeting with my manager. It had been a pretty normal meeting—project updates, upcoming deadlines, etc. Nothing emotional or personal at all. As the call was ending, she said, “Okay, talk to you soon!” and, without thinking, my brain—still in “boyfriend mode” after texting my girlfriend earlier—automatically fired back: “Love you too!” There was a second of dead silence. Then two seconds. Then three. She didn’t say anything. I didn’t say anything. I think I blacked out briefly. I quickly ended the call and sat in my chair, staring into the void, reevaluating every life choice that led me to this moment. I messaged a friend immediately. He laughed so hard he cried. I, however, have not laughed since. She hasn’t brought it up. But every time I see her name on my calendar, my soul dies a little. TL;DR: My brain glitched and I accidentally told my boss I loved her. We...

Our office does this monthly bake sale thing to raise money for different charities and everyone's supposed to bring homemade stuff. I usually make brownies or whatever but this month has been crazy busy with deadlines and I completely forgot until this morning. Stopped at the grocery store on my way to work and grabbed some fancy looking cookies from the bakery section. They were in a clear container so I dumped them onto a paper plate and brought them in. Figured nobody would notice since they looked pretty professional. Everything was fine until my coworker Linda asked for the recipe because they were so good. I panicked and said it was my grandmother's secret recipe that I couldn't share. She seemed disappointed but dropped it. Then another person asked about them and I gave the same excuse. But then our office manager Sarah was organizing the sale and asked everyone to write down their item and ingredients for allergy purposes. I wrote "grandma's chocolate c...

My sister Carly has been dating this guy Matt for about a year and honestly he's way too good for her. Like he's super sweet, has a good job, helps around the house when he comes over, even brings gifts for our parents. Meanwhile my sister treats him like garbage half the time. She's always canceling their plans last minute, flirts with other guys when they're out, makes him pay for everything even though she has her own money. Last week she literally made him wait outside for an hour because she was "getting ready" but was really just FaceTiming her friend about some drama. Yesterday Matt was helping me move some furniture and started venting about how frustrated he gets sometimes. Said he really loves Carly but feels like she doesn't appreciate him. I could tell he was genuinely hurt and just needed someone to listen. That's when I opened my big mouth and said "dude you're such a catch, you could probably find someone who actually values ...

My AirPods were low on battery but I thought they had enough to make it through a company wide call. There are about 500 people on this call and today they had guests from different companies speaking about our industry. Well, my talkative coworker came over to my desk and started talking to me about random stuff. As we were talking, my AirPods ran out of battery but I kept talking, thinking I’ll just turn up the volume on my computer when he leaves. The conversation had turned to hairstyle and how I style mine with gel and sometimes have to use a blow dryer (we are both dudes). Well it turns out when my AirPods ran out of battery, the computer had switched my audio and mic settings to the built in computer software. This also caused me to become unmuted in the call but my computer speaker was muted since I always have volume at 0, so I didn’t realize. As I told my coworker all the feminine strategies I use to style my hair as a guy, all 500 people were listening. Supposedly the CEO ...

So this happened two nights ago and she's still barely talking to me. My girlfriend (24F) and I (26M) have been together for about 8 months and she's always going on about how she loves cooking and how her mom taught her all these family recipes. Which is cool, I appreciate when someone cooks for me. Tuesday night she makes this big dinner, spent like two hours in the kitchen making "her grandmother's secret pasta sauce." I'm sitting there eating it and honestly it just tasted exactly like Ragu. Like exactly. So I'm trying to be polite but she keeps asking how it is and if I can taste all the "complex flavors" she added. Finally I just said "babe it's good but it kinda just tastes like regular jarred sauce." She got this look on her face and asked what I meant. I said it reminded me of Ragu, not in a mean way just that it had that same taste. She completely lost it. Started crying and saying I was calling her a liar and that I don...

The day started with me continuing to troubleshoot a network issue within the house that absolutely defies logic and everything I know to be true, but I won’t dwell on that since it’s just the appetizer of a full on 6-course shit dinner.  Flying out to Dallas today. I tossed on my pants from yesterday, grabbed my shit and out the door.  I hop a train, hit the airport and realize to my horror that I have a knife in my pocket. It’s a $300 knife so I’m not down to toss it and while I could probably go home/back, it would push me close for my flight. So I weigh my options.  Can I mail it home?? Nope. No post box or anywhere to buy stamps/supplies.  I can check luggage for free! Let’s do that!  I have my laptop bag and a cpap machine that I’m carrying on. I don’t want to check either because of the abuse but think I may be able to fit my laptop in the cpap bag. So I find a spot and start sorting through my shit. I pull out my work phone, my kindle and laptop. T...