greenmangostudio

I bought some little slices of baguette a couple of days ago. I thought it would go perfectly with my spinach dip— conveniently pre-sliced, only two or three bites per slice, easy to eat. This morning, it sounded like a yummy snack, so I grab the dip, a butter knife to spread it, and the bag o’ bread slices. I’m happily munching away, when I happen to catch a glimpse of something green on one of the slices. Oh, no, say it ain’t so! Yes, it was mold. In my defense, it was a small spot, and very pale green. Easy to overlook, especially with my f’d up glasses. I examine the bag. It’s ALL got pale green spots. Dammit. I’m already feeling nauseated when I notice something worse— ants. The tiniest little ants I have ever seen in my life. Not just on the bag, but in the bag. Now my stomach is churning, and I’m seriously regretting not paying better attention to my food before I eat it. TL:DR: I didn’t look very closely at my bag o’ baguette slices, and accidentally ended up eating mold...

l live in New England and I am house-sitting. Maybe pet sitting is a better description. Either way, I'm supposed to basically live at this house for two weeks. A handful of adorable cats and dogs. Easy money! Except... The light was on upstairs after I came back from the store. I did not turn it on. I am certain I did not turn it on. It was not on when I slept last night. I have not gone to that floor more than once because the cats don't go there, there are no litter boxes to scoop, and there are no open doors the cats could get into. I thought maybe it had been on the whole time, but then the light was turned off when I checked later on today. They didn't say anyone would be staying with me. If someone else was here, why would they need a sitter? I checked the rooms but found no one. Nothing else has really indicated another person is here. No food missing, no cooking. Some noises like someone walking around or like plumbing is running somewhere, but it's an old...

I’m going to a concert soon and I wanna dye my hair black for that. I used a semi permanent dye from Arctic fox and I assumed that it wouldn’t dye the bathtub? Idk. Because it’s semi-permanent, it comes out when water touches it and I’m on a swim team so I can only wear it for one day (the day of the concert) So I decided to put it on yesterday and wash it out today to see how much it would wash out. But my brain wasn’t working and I washed my hair in the WHITE Bathtub, and now there’s streaks of blue and purple in it. I’m currently very desperate to find ways to get rid of the dye because if we were to re-tile/Re-do the bathtub that would cost $3000 and I am not going to pay that. If you have any advice I will take it, thank you! TLDR: used a semi permanent black dye and stained the bathtub blue and purple. If you have any advice, I will take it. Please and thank you!

When I went to go visit Boston, I made the mistake of downing a couple tall beers right before my duckboat tour.. Shortly after leaving.. it began, the urge to pee. I thought I'd be fine at first and was too embarrassed to ask to stop and be an inconvenience to people, plus I didn't think and still don't know if the bus would even stop for that. I was able to hold it most of the way.. until we hit water, and then it was game over. I ended up pissing my pants shortly after we became a boat and was surrounded by liquid😂😂. I couldnt hold it no more and had no other choice!! Somehow the guy sitting next to me never found out until it was all over. I got lucky I was hydrated too and mostly clear because it did not stink like raunchy dehydrated urine. 🤣also Luckily I sat in the back so most of everyone got off until it was my turn.. and I ran. So effin hilarous😂 and embarrassing haha What is your most embarrassing travel story? TL;DR: pissed pants in duckboat after drinking ...

This happened about a month ago. I posted this in a couple of other subreddits just venting, but figured it would make a good TIFU post. This is one of those moments that hits you straight in the gut and makes you cringe for years. A few weeks ago, my girlfriend and I were hanging out after I got out of the shower. It was freezing in the apartment, and I made a comment about how cold I was. She glanced down, laughed, and said, “Wow… that's crazy. I can’t believe how small it can get!” I looked too, and yeah, it honestly did look ridiculous. I'm not the biggest down there anyways, but most of all I'm a grower. If you don't know what that looks like in extreme cases, just imagine an acorn sitting on top of your balls, barely over an inch (sorry to be graphic, but you need to know how embarrassing this looked). After laughing a bit at the situation, she asked if she could take a picture. We both have secret photo vault apps where we keep each other’s nudes, so I was fi...

Well, today I was just minding my own business...flipped over to YouTube, clicked on a cartoon that was suggested in my feed. I started watching...and then it happened. The song began....I started tapping my foot to the beat, the next thing I knew I was rewinding to hear it again. It's still there...in my head. I am humming it right now. I thought to myslef...how do I get this song out of my head. But, the next thing I knew, I was watching the cartoon again, to hear the song that is plaguing me. It makes me happy, and sad at the same time. "Bye, Bye, Bobby...Bye, Bye, Bobby...Bye, Bye," I started to think who is this Bobby...and why did he have to go, "Bye, Bye." Is it Robert Kennedy, Bobby Brown...was it Bob Barker leaving The Wheel of Fortune? What is going on...I am literally in another land now...it's happening...I have become the song! https://youtu.be/0cE3q9DMivw?si=z2uYpzhdxNvGdjvY "TL;DR" I have learned that if I had to do it all ...

