greenmangostudio

Obligatory this actually happened 35 seconds ago. Today, after deciding to come onto reddit, I [M30], noticed something funny happening in a subreddit called r/tifu . Comments being deleted and mod messages flying. I actually spent more than 10 seconds thinking about whether or not the situation at hand was planned or an elaborate attack by some of the world's greatest hackers. Then I realised that its much more fun watching people freak out in the comments. To summarise, I dont know what's going on, but watching people attempt to communicate withour vowels is probably the funniest thing I've seen in my life. Also, I bet a bunch of us never knew how well we can read when all the vowels are replaced by random characters such as x's, y's, or random symbols. A E I O U, and sometimes Y. TL;DR: I have no idea what's going on in this sub but its hysterical.

God I literally wanna die. Earlier today I had to reset my Apple Id password and my dad and I are under the same apple id, it’s a long story, why we do that is irrelevant, but after I reset the password I guess it merged our Imessage so he can receive messages sent to my phone number. Well. I have been sending messages to a guy where he explicitly discusses his piss kink, among other absolutely sinful kinks, and my dad saw it all. This poor poor man. He’s the sweetest most wholesome human I will ever know and he had to witness these, as he put it, “vile messages of people peeing on each other”. Kill me. I’m not even into that kink. I’m just bored and playing along and now I’ve tainted my relationship with my dad. This isn’t even the first time apple synced our messages. I just never learn. TL;DR: Apple merged my imessages with my Dad and he saw the most vulgar degenerate sexts I have ever sent a person

I have three cats, one is 8 years old, the other is 5 years old, and one is a kitten, 11 months old. This kitten, Cupcake, is the most insane kitten in the world. She is EXTREMELY intelligent, and completely crazy. She never ceases to amaze me the things she can do - such as open latches, and get into just about anything and everything. But as amazing, sweet, and playful as she is, she can also be very difficult and extremely destructive. In the last two weeks or so, she has developed probably her most destructive habit yet. She climbs onto shelves and pushes everything off. We've had breakages. We've had to basically cat-proof our entire house now, because she is getting on all the shelves and knocking everything off. We've tried saying NO, making noises, distracting her with toys, and all that. But we can't watch her 24/7, and if our backs are turned for 2 minutes, we hear a series of bangs and crashes, and she's right back on any shelf or surface she has acces...

Walking through Brussels airport early this morning I came across a giant Easter bunny character giving away chocolate eggs. Never one to turn down free chocolate, especially Belgian, I happily took one. Without thinking I put foil-wrapped goodie in my jeans pocket and then, preoccupied about getting through passport control and then to my flight, completely forgot about it. Several hours into my flight to New York I put my hand in my pocket and was like “what’s that?” A second later I came to the realization that I had a pocket full of gooey melted chocolate! The image of that bunny will haunt my dreams for a long time. TL:DR I got free chocolate in the airport, put it in my pocket and then immediately forgot about it, leading to a major pocket mess.

Before you read my story, apparently there is an April Fools Bot that pretty much deletes every comment. So I partially fucked up by posting today, not realising what day it is... So my dad sends me a pencil drawing asking what do I think. Looked like a tattoo to be, and not a very good one at that. Also my sister got a tattoo recently, so I guessed my dad was also thinking of one. For some reason she chose to get it from our neighbor who is a scratcher at best, but her was a very simple desing. The pencil drawing was of an animal, but tje eyes were wrong, the nose and mouth were slightly in the wrong place and the nose also looked like a piggs snout. Not wanting to be overly negative but sort of expecting where this was going I wrote that if the picture is to be a tattoo, it's a 4/10 at best (being generous). I hoped either dlthe design could be altered, or better yet I could persuade my dad to go get it from a real tattoo artist. I myself have a sleeve and a piece ony leg and I...

I would like to start this post by saying I know that what happened to my boyfriend wasn't my fault, Im not implying that, but I know I struggle with articulation so I wanted to clear that up. Obvious throwaway, and apologies for formatting. My boyfriend (20 M) and I (21 TF) have been since together since October, and not too long before we started dating he was raped. He's mentioned to me that he may have problems with intimacy, and that sex was off the table in any relationship before we started dating, and I was fine with that. I'm a very cuddly person, and he knows that. He's told me in the past he wants to heal and wants me to be intimate, but I'm now realizing the extent to what this is doing to him. We were cuddling in my car and he goes silent, not answering me verbally, which is a sign he's kinda out of it (we're both autistic and go non verbal when overstimulated, so it is my sign something is wrong) and turns out he's having a panic attack. ...

