greenmangostudio

TIFU by going to the Belgium Grand Prix. Of course this happened yesterday but I didn't have the time to post. I (36f) was asked by a client to go with him to the GP. It sounded like a really good time and nothing like my usual work. I am a caretaker and normally I do the 'normal' stuff. Getting physically handicapped clients ready for work and all that sort of stuff. I went to my client around 6.30 to get him out of bed and ready to go. 9.30 we were off to the circuit. Normally the drive is a little less than 2 hours but we arrived round 13.30. already a bit worked up because the parking for invalid's was already full (how can you sell more places than you have?). But we were helped correctly and found another spot thank God. After we put on our rain clothes we went to the circuit and found a nice spot. We had lots of fun together in the rain and it sucked that the F1 cars only did a few laps. Well, after the 'race' we went back to the car and then it all s...

Obligatory didn’t happen today etc etc. My friend and I went to watch a horror movie in the cinemas. Decided why not? Cinemas are dark and have that creepy feeling, and late sessions mean overly anxious driving at night on the way home!! After the movie was done, we both went to the bathroom and I decided hey, let’s go ahead and scare my friend when she comes out of the cubicle! There I stood, waiting amongst the dank urine smell and toilet paper sticking to my shoe. The lock turns to ‘Vacant’ and the door opens and BOO! But it wasn’t my friend, it was a complete stranger who tumbled back in shock. To make matters worse, I saw the same person exit from the same horror movie as us. Poor lad has probably had enough scares that night. TL;DR: Went to scare my friend coming out of the toilet, scared a stranger instead

Standard this didn’t happen today, few years ago. I used to tour as a technician for a theatre show. We had a rule that was if you’re ever going to be late, you better bring doughnuts. Pretty good, solid policy, you’re late but everyone gets a snack, all transgressions are forgiven. Being a freelance technician, you move about a lot, change shows, and within each crew I’ve worked for they have their own policies and traditions. So I’m working on a new show with a new crew and on my third day of work I realise I’m going to be late. There’s a doughnut shop on the way there so I drop in and grab some before I get to work. People are usually glad when you arrive with doughnuts, but this was insane. Everyone was soooo happy about the doughnuts, cheering, high fiving me, saying I was a legend. Felt like a bit of an over reaction for doughnuts, but cool, was nice to be forgiven for my tardiness. Later on in the day one of the crew asks me “… so how was it… wink wink!?” Not sure what the...

With my car. And I fucking hate myself. I love all animals so this hurts every part of me, deeply. It's ~20 past midnight now and this was a ~50 minutes ago. I was gonna pick up one of my best friends from work. I saw this lady pass the end of my driveway with her white dog, even though my brights were on I didn't even see the black one at all. I ran right over it (not with my tires, with my plastic skid plate). I heard her screaming and I panicked and hit the brakes and parked it where I was. She pulled the dog out from under and it was howling and screaming, the poor thing, I don't how now much I hurt it, I'm praying it survives or I'll hate myself more than I already do. I know she hates me too and it's deserved. I should have creeped forward and asked if it was clear of if I was ok to go or something rather than just driving out like the dumb/ass/hole I am. I'm on the verge of tears right now, this is the end to an already bad day, getting hurt decently...

I am strongly irreligious. When my tween daughter decided to join a teen church group, I was cautious but wanted her to figure out religion for herself. So weeks followed with her midweek and Sunday trips to the church with her church pals. She often came home with questions and I did my best to talk with her and allow her to find her own conclusions about the bible and other messages this church was teaching. When the church inevitably started preaching against "gay marriage", she had a right little conundrum. Now, while I have taught inclusion and expect her to respect inclusion, I needed her to to confront inequality on her own terms. So we had a few open discussions about it. We all know what happens when you force a young person to accept what you say without allowing them to process their own thoughts and feelings. Honestly, if (at this point in her life) her only rebellion is going to church, I could hardly complain. Also, I trusted her to maintain her integrity. Dur...

Tldr at bottom I love spending time outside. Wild camping, woodland walks, hiking, you name it and I love it. Yesterday, I took my partner on a surprise woodland walk where you had a to find a secret blue door off the side of the road. The door leads to picturesque woodlands along a river that is very popular in the area. People bring their dogs and their children to enjoy the scenery, so while it isn't the busiest spot it is still certainly well-travelled. My partner is more into the rapids below than the woodland above, so he climbed down to a pool on the river. I'm learning about mycology so I spent a lot of time on the walk in under the trees searching for mushrooms to identify. It's at this point, friends, that my IBS decides it's time to kick in. My insides drop into my butthole and the urgency to relieve myself becomes so intense that I have to stand still for a minute or two. Once the feeling passes, I wander deeper into the woods trying to find a place whe...