So I’ve been working at this job for a few months, and up until now I’ve been perfectly content existing as a mysterious desk goblin. I eat lunch at my desk, wear my headphones like social armor, and smile at people in the hallway like I’m in a hostage situation. But today I thought, “No more! I’m gonna be social. I’m gonna be Normal and Chill and Likeable™.” Huge mistake. There were a few coworkers chatting by the coffee machine, laughing about their weekend plans. I summoned all my courage and walked over, ready to casually slide into the convo like a cool girl in a rom-com. Instead, I said: “Nice weather we’re having, huh?” Why did I sound like someone’s uncle making small talk at a funeral? They all kind of paused. One person smiled politely and said, “Yeah, finally some sun,” and that’s when my brain panicked and decided to go FULL ROBOT. I followed up with: “Perfect temperature for human skin.” Human skin. Not people . Not us . HUMAN. SKIN. Silence. Someone coughed. I ...

I’ve never consumed, ingested, inhaled THC in any form. I saw the seltzer water at the gas station and thought “I bet that’s good“ I like beer enough. Surely this will provide a buzz similar to a beer or two. So I took a few sips of it waited… Nothing… So I drank the rest of it… Sat down to have some spaghetti. then… “Boy this spaghetti is sitting heavy“… Holy cow… Oh shit… I ended up making my way to my bed. I laid down and wrapped myself in the covers and stared at my fan. Every time I would feel my mind slipping away, I would look back at the fan and I would point at it. Connecting my eyes, my hands, and my consciousness. One thing that happened repeatedly throughout the evening. I heard a motorcycle come to the intersection at the end of my driveway. Sit there revving loudly and then take off down the road. I don’t think that it was real. For one it’s not typical in my neighborhood and two it was too long lasting and frequent. At some point, I did manage to fall asleep. I woke ...

Actually, this happened today at 4:45 AM, just as dawn was breaking -- something that will be relevant. I have a peculiar habit of sleeping on my balcony during the summer. The night air is crisp, and gazing at the stars while lying on my mattress is a serene experience. Although the big city hum in the background is pleasant to listen to, it can be a bit loud for going too sleep. That's why I usually wear earplugs to sleep, specifically those neon-yellow earplugs , as they are easy to find in bed if I lose one during the night. So, as I was happily snoring away, I was abruptly woken up by a loud buzzing sound. Not fully awake yet, I thought it was a mosquito trying to land on my head and swatted at it against my ear -- only to feel my ear erupt with a fiery, burning sensation. You see, at the break of dawn, the light is very UV-rich, which makes the earplugs appear much brighter. I guess some unlucky early bee mistook my ear for a juicy flower glowing in the first light of da...

So, a few days ago me and my partner purchased some Bananas like we always do, and we set them on our kitchen counter, which also had a few finished puzzles on it just waiting to be glued. Now we do have AC, but due to a pest issue in our building, the kitchen door must remain closed, which cuts it off from the AC. We have also been in a heat wave, 104° during the day. So needless to say the kitchen gets HOT. This has never been an issue before- But today as my partner is leaving for work I head into the kitchen and what do I see? (And smell) A POOL of banana on our kitchen table. The bananas were still mostly yellow, but they had MELTED. And now they are sitting in a lake of rotten banana smelling liquid on our table. The puddle was so large it had also drowned 2 of the completed puzzles, sadly ruining them with their putred banana goop. I put gloves on, and picked up each banana, and the inside of them was LIQUID. In all my life i have never seen this happen before, nor has my partn...

Obligatory this is an old FU, so long ago I dont really feel the shame for it anymore and now it's doing the rounds when I wanna make people feel better after they effed up or just to get a laugh at parties. Also english isnt my first language and I have a tendency to put dots and comma's at the completely wrong spots... but I'm not feeling up for double and triple checking myself so please cut me some slack, I'm tired and just trying to cheer some people up (hopefully). I wasn't gonna post this, but since there is a lot of unbelievable AI slop flooding this sub I thought I'd try to fight it a little bit with an actual story. So here it goes. Back in the day when I was considerably younger and maybe just a smidge more stupid I used to work in a supermarket doing the stock and restock for the vegetable department. Back then it was an awesome job because I could do it while being considerably high and the vegetable restock was awesome because you swapped full...

So my buddy Mon, a valedictorian, lives two blocks away, parents stricter than airport security, finally got a late night pass for his birthday. I thought, that we are finally going to enjoy this night worth out worrying about time. At 8 PM, the crew (four of us, beers in hand) were chilling at my place. Lights off, movie playing, vibes set. One friend pulls out a THC vape. Mon's eyes light up like he just discovered a new element. We warned him. Told him it hits like a truck. He promised he’d take it slow, which he did, at first. One or two baby hits. Respectable. Then we got deep into convo, and I guess nobody noticed that Mon still had the vape.. and had apparently become one with it. Out of nowhere, he just erupts into the most violent coughing fit I’ve ever witnessed. Like, full body seizure coughs. Sounded like he was trying to summon a demon. We’re all freaking out, telling him to inhale or breathe or do something other than vibrate and drool. His lips started going pale,...