I (22M) had a busy day today. I’m in the process of finding a new job and I had more than 3 interviews. I worked from 8 to 12 in the morning. Left work, attended 3 interviews at 3 different corners of my city. I’d come home and I’d given word to my cousin id help him out with his work, cleaning commercial windows. I didn’t finish until 10. I got back home around like 10.30 ish and called my girlfriend. We’ll she’s not my girlfriend cause we haven’t made it official yet but we both consider we’re a couple but we don’t wanna put a name to it. She said she’d never missed me more that how much she’s missed me today. I honestly did miss her too. I just didn’t have the time to call her and have a proper chat all day. It was just short texts and calls. We both really missed each other and we both were extremely horny too. I told her come to mine and she agreed. She told me don’t fall asleep I’ll be there in 35 mins. I agreed, I told myself I should go open the door for her if I fall asleep b...

So I like to bake and I sell my baked goods. I do pretty well and have gotten lots of positive response for my efforts. I have no kids and no pets. I also work in a professional kitchen so I like to keep my stuff nice and clean. No cross contamination. I tend to be very careful about all that. So, sometimes I like to make appreciation pastries for my employees. Brownies, French macarons, cakes and such. It's a kind enough gesture and they all know me as the one who bakes. WELL The cook at the kitchen that I work decided that she wanted to bring me some chicken casserole from home. Well let me tell you a bit more about myself. I don't trust ANYONE Never. I don't trust most things unless I see it happening. (Reasonably) So when people bring me food. I don't trust that they take the same level of care that I do when in the kitchen. I received a cheesecake once that had several German Shepard hairs sprinkled throughout (barf) that started my apprehension towards other...

Today I was already having a bad day as a professor almost made me have two admonition. When I returned home I was reading the class groupchat because yesterday they talked a lot and I had nothing better to do. In a moment they were criticizing the EF teacher (the one that almost gave me an admonition) and because I don't like him I wanted to send a screenshot to my friend group chat saying that I agree with them. Later they said something funny about him and I wanted to send that too but accidentally sent that screenshot to the class groupchat. The thing is, almost all of my classmates hate me so I decided that if they hated me, why shouldn't I hate them too? And as I thought it would be funny (this is a very stupid thing) to read the conversations with them being in my contacts as "Rat" and then being enumerated, I added them to contacts like that. So when I sent the screenshot it said "Rat 7". When I sent it I immediately realized that I fucked up so ...

Okay so, here’s a little context – I grew up in a big family (7 kids, I’m the 2nd youngest) with conservative Christian parents who were different flavors of abusive (my Mom tended toward emotional and psychological abuse whereas my Dad was more physically violent). When I was 3 y.o. my family moved from CA to WA and soon after the relocation my Dad peaced out. He’d send random Christmas gifts in the couple of years that followed but otherwise we didn’t really hear from him. He and my Mom had been through a long, ugly divorce anyway and he’d lost any custody he might’ve had in the process. Understandably at that point, my Mom had a lot on her plate. Between working two jobs to support us and attending college classes to get a teaching degree, she was rarely home. Instead, my older sister would occasionally act as babysitter for me and my two sisters and, when needed, my brothers (who were all 3 slightly older and usually excluded us younger girls from hanging out with them). When my ...

I’ll begin this story with the fact that I’m a 16f. Well a couple days ago I was out at the park with my 8 year old cousin and he has Down syndrome. We were at the park for about an hour having fun playing around and he was going on slides, etc. There was a group of girls around my age that showed up. After they saw us they were laughing and making fun of my cousin. They were pretty close and he noticed what they were doing, he got pretty upset, his attitude changed and he just wanted to go home. I feel like I fucked up by just letting these girls fuck with him like that and he got mad at me about it and was in a bad mood the rest of my time with him. TL;DR: TIFU by letting random girls make jokes and laugh at my cousins disability without defending him.

After years of being a TIFU Reader, I have finally fucked up in a hilarious (for you) and awful, awful way (for me) and so I'm now joining the ranks of TIFU Poster. So this morning I accepted a job offer (yay!). It was a difficult decision because I enjoy my current job and I love my coworkers, but the new position is a better fit with the kind of work I want to be doing. I got an email from the recruiter this afternoon confirming my acceptance. Because I haven't signed a contract yet, I also haven't given my current employer my notice, and it's been a bit uncomfortable being at the office acting normal when I know I'll be dropping this bomb soon. We are a small company, I'm in a close-knit team of only 4 people, all of us are good at our jobs and we are quite busy. My leaving will be unexpected and not great for the team, and I do feel bad about it. Unfortunately for me, I now have an even better reason to feel bad. So this afternoon I was in a meeting wit...

