greenmangostudio

This just happened, like... a few minutes ago. So I'm currently on a wheelchair due to a knee thing and to make it easier for myself I piss into a piss pot instead having to go back-and-forth to the toilet. I've optimised it enough so that I'll use it up to three times before I need to empty it in the toilet. As part of the cleanup, I'd usually wipe with a tissue or wet napkin – but I'm not too fussy so sometimes I'd use a used one (but I never use anything that's already too dirty or whatever). Anywho, I've actually saved a used wet napkin and a ripped tissue from earlier just for this purpose. I took a piss and proceeded to wipe my dick, done... or so I thought. Cue to about 5 seconds and I feel a warm sensation from down there. Immediately, I suspected maybe I used the napkin with hand sanitiser or something with alcohol from earlier (based on experience). But then it gets even hotter and it starts to creep in to the urethra. Oh man, it's bad....

Hi all, you are wondering who's that stupid to be in this position. Well - me. My stupid ass though it would be a nice idea to keep a list of my favourite adult stars in an old gmail draft which happened to have a lot of text and it was a perfect cover up, as I don't want to keep them written on some Word file staying on my machine. This tactic have been working perfectly for the last 2 years but 30 minutes ago the f**k up happened. As usual, after I found another gem I went over to gmail to save the precious name and in my tiredness I clicked "Send" by habit. After I realised what happened I quickly went to see who is the recipient and for my biggest fear I saw the email of my boss who recruited me 2 years ago... I still have some hope she(Yes, SHE) won't notice the adult stars' names as they are listed after 200 word motivational letter but still pretty noticeable. For a context - I am working in really big and well known IT company, hence this account is n...

So this happened two nights ago. I now have a concussion, but it does make a good story. Currently on lot's of pain meds. Have you ever worried when falling asleep in your own bed that in the middle of the night someone might be in your home and bludgeon you over the head as soon as you were out? Honestly, this has not ever been a concern of mine--until about 12:00 am last night. What changed? Well I was beaten with a blunt object in my sleep. That’s what changed. It started as a pretty normal night, my wife and I went to sleep around 11:00 as usual. We settled in, spouse laying on her side cuddled up close to me and I on my back next to the wall with a CPAP mask on. Just as I was really asleep...WHAM! Crack! ..pain! Something slammed hard right into my forehead. Liquid pouring over me cut through the fog of sleep combined with head trauma. Neither one of us knew what had happened in those first seconds. Then reaching up in the dark for the object now laying on me, I had it! ...

I (18F) and my best friend (19f) were walking to our favourite coffee shop. I asked to see her shark tooth necklace and asked if it was real. She said it was and I proceeded to tell her it was fake as it felt really warm and looked like plastic. Instead of taking this light hearted she then started going off at me saying it was real because her teeth in her body are warm and that her teeth control the homeostasis of her body and that if her poor little teeth went cold she would get hypothermia. She then started going off in the middle of the street and started balling her eyes out. I'm not too sure what caused this reaction from her but I stood there in utter disbelief and we are now not talking. We didn't end up getting coffee in the end. She just so happens to live with me so it's rather awkward. Not really sure what to do might just move out tomorrow. TLDR- My best friend got mad at me because I told her that her shark tooth was fake and we aren't talking.

Today, I really fucked up. I don't know if I'm distracted or what, but I did something so stupid, it could've started a fire. Earlier today, I was hungry and it was lunchtime, so I went to the kitchen to make something. Not wanting to do a lot of work, I just grabbed microwavable ramen noodles from the pantry and put them into a bowl. I was trying to do many things at once, like make lunch, grab something else, and fill my water bottle for later. I grabbed a bowl and put the noodles in the bowl. Because I had so much on my mind at once, I just put the bowl in the microwave, and turned it on. I wasn't thinking of anything at that moment, but when it was done, the microwave was full of smoke. It also stunk. I quickly closed the door, thinking that the microwave had something else burned in it. I walked into my room to get my water bottles, and fill them up for later. When I came out and turned on the tap, I realized that this was the first time I turned on the tap. I ...