Like most of these posts, this happened years ago. Strap yourselves in random internet friends, this one is a rollercoaster. It may be long, but it's well worth it. So years back I decided to head up to my old town to surprise some friends and hang out. It was a Saturday and I had no plans so I figured why not go surprise some buddies and chill for the weekend. I drove up to my friend's house to find they were all out dirtbiking for a few hours and I was going to have to wait till they got home. So I'm sitting on their porch smoking a cig while I decide how to best waste some time. I popped out my phone and started mindlessly swiping on tinder. Suddenly, I match with this girl and her first message says " hey I don't normally do this but you're really cute. Let's hang out!" Now, I'm the kind of guy who prefers to get to know someone before I immediately go out on a date with them. But I was bored and had a few hours to kill, plus what's th...

Welp I'm a bonehead. Yesterday I told my wife I would cook us dinner the next day (today) so last night I put 4 absolutely gorgeous thick frozen pork chops In the fridge to defrost. I checked them this morning and they were perfect looking. Tonight my wife sent me the recipe and it seemed pretty simple it was a dry rub consisting of salt, pepper, cayenne, garlic powder, Italian seasoning and brown sugar. No problems there. I take a baking sheet and lay them out brush with oil and rub on the seasoning. Oven is preheated to 375° and the directions are to bake for 20 minutes or until the internal temp is 140°f. I set the timer and once it goes off I check the temp with my digital thermometer nope only 75° somehow. Okay that's strange but they are pretty thick so I leave them in 10 more minutes. Timer goes off and I check the temp it's 85° how is that even possible? I figure turn up the heat to 400° and give it 10 more minutes. I check it again it's 95° I feel like I...

Obligatory this happened two days ago, but I am still rectifying the situation. I (30 F) have been known to sleepwalk. I did it a lot while growing up, but it has calmed down in adulthood and I now only do it on occasion. Saturday morning I woke up and went to my master bathroom for my morning pee. I immediately noticed a giant glob of toothpaste in my sink. Weird. I then notice that the cap to my toothpaste is on the counter, but the tube of toothpaste is nowhere in sight. More weird. I searched all through the master bathroom for the toothpaste. No luck. I think maybe it’s possible I moved it to the spare bathroom or perhaps threw it away. Nope. I then search through the whole house. I looked in the fridge, in dresser drawers, and in the hamper. I checked under blankets and under furniture. Nothing. I use the bathroom again and the toilet doesn’t quite flush right. I start to wonder if maybe…nah that can’t be right. So I go back to searching. I check all of the kitchen cabine...

Obligatory "this happened a few months ago" but I was only reminded about it today. TLDR at the end. First, a bit of background. I'm a pretty avid coffee drinker, beyond just having my normal cup of coffee each morning I like to rotate through different coffee beans I find to try them out, often looking for the ones that brew stronger tasting coffee since I like a dark black brew. I generally only drink a single cup each day, since I find when I drink more than that, the amount of caffeine makes me feel uncomfortable (so I also usually avoid energy drinks like 5-hour). Separate from my coffee habits, a number of years ago I had to get an ECG/general exam following an indirect lightning strike incident (separate story) which uncovered a murmur and abnormal heartbeat pattern. Something my doctor said was nothing to worry about right now, but to be aware that it could possibly be an issue later in life. Fast forward to when the fuck up occurred, I'm browsing coffee b...

This happened 20 minutes ago. Tomorrow my shift starts at 2pm, i didn't get much sleep today, so decided to head to my room to sleep early around 9pm, normally i sleep at 3am. Before sleeping i decided to light up a cigarette and smoke it while laying in my bed. This was a bad idea. Apparently my bed was so comfy, i managed to fall asleep with a cigarette (400°C) in my hand. I woke up, 1 minute later, with a pain in my right neck, i also saw a burning cigarette on my pillow, i realized at that moment what happened. Luckily nothing was on fire, thanks to the pain i woke up pretty fast avoiding the cigarette causing any more damage. I looked in the mirror to see what was causing the pain, my right neck was burned. The size of the burn looks like 2cm, in a circle shape. I put some ice on the burned spot in the meantime. TL;DR too tired, fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand, woke up with a burned neck.