I'm fairly new to gardening, most of the flowers and plants I have are stuff my mom brought and helped me plant. I love hibiscus flowers 🌺, and have a couple small ones with buds but no blooms yet. I'd seen a few BIG hibiscus plants around town with beautiful blooms and decided I wanted a BIG one and wanted it to have blooms on it already! So I spent a couple days this past weekend searching around town at different local nurseries and garden sections and finally found one! She's 4 feet tall at least with a handful of big pink juicy flowers!! I love her!!! So, I took it home and stuck it in a nice big pot with nice gardening soil and it looked soooo cute! Next morning I take a peek at her and the flowers have closed up??? Hmm. Quick google. Oh okay, apparently closing up at night is part of their life cycle. Cool. I keep reading and find out that it's also the END of that bloom's cycle 😭 Hibiscus flowers only bloom for ONE DAY!!!! It will continue to make new b...

Last night I was feeling myself a little too much after the gym and decided to take… an artsy mirror pic, let’s say. Shirtless, flexing, good lighting. I sent it to my girlfriend on Snapchat with the caption: “Want a little more of this tonight?” Or at least… I thought I sent it to my girlfriend. Turns out, I sent it to my mom. Instead of opening a reply from my girlfriend, I see a message that just says: “That’s… nice, honey. Very proud of your workouts. Please don’t send me these again.” I have never wanted to throw my phone into the sun more. My girlfriend didn’t even see the pic because it went to the wrong person, and now my mom brings up “posing for the camera” every time she calls. TL;DR: Tried to send my girlfriend a spicy mirror pic on Snap. Sent it to my mom instead.

So I’m taking a summer course because I slacked off during the semester and needed the credit to stay on track. It’s a 3-hour Zoom class twice a week and the professor is super chill, so most of us stay muted and camera-off unless we’re called on. Anyway, yesterday it was 95F and my AC decided to die. I was absolutely dying in my room, drenched in sweat and half-naked. I had my camera off the whole class like usual, so I figured no harm in stripping down to my bra and shorts just to survive. I needed to grab a charger for my laptop, which was dying, and for whatever reason I picked it up and moved it across the room with me instead of just unplugging it. That movement somehow turned the camera on — no idea how, maybe I hit a key or trackpad gesture? So there I am, walking back to my desk half-naked, when I notice the little green light on. My stomach dropped. I looked up and yep — my whole class had just gotten a full view of me in my bra. My professor paused mid-sentence. Dead si...

This happened earlier today and I’m still walking like I’ve been in a bare-knuckle fight with a cheese grater. Decided to tidy up downstairs for the first time in a while. Thought I’d try Veet instead of shaving because razors and testicles are a risky combo I’m frankly tired of managing. Read the instructions… sort of. It said leave on for 5–10 minutes. I thought .. eh 12 won’t hurt. Better safe than stubbly. No. Incorrect. Around minute 11, it hit me like a spiritual awakening. A burning sensation right in the danger zone. I shot up from the toilet like someone tasered me in the goulags. I legged it to the shower, blasted myself with cold water, and stood there in full shame, watching dreams of a smooth outcome literally go down the drain. And of course, I had a Teams meeting 15 minutes later. So I sat through it clenched and twitchy, perched on the edge of my chair like I was guarding a secret. My manager actually messaged me during it to ask if I was having stomach issues….be...

I am diabetic and have been for over 20 years. By the time it was diagnosed, I had lost the feeling in my toes and the bottom of my feet. This isn't the fuckup. My wife recently (a week ago) had a knee replaced and had been depending on me to get around and bring her things. She wanted to go to the pool, as the doctor recommended she get up and walk every hour or so, and she loves going to the pool, even if she couldn't swim. Near the end of our day out. I walked around the edge of the pool to use the bathroom on the opposite side. The cement was probably a little hot, but I saw plenty of people walking on it and figured it couldn't be too bad. On the way back, I noticed my steps felt weird. Remember, I have no feeling in the soles of my feet. It just felt like I was stepping on something. When I got back to our seats and started putting on socks and shoes, I noticed some loose skin. Figuring it was a blister that broke open, I got ready and we left. On the way out is ...

I know the title sounds crazy but I honestly don't know what to do. My husband and I were just taking a nap in the afternoon and I thought it'd be nice to give him a blowjob while we were just laying in bed. I was on my side facing him. Everything was okay till a few hours ago, my jaw hurts so bad, my face next to my ears and part of my jaw is swollen and feels tender. I've taken paracetamol, ibuprofen and prednisolone to see if the swelling and pain will go down. I can't even eat right now it just hurts when I try to chew. I can't cry so I'm just laughing and hoping I'll be okay. My husband is assuring me I'll be okay and I'm just teasing him that he'll have to forget about oral sex for a while because this has shook me. I can't stop looking at myself in the mirror and I'm doing my best not to touch my jaw. This has never happened before. If it doesn't get better in the morning I'll have to go to the ER to get checked out. Anyon...