Obligatory this wasn't today, this was a while back, but I was telling the story today and figured i should share it. I'm a chef for work. More specifically, I've been a chef at frat houses for the past 3 years. Its an interesting position, the house will be in various forms of destruction when I get there until the custodian comes in a few hours later. This is all important for later. So one friday morning, I'm at work, its early, I've just finished my coffee, and nature calls. So i head to the nearest bathroom to me, which is like the main public area bathroom. Few urinals, few stalls. They had clearly had a rager the night before, so all the toilets are filled with a variety of trash, vomit, and other unpleasant things. No worries, theres a womens room right beside that I use in situations like this. Its generally cleaner, 5 full stalls, and I've never had to worry about a woman coming in, they're usually gone by this point or use one of the bathrooms ...

I just want to preference - I have Tourettes Syndrome so this was in no way on purpose, I love kids haha. Anyway, I ran into the shop after running a few errands and was already struggling with my tics. Being out in public can be really difficult, especially queueing in the bank and dealing with the public. So, I was in yet another queue and it was getting harder to suppress, I was blinking and shaking my head like I was on something and mumbling words as quietly as I could. A mother and their child (maybe 5) were walking past (cutting through the queue to get out the shop) when I had screamed out "BOO!" Poor little thing just jumped and burst into tears and I had to explain as I was still shaking my head and ticcing that I had Tourettes Syndrome. Luckily the mother laughed and her kid was OK! But jeez louise... Stupid bloody brain of mine! TLDR; TIFU by not suppressing my tics, shouting at a kid and making the poor angel cry.

Obligatory not today, but yesterday. I was dropping my friend off at home after grabbing a quick bite. I felt a familiar rumbly in my tummy and knew that I had to go and do it like right now. My friend lives maybe a 1 minute drive from me so I figure I can wait to use the restroom till I get home as using other people's facilities in a rush makes me uncomfortable and feel bad lol. Anyway, as we are pulling up to his house there are 2 cars right in the middle of the road and I can see the drivers leaning out talking to one another. So I immediately lay on my horn cause I gotta GO. Well. It turns out that the person I was behind? My friends mom. The person she was chatting with? Her husband. Right in front of their house. I felt like such a jackass when I pulled into their driveway. TL;DR: Honked at my friends mom and her husband pulling into their driveway.

There's a cute girl at work, who I talk to sometimes. She's pretty new, and I've talked to her on my way out the last few days. Today I talked to her and then went to the parking lot and started driving away. I saw her walking to her car. She was standing in a median, and I stopped to let her walk in front of me. But she smiled demurely and waved for me to go ahead. I tapped the gas, but then thought better of it, and waved her ahead. She took a step forward, but then decided to smile and wave me forward again. The whole thing happened a couple more times. Then my subconscious took over (it had been a long day, and I just wanted to go home) and I involuntarily slammed the gas pedal and impatiently drove past her, right as she was finally deciding to step in front of my car. I didn't look back, I was too embarrassed. I don't have any way to contact her, and I'm not going to see her again until Monday. Also my car exhaust smells pretty bad. ​ TL;DR: I accidenta...

I’m really bad at cutting to the chase and adding extraneous details, so I’ll make sure to add a TL;DR at the end. My cousin (basically sister) has 3 kids, the youngest just turned 4. When I asked what to get her, I got a very sad story about a sparkly flamingo at a gas station, lots of disappointment involved. I was able to find it online, and was very excited to be able to reunite her with the beloved flamingo that got away. This was a surprise party at a park on a lake, but at the last minute I got an update that the party was moved to the pavilion on the hill above the beach rather than the beach itself. It was really cold that day, so that made sense. I was having trouble with the battery in the key fob on my car, so I was running late and kind of frazzled. Now, I love getting toys for both my son and my nieces and nephews, and I always come up with a fun way to give them. I had a 30 minute drive to the party to come up with an idea on how to give the flamingo. I decided I’d f...