Set the stage; I have been working for a few months in an area with a reputation for alcoholism for long-term occupants. I enjoy a good beer from time to time. I also enjoy a bad beer. In the immortal words of Psychostick, "Beer is good". When I was shopping for groceries a few weeks before I left, I stumbled upon Jelly Belly brand draft beer flavored jelly beans (recommended, by the way). I was jealously hoarding them during my trip. I had one tiny bag left when I got home. Being home, I decided to enjoy them at 9am. So far, so good. I am enjoying life at home without rules. Unfortunately, there was a problem. My girlfriend was very excited to see me, on account of being gone for a while. She comes over about an hour later, and in a fantastic mood. She comes over to me, and then pushes me back and says, tone thick with anger "You've been drinking already? It's *nine in the morning*. Now, I sure as hell have not been drinking, because I'm not a savage who...

I (23F) recently started working at a gas station that sells the usual lotto, cigs, drinks, candy, basic convenience stuff etc. We have a regular guy (approx 50M) that comes in to get lotto at least once an hour. I don't know his name, he told me his name was "new friend" when I asked. Today he came in about 5 hours into my 8 hour shift. He told me proudly "I have $16 in my bank account", then picked out $15 worth of scratch tickets. I rang them through and he attempted to pay. Declined. He took off a $2 card and said "ok try again". Declined. We continue doing that until we are down to 1 $3 card. Declined. I feel so sorry for this guy but it's my 5th shift and I don't know how to handle this. He demands to know why our machines keep declining him. I found the error code on the receipt so I was like "I'll Google it! It must be somewhere!" Error 51 means Insufficient funds. I show him on my phone what Google says and he trys to gr...

I (m29) don’t function well when I wake up startled. The first few moments are always very hazy, and that’s not great for actual emergencies like a fire for example. It also doesn’t help that I have two kids, a two year old and 5 year old, that are horrendous sleepers. We have tried everything but now it’s got to the point we realised that we will be sleep deprived until the end of time. The boss (f26) goes to her CrossFit classes early and then straight to work, so if I’m not up before 5am I don’t see her till I get back home after work at night. And it’s been the routine for a while now, and usually work it out that it’s her walking around the house. The kids are also used to it to cos they never stir. But today, for some reason, it just didn’t click. I stirred, I heard the footsteps, and I reached over to the other side of the bed to see if it was chief, and SHE WAS IN THE BED STILL oh god red alert we have an adult in the house that isn’t one of us! I sprang out of bed and star...

Was having an insane nightmare that there was an ugly bald dude in a white butcher apron peeping through a wall looking at my girl, I was completely committed to killing him I was determined that it was a good enough reason due to trespassing and peeping from another room at my place, I snuck up on him and began choking him as hard as I could(now that I think of it this part was off because he was a huge person like 6 ft 6 tall and I was choking him and he was not able to fight back at all) then apparently I woke up and I was choking my gf while she was pinching me as hard as she could for dear life. Released her as soon as I came to my senses and made sure she was good I explained the nightmare I was having and We were completely shook this had always been a fear of mine(acting out dangerous stuff in dreams in real life) Tldr; was having a nightmare where I was choking a peeping tom, woke up to me choking my gf :/

TLDR at the bottom. Happened today. Holy fuck my wife is pissed at me... and we are now trying to explain porn words to our 7-year-old daughter. Me: “I just worked out on our elliptical machine. I’m gonna take a shower.” My wife: ”We (her and our 7-year-old daughter) are headed to the grocery store to get food for the next week.” So, I head into the bathroom, start the shower, power up my Bluetooth speaker, fire up my app for electronic tunes, get the music cranking extremely loud and hit play. The app was set for the ‘Breaks’ channel and I didn’t think anything about it. If you don’t know, the Breaks electronic music genre can be very dirty/pornographic… tons of very sexual talk. It’s great, but it is definitely not for kids. Well, my wife’s car would not start. They never left our fucking house. So, I stepped out of the shower with a towel and looked to my left… just as some dude was literally singing ‘Pushing my dick down bitches throats’… and there was my 7-year-old daughter...