So this actually occurred 3-4 years ago and I only found out today what’s actually wrong. My partner and I, both women, decided to have some fun one night. At some point I was doing myself with a toy while also doing my girlfriend. We were laying in an L shape and I think the problem was that I couldn’t stretch my arm out as much as I needed to. As the big finish occurred I felt a muscle pull at the back of my neck as far as I thought it could go and then it stretched even more. I can only imagine comparing it to stretching a deflated balloon so far the color distorts. The pain was immediate and confusing cause I was right in the middle. It felt like a ton of fire ants marching up and down that muscle and like I could suddenly puke. I just assumed it was a neck strain from hell and it took a few weeks to start feeling like a functional human again. I had to stop using a pillow and be careful how I turned my neck. Now, I still don’t use a pillow, which I actually kind of enjoy now, ...

I (33F) have a new boyfriend (40M) I am head over heels about. He is smart and handsome and kind and so sexy. We have been going out for a couple of months and I am completely enamored. We decided to go away for a weekend to NYC and he surprised me at the hotel with the most decadent, buttery pastries and I couldn't stop myself. I ate them despite knowing my stomach wouldn't be happy after. And it wasn't. It was rumbling and cramping. But I held the gas in like a trooper. There was no way this Romeo was gonna see that side of me. So I went to to take a shower. I made sure the water was coming down nice and loud. My dream man was in the other room. Door was closed. Coast was clear. It was good, I would just let a few controlled toots out so there was no way he could hear it. Alas, as the little trumpet let out it's first notes, I felt the arms of this beautiful man wrap themselves around me from behind. He wanted to surprise and join his sexy new girlfriend in the showe...

Today is my dad's (47m) birthday. I (26f) texted him earlier in the day to wish him a happy birthday and let him know we would come visit him this weekend. I was cleaning house in a black bodysuit and booty shorts and caught a glimpse of myself in a full length mirror while putting the broom back in the closet. I thought I looked kind of cute so I snapped a couple Spicy pics to send my husband. Without looking I opened my messaging app and I sent one full body and one booty only Pic. I accidentally sent them to my dad since he was the last person I texted. Mortified, I immediately texted him telling him not to open his messages and to give his phone to my mom to delete what was sent as it wasn't meant for him. I called my mom asking if he was home, but he's at work. This took place about an hour ago, and I just got a text back from my dad that he opened the messages before he saw the word 'delete.' Then right after "Rest assured they are deleted." TLDR; a...

It's a few weeks before my husband's 40th birthday, we don't usually have big parties, but 40 is special and I want to throw him a big surprise party to celebrate. So I have been planning a big party. I don't have all the numbers of his friends though so I was making a guest list, I secretly checked his phone to get their numbers for the invite. When I opened his contacts though, I noticed a strange text he had sent a few weeks ago. It read, "Hello, I was wondering if you have any availability tonight? Possibly, late night? Thank you." "Incall or outcall" "Incall for after midnight" This text exchange had occurred when he was on a business trip. Yep, this was obviously in relation to scheduling an indiscretion... Confused and worried, I started shaking uncontrollably as looked through more of his messages and discovered more messages. Feeling betrayed and heartbroken with my life shattered into a million pieces, I confronted him abou...

After seeing the Coeliac post I thought I should post this as a cautionary tale. First off I’ll add the obligatory ‘this didn’t today’, this actually happened in mid 2020 in the height of COVID. So to start with I need to say that I have coeliac disease which means my body starts attacking itself if I eat gluten. Typically if I eat gluten I have a reaction similar to food poisoning and within 30-60 mins of eating everything goes through me and then I feel like I’ve been beaten up for the next 24 hours. Another side effect of being coeliac is that we are forced to eat below par food constantly. One thing I had been missing was crumpets and so my wife decided to be a darling and she made home made crumpets. After we had eaten them she realised that she used the wrong soy milk and it actually contained gluten. Typically I react from just a few crumbs so I braced for impact. After a few hours nothing had happened (pleasantly surprised) so I went to bed as normal. At around 2am I woke...

So my workplace has become quite rich in languages as more newcomers are immigrants. I learned as a kid that when getting to know new people with different languages it’s good to learn how to be polite in the new language. More is better of coarse, but basic manners should be a must. So I can say ’good morning’, ’thank you’ and ’you’re welcome’ in a few different language. Not much else, I forget easily. This week I studied from the internet a new ’good morning’. Today I used the term exitingly to a new co-worker with a language barrier, who doesn’t speak my language more than a couple words. I was giddy that I can tell her good morning in her language. I should have double checked, as it seems I used wrong ending. She got frustrared and scolded me, corrected which enging I should have used, and with a long rant I can only assume the meaning of, reminded that she HAS to and WANTS to learn my language and I’m NOT helping if I start using hers. She’s lovely and calm personality so I m...