I had a pet parakeet I bought a few years back. I always kept him in this really beautiful antigue iron cage about 3 feet in length and 3 feet tall that had cost me 600usd. I LOVED this bird, today I decided I wanted him to get some fresh air so I took him in his gate outside so he can feel the fresh breeze. I turn around for probably 5 seconds and when I look back at my bird, you wouldn't fuckin believe it, he took off cage and all. Before I had to chance to react I was watching his cage with him inside zig zagging all around the trees. This really really bummed me out as I really did love this bird. Anyways, I guess the moral of the story is nature finds a way and be careful trusting your birds they may take off inside the cage before you know it. Never did it cross my mind this could happen TLDR: that I lost my pet parakeet and a 600 dollar iron bird cage

Yes the title is click bait but it worked didnt it? I 45m and my wife 44f have been married for almost 20 years. We have two great kids 14m and 16 f. We have a great marriage and I love my wife and find her incredibly sexy. Sadly for the hornball in me my wifes underwear choice air on the side of comfort over fashion. Again in reality I don't care but as with most men knowing my wife had on sexy underwear all day.... it would be a nice visual. We typically split the chores mostly even but laundry is mostly her domain. As I wrapped up my chores quicker one evening I noticed she was folding laundry on our bed so I pitched it to help. Going through it all I spied a pair of very racy boy shorts and matching bra. Picking it up I said to my wife: "Finally giving in to my desire of you wearing some more sexy underwear I see." She didn't look up from the pile and merely said. "No, Im Pretty sure your daughter wouldn't want me raiding her panty drawer." Now...

I (22M) have been dating my girlfriend (27F) for a little over four months. She has a 5-year-old son from a previous relationship. I knew that from the beginning, and I never pretended like it was a problem. I liked her a lot - still do and I figured I’d just take things slow and see how it goes. For the first few months, we mostly spent time alone. I met her son briefly once, just a quick hello when I dropped her off, but she never pushed me to be involved which I appreciated. She said she wanted to wait and see if the relationship was going somewhere before introducing me more seriously into his life. Well, last week she brought it up again. She said she thinks we’re getting serious, and she wanted to talk about what kind of role I might want to have in her son’s life, long-term. I didn’t know how to respond. So I just told her the truth: “I really like you, but I’m not sure I’m ready to take care of a kid — not right now.” She went quiet. For a few seconds, she just stared at m...

I rent a room from my parents cuz it's cheap, I can save money, and they get a part time caregiver (my mother is frequently sick). They just bought a house, brand new build, never been lived in before. Beautiful white walls with a subtle gray trim, doors, cupboards. Brass furnishings and handles. Lots of sunlight all day long from long windows scattered elegantly throughout the house. My dad is a tinkerer at heart, so he's poured a lot of time into the house. Built a fence around the backyard, searched high and low for cabinets to match the others already there, brought in new cabinets to expand the kitchen, screwed them into place on a backboard screwed to the studs in the wall. He's fixed the garage to his liking, has got a lil man cave going on in the back bedroom, hired a contractor to match the marble counter and backsplash in the kitchen to the expanded cupboards. He just bought himself a new lawnmower and his next project is to build himself a little work shed in ...

Sooo this happened like 2 days ago and I still wanna melt into the floor every time I think about it 🙃 So I (26F) go to this gym a few times a week after work. Nothing crazy, just trying to stay somewhat functional lol. There's this guy who's always there around the same time—let’s call him “Cute Guy in Blue Shirt” (he literally always wears blue I swear it’s like his gym uniform). Anyway, he's kinda shy but has this cute awkward energy?? Like he helps ppl rerack weights and always wipes stuff down and idk I just started crushing on him HARD. So, I finish my lil cardio + struggle session, and I see him in the corner doing stretches. I decide to be brave (read: dumb) and go stretch near him just to maybe say hiiiii 👀 We ended up chatting! I said something cringe like “You always stretch so seriously, are you secretly training for a marathon or something?” and he LAUGHED. I was dying inside but also like ok maybe I’m pulling this off?? Here's where the universe dec...

So with my wife and kids aged 5 and 7 are at a party on a patio at a golf course with her friends. Wasn’t explained their are two separate party’s going on, i thought it was one party since I know maybe 4 people here and the party is for a relative of one of her friends. The Waitress said appetizers are misunderstanding her we grabbed two pretzels from the table only to find out their are two parties here, sat down and the other party was staring at in in disgust and looked outraged that we stole from their table. just about dying from embarrassment and have another four hours sitting here hanging my head in shame trying to to look in their direction. TL:DR kid and I stole pretzels from another party and dying from embarrassment and can’t leave for another few hours.

I came back from work on friday with a small cake that a co worker who I'm friends with baked for me, it was my birthday last week but she was on leave and had promised to bake me a cake for my birthday. I usually would have shared something like cake but I didn't want to because my roommates are constantly eating my food without asking. My leftovers, oatmeal, eggs, milk, bread like they just help themselves to anything like I'm a fucking grocery store. I am not even sure which roommate it is because I haven't caught anyone in the act. I have spoken to them calmly multiple times but all of them denied it. Anyway I just cut a small slice of my cake for myself and put the rest in the fridge. I made it a point to tell all of my roommates that the cake in the fridge belongs to me and to please don't touch it. Later that night I woke up and decided to go get myself another slice and found half the cake gone. I am usually a calm and rational person but I just completely...