So this happened Valentine's day last year, and now that I think about it, I am such a dumbass for not picking up on the hints I should have known about for months before this happened. Here comes the story about how my inability to pick up hints might be the biggest fuck up I ever had of my life so far. So for keeping identities safe I will be referring to her as Sarah for this story. I'll also give a little backstory real quick. Met her back when were 11 and shared the same schools all the way to community college. We went through a lot together, from losing a close friend to cancer, me nearly dying from an ulcer, and other things. We were close and often we were teased by both friends and family that we are acting like a couple. I always brushed those things to the side since I always focused on school and family first before things I considered to be distractions at the time. So a few months before the event happened Sarah got a boyfriend and she introduced to me to him...

My friend's account. I (53, M) am one of those people who has fear of intimacy. I never let people get close to me because frankly I have no experience with reliable love. I don't know how to handle it and am mortified by the thought of it one day collapsing and leaving me feeling betrayed and abandoned. That is, before my current 20 year relationship. Because I never sought help, my insecurities have grown along with our love. I constantly push and test love, to prove it isn't real. Inevitably I did push my true love away, and am faced with starting over or going forward alone. There is a 3rd option. I could just skip the coming years of heartache and loneliness. At my age, it's not probable to expect such a deep connection ever again. Thats just me, all you people of a similar age. No offense. Also, having never been treated for my issues, they would surely repeat their cycle. In the time it would take to detangle my mess now, geez... I'd be in my golden years an...

My wife and I have been married 7 years and together 10. We have 3 children under 3. Parents I’m sure can relate that sexy time gets put on the back burner more than one wishes during the early stages of parenthood. As the kids have gotten a bit older and more independent , our sex life has returned with a vengeance and not much has been off limit as of late. We very much enjoy brining in toys , lotions , outfits to keep things fresh in between the sheets. We enjoy browsing Amazon finding new and exciting things to please each other. So recently I had made a rather large order on Amazon with lotions, edible panties , dildo, and a black leather outfit equipped with these strap type handles that rest on her waste for … let’s just say some extra umph. I work in a large office dominated by women. I’m an introvert at work and typically keep to myself but do have respect around the office. So a topic gets brought up where I think I can add my two sense and decide to whip out my phone to...

Strap yourselves in ladies and gentlemen. You're in for a ride. I posted this in a comment thread of r/ask and people on there requested I put it on "somewhere this story will get the recognition it deserves" and I was directed to here. Ok a little back story I got a rescue puppy back in January and she was terrified of everything and everyone. There was a pet store down the street I used to carry her to to try and expose her to the outside world and other people. The girl who worked at the pet store instantly bonded with my puppy, wow. My dog wouldn't let anyone else go near her without her crying or peeing or being terrified. So naturally we became regulars, and the more and more I interacted with this girl and the more I saw her interactions with my dog an other people in the store she seems super sweet and just an all around good person. I asked her for her number, even though I felt uncomfortable doing that to a woman in her place of work but she seemed rece...

TLDR I tried to transfer my OS to a new drive, wiped the old one, and totally destroyed my computer’s ability to boot when I really should know better. I do advanced troubleshooting for a living. I’ve been working in the field of technology for over 6 years and I have a bachelors in software development. If the saying is true about needing 10,000 hours of doing something to master it, I’ve gone well beyond that threshold. But that didn’t stop me from breaking my $2000 computer! :) I got a new M.2 NVMe SSD for my gaming laptop and I wanted to move Windows over to it because I had read that boot times are faster compared to SATA SSDs. So my laptop has 3 drives now: the original it came with, another SSD harvested from my previous gaming laptop, and now this new one. I did an entire system backup (thank god) and then I cloned the original disk to the new one. When I went into the BIOS to change the boot order however, I saw 3 identical Boot Manager options. Because at one point Windo...

Today I woke up in a panic at 6:50 thinking my alarm didn't go off. I am not scheduled in til 8:00 but I have been coming in at 7:00 to see how the opening crew is doing. My shop rule is if you're on the opening shift, you're to be there at 6:45, (Yes, they're paid to be there as soon as they arrive and paid while getting ready)clocked in, dressed, and ready to work to open everything up. For the customers who arrive at 7:00. I have remote access to my camera system so as I was looking to make sure everyone else was there and opening up. It was a ghost town, and I was pissed! I started flipping through cameras in disbelief that my whole crew was late. I text one advisor and asked him where he was and when he'd be in. Then text another advisor the same. Getting frustrated and ready to fly out of bed, quickly shower and race in to work I start typing a text to all my my technicians and asking WTH is going on and asking if they planned this on purpose. Then it hit me...