Since my original post , I've become friends with one of the other guys my ex gf wrote about in her manuscript. He saw my post on Reddit and sent me a message. I didn't read or respond to his message for weeks because I was struggling to keep up with all the other messages in my inbox. When I finally opened his message, I realized he introduced himself as The Virgin, which made me think of one of the chapters in the manuscript. I checked the manuscript, and sure enough, there it was, The Virgin, chapter 52. The Virgin's message to me had details about my ex gf and her manuscript that I never shared with anyone on the internet. Based on what he shared, I was convinced he was who he said he was. As we were comparing notes, it became clear to me that he hated his chapter more than I hated mine. The Virgin, according to the manuscript, was ashamed to tell my ex gf (or our ex) that he was a virgin before the two of them eventually had sex, but he was proud to inform her that h...

This happened 5 minutes ago and I never want to leave the house again. About a week or so ago, I got a note through my door saying that my package couldn't be delivered, and that I'd have to go and pick it up from the local postal office. I've been putting it off for a while now, mostly because it's not that close, the place closes at awkward times, and I've only just recently moved to this area, but I decided that today is the day I would go and finally pick it up. I leave the house, walk 2 minutes up the road, and try to arrange an Uber (I can't drive). Not a single one is accepting the ride, and I decide that this is a sign I should go home and try again tomorrow, taking the bus instead (wouldn't have had time to get there today). Almost immediately after putting my phone away, I hear a group of people round the corner behind me, mocking what sounds like my coat. "Wow, this guy must think he's Harry Potter of something". After hearing tha...

Actually happened on Thursday. Around 8pm I went to the gym for leg day. Started with ab exercises and on to goblet squats. After a set of lunges I started to breath heavily with my heart rate was way higher than normal. I put down the weight, and try to wait it. I was still feeing off and so i decide to sit on the gym floor. I knew enough that once I felt normal, I was just going to call it a night there. All of a sudden I start feeling lightheaded until eventually vomit came out. I got up and told the employee while apologizing. I most likely ruined multiple people's nights. I usually go ro the gym 5/6 times a week and now I haven't gone to the gym since then out of embarrassment. Every time I think about the event I feel sick. TL;DR Went to the gym and started feeling sick after some up/down movement and eventually vomited on the gym floor. Now too embarrassed to go back

This actually happened last Thursday, but it’s an ongoing event, so I think it counts! This might be a bit rambling, but that’s because I’m trying to focus on something else while my heel hurts like a motherfucker, read on to find out why! Me and some friends went on a ski trip and had a dope ski in ski out flat up a very slippery hill. On the second night of our trip we decide to go get some pizza in town. It’s a fairly short walk down a very slippery hill, I suggest we take a cheap taxi as it’s very slippery and none of us have grippy shoes. My idea is shot down. Anyway so off we go penguin walking our way down the hill. When we’ve almost reached the bottom and we’re almost safe on the flat main square I lose my balance but because I have cat like reflexes I manage to get my legs firmly under me before I fa- then I hear it, I think everyone hears it, a very loud SNAP. I fall to the ground and calmly tell the others “I think I broke my foot”, they look at me like I’m an idiot. The...

NSFW for a story containing both too much and far too little poop So, I’m an idiot. This probably begins about age ten, where every time I ate a lot of pizza I would break out in a sort of nightmare-level rash on the backs of my knees and elbows. Being a sane child, I knew in my heart that pizza could never betray me like this and so blamed the most likely culprit - pepperoni. Time passed and, in my young adulthood, I essentially developed the bowel control of an elderly Labrador. I was incapable of holding in a fart even under the most desperate of circumstances, and they would pass through me freely like a breeze through a cavernous tunnel. I pooped what I believed to be a normal amount for a healthy adult woman - four to five times a day. Other women would tell me they pooped merely once a day, if at all, and I would laugh at their obviously inferior intestinal fortitude. The farts didn’t hold me back anymore than I held them back. All it took to get through a night out or a c...

So, I’m getting surgery, and when I met the surgeon, I quite literally became Twitter-pated, transfixed, obsessed, hypnotized. He is so good looking he should be on tv. Plus, he’s a really caring one too. I harbor no illusions about a relationship, but I’m crushing hella hard. I’m also surprised about my feelings because I’ve never felt this way about any doctor. So anyhow, the surgery was postponed & today I just got the update. I was also going over new symptoms with her. I was so happy that I blurted out to the scheduler that—-please don’t tell him but he’s soooo hot, I mean those blue eyes & everything!! Welllllll—he was ON the call. I just heard him say,” Well, that’s good to hear!” I wanted to die. How and I gonna face this man surgery day? TL;DR: Got surgery date & fessed my undying love for my surgeon to scheduler, surgeon heard everything.