I live in a city where we have a once-monthly pop up market on a larger street, where all the adjacent businesses put out tents and tables to sell their products/get their brands out there. (Local and chain businesses). Earlier this morning, the day of the market, me and my friend were walking on the market street to get to my car to go grocery shopping. We spotted some random supplies next to a trash can outside of a chain store (looking back it was all the stuff you’d need to set up a tent and display for your store at a market) and figured since they were spread around the trash can and some of it looked old/ secondhand, we decided to take a couple things that we liked best. The passing people, employees inside the store who could’ve easily seen us, and the cops across the street dealing with a fender bender didn’t give us any mind. We walked them back to my house, went about our business grocery shopping. I just got home and sat down to think and realized that the other piles of r...

I work at a restaurant as a hostess/waitress/cashier person. As much as I'd like to advertise, I won't include the name, but it is very family friendly. My boss has 4 kids, 2 girls and 2 boys. The youngest is a 5 year old we'll call Carlos. Carlos really loves sharks and dinosaurs and tends to draw them whenever he tags along to work with his mom. Today, he complained to me that they were out of paper. Sure enough, one printer check and there was no paper. I looked around for anything that could substitute because that kid can be an absolute menace to society if not distracted. This is when I found the label sheets. I guess I should elaborate a bit. We're a hotpot restaurant set up in a grocery store format: little dishes of food you buy to cook in big pots of soup. There are labels for each kind of food you can cook, hence the label sheets. I end up telling the child he can use the label sheet to draw and we create a few rainbow sharks and write his name with marker...

I was out in my garden, picjing raspberries. Felt something land on my forehead and assumed it was a mosquito.. so I swatted it. As soon as I brought my hand down and saw that bright green color, I realized I had fucked up. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chrysopidae This lil stinker is a green lacewing. When threatened they release a chemichal that smells exactly like the worst shit you have ever taken.. and I had just smeared one across my forehead. Now my partner is laughing at me while I scrub my forehead with vinegar and Dawn dish soap in a futile attempt to make my face smell less like I just ate someones ass. It stinks so bad, y'all. Like.. seriously. I love these little guys for eating the aphids in my garden... They're incredible for pest control, and pretty, but DEAR GOD do they pack a stinky stinky punch. TLDR: swatted what I thought was a mosquito and instead got a face full of ass stank from my friendly neighborhood aphid control.

This actually happened years ago. Back when I was in highschool I was friends with a foreign exchange student from China we'll call Ed. I was bullied a lot & didn't really have any friends. Well one day the local movie theater was playing the Titanic & Ed asked me to go with him. My brain & undiagnosed neurdivergent self did not register this as a date. At the time I truly didn't think anyone could like me that way. I even had a crush on him & it didn't register. I met him at the movie theater (after having a panic attack thinking it was a joke because I got there too early). At the end of the movie he decided to sing to me. It kind of made sense because we were both in chorus at school together. I sat there awkwardly because I didn't know what to do. I had a fun time it was my first time seeing Titanic. Once he stopped singing he leaned towards me. I had no idea why I was very confused & was like why are you in my bubble, but I didn't say ...

So we have these massive breast forms for certain cosplays, essentially a sports bra with two arm straps, a neck hole, and the large ladies (G!). I was trying them on with a new shirt for a project I'm working on when I ran into the problem: the neckline of the shirt was low and several inches of rubber were showing. Okay, I can work with this. I figured I would just trim a few inches of rubber from the neckline and I'd be golden. WRONG!!!! I start cutting, and the material has almost zero resistance. Like scissors through wrapping paper or a hot knife through butter. My shears slip, and I puncture the actual breast!!! The next thing I know there's horrible viscous white-ish liquid silicone pouring out all over. I tried to catch it in my hands but it's flowing too fast and it's so sticky and running onto the carpet. I tried to open the door but I couldn't grasp the knob. Letting go with one hand was a bad idea. The liquid surged out and onto the floor and all d...

Last night, I was out at a bar with a few friends, just hanging out. I noticed this girl across the room — laughing, clearly the life of the group. My friends saw me looking and started hyping me up. After enough peer pressure (and two whiskey sours), I decided to go for it. Mid-walk over, I stepped on what I now know was a spilled drink. My foot slid out, I flailed like a malfunctioning windmill, and landed flat on my back right in front of her. She looked over and asked, “Oh my god, are you okay?” I gave a thumbs-up and said, “Yeah, just testing gravity.” Safe to say, I didn’t get her number. I did, however, get an ice pack and a fresh reminder that I am not, in fact, smooth. TL;DR: Tried to flirt at a bar, slipped on a wet floor, fell in front of her, and embarrassed myself beyond repair.

To start off, my old man passed away a few days ago. Heavy stuff. I’ve been drinking a bit more than I should, and last night I got absolutely wrecked. Like, “how the hell did I get to bed” levels. Next morning, I woke up with that stomach situation. You know the type. Gurgly. Radioactive. My lower half was basically violating the Geneva Conventions. My mom and I had a bunch of errands, three hours of driving. I had cramps that made me dizzy. We're talking uranium-level emissions from the anoos. If Iran heard about it, they’d ask for the recipe. First stop was her workplace to collect some flowers her company sent after my dad’s passing. She works remotely, so this was a full 1.5-hour drive. And guys, I was releasing silent little demons the whole way. Hot, stealthy, and absolutely not road-trip friendly. By the time we got there, I hit critical mass and said, “I need to go. ASAP.” My mom, now fully traumatized, replied with, “I’m gonna get you back. Watch.” So now we’re pul...