I'm 21F I met my ex when I was 14, we started dating when I was 15 for about 4 years till I was 19. Ofc this break up was hard for both of us, but we still wanted to remain ,,friends" I guess. Last week I saw him at the mall, I hadn't seen him in 2 years, but I was too nervous to come up to him and say Hello so I just went on with my day. I've been thinking about him the whole week, yk and yesterday night, I was laying there it was 2am. I didn't even think twice , I texted him something along the lines of : I know it's super random, but I just feel like telling you that I still love you very much. 3 minutes later he opened my message and left me on seen. And 15 minutes later there were a bunch of Police Officers and an Ambulance infront of my door •_•. I was terrified, I thinking they finna kill my black ass. At first I didn't want to open the door, so they started yelling, you don't have to do this, theres still a way out. I think at this point my...

Today my wife and I were enjoying the heavy rain by sitting in the car, parked at our local park, just listening to music and chatting while waiting for some Pokemon to show up on our radar. Im really bad with memory. Like, I ask my wife to remember all little things like appointments or a quick number, kinda like a human bookmark. While we were waiting, I was doing some inventory on my Pokemon with perfect IVs and was going to ask her to remember some specific numbers while I reference a guide online and, well... "Hey Alexa, remember these two level numbers for me, 14 and 22." No pause, got the whole request out, lmao. And she just loses it, cannot stop laughing. Then I realize, I just called my wife 'Amazon's Little Obedience Machine'. Priceless. I guess Alexa just listens to me more ya know? She never says no, its always just, "Okay." At least she found it funny 🤷🏻‍♂️.   TL;DR: was using my wife's brain as a notepad, called her by Amazon...

For the past month I (15M) didn't take care of my hair because in Europe it's still summer vacation, so I didn't care about how I looked since I'm not going outside anyways. So today I just did what I usually do which is: waking up, brushing my teeth and playing Super Mario Odyssey on my switch. While I was playing I noticed my scalp getting itchy but was not really bothered. So in the afternoon I went for a run (My hair was in a bun so my hair didn't look very messy) and when i came back my scalp was getting itchier, but I again wasn't very bothered because I was tired about. 10 minutes after my run I cool off and I started getting really bothered by my itchy scalp so I went to take a shower and washed my hair but to no avail it's still itching. TL;DR Didn't comb my curly hair and now my scalp is really itchy.

This happened a couple days ago. So, my gf agreed to help some friends out by being the respite for their 3 week old baby boy from the foster system while they took a short vacation. He's a baby whose mom was on meth. I agreed to help by house sitting for them, feed the dogs, etc. I've done this before so all's fine and dandy. Well, it's all working out until a few days ago when my gf comes over to the house and has the baby boy. I've always been standoff-ish about babies. Especially newborns. They're whiny, so fragile, and so I'm kinda intimidated by them, to be honest. My gf had a lot going on that night, and so I offer to help anyway I can. She says, "Well, if you could feed ______ (the baby), that would help a lot!" So, she shows me how to bottle feed him, burp him, and use the binky/passy, etc. Even how to hold him - I really don't know anything. Fast-forward a couple days later. Since then, I've been holding him and feeding him g...

Obligatory this happened last night. I'm airing out the wound and changing bandages today. My wife (27F) and I, (29M) went out last night for dinner and drinks. It'd been a long week and we've been raising a new rescue puppy and we needed some time outside the house without the new dog (who we've taken everywhere with us to get him socialized). Long story short, we kennel the puppy, feed the cat then walk downtown and eat Cajun food and listen to some music at a bar. Fun night all around. After the band finished, we paid our tab and began our drunken walk home (we weren't trashed, but were feeling good and a bit more than buzzed). So a little background, my wife and I engage in a little playful rough-housing on occasion. We're similar weight and I'm not much stronger than her so usually pretty evenly matched if we one of us gives a playful shove and we engage in a little playful wrestling. We're walking down the sidewalk a block or two from home do...