I was overly worried about something and impatient, and I wanted to see what was in my records. I ended up requesting medical records from two hospitals (and requested medical records from two other places that haven't responded yet), the online process for requesting records from both hospitals was extremely quick and easy. The website page that contains info about the process of requesting medical records mentions that there may be a charge for it, but I foolishly assumed that if a fee or charge applied to the documents that I would be informed ahead of time, before I actually received them...mind you, I have NO money (I live in job corps ffs). When I got a copy of my record request emailed to me it mentioned nothing about fees. When I originally received my records via email they again mentioned nothing about any fees or charges, however it provided a invoice # and pin for me to use to sign into a portal where I access the records. Once I got in, part of the screen said in larg...

Obligatory this happened last summer. Been meaning to share this story and I finally got over it so enjoy the ride. Also, english is my second language so let's not shit on me. Last summer I was traveling to Budapest, Hungary. My family went on this crazy tour visiting all of these beautiful places. I decided to join them for a couple of days and choose Budapest (worst mistake ever. Even worst then eating a Babybell including the red wax). I flew in on a Friday. We had a lovely day catching up and exploring the city. After spending the day with the family I decided to go out and meet some people. I decided to get a drink in the hotel bar first before going to a club. I was staying in the Sheraton, which was close to the centre so I could just walk to the nearest club afterwards. I went to the bar to get my drink and I locked eyes with what I felt was a supermodel. She was beautiful, and she knew it. I walked up to her to introduced myself and after that we just hit it off. We sat...

this happened roughly ten minutes ago. so, i (20F) have been talking to this cute guy for a couple weeks on bumble. i’m really enjoying talking to him. he’s super sweet and funny, and has a lot of personality. last week, he asked me what my ideal first date was and i said coffee because idk, i like coffee and talking!!! lol!! and we agreed to tuesday which is now tomorrow. i’ve been really busy all week and lo and behold was just scrolling through fucking tiktok when it hit me— OUR DATE IS TOMORROW AND I DO NOT KNOW WHEN OR WHERE WE ARE MEETING. shit! relevant background, my mom has also been asking me when i’m free on tuesday for an unspecified event. she will NOT give me details. she is very adamant that it is a surprise. i know it was “more expensive than the zoo, but less expensive than the concert we went to a couple weeks ago”. that’s IT. right?? super vague. i love my mom, she’s so excited about it lmao. anyway, i hit ole pal with this message, which i have copied and past...

I just got home from work today and spotted a contractor working on my apartment building. This is the second time I’ve seen him around here, and last time I thought he looked familiar. So tonight I asked him what his name was, because I work in a pharmacy and I wondered if he was one of our patients. Turned out he is one of the regulars. I told him my name and said, “I’m always checking you out.” He replied, “yeah, same here.” I meant, I’m the cashier always checking out/ringing up his prescriptions for him. But now he thinks I was hitting on him, and he is likely to follow suit next time I see him at the pharmacy. Oh crap. TL;DR I ran into a customer outside of work, told him I always check him out, he said same, but I meant ringing up his purchases.

Alright so basically about 30 minutes ago I (18M) got to go on my break, and needed to piss. I did my thing, washed my hands, but got too invested in this Bonnie and Clyde article I was reading. Without even realizing it, I put the toilet cover down, put one foot up on it, and just spent like 10 minutes reading this article, I was so invested and kept jumping from article to article. I somehow forgot to lock the bathroom door, and so it swung open and it was my manager himself. At first he turned away and said “oh sorry” but then realized that I had just one foot up on the toilet with my phone in the other. He gave me the weirdest look and just walked away without saying anything. How the fuck do I explain being in a masturbating position with my phone in hand while in the bathroom at work lol TL;DR I was reading an article at work with my foot up on the toilet and my manager walked in on me and (probably) thought I was jerking off.

I'm pretty new to the company and in one of my first major presentations to the company I messed up. In the midst of fancy tech speak, I was talking through geolocation services and happened to say a phrase that I thought I knew my whole life. But didn't. I said "we can target it with piss-point accuracy". I thought it did a great job until at the end my colleague said "we could have done without that potty talk though ya think?" We got into a tiny debate about piss versus pin. I always knew it as that because when you're peeing, you want to be accurate and hit the middle of the toilet or urinal. No mess to wipe down. Mama's not angry. Though as my coworker noted, pins, makes sense especially when we are talking about maps. Realizing that I might have been certainly definitely embarrassingly wrong, I was ready to concede, hang up the video, and crawl up into a ball. Another colleague chimed in "that was funny though at least you got a chuckle f...

We live in the end unit of a condo, so we only have neighbors one side and we share the wall on that side. When we had just moved in we found out the previous tenants were hoarders and had created a rat problem in our walls. The way they scratched is burned into my brain. That’s all solved now thankfully. Before the current neighbours there were two families, both of them with teenagers, one of them with a kid with autism that their mom told us he screams and throws stuff, both families have two big dogs. NEVER heard a peep from them in our house. Nothing. Nada. Like the house next to us was unoccupied. The family that’s living next to us is just a couple and their young kid, maybe 5-6 years old. And yet they are the noisiest people I’ve ever met. They seem to be moving furniture around the whole freaking day, we can hear them stomping, we can hear their TV, they yell at each other constantly, it’d be funny if it wasn’t so annoying. Two days ago while I was watching TV they started...

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some advice after my terrible experience last weekend in Dallas for my birthday. My two friends (let's call them Bob and Steve) and I went out for a night on the town, and we ended up at a strip club. We had already had a few drinks at dinner, and things were going well until the dancers started offering us drugs. ​ At first, I didn't realize what was happening, but after taking the first hit, I sobered up enough to wonder how we even got it in the first place. Despite my better judgment, we continued to party because everyone seemed to be having a good time. Later, the club staff took Bob and me to the office, stating we had made a large purchase. At that point, I was extremely intoxicated and didn't question it. They said the charge was $10,000, and I signed the transaction with my credit card. Bob was also charged $8,000. I remember him saying it was something about service fees for the girls. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but in ...

We had been engaged 4 months and things were going great. Literally the best relationship I’ve ever had. Ironically just this morning we were talking about how strong we were and don’t have any issues like other couples seem to have. I had mentioned we should talk about future financial planning, she has said the other times I brought this up that she wants she would rather wait until we are actually married. Then she asked what’s the difference if we wait until then? I said about what happens if it doesn’t work out? Then she asked if so I meant a prenup and I hesitantly well I would like to keep my house. Over the next 5 minutes she went from “I’m fine” to “I can’t marry you” and now I have a month to move out (my place is rented out on the other side of the country, we live in her place where I contribute to the mortgage). For perspective, we have roughly the same assets (a house and car each), and I made a bit more than her and have more savings. Her perspective is it’s horrible...

I (43f) have a severe dental phobia. My husband has to take the kids to the dentist because I just cannot be in the building. I brush and floss to try and minimise the need, but then this happened. About a decade ago, I bit into something crunchy and a tooth snapped in half. It didn't cause any pain, so I left it. I brushed as usual, flossed as usual, but I found that I had a really bad taste in my mouth. I bought an electric floss thing that uses water and tried that. Foul smelling food fell out. I was mortified, but I'd found the solution and carried on my usual routine. Cut to decade later. It's night time. I brush my teeth, floss my teeth, and use the electric flosser. I do a quick visual check to make sure the hole is clear, when I see something. I grab some plastic tweezers that I have, and I start to dig around. I thing I have it, so I pull it out. It was a hair. A disgusting, discoloured hair wrapped up in my tooth with clumps of food stuck to it. I am so morti...

Hello! I fucked up bad and I'm feeling pretty dumb right now, I didn't sleep all night after what I just did. To give a bit of a context, I(20 F) am studying in animation, and I've been in this really good school for 3 and half years. I had the option to keep going and apply for the Master of this same school and that's what most of my classmates are doing, but I felt the need to go somewhere else, expand my horizons, meet new people and learn new things to get a clearer idea of what I want in my life. Also, this school is super expensive, and I would have felt bad to make my parents pay for something I wasn't even motivated enough for. So I decided to take the bet to not apply and go to another school, which is a radical decision I am not used to. I found a school that turned out to be exactly what I was looking for. Small, cheap, with very strong values about art, scriptwriting and teamwork. This school is very difficult to get in, as it only welcomes 10 student...

So, this happened last month. I felt so terrible about it, but not gunna lie, i kinda chuckled.... So, my mother came to visit for the first time in years. I was excited to host her. She slept in my room and i took the couch. The day before she showed up, i (as borat would say) made hand party, and like every guy ever, i finished up, and wiped up with the nearest Tshirt. I then put the shirt in my dirty clothes hamper and forgot about it. The next day, mom comes and after i get her settled in my bedroom, she takes a shower and stuff, then comes out WEARING THE SAME SHIRT. It was red heather, so it was hard to see the stain, but they were clearly visible on her back. MORTIFIED, i go "MOM that shirt is dirty, lemme get you a new one, dont take shirts from my dirty laundry." She was none the wiser, and i will NEVER EVER EVER tell her the truth of that day. TL;DR: mom wore my cum shirt.

So I (22 F) am overweight, just for reference, my ideal weight is 55kg (around 120lbs) and I currently wight 86kg (almost 190lbs). Lucky for me, I don't show myself being that much weight by being the curvy type of fat, so people usually just shrug it over by me being curvy. Well, I do also have TERRIBLE posture. I don't know why but i usually relax myself by curving my spine. So yeah, tho I don't look that much fat, my belly does round up because of my bad posture. Fast forward to today, I hopped on the train to head towards my bf house. The weather is fucking hot and I was tired for running to catch the train, so I was basically waving fresh air to my face with a hand fan. Suddenly, an old woman (maybe 60-70 y.o) taps my shoulder and shows me her seat, I got startled by this because well...no one ever has gave me their seat on a full train. I shrugged it over thinking that the woman would leave the train on the next station but she didn't, she waited until other sea...

Obligatory this didn't happen today, but a week ago on St Patrick's day. Me and my housemates threw a house party last week for St Patrick's day, and invited a load of people over to get drunk and have a bit of fun. For some reason, a lot of the night comprised of my friends slapping each other across the cheek, something I was not particularly fond of. After a few drinks however, someone challenged me to slap him as hard as possible. At first I declined, but as the Guinness and jamesons flowed into my bloodstream, a bad idea took over my head and I decided to get into a slapping competition with someone half a foot taller than me. He said it was fine for me to slap him as hard as possible, I was presuming on the cheek, so I did. I then backed out, nervous at the thought of being hit by him. He gave my some reassurance, saying that he'd give me a "little slap on the cheek." We were both drunk at this point and what followed was a full power smack directly on...

I was born in Singapore, spent most of my childhood abroad, and only moved back at 17. Maybe if I grew up there I would have known more seriously how they treat crime and misbehaviour. I didn't pay much attention in school and got involved in crime in my late teens and earlier 20s, eventually escalating to robbery. I didn't use a real weapon but pretended I had one, and it worked well for a while in a place where most people are unaccustomed to street crime, until inevitably I eventually got caught. This was during the early pandemic so they maybe factored that in when giving me a comparably short prison term at only 2 year, but I think the judge made up for it by ordering 12 strokes of the cane, a bit higher than I expected. I knew it would hurt but I had no idea how bad it actually would be. Prison was no fun, of course, but the worst was that they don't tell you what day your caning will be. So every day I wondered if today would be the day. I started to get very anx...

Yeah. Weird. But they’ve been dating for six years now and started to when she was twenty one and he was thirty nine. He had us (my twin brother and I) when he was only a teenager, but his young age when we were born still doesn’t make the fact they’re in a relationship any less weird at times, I mean she was my literal best friend growing up, we did everything together, she swears that nothing happened between them before she was legal and that he was never a creep who made her uncomfortable or attempted to groom her, but to be honest, that doesn’t make anything about the story sound any better, it’s still an odd situation, given the fact he watched her grow up just like he did me. I’ve been as understanding and accepting of them as I can, it’s truly wonderful to see them both happy and in love, I also think it’s enough that my brother and her family have been giving them a hard time with their disapproval, I believe that 45 and 27 isn’t all too bad to get married, they’re both grow...

So the plan was to go to a friend's birthday barbecue, go for some beer, go home, shower, rest a bit and then hang out with that girl. We'd probably go for a walk and then watch some movie at her house or something. I haven't seen her for quite a while (2 weeks I think) and I was really looking forward to it. However my dumb ass drank a little too much and when I went home I just showered and then dropped dead. I already told her that I was a little drunk and told her to call me if I didn't reply to her messages at said time but that obviously didn't work cuz I was too deep in sleep. (7 texts 5 phone calls) Worst thing is my dad came to wake me up at 22:30 and I said some shit like "okay 2 minutes" and I don't even remember saying that. She texted me at 21:00 (which was date time) and I replied to her (but I dont remember doing that either). The fact that I replied while I was half asleep, maybe even asleep, I don't even know, must've made h...

So I (26F) have been going to the same gym for about a little over a year now. During this time I befriended one of the girls who happen to work out at the same time as I do. Part of this friendship is a stupid game I play with her by hiding those little paper-wrapped candies in one of my two hands and she guesses in which hand it might be (I give it to her either way). The thing is, I keep these candies in my pocket and I usually see her before I work out. This time, I didn't see her until I finished my workout. I did our stupid game and gave it to her. As soon as she touched it, she dropped it on the bench next to her, buried her head in her phone, and started to act standoffish. I didn't think much about it but some moments later it dawned on me. I had just had the most vigorous workout I have had in a while (160-180 BPM for 45mins) with this paper-wrapped candy in my freaking pocket and it must've been soggy as all hell by the time I handed it to her. All I wanna do rn...

For context, I (17 M) am part of a school musical (specifically I run lights) and today is our cast and crew party. Crew was assigned to bring a dessert, so I tried a recipe I found online for candied clementines. I've made them once before, and they turned out alright. The recipe called for me to leave the oranges in a sugar-water mixture to SIMMER for two hours. Here's where the fuck-up comes in: I left it to BOIL instead of SIMMER. About an hour in, I smelled absolutely nose-burning and eye-wateringly rancid smoke, and I went into the kitchen to find a pot full of burnt sugar, a sight that I can only compare to some kind of liquified eldritch horror. I emptied the burnt liquid into the bin, but it's still completely wrecked. I don't know how to clean it out and it's one of our new pots. TL;DR: I fucked up a candy recipe and need to figure out how to clean out the pot.

Not actually today and apologies in advance for my broken english. Ok so I've had a crush on this girl for 4 months now and finally decided to tell her i like her. She tells me she'll tell me after 1 month since we're in high school and we are having exams rn. Cut to one month later and the whole class was having a picnic. I got drunk and did sum dumb shit. At the end of the day when I was about to go home she stops me and tells me that she doesn't particularly hate me, but would want me as a friend and stuff. Being the dumb idiot I am I whisper to her ear, "top 10 rejections". Idk i was trying to sound funny but it was not the time and place. My friends later told me she cried all the way until she reached home. TL;DR: Crush rejected me and I whispered in her ear, "top 10 rejections". She cried.

So. My parents caught me masturbating. I’m a female minor so don’t be weird. My family is Catholic and I had recently discovered the power of oral-b electric toothbrushes. I also figured out a method to virtually avoid producing any noise that can be heard by the outside world. This means locking my door, locking my bathroom door, turning on the bathroom fan, padding the bottom of my closet door with clothes (my closet is in my bathroom) and pretending I’m taking a fat shit. Well I was doing my thing with my laptop in there with me and I failed to hear my parents calling me since I had headphones on. No biggie right? I’ve got TWO whole locked doors. Well they must’ve thought I was dying in there or something cause my mom unlocks the bathroom door and walks in. I open the closet door about to yell the usual about me being in the bathroom, then she sees me. Luckily I at least had my underwear and a shirt on. She does a little gasp and my dad is behind her. I was hoping they’d just wa...

So today my father asked me if he payed me about 20$ would I go threw his building little building that got built like 20 years ago Fuck up number one was agreeing to this. I went into this fucking mess and I start grabbing random stuff to steal (old cassette tapes, cds vhs tapes, etc) I pack some of the stuff I'm going threw cds and dad's (most of them are burnt cds so they have really unspecified name like ( racial slur music, rock mix,pop mix etc). then there's this one I read at the time as (it was smeared and hard to read) "anime love" (this was a normal assumption as my dad used to watch anime often) As I find this I store it away until I leave expecting to uncover an old burnt copy of a bleach episode or something. I went about my business cleaning out the place finding more cds and stuff like that and then me and my father start a fire to burn the card board boxes and garbage in it. We let the fire go out and I go back in. I grab the mysterious disk a...

Last night before heading to the gym, I stopped at a gas station and bought 2, 28 oz. Body Armor Lytes (deal if you buy 2). Hit the cycles and drank one while at the gym. I was still thirsty, so I opened the second one and drank it at home. As I got ready for bed, my stomach started feeling off, and my gut was churning. I darted to the toilet just in time for the torrent of diarrhea. I cleaned up and wondered what the hell caused that. The next day, I went to the pharmacy where I work. I mentioned my bowel distress to the pharmacist, also my workout buddy. He immediately asked how much Body Armor I drank, and I said two big ones. "That's a lot of potassium. That's what's in a lot of bowel preps. You accidentally gave yourself a colon cleanse." TL;DR I drank enough potassium from 2 Body Armors to clean out my colon.

Was just hiking with my partner, decided to do the little trail that goes around the pond bank. We reached a point that was terribly muddy and in a bid to avoid a slip into the pond, I tried to climb up the hill and bypass the muddy section of the trail. Unfortunately, the hill was riddled with poison oak, a fact I failed to see until I lost my footing and slipped into a sea of red itchy demon leaves. I have never scurried home faster. I can not express how gd itchy that journey home was. But alas, I remained vigilant in my refusal to itch and now, having scrubbed every nook and cranny of my being with dish soap, I finally feel safe again. Minimal swelling and itching has significantly subsided post dish soap. F*%k poison oak. What a useless plant jfc. Psa: stay on trail kids. Or be prepared to face the consequences. TL;DR stupidly tried to avoid a muddy trail only to end up rolling thru poison oak. Managed to not itch & a full body dish soap scrub saved me.