As the text states this is about the time Norovirus tried to wipe out our entire household in under an hour. It started with our daughter getting sick first; she was so tiny and dehydrated we had to rush her to the ER for fluids. While we’re sitting there watching her slowly come back to life with an IV, my husband and I kept glancing at each other with that quiet, unspoken panic like, “Do you feel okay?” which of course was immediately followed by both of us trying to gaslight ourselves into believing it was just sympathy nausea. Totally fine. We’re fine. This is fine. But then, in what I now recognize as the dumbest moment of overconfidence in our marriage, we decided to ask the ER doctor if they could maybe give us a little something too just, you know, in case we started feeling bad. I said it as casually as possible, like I was asking for ketchup packets. The doctor LAUGHED. Like, actually laughed. Not a polite chuckle, but a full “Haha no” like we’d asked for shots of Fireball ...

So at my job in order to park in employee parking, you have to give your license plate and make a model of the car. You aren’t allowed to park on campus. Well, I’ve been illegally parking and I went to go get a parking pass and they asked me for my plates in the making and model of my car. I gave them the make and model of my mother‘s car, but because I don’t live with my mother and they needed a plate number. I gave my sister‘s plates. Well, I get an email today saying that the plates I gave match the make and model of my sister‘s car and then I need to confirm the car by sending in the registration for the car that my mom owns. Now I’m nervous that they’re gonna look into my parking history and see that I’ve been illegally parking on campus. Can they scan my license plates and see that my real car is registered to me? I drive my real car to work, that’s why I don’t want them to have my info bc i would definitely get caught! Can someone find out your car is registered to you only wit...

This was about a month ago. One of my coworkers (F30s) was leaving our company and we threw a potluck send-off. She’d gained a little weight recently, no one said anything, obviously, but I, in my infinite dumbassery, thought it would be funny to say something like: “So, are you leaving because you’re having a secret baby or what?” She went dead silent. I tried to laugh it off, but she looked genuinely horrified. She pulled me aside and told me, quietly, that she had a miscarriage a few weeks prior, and it wasn’t something she’d been able to talk about with anyone at work. I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. I apologized profusely, and she said she knew I didn’t mean harm, but that it was really painful to hear. I still think about that moment and wish I could take it back. TL;DR: Joked about a coworker being pregnant at her farewell party, not knowing she’d had a miscarriage. Horribly misjudged and still feel like shit.

Last week, I (29M) went on a second date with a woman I really like (28F). We went to a cozy pasta place, and it was going great, laughing, sharing bites, chemistry was there. Then she started choking. She made a weird noise and stood up suddenly, clutching her chest. I stood up too panicked and thought she was just overwhelmed or emotional. In my adrenaline-fueled idiocy, I pulled her into a hug. She tried to push me away but couldn’t speak. A waiter tackled her from behind and performed the Heimlich. Out popped a piece of calamari. She was fine. Me? Mortified. She didn’t say anything at first. Then she started laughing hysterically and said, “Did you really just try to love me back to life?” We’re still talking, somehow. But she now calls me CPR (Cuddle-Performing Rescuer). TL;DR: My date choked and I thought she wanted a hug. Waiter saved her life. I looked like a clown.

Story is actually from a year ago, but haunts me to this day. For context: I [30f] am a lead in my department. So while I don’t supervise anyone, I’m almost-management. We’re WFH, so it’s common for me to get on Zoom calls with coworkers throughout the day. On this particular day, I was screen sharing with my coworker, Jane [53f]. She happens to notice that as I’m helping her, I’m also responding to various messages and email. She comments on how I’m always doing a thousand things at once. Here’s where I FU. What I meant to say was, “yeah, I’m a master of multitasking.” Instead, what came out was, “yeah, I’m a master of masterba-.” I stop myself mid-word. I was mortified. If I could have disappeared from this plane of existence I would have. She starts hysterically laughing, and asks “were you gonna say masturbating?” Sheepishly, I confess that yes, that’s what I was saying. I tell her don’t know what short-circuited in my brain, and I really meant to say “multitasking”. And I be...

I’ve been a long-time listener and lurker, and this is my first post. And I’m sharing it as a warning so others don’t mess up like I did. Leaving it a little vague to protect myself as it's still ongoing. I’m a 25-year-old college student, and one day, while counting pennies to survive the week on a negative bank balance, I got a message from someone claiming they wanted to use my photo for an art commission. They promised I’d get a framed copy and $500 from a $2.5K commission. Desperate for money, I agreed and gave them my email and phone number so they could “pay” me. They texted me at night while I was sick, so I wasn’t thinking clearly and didn’t see the red flags. Later, their “client” contacted me, confirming who I was and saying they would email me a check. I was excited, thinking, “yay, $500!” The first check they sent was less than $500, which didn't raise any red flags. I deposited the first check, and immediately, the “client” started pressuring me to transfer the...

Okay, for context I am a Canadian high school student who while on summer break took a job to tutor a boy who just finished Grade 4 and due to Covid happening when he was in very early grades he is behind on both reading/writing and math. Now, as a Canadian it's a right of passage to make fun of Americans and in early elementary school one of my teachers brought up the fact that Americans pronounce the letter "z" as "zee" instead of "zed" which is more common in Canada. She told us jokingly that maybe the reason that Americans pronounced it as "zee" was to have it rhyme with "v" in the alphabet song and since then me and my friends have joked about pronouncing "v" as "ved" to make it rhyme with "zed" in the alphabet song. Now at first I only used this when I was talking with my friends and when spelling words out to them I would say "ved" instead of "vee". But it's been many y...

First, obligatory this didn't happen today, but last week. Now, for those unaware, Cuphead is a video game where you run around in a '50's Disney art style game shooting finger guns at opponents to beat them. Before we go any further, I want to preface that there is a kids show based on this game on Netflix , which was her introduction to the franchise. Now, the game is cutesy looking, but has some mildly darker implications, as the whole premise is that you are collecting the soul contracts of the bosses you defeat to give to the Devil. These undertones aren't anything a child would reasonably pick up on though and honestly is very tame as far as appearances and violence and whatnot. We got to the last level, which is defeating the Devil, but first he asks if you're going to hand over the contracts per the characters agreement with him from the beginning of the game. I was curious about the result (it was a yes or no answer, which is the only time they offered ...

I promise there’s context and this is completely SFW. So my sibling’s gf is a super sweet person. Last night she decided she’d come over to our place today and bring some of her old clothes that she wanted to be rid of with her so that I could try them on and see what I like and want to keep. These were the clothes she’d already gone through that didn’t fit my sibling; K (name substitute for sibling’s gf) and I wear an XS whereas my sibling wears a M iirc. So as you could imagine, there were a lot of clothes that she brought in a laundry basket stuffed to the brim because most of what she wanted to get rid of didn’t fit my sibling. For some additional context, K is basically the only feminine person I’m close with. I absolutely love having a feminine girl in my life for once because she’ll help me pick clothes and give me opinions on the nails I make and such which is something I lacked before having mostly guy friends. She really is like a sister to me. So since I take fashion advi...

Normally my car gets all its maintenance done at the service shop, like oils, filters, diagnostics, repairs etc. I do understand cars to some extent, more on the enthusiastic side. Like I can tell if something feels off, but I am not about to rebuild an engine or diagnose a knocking sound with confidence. So today my windshield washer fluid ran out. No big deal, coz I had some time, stopped by the store, grabbed a bottle and filled it up quickly. I didn’t use it right away since the windshield was clean. But later on when I finally did, it was like someone smeared oil across the glass lol. Bad af visibility, full greasy chaos. I hit the sprayer again thinking maybe it needed to clear through, but nope, same thing happened. Plus the smell was definitely not the washer fluid one. Pulled into a car wash, checked the bottle and turns out I dumped 5 liters of coolant into the washer tank🤡 I could not stop laughing and shaming myself. I was used to green washer fluid in a clear bottle ...

So I don't know who we wronged, but clearly we have been cursed by some paranormal witch or something. So I (M35) live together with my wife (F33) and we live on my parents farm in a tiny house (remodeled garage). We live with our horses and dogs and are trying to build a life for ourselves. I'm currently building my business as a farrier and my wife is helping a lot with running the business. She was studying to become a psychologist, but unfortunately stranded writing her final publication. We talk sometimes about starting a family since she is feeling the ticking of the biological clock. We are still in doubt and have been for years now. Neither of us has a strong feeling towards a kid or not. My wife is on birth control she has a copper IUD(is that what it's called in english?) Well so. This week my company van that is brand new broke down. Luckely the warrenty is still valid, but it will be weeks before I will get my van back. The day that I get the bad news that ...

I (35M ~225lbs) have been a caffeine drinker my whole life, mostly soda, but also daily tea and occasional coffee. Caffeine has never bothered me before other than I need to cut it off a few hours before bed. I'm a much heavier soda drinker than anything, when I moved out on my own, a 24 pack of Coca-Cola would barely last me a week, on top of a big Coca-Cola at lunch and anywhere I went out to eat. (I've since cut way back, just before corona a 12 pack would last me two weeks, post corona [went to WFH] a 24 pack lasts me just under two weeks, but it's still less total consumption). I could drink coffee drinks with no problems or noticeable effects. However, I never realized just how little caffeine was actually in these (yes, I said little). I'm also a Scout leader and there are plenty of jokes about Scoutmasters and coffee. Scouting events definitely account for most of my yearly coffee consumption. In the past few years, I've become pretty sensitive to hot weat...

Y’all it just happened and I’m mortified. Basically right after work, the gym isn’t that crowded and people mind their own business, typical gym stuff. I go to the treadmills and some dudes are getting jacked behind me on some arm machine. So I start running. I hear laughing — the hysterical kind between two bros that only happens when they both experience so out of pocket they could only laugh and turn it into an inside joke later — so I turn my music up, no biggie. But then some other guy walks to the machine beside me, pretends to use it but I see that he’s looking at my feet. Weird, but no freaking biggie. It should’ve been my first sign. For context, I’m a really androgynous dude. I thought the guy was staring because idk the boys were out or I was going full helicopter without realizing. I up my speed and notice that the machine behind me was empty now and the other person on the treadmill next to me looked at me funny. I really thought something must’ve been wrong so I cut m...

TL;DR: I fucked up by felling my boyfriend I'm not satisfied by how he treats me in bed. I 19F have been with my boyfriend 19M for nearly 3 years. We've been happy and I feel like our personalities are very compatible. He's basically my whole world and my best friend in one. I honestly couldn't love him anymore if I tried. We're basically the same person different font. We're both pretty introverted, he likes xbox and I like books, he likes football and I like netball, he likes savoury food and I like sweet. We have things in common as well, we both like anime, running, going out with our friends and more. I really felt like he was my soulmate until pretty recently when I started feeling like I was pretty sexually unsatisfied (we have sex a couple of times a week) and I feel like it's always me initiating it. When we do have sex, there is very little foreplay and he finishes pretty fast. This seems to be enough to satisfy him and I go down on him about on...

So about a year ago I started attending a yoga studio to get back in shape and things were going great. I even got a part-time job there to help offset the membership cost. All I had to do was come in once a week and clean for about 1 hour and a half and they would give you about a 40% discount on top of making 15/hr. Lately, I’ve been having a sort of mental health crisis and couldn’t even muster the energy to come in for my scheduled shifts. I usually would notify the studio manager if I couldn’t make it but I even stopped doing that because I felt ashamed for calling out so much. The thing is, although I haven’t been getting my bi-weekly pay (which is understandable), I still have my membership discount and no one has reached out asking me where I’ve been so I just continued to brush off my responsibilities. The fuck up now though is that there is an in-person meeting tonight to go over new cleaning rules, etc. and of course I feel obligated to go. But, I’ve dug myself in this h...

Alright so the title is basically what happened but I’m still going to go detail even though I’m not 100% sure this story fits this subreddit. The other day I(20f) posted a TikTok about my hair(I have curly hair). The TikTok was one of those transition TikToks going from freshly styled to dry hair with a trending audio. On this video I got two comments asking for a routine and I got a few dms from friends asking for a routine so I made a TikTok going into detail on how I do my curly hair. Recently my brother(14m) and mom(52f) have taken to making fun of me for posting this video. Now, it is all they talk about and every time I talk to them they always start the conversation with “so this is my first TikTok,” which is what I had said at the beginning of the video. I have asked them multiple times to stop as it is no longer funny. Today, my brother decided to play the TikTok video in front of all of my friends, which, even though my friends follow my TikTok account and my account is set...

i was driving down a residential road near my house and there was an all-way stop. it was just me and another car. it seemed as though we had stopped at the same time so i proceeded to go because i was going straight and they were turning into my lane. however we both went, and both slammed on our brakes and i was honking (because i didn’t want to get hit, instinct.) we both froze and he rolled his window down and tried to yell at me but mine stayed up and i gestured for him to go. i feel terrible now because i acted rude to him but i kinda act like a bitch when i’m nervous. i consider myself a good driver and nothing like this has really happened before so i feel super guilty. TL;DR: almost hit another car, felt bad, acted rude towards him even though it was my fault.

So, today I found the fuck-up that I did in January. So I am fond of Bath and Body Works Wallflowers. They are nice to have especially in the holiday season, as I do not like to have to keep an eye on a flaming candle. Easier and much safer, right? Well, I've had a few misadventures with the damn things. Unplugged, they are easy to knock over. I've returned to my place after hours of being gone, only to be assaulted with the pungent smell of colored, scented oil across my countertop--usually soaked into the sacrificial kitchen towel that likely knocked it over in the first place. But this incident, indeed, was much more insidious than a sticky, smelly spill. No. This took over the entire pantry closet. In January, as the holidays ended, I gathered up the Christmas nightlights, including two wallflowers. One empty, one with the Christmas scent still plugged in. I'd long since lost the cap to that one, so I left it in the wall plug, and carefully stored it sitting uprigh...

Hi redit, it’s been a while since I was last on here but listening to the smosh redit stories recently has inspired me to post my god awful experience here and hopefully give a few of you a laugh. I will give a little context in saying this wasn’t today but it wasn’t like years ago. It was back in the beginning of may (posting in july 2025) So without further ado, today I fucked up by throwing up in my boyfriend’s grandma’s bathroom. To start this off I’ll say my boyfriend (20m) and I (19f) had been dating for 3-4 months at this time. He’s always been super patient and understanding with any sort of issues I’ve had medically. I have orthostatic hypotension (basically POTS but different) as well as my antidepressants messing with my stomach when not taken with food. (Yes both of those are important to know for this). We had left my house in the suburbs of chicago around noon the previous day having woken up late and made the 5 1/2 hour drive to his grandma’s house in Ohio. Now, I alwa...