I[20m] live in a small town and my gfs older sister[f27ishs?] has herpes. My gf had showed me the medication bottle when i was at their house.tbh i think she was scared her sister might try to hit on me (they're a very dysfunctional family) Now almost two years later my friend is talking to the older sister. Im gonna be honest i know shes fast and hes stupid so tell him to wear a condom. He goes on this rant about how much better it feels raw (yada yada). So i tell him she has herpes and he immediately cuts her off. Then their dad comes and starts cursing me out and trying to get me to come outside to fight him Cuz ive been calling his daughter a slut. My gf had to take off work and calm her dad down but not before he dumped a can of paint on my car.now her mom who normally loves me is calling me a nword on facebook and theyre telling my gf she needs to pick sides. So tldr: tifu for telling my friend the girl he was talking to had herpes Edit: now theyre watching my house and...

So I’ve known my fiancé was going to propose for awhile. We went ring shopping a few months ago and he even told me when he ordered it. However, I had absolutely no idea when or how it was going to happen (I definitely should’ve picked up on it). Yesterday marked 5 years of us dating, so we went on a beautiful date today at an interactive museum that also has a park and pond. He had gone a few weeks prior to get some information about the area and planned out the whole day for us (hint #1). He didn’t tell me too much about the plans, but he said his roommate was going to tag along so we could get some nice pictures at a certain place he wanted to take me there (hint #2). About a week ago he kept asking me if I wanted to get my nails done for our date so they would look nice for our photos (hint #3), but I kept refusing. Yesterday evening he kept stressing that I wore something really nice for the date, even though it would be ridiculously hot and neither of us usually cares that muc...

This happened a few years ago but me and another coworker accidently triggered one of our coworkers. We have a small work place/shop where everyone's business is constantly spread around. So a coworker of ours recently started dating a girl after splitting from his wife. This new girl was a few years younger than him and did not have a driver's license and was going to college. We would kind of tease him about driving his GF everywhere. He was also somewhat reserved in speaking about his relationship (like intimacy) , but he would laugh stuff off. Anyways, he requested some time off to go take his GF to do her driving test. Later in the afternoon he came back to the shop and when he walked in , I asked "so how did the test go?" And my other coworker said "yea did she pass it?". In response he just looked at both of us in a confused way and angrily spouted "what the ****? " He shook his head and said "why does everybody need to know all my bus...

TW: Death Obligatory on mobile, and this happened a few days ago. So I live in a triplex with my boyfriend, and the other two units are occupied by an elderly man (same floor, entrance to his unit is on the other side of the building), and a guy around my age upstairs. A few weeks ago, my unit lost power for a few days, resulting in all of our food in the freezer going bad. After coming back from my boyfriend’s parent’s house, we noticed a smell in our kitchen. I just assumed it was the freezer from the meat inside going bad. So I removed everything and scrubbed it out, but the smell remained. It was like this for a week or so, kind of lost track of how long, but I just assumed that it was me needing to air out the freezer more. A few days ago, my upstairs neighbor knocked on my door asking if I could smell the ungodly smell he had in his unit. Not connecting that I had a smell in my fridge, I said no. He said it had been there for a few days and he could not get rid of it. The n...

Obligatory first time post, on phone etc. This happened around 2 hours ago, as I type this, I'm waiting for my train home. I work at Asda (UK version of Walmart) as a service host. Today I was on checkouts. As per my training, we learned the basics on how to scan everything through, employee discounts and a few different types of gift card. A woman came in with her shopping with a couple of healthy food vouchers, fairly normal. However, these vouchers work slightly differently than other gift cards, which I didn't know. It wasn't scanning through, so I type the bar code I see and press gift card on the till. It then printed the receipt, which was confusing, so I called one of my managers over to see what the issue was. Turns out, when you type a number and press gift card, the number typed is the amount on the gift card you're spending. The number I typed meant I would've had to give the woman over £2 million change! Luckily, my managers managed to sort the issue,...

So, I have to take medication. Said medication gives me extremely low libido, so I basically go months without jerking it. I take said medication every day at the same time, and to make myself a little more enthusiastic about it, I set the alarm to Jotaro Kujo’s theme from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. So far so good, right? Well, this morning was one of those rare days when I wanted to tickle the pickle (except I’m AFAB, but I can’t think of a better euphemism at the moment). So here I am, enjoying myself, using a certain pink vibrating object as well. All fun and games, right? I have some random ASMR with my favourite voice actor playing on my phone to help keep me in the mood. It’s all great. So I’m starting to near the end, obviously enjoying myself. I pick up the pace to just get it over with. It’s great. Well, here’s the thing - I forgot to check the time before I started. The moment the dam breaks and I’m in bliss, my pill alarm starts sounding. And I’m talking the exact moment ...

So, I’ve always loved ice cream. I ate it all the time as a kid when I was allowed to. Every Sunday, honestly starting not too long after my twin brother and I could walk, we would go swimming at the pool at our great grandmother’s house and eat ice cream afterwards. Absolutely loved it. Loved tossing blueberries she grew in her backyard in the ice cream. 10/10 would recommend, just make sure there aren't any spiders still hanging out on the blueberries. Sometimes I was a little hesitant to eat it because it always made my throat feel super weird. My throat would feel like it was swollen or closing. It happened with the ice cream and whenever I drank cold milk or used cold milk with cereal in the morning. Or if I grabbed a slice of cheese out of the fridge for a sandwich for lunch if I didn't have time to get something else. Man, all of these dairy products were really making my throat swell! You see the pattern, right? Well, little child me didn’t! Little Child Hufflehugs ...

I work as a waitress at a pretty busy venue. This evening we were chock-a-block busy for a solid couple of hours. In my section, I had a table of 6 gentlemen who were all mutual friends. One gentleman in particular ordered a Peroni Libera (the non alcoholic beer) with his meal. Later on that evening the same man asked for another "Peroni" so I sent another through on my little electronic ordering system - not realising that this was the man who ordered the non-alcoholic one before. I reckon about 30-40 minutes passed before the man came up to the front desk to talk to me. He starts to tell me that he was given the wrong beer & I came to the realisation he actually wanted the non-alcoholic one. He then proceeded to inform me that he "hasn't had a drink for 10 years" but now that's all gone to shit because I put through the wrong one. He became quite angry & he got very heated. I just felt a wave of shame & embarrassment wash over me as I contin...

This happened 3 years ago. I was doing some shopping when this guy approached me and said “omg, hey SandPractical, it’s been forever. How are you?”. Pause. This is the exact moment I fucked up. Now I admit, my memory isn’t winning me any Guinness records, but usually after a couple seconds whatever I’m trying to remember will come to me. So anytime in the past if someone approached me that clearly knew me, but I couldn’t remember them, I’d just pretend I did know them and usually through the stories they tell it would come back to me. So I made the decision, and pretended I knew exactly who he was. So we make small talk. How’s the family? Where are you working? Blah blah blah…here’s the problem. This guy was asking me if I remembered stuff that I definitely didn’t remember, but I thought, man he sounds so confident. It had to of happened. After a few minutes of this, and total confusion on my part, I tell him it was awesome catching up but I have to get going. He asks if he can get ...

Obligatory this didn’t happen today but a few days ago. Also sorry for formatting typed this on a phone. TLDR at the bottom cause it’s kind of long. So my morning routine is I get up brush my teeth take a shower and drive to school (I’m fully vaccinated and my college requires a mask mandate). I do this everyday, sometimes I mix it up and take a dump before I take a shower. School was starting 30 minutes later so to compensate I put my alarm thirty minutes ahead and went to sleep. I woke up an hour before the alarm with the intense drive and determination to take a shit. Shit counter: 1 You’ve probably heard of a mans man but the shit I took was a shits shit, there was simply put, a lot of shit in that toilet. It started off solid and halfway through turned into diarrhea. No worries this happened every once in a while, and I sometimes took shits in the mornings anyway. So I headed to the living room started some work and ten minutes later I took a dump. Shit Counter: 2 Ten minute...

Hey reddit, I didn't think I'll be seeing you here. I want to bring people up to date first. I made this asccount to find legal advice over a situation I had about lottery winnings. Me (22M) and 3 of my friends who I lived with Mark (25M) Luke (22M, now 23) and Abbie (22F) used to all buy tickets using our shared account of money and just chill to pass the time and gamble a little bit. It was a nice way to spend lockdown together and became a little bit of a tradition. Luke, Mark and I decided to go out one night which Abbie decide to stay over with her girlfriend. The next day she became super distant from all of us which drew my suspicion. These suspicions were right when Abbies girlfriend asked me what I'd do with my winnings. That's when I posted on reddit for legal advice. The response was quite overwhelming at first. I posted it and expected a couple of responses after an hour but I came back with more than I bargined for. All of them seemed to be supportive...