greenmangostudio

Looks brothers, it's October thirty-first, we all know what's around the corner, and with a start to the story like that, I'm sure you all know what's coming. Now I don't typically participate in the festivities of November, but tomorrow is the day I get a promotion at work and while I've never been caught before in the past, I'm sure it wouldn't have affected me as much had it not been the person who is quite literally handing down the stick to me so to speak. I don't know what to do right now. I downloaded a game off Steam, just to spice things up a bit but I didn't want to spend any money so I got the first free thing I could find. The name in itself is telling enough, but I didn't even bother looking through the store page just to keep the content fresh. Well, after watching it download for five minutes, and making sure my roommate would be gone for the next two hours at least, I got all the necessary materials ready but a notification ...

I' been working at my uncle's clothing store for 1½ years now, I'm M18 and do the work my uncle would do when he was in my place, which includes working as a cashier, cleaning the stock room and restocking shelves in the store. Once a week, monday is what i call "doomsday". Eight hours straight of cleaning the stock room and separating merchandise to 4 different branch stores. Basically a boring day where I have to do a bunch of stuff. Cleaning the stock is honestly boring as hell so as the years went by I developed my ways to make it fun... The stock room is on the second floor of the building, and the store is on a pretty busy street, so I developed a fun activity that I call "phantom voice", which involves me scaring people walking on the street by calling them from the stock room window and watching them search for the source. It's usually an inoffensive little prank that I pull on my break on unsuspecting people. The windows are made out of...

I’ve been trying to expand my culinary horizons and am thinking about enrolling in culinary school to follow a passion instead of my daily slog. I picked out some recipes and decided to try and kick up chili a little bit, adding some extra chiles and hobaneros. I finished my prep during my lunch break and cleaned up. Fast forward about two hours, my boy bits had began to itch a little, and without thinking I reached in to itch the little guy and suddenly the fires of hell were unleashed upon an extra sausage today. As the heat rises I scramble to think of ways to soothe my flaming frankfurter. First thought was, “Milk helps right?” So I wrapped in a cloth soaked in what I was hoping to be delightful dairy relief but instead only delayed the burn until the air touched it again. As I unwrap the milk the sides head are now a deep shade of purple that started to have me concerned. In a clutch I call out to my google home in search of some great wisdom on how to relieve the burn. “Mar...

Oh boy, where do I (m 56) even start? Today was probably the most embarrassing day of my entire teaching career, and I’ve had some doozies. For context, I am a university professor, and like many in my profession, I have adapted to the increased use of technology in education, especially email communication with students. Today's FU started off innocently enough. I was sending out an email to my class with some supplementary materials for our next lecture. I wanted to include a link to a YouTube video that I thought would provide some additional insight into the topic we were discussing. However, in my haste and lack of attention, I ended up copying and pasting the wrong link. Instead of an educational video, I accidentally sent a link to a K-Pop dance . Now, this wouldn’t have been so bad if it was just a regular dance video. But no, it was one of those overly sexy dance covers performed by a girl in quite revealing clothing. I didn’t realize my mistake until a student replied...

Today, I (41, M) spent the day taking care of my mother, (62 F stroke victim with limited mobility) by taking her to Newcastle. Fuck up 1: Waited for a bus, didn't realise Go North East was on strike, so I didn't get on the Stagecoach bus that came, as the wheelchair bays suck. Eventually got to the town to use a metro, which is busier then normal due to GNE striking. Fuck up 2: Got off at Monument station, elevators broke. Had to get on another train to the next stop and walk through Eldon Square. Fuck up 3: After a long day, I take a bath. As I'm soaking, I see a small spot on my scrotum. Its itchy, so I scratch it. It starts bleeding, so now I'm clutching my discarded boxer shorts over my crotch to get some TP to stop the bleeding, that little bastard spot bled like a bugger, finally I stop it and I'm just wishing the day would end. Fuck up 4: Typed this on my phone and auto correct changed a lot of words. TL;DR bus strike, wrong train station, broke my bal...

So this is actually a few hours ago, being a horny teenager i got tired of using my fingers so i decided to try something new. I saw a banana laying in the fruitbowl and being the dumb teenager i am i thought "lets fully ductape this bitch so i can use it to shove it up my fluit!" I taped the whole banana in ductape and got to work, while being at it for like a few minutes i noticed the banana busted open, (there was a part i forgot to tape) and so the banana busted open IN MY PUSSY. I flushed the banana down the toilet and it got clogged, my dad is trying to unclog the toilet right now, i didn't tell my parents about the whole situation, LETS HOPE THE BANANA GONE THROUGH. 😭 TL;DR I used a banana to mastrubate with by taping it with ductape but forgot to tape a part of it and it busted open when going at it. I flushed it down the toilet later and the toilet got clogged, my dad is trying to unclog it right now. Edit 1:

Me and my best friend decided to take a trip to Florida together to celebrate me getting out of the military. A quick breakdown of this person, she is a great, amazing, compassionate, fun and beautiful person. Our whole plan was to try to go to Halloween Horror Nights and visit all around Florida for a week, I was in the process of getting out of the military, and I was supposed to receive one final check that I was going to use for this trip, and I clarified this with her. She was understanding while I was trying to figure out things with the finance office. I paid for the HHN tickets and we both individually paid for our plane tickets We stayed at my moms house to save money, ended up going to the beach together (Background notes; I used to have a crush on this girl, but now it’s more of a family-like love for her) We both had a great time, taking pictures on our phones and Polaroids, and had a photoshoot for her at the beach. She was spending a lot of money for the both of us, and ...

This happened a few years back. After my divorce was finalized, I met a woman on one of the Online Dating Sites. Things were going cool even though she was hesitant to date me right after a divorce. She came around after realizing I filed for the divorce, I filed about 8 months prior, it was about three months after my divorce was finalized and she was the first person I dated. Fuck up number 1: Her: I took sick leave today. Me: Oh, you work for the government? Her: HOW DO YOU KNOW I WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!! Me: You said "sick leave." Only government employees say sick leave, people with regular jobs say PTO (paid time off). Her: Oh ok. During this conversation she happened to mention she was a disabled veteran (important later). We made plans for an in person thing at some point after this. Fuck up number 2: We meet at Starbucks, have a good time. We planned to talk for about 30 -45 minutes but were there about two hours. Make future plans to meet up. Head out to...

So I know you may be thinking that we're only 16 and just going through an awkward time and that may possibly be it. But we are both relatively grown up already. Some backstory is, we fell in love in high school around age 14 and also lost our virginity at 14 around 8 months later. We were dating for about 13 months total then broke up. After that, she rang me up around half a year later (we're 15 at this point) and we were in some sort of weird relationship for another 2 months and just finally eneded everything. Anyway, after we had finished school, I decided to text her (a little because I was lonely and drunk) last month as I was curious to how she was doing and how life has been (its odd I know). From there we started talking a lot more and she's changed a lot and we are a lot more mature in our thinking, we are definitely friends as we face time or talk till early hours in the morning and sometimes we'll meet and tak our dogs on a walk. (nothing romantic or sex...

Went bouldering today, the parking space was all used up and so I went deeper into the street in order to find a parking spot, I found a "parking spot" which was like 2 meters away from the intersection leading into that street and decided to park there. Then I went bouldering for 1.5 hours. Then I came back and the owner of the house adjacent to my parking spot was pissed. Honestly, I deserved every insult he gave me because people actually came up to him, knocked on his door and asked "Hey is that your car parking illegally?" This happened multiple times to him, and he was rightfully pissed. As I was about to start driving my car he came up to me and told me to not park where the white lines were. He also said that I would recieve a fine because he reported me to the council. To be honest, I deserve it because I have parked too close to an intersection or roundabout on multiple occasions, so I had it coming. My mother has warned me not to do so but Im just t...

It was Christmas 2010 when 8yo me got what was on top of every kid’s Christmas list: a Wii. I set it up on our family’s 4:3 tube TV, forgot where the Wii settings even were, and put it through 13 years of use. Yesterday, I was playing Luigi’s Mansion for spoopy time and sent a pic to my friend, who commented that the aspect ratio was off. I looked around in the Wii settings, and realized it was still set to full screen instead of wide screen, despite the fact that we’d upgraded to a widescreen 16:9 TV back in 2015. I can’t believe that neither I nor any friends in those years ever realized the picture was unnaturally stretched. TL;DR I set the Wii for full screen in 2010 and played with a stretched picture ever since upgrading to widescreen.

Hello friends, I am a 26 year old guy from the Netherlands. In my quarter century alive, I've never left Europe. While I have seen quite a few countries within, I've felt drawn to the United States for years now. With my last relationship ending the end of last year and me moving back to my home country to work as a result, I figured there's no time like the present and booked a 1 week stay in Queens to finally see the Big Apple, and maybe some surrounding areas in New Jersey. If it was as cool as I thought it'd be, this would certainly only be the first trip of many to explore the USA. However, as I'm writing this while the plane I was supposed to be on is around 2h out from landing in JFK, we can safely state it did not go as planned. I take full accountability for everything that happened and since this is hindsight is 20/20: The sub, enjoy the timeline of my idiocy. ​ ​ Few months ago I plan the trip and get time off from work accordingly. With a total su...

This was a couple years ago, but I still get anxiety thinking about it. A while back, I was extremely bored laying in bed, and scrolling Facebook. For some reason, I began to wonder how far my messages went back, because my account is from 2008-ish. Anyway, I started reading through some of the conversations as I was going along, and found myself reading through a convo from a situationship I had that was just weird and ended awkwardly. I had had enough of some of my embarrassing messages and was trying to back out of the conversation, and wouldn't you know it, I gave her the biggest God damn "thumbs up" you've ever seen!! I was immediately paralyzed, thinking "Fuck! I wonder if she gets a notification for that? Hell with it, I'll just delete it. But what if she gets the notification that I sent the thumbs up and thinks it's a fluke, because what sane person would be reading through our weird situationship's conversation from like 6 years ago at 1...

So, this happened just a few hours ago, and I'm still cringing. I work from home, and like many of us, I often chat with friends on various messaging apps during the day. Today, I came across a hilarious meme and decided to share it with my friend. It was one of those memes that are borderline inappropriate, but I thought my friend would appreciate the humor. I sent the meme without a second thought, or so I thought. As soon as I hit send, I realized that I had sent it to my boss instead! You see, I had been chatting with both my friend and my boss around the same time, and I selected the wrong chat window. It wasn't until I received my boss's response, which was just a shocked emoji, that I realized my mistake. I immediately sent a follow-up message, apologizing profusely and explaining that it was meant for someone else. My boss hasn't responded yet, and I can't help but feel incredibly embarrassed about this mix-up. I'm just hoping they have a sense of hum...

I missed a call from one of my best friends, who ive been really missing lately as I havent seen her in a while. I called back about half an hour later thinking it was maybe her wanting to catch up. After a "hi, how are you", she told me that she had scabies. I without even thinking let out a low key "ew". Immediately felt my stomach sink knowing that was not an appropriate reaction. I apologised straight away but the damage was understandably done. We talked for a minute or two about what the treatment is, and then she was like yeah im gonna go now and just hung up. I sent a follow up text a minute later, apologising again and saying while it took me by surprise that there was no excuse for my reaction. She responded saying shes really hurt and expected better from someone supposed to be one of her best friends. ​ Ive followed up asking if theres anything I can do to help the situation. Ill leave it that for now, as I imagine she probably doesnt want to speak t...

My 20 year old son, Sage, was killed on August 26 of this year. While we are from Seattle, he was off at college in Prescott AZ. He'd joined the AFROTC, and they often did long, brutal hikes, and would generally party to celebrate after. That night, like so many before, a bunch of the kids piled into a jeep and were doing donuts in the empty lot next to the party house. Sage, ever the adrenaline junkie, was hanging out the window. There were a couple of his friends in the car who wanted to do the same, but since Sage outranked them, he told them no, it was too dangerous. That asshole knew it was dangerous but did it anyway. The jeep rolled, and since he was hanging out of the window, it rolled on top of him. He was awake and alert for twenty minutes after, but they weren't able to get him to the life flight in time. We chose a funeral home up here - he told me composting would be cool while we were having a conversation about what to do with bodies post-death... a conversati...

Obligatory this happened in 2018 - but it still lives in my head rentfree. I use to do full time background (extra) work on TV and movies and would often make friends/acquaintances on set. This particular person I did a scene with for hours and he talked a lot about his kids and wife. The way he talked about her was beautiful and something anyone would hope to have. We added one another on Facebook and kept in touch off and on. He always posted about his family and movies he was trying to work on creating himself. There was a post going around at the time where it would ask multiple questions and you'd answer with how many times you'd done those things. One of the questions was how many times you'd been married and divorced. He marked that he'd been married twice but never divorced. I naively assumed the 2 was just a simple typo and jokingly asked him if his wife knew he had another wife. That was when he dropped the bombshell on me that he'd previously been m...

Obligatory this did not happen today but I told this incredibly embarrassing story at a party recently so felt like sharing. On mobile, sorry if formatting sucks. Cat tax here So back 4 years ago, a friend of mine came across 2 really cute kittens in need of a home that she thought I would like. My parents had lots of animals while I was growing up but I had most experience with dogs, all the cats we had were usually skittish (I was a loud kid so maybe they just didn't like me lmao) and spent most of the time hiding. I love cats and they were really cute so my friend offered to keep them with her until they were old enough to get neutered and all that and then she'd bring them to me for Christmas (she lived 5hrs away at the time) and I was super excited. For a little background info, at the time I was married and had 2 young kids. So the time comes and my friend brings me the kittens. They're fucking adorable. One is a tuxedo kitty who is pretty skittish, but would come...

Obligatory this happened a couple of years back. So a couple of years ago I started a new job working for a PR agency in another state. Heading into the holiday season, the agency scheduled a three day all hands offsite meeting in Washington DC which I was already dreading. At this point, I had only been with the company for less than two months and met other staff members just once before. For the final day of the offsite, the agency had arranged an all day session at the Pentagon where they had arranged a number of speakers and then from there I would head directly to the airport. So given that this is early December in DC, I pack my big puffy parka that I rarely wear in my home state of Portland given the relatively mild winters here. We arrive at the Pentagon and to get inside you need to go through a security screening --basically a greatly enhanced TSA experience. I'm the last person in our group in line and so I put my bags and jacket through the machine and as I'm wai...

My F-up occurred last week, but the ramifications presented themselves this morning. Last weekend, my sister-in-law stayed with my wife and me. Her daughter (my niece) had a doctor's appointment early in the morning last Monday. I live much closer to the clinic than they do, so it made sense to crash at my place so they didn't have to get up at 5 a.m. Last Sunday night, we stuck with season's theme and watched a "scary movie." We watched one of my childhood favorites, Ghostbusters. My niece loved it and stayed up late to see the whole thing. Some quick info, she's 5 years old. After the movie and a little before I went to bed, I heard my niece and SIL in my guest room. She was crying because my old house was setting for the night, making the ever-present creaking sounds. My niece thought they were ghosts coming to get her and her mom. So I knocked on the door and was let in. I asked what was wrong, and my niece told me about the ghost in my house. Thinkin...

I wish I could reverse time or sink into a pit somewhere. This happened a few hours ago now that the mortification has gone down a bit. Normally, I am very cautious person. I always have my camera off because I don't like worrying about someone seeing something they should not, or myself doing something and forgetting I am on camera. I am a hybrid WFH employee. Recently, my team has been pushing for everyone to be on camera for every call so whenever I have calls with my manager for instance I make sure to take the camera sticker off. Now for the story...... I recently finished my law degree and plan on moving to our legal team in the fall. In an effort to save money I have been doing prop comission to earn a little extra money on the side. During down time at work I will sometimes sand some items, or draw sketches. Today I was doing a bit of sanding and ended up with a lot of foam dust all over my face, my shirt, and somehow underneath my clothing as well. My manager sent me ...

Obligatory this didn't happen today, but yesterday. Anyway, I work in a grocery store, but I usually stay in the backrooms all day. It can be miserable, so sometimes coworkers and I will come up with topics to talk and debate on. For some reason this time around it was Bigfoot, and then it spiraled into more silly conspiracy theories, and I jokingly went, "Yeah, and the earth is TOTALLY flat!" (I promise, this joke is relevant.) My buddy and I then went around the department asking what people thought of Bigfoot, and one guy thought it'd be funny to ask our resident crazy old lady, "Hey, you think Bigfoot is real? And what about the earth, what shape is it?" All hell broke loose. We thought she was joking. It started with a firm, "The earth is flat." We laughed at her, saying, "No, c'mon, seriously? It's obviously a cone." And stupid stuff like that. "No, I'm serious. NASA is a fraud, and the earth is flat. Nothing sup...

I've had terrible teeth all my life due to poor mental health. My front tooth recently got a root canal and thus required a crown. I got a temporary one in after they did the root canal and scan. They told me to come back in two weeks for the permanent one, so I did. The first crown they got was the wrong color and hardly fit, so they sent for another in the same color the perfectly blended temporary crown was. Temporary crowns aren't color matched, just come in the average tooth color, which happened to match the other front tooth. They called me a few days ago to let me know my new one was in, so I let my employer know and took today off. I went in today expecting the new crown to fit just right. To the dentist and It's surprise, it was a perfect fit. After trimming the back to the right thickness to work with my super deep bite, we cemented it. They handed me a mirror several times to make absolutely sure it was fine, and I agreed. I really just wanted to get out of t...

I'm in school for a pre-medical program. I had 3 classes of prerequisites before I could apply to the program. I planned to take the three during the fall semester to apply for the late December program deadline. Back in September, I saw one of the three classes (let's say Class C) ends two weeks after the program deadline due to the length of the course. I reached out to the secretary and program director to see if an exception could be made. Sadly, I was informed no exceptions could be made. With this denial in hand, I dropped Class C because it made no sense to fall a payment behind on my car and stretch myself that thin for no reason. I've been annoyed/upset since. Turns out that both the secretary and program director are new hires who can't understand their own department's policies. A counselor who is knowledgeable about the program. My admission would have been submitted but not considered accepted until the class ended. Given a satisfactory grade in the ...

Using my older friend’s throwaway account because I don’t want anyone else besides her to know what I did and I have a lot of my friends on my main Reddit. She the only one I told. To make a long story short I 22m have a crush on this girl 18f (let’s call her kiko) on my campus. We met in this stats class and she is drop dead beautiful like she makes other girls look grotesque in comparison. She could easily be a model if she wanted to. She was exactly my type. Mixed, slim body flat stomach full lips shiny bouncy skin and her hair was like insanely log and silky. She had the biggest eyes like an anime person and she almost looked like a doll. Her personality was so chill yet goofy. She was probably the only person who could make me laugh and she was a streamer for a short period of time too. Me and her def had a thing going on but I made sure to respect her boundaries and take my time. But I heard from one of her friends that she was attracted to me so I for sure had a chance. Our...

Now you may be thinking “why is this marked NSFW?” That’s because this post is very TMI. So keep that in mind. I love pistachios. I don’t have them all the time because they’re expensive, but my mom would sometimes buy them as a treat when I was a kid and I would have a handful here and there. It had been years since I’ve bought them for myself. Last week, I saw a big 2 lb bag of Wonderful pistachios for cheap at Costco and thought I would buy them as a snack to keep at work. I just started a new job that is very demanding and sometimes it’s impossible for me to take a lunch break. I hadn’t had pistachios in a while and figured it would be a good quick snack to pop in my mouth when I’m peckish. I thought I would limit myself, but these fuckers are so easy to eat. I’ve been eating them constantly these past few days. Before work? A handful of pistachios. Feeling bored in the morning? Handful of pistachios. Lunch break is late, handful of pistachios. I’m snacking on them in the car to...

Recently I’ve just been insanely bored and tired of my day to day college life so I decided haphazardly to lock myself in my room and chug three 300mg energy drinks back to back within the span of about 4-5 minutes. I have no friends at my college and am severely behind in my coursework, so every day I feel both completely lonely and severely overwhelmed. Not trying to start a pity party but I’ve been feeling pretty bad about myself as of late due to both not having any friends and being accepting of my poor grades, so I see this as kind of a punishment for being such a disappointment to both myself and my family. Anyways as for the actual fuckup, as I type this I can feel the effects starting to kick in. I’m definitely someone that has a high tolerance for caffeine, and it’s only been a little while since I finished the third energy drink, so I’m not sure how bad it will get, but as of right now I can tell that it’s not going too good! Very fidgety and starting to feel aching on the...

I keep some condoms in a Tupperware in one of my dresser drawers. It’s also where I keep my shirts. My mother has some mental health issues that mean she’ll essentially scream and cry and get into a huge fight about how I’ve ruined her life and she’s going to have to burn the laundry room down or something if anyone else touches the laundry machines when she hasn’t told them they can. Due to this I am seldom allowed to do my own laundry. So this week she’d ran a batch of laundry but I wasn’t aware it was dried and that I should put it away as she decided to be nice and do it herself. Unfortunately it’s very evident that she found my box of condoms while doing so as they’re sitting on top of all the other clothing. No she did not take them out or snoop, I was an idiot and left the box sitting there with the condoms clearly visible in it after the last time I took some out. I wasn’t expecting her to go through my drawers. FML. Good to know I’m now in for at least 9 months of her asking ...

This literally Just happened so im still dying of embarrassment. ​ I work long days 8:30 to 6pm so don't get much me time when im home, So anyway I finally had a few minutes to myself so i decided to go onto an X rated site as one does when 'alone'. I have my bedroom door closes to no-one can look in an people knock before entering.... queue the fuckup. I was going at it when I heard a knock at the door (I turned the volume down as my headset does let sound out even when on so people can hear stuff.) At the moment I heard the knock my Mother walked in carrying my laundry so quickly I tried to conceal my genitalia and alt + f4 all my tabs, but i only managed to remove one out of the queue of 50 I had lined up. But at same time I was finishing so kinda got a bit hectic ​ TL:DR - Fucked up by watching pron and my mother walked in just as I was finishing.

i (m 26) recently moved into my apartment 2 weeks ago. This is the first time i am living alone, and there are some perks that come with that. The main one of which is that i no longer have to look over my shoulder when i am jerking off lol. This past weekend, i had no plans on a Saturday night so i decided to have an all out wank session. I got my tablet set up next to me on my bed, fleshlight in hand, and was ready to go at it. Now, i live on the 1st floor and i am right next to a bar. The line to the bar goes right in front of my window, but i had the blinds down so no one could see me. As i was jerking off i started to sweat, so i took off my shirt and tossed it towards the laundry basket...except it missed the laundry basket and crashed into the blinds, which all of a sudden just shot up. I froze as i saw four attractive girls waiting in line to go to the bar see into my room...and see me naked, on my bed holding a fleshlight. I quickly ran across the room, fleshlight falli...

I’m a 25 year old MTF trans women that works as a merchandiser for a giant drink manufacturer. While stocking the shelves at a grocery store, my co worker asks if I’m offended by questions about my transitioning. I inform him I’m not and the questions come out. I’ve always had a loud voice, yet I do try and control it. When giving presentations for school projects I never needed a mic. You could hear me across a football stadium tium and to me, I have no idea I’m talking that loud. His main question was,” Did you choose to be trans, or did it just happen?” This is fairly common and I always reply,” No, it happened during puberty I started to feel this way. I grew up in upper central Texas, so it wasn’t forced on me at all either. My balls dropped and my body urged me to get pregnant.” He asked if that was all it was and this is where I fucked up. I wasn’t thinking about it, but this fact I’m rather embarrassed by so I get closer to him. Internally I think,” now I whisper,” but in...

I feel so dumb. Went into a job interview, but I guess my head wasn't totally in it. I had just gotten fired that week so I was a little depressed. On top of that, I wasn't even totally sure I wanted to be with this new company because it had awful reviews from former employees, but I had to see for myself. Got to the building a few minutes early and all the lights are off except one person's office because they don't work past 12 on Fridays. They didn't introduce themselves on Indeed, so I wasn't sure who I was going to meet. I see the guy sitting in his office, and he sees me, so he pokes his head out, I introduce myself and say I'm here for the interview. He tells me his name, which I immediately forget, and invites me into his office. We go over my resume, he tells me a little bit about the company and the role I applied for. After like 10 minutes, he says "ok, looks good. Can you come back next week for a working interview? To which I agree, but a...

18M here who was in a really long relationship with my ex 18F. We dated/talked since the end of 2020 and we officially broke up a few months ago. this relationship became very toxic out of no where and I wish things didn't go the way they had. We were really in love and if we were to never get back together with each other, I would never forget her. I have nothing bad to say about her and I never will and I can admit that I was the reason we broke up. We had our differences in high school and I never truly sat there to understand her in the way I should have. She was the best person that has ever walked into my life and ever since we broke up, my life has been going downhill rapidly. I'm starting to lose myself and am filled with so much regret from my past relationship because I know there are so many ways I could've fixed it and we could've still been together. I wish I could go back in time knowing everything I know now and just change it all to where we are still t...

When I order drinks, I usually keep it simple. Bourbon and Coke, Gin and Tonic, Scotch on the rocks, the occasional Old Fashioned...that kind of thing. But on the date of this fuckup, dear readers, I decided to mix it up. So I'm with my family at a nondescript casual restaurant chain. You know the type. They're all over suburbia, decorated with kitschy local sports stuff/music memorabilia/antique ads/etc and populated by perky wait staff (who most likely secretly hate their jobs). The waitress asks for my drink order, and instead of going with one of my usual standbys, I feel whimsical and order something off the menu with the words "tropical" in the name. When she brings our drinks, mine is an explosion of colors with a cornucopia of tropical fruit adorning the sides. It's super sweet (probably has enough sugar in it to last two days), but tasty, refreshing, and stronger than I would have initially expected. After drinking about a quarter of it, I go to hi...

So, to start off, we had planned all day to get a bunch of alcoholic drinks and weed. It went through and since we both take our pants off (it’s better than wearing shorts, I can’t explain) she said it feels like a pimple or something so I, being cross faded to the nine divines, randomly sucked on her thighs and a weird tastes came into my mouth. It took like a solid few minutes of back and forth for her to check her thighs and there it was. Her inner thigh had a fuck ton of puss slowly dripping down it. I just sat there in bewilderment and shock. I didn’t say a word and had a 1000 yard stare while she was profusely apologizing. The only thing I did after was open a new pack of cigarettes and took a few shots of whiskey rye straight. Needless to say, I sobered up real quick... TL;DR - me and fiancé got drunk and stoned, ended up sucking on her thigh after telling me she feels a pimple and got traumatized by puss in mouth

For the past half year I noticed that in my YT history there were rarely and occasionally random videos I would never watch, some kind of soap operas and cooking tutorials. While mine is gaming/science/politics/war and some music. I thought it was my parents, cause I remember I logged in with my account once on their Smart TV, so I thought ok: they don't watch Youtube often, so be it. But as months went by, the IMPOSTER videos were still rare, but started screwing with the recommendation algorithm. And I thought: my parents would never watch this kind of stuff, so called my dad and asked to make sure he was using his own account. And forgot about it. The IMPOSTER videos in history were super rare, and I wasn't paying much attention. But today, I didn't finish watching a video and hours later came home and went to history to continue watching. What I found was SHOCKING! 10 fucking videos on how to make Apple Pie in a row! Mixed with soap opera and comedy shows. I call...

As for context, there was an early Halloween party at my (20M) college dorm. I initially didn’t plan to drink a lot, but that’s truly never what happens on a Friday night. I was about 10 shots in when this guy came up to me and we get to talking. Conversation turns into dancing which then turns into making out. I kick out my roommate and invite the guy over to my room. This is when my downfall begins We smoke some 420. If you didn’t know, when you’re really drunk and smoke the THC hits 2x stronger. 10 minutes into making out / cuddling my throat begins to retch, and in my mind I’m yelling at myself to keep it in. To no avail, however, as I got up all of a sudden saying “be right back” and drunkenly stumbled to the bathroom to just let the fountain loose. I spent probably a good 45 mins to 1 hr audibly yakking fighting for my life. I truly don’t think I’ve had a more vulnerable moment than that and couldn’t let anyone see me in that state. I couldn’t stand the thought of walking out ...

This happened just a few minutes ago. I was making some Nigerian style fufu (a type of starchy dough-like mass made of pounded yams, a popular food in many west African countries) And damn it just looked too good, I had the impulse to give it a big slap. I thought it would be super satisfying. Anyway it turns out the fufu was still really sticky and much hotter than I anticipated, so it was like plunging my hand into boiling hot glue. Now my hand is burned lol and I’m too embarrassed to tell my family that I burned it trying to SLAP FUFU what is wrong with me TL;DR : I slapped hot fufu really hard with my hand, expecting a satisfying slap experience, but it was much stuckier and hotter than I anticipated, so it was like slapping boiling hot glue and I’m wondering why I did it in the first place because my hand is burned af

This story happened a while ago when I was a teenager. I read another TIFU story that reminds me of this tragedy. My church used to have a retreat designed for kids and teenagers where we spent about 3 days in a camp. During those 3 days, the staff organized mostly fun activities (because we're kids) and bible studying (which was fun as well). The camp has a gymnasium where we do most of our physical activities. One of these activities is similar to musical chairs where the participants sat on a round table with wooden sticks in the middle. The amount of sticks is equal to the number of participants - 1. Then all of us are dealt 4 cards with one person drawing cards from the remainder of the deck. If the person wants the card, they swap the card with one from their hand and pass the swapped card to the next person clockwise. If not, just discard it to the next person. Whoever collects 4 of a kind first can grab one of the sticks in the middle of the table and the rest follows. W...

TIFU when I was out on my balcony around midnight and saw a flashing light coming from under a car. It seemed to be flashing in a pattern so I thought it might be someone's phone and went down to see if I could give it to the owner who probably dropped it. So I put my coat on and went down to have a look but couldn't see too well cos it was dark. What I saw was a small silver tube with a flashing light and a black wire coming from it going into a car. I walked away thinking what the fuck is that? I was thinking it's not a car part why would it be flashing. Could have been a vape but they don't flash like that cos they only flash like that if they're wasted and you take a puff of it. I live opposite a school and thought I'm not going back to poke around at it but I'll call the police to check it out as if it is a bomb who knows when it could go off and kids could get hurt. So I called them the moved me to a recorded line and took a statement and I was lik...

Hello all, uh there isn’t really too much to describe but I’ll make a story out of it. Couple of years ago I had taken mushrooms for the first time ever. It was a different experience and not something I’d recommend to anyone. Regardless of that I was at a buddy of mines house and he was my trip sitter. While I was waiting for anything to happen I was using Snapchat to talk to a girl I really liked for a long time, she was kind, funny and very open minded. Well as I was progressively getting “loopier” we were still snapping back and forth, and she was getting real flirty. “I’d love to know how you think I look right now”, “I bet the stars would look even more incredible from my bedroom window” kind of flirty. And my mind had 0 intention of picking up on it. I genuinely responded with “You already look fine” and “It’s not like the stars would be any different”…. I eventually stopped snapping her to continue my trip and I went on an experience, mid way through the “saddies” I decided ...

Me and my girlfriend aren’t big on Dungeons and Dragons. But after playing through Baulder’s Gate III, we both wanted to try it out. We went to the meetup app to find a group, and settled on one that was running a beginner level campaign called the death house. Come the day of the meetup, and we meet the other players. In total there was five of us. The DM, who was pretty chill, albeit, a bit of a pushover, a quite guy, who was new to DnD but wanted to try, me and my girlfriend, and finally, the crux of this experience, the incel. The experience was miserable. Incel was polite at first, but my girlfriend made it pretty clear that she wasn’t interested. Incel took it as a challenge and started flirting with her character in the game. The whole situation was just super uncomfortable at the table. My girlfriend (bless her soul) was too introverted to tell him off, the DM didn’t stop it either. I stepped up in telling him off. But he had the audacity to say that it was just a game “bruh...

Edit: enoki mushrooms are apparently called the "see you tomorrow mushroom" due to its tendency to come out of the digestive process whole. The kind I ate was called "white crab mushrooms", a thicker variant of enoki mushroom. Obligatory 'didn't happen today'. Several years ago we had hotpot for dinner, where I ate a bunch of enoki mushrooms. The next day, I woke up around noon and took a shit. It was a pretty straightforward shit until I got to the last piece. As I felt the last chunk of crap exit my rectum, I waited for the plopping sound of the turd dropping into the toilet water, but didn't hear it. It felt like the poop was dangling out of my ass. I wiggled my butt a bit to get it to drop down, but it didn't. I wiggled some more and the object was flinging around but it was clearly not coming out. I began to panic as I thought it was a parasite like a worm. It felt cold and slimy, and the same width as a skinny earthworm, unlike a normal ...

Proverbial it wasn't today but maybe a month ago... The past few months have been kind of hard so I needed to visit a food pantry. They gave me several things which I put into my pantry and went about my day. A few days ago I started seeing pantry moths. I'm not sure if that's their real name or just what we call them in the South but they're straight from hell, live in your pantry and get into your damn food. I despise them obviously. So I smush the ones I see and decide on my day off I'll clean the pantry. I start pulling out food. Anything boxed has to be discarded because these evil bastards get into boxes too. I open the box of oats I got from the food pantry and it's full of moths! I immediately hit the back door and get the box out as fast as my old ass can go. As I'm pulling food out to inspect I end up with a spider on my hand. This is not a happy surprise but I smush it and keep going until another spider. Fun fact, I'm terrified of spiders bu...

TL;DR: Accidentally made an inappropriate joke about feet pics to a girl at school, and now it's causing embarrassment and discomfort. Unsure how to handle the situation and seeking advice on Reddit. I honestly don’t know if im overreacting but here we go. So this girl that sits behind me accedentaly dropped something so i picked it up and gave it back to her. Then the guy sitting next to me said that i needed to ask something back so my dumbass brain thought feet pics so i said that I didn’t mean it literaly just as a joke and then my neighbour imediatly started laughing and me to just thinking it was a joke and the girl half laughed and half died of embarasmend. In the break i told my friends but they said it was pretty fucking insulting and in the next lesson everybody was laughing and she was also laughing but also pretty fucking enbarassed i apoligised but im not sure if she accepted she also said she couldn’t sit behind me and my dumbass neighbour wouldn’t stop laughing and ...