Happened a couple hours ago but it’s going to eat me alive for days. For context: I(M) have one roommate(M). We have a top n bottom lock on the inside, can only unlock/lock bottom from outside. Here I am enjoying the most ordinary day off in existence. Made some breakfast, a lil’ workout, called my mom, watched a movie, a tad bit of work, and LAUNDRY. When I return from the work out I lock the bottom lock. I KNOW i didn’t touch the top one, that’s usually at night. I’m putting things in the wash and still wearing my workout clothes so I strip n throw em in. Nude but i’m about to take a shower so whatever. Then my brain does some speed thinking. I saw the time and think “oh roommate will be here soon let me make sure I didn’t lock the top” I know I didn’t lock the top, it was one of those moments when you lock your car door and do it again just in case. So I go over, still nude, doors not locked as I thought, i start walking away when I here a click, instantly look behind me and my ro...

Picture this: I'm in a room with the executives of the casino I work for. The room is small and we've shut the door. I'm helping lead the accounting portion of this meeting, that is partially on Teams, as some executives live in other parts of the world. The presenter before me had a lengthy presentation, and I was already nervous. Suddenly, bubble guts. Bad bubble guts. I wonder....is this the grocery store sushi I ate for lunch? Their PowerPoint is almost over. Just need to wait a bit longer and a dash to the bathroom immediately. It's taking too long. I figure, perhaps, just a squeak. Silent if I slowly release. It. Wasn't. Solid. I shat. I shat my dress in front of everyone. But quietly. I acted like my phone was ringing and I ran. I ran as I noticed people do the tell tale sniff in the air. I ran to the bathroom. It was too late. A grown woman. And I shat myself. I clean as much as possible, and run to the parking garage. I left my purse in my office. I t...

ugh, just thinking about this story makes me cringe. (CONTEXT) i’ve (F19) worked in second-hand/vintage fashion for almost 2 years now, and it’s something that i truly have found my purpose in! i’ve always loved clothes and discovering new ways to style pieces/unique brands. i’m no expert, but i know my way around clothing more than the average person does. currently i’m working as a merchandiser for a second-hand store. one of the things i do on a regular basis is keep track of our fitting rooms and generally answering any questions customers might have. there is a high school age girl who comes in regularly, she’s a bit shy but she’s decently comfortable around me considering that i’m also a teenage girl! (..THE EVENT) the other day she came into the store with her boyfriend to shop around, and she started to try on some pieces. after a few minutes she asks for my opinion on a skirt she was wearing and if i thought she could alter it to be shorter, to which i replied something alo...

i am from brasil and have been talking with this russian girl online for about two months now. i first followed her on social media because of her art, but we eventually started talking and ended up becoming good friends. today, though, i put an end to this. yesterday she fought with her ex and today she was clearly kind of stressed out. we didn't talk for most of the day and that was fine, i didn't think much of it. in the afternoon i went to the bathroom and my anus produced the largest log of shit i had even seen in person. i noticed something was up when i could feel it coming out for tens of seconds with no sign of stopping. it must have taken literally a minute for the whole thing to come out, and when it did i got up from the toilet to examine my artwork. it was extremely long and thick, like one of those rolling pins used for making pastries. it barely fit inside the toilet. i laughed really hard at it, and thought it would be funny to share this beautiful moment wit...

Not today, but yesterday I fucked up by trying to remove peach fuzz from my face. I'm a fair skinned girl who's never been able to wear foundation or concealer because of my peach fuzz. When it dries and gets stuck in them it looks so bad! I tried shaving, epilators, all that and none of it did a good enough job; I'd still end up with dried foundation in my peach hairs! After talking to my mom about it she suggested I try Nair, but the kind for your face. I didn't think that existed but when I went to the store the other day I saw some (marketed for sensitive skin btw) and picked up a bottle! Well, yesterday comes and I'm so excited to be a smooth skin girly, so I can beat my face to the gods, and I go ahead and read the instructions and put it ALLLLL over my face! (Bc the peach fuzz is legit everywhere) well I wait my 5 minutes and my cheeks are stinging and burning but I take it off with a wet cloth then rinse, and notice my cheeks are stinging REALLY bad. I take...

Had a dentist appointment this morning and got situated with x rays and what have you. I was a little early so I had time to kill before the doctor came in so I decided to use the restroom for my morning poop. As soon as I walked in, I knew I was in trouble solely because I could see toilet paper that wasn’t flushed away right. I should’ve known better but I proceeded to poop away. My first flush was fine so I didn’t think much of it at that point. My second flush was a nightmare. The toilet water started spilling in the floor and I went into panic mode. I tried plunging the toilet with a toilet brush, since they didn’t have a plunger, to no avail and I tried soaking up the water with paper towels. Damage control wasn’t too bad but the worst thing was I still needed to poop so in my infinite wisdom in a time of panic, I finished my poop in their trash can. I cleaned as best I could and I let the receptionist know the toiled was clogged to which of course she started talking with the o...

This happened a few hours ago and my husband keeps teasing me about it. To clarify I’m a bisexual guy. There’s a Barnes and Noble that I frequent semi regularly. There’s also a cute girl that works there, Megan, that I had a crush on years ago. We liked the same books and had a few polite conversations here and here. One day I worked up the courage to ask her out and she gave me her number. But a few days later she let me down easily and I didn’t go back to that B&N for a while. After the awkwardness wore off I would go back and we’d be polite but there was a bit of tension there, at least I thought so anyway. Fast forward a few years and I’m married to my wonderful husband, and Megan still works at the B&N. I go with my husband to the B&N and Megan is there, she was busy so I don’t try to have a conversation with her. My husband was looking around on the other side of the store and I was in the manga section. (Don’t judge) I round a corner and almost bump into Mega...

This is age old tale of a scammer doing what the do best and leaving someone this time me with nothing left. So I work put in rural areas fixing farm equipment and it just so happened that today I was on a farm with very little phone signal, I was in the middle of changing a motor on a cow feeder when my phone rings. I see it has the dial code for my area I answer and put it on loud speaker beside me. I hear the guy say is the Mr.gentleman its your bank. But then the phone signal goes and he's cut off he immediately rings back and says the same thing. I say yes thats me I'm a little busy can I call back. The man says there has been a large purchase outside of the town area that you live was this you and I said no that wasn't me. He says oh ok well we should first cancel your card then I've sent you a security code can you read it back to me. Now of course everyone sees how much of an absolute idiot I'm about to be because of course I read out the code the man ins...

My 4YO has some constipation issues, so, per doctor’s orders, when it’s been awhile, I give her miralax to get things moving. She’s gotten use to it, so I keep having to up the dosage. I gave her some yesterday and nothing, so I doubled the dose today. I put it in one of her water bottles and she’s been slowly drinking on it throughout the day. Suddenly I notice my husband keep going to the bathroom. I ask if he’s okay and he said his stomach’s upset - he can’t stop pooping and his butt is starting to hurt. Turns out he got thirsty and drank the rest of our daughter’s water because it was nearby not knowing it was filled with a laxative and then refilled it for her without my knowing. He said he drank probably 1/2 or more of it and as we all know, medicine sinks to the bottom. He laughed it off when I told him I thought I knew what was causing his bathroom issues, but I don’t think he’ll be stealing our daughter’s water again any time soon. TL;DR Gave my kid laxative water, didn’t te...

Today I f fucks up. I have yet to try CBD but I wanted to give it a shot so I can enjoy the relax. I took 2 doseed brcause qgain, CBD, should just be mellow. I went to a some shop and asked for delta8 thinking it was the cans, now 1 hour later in sup fixing high. I then proceeded to call my siblings and ask them what the difference in CBD and Delta8 is. They both laughed at me. Thought day was gong to be 💫productive now im high as fuck and can't even pee. What I've learned from this experience is that I should ask questions before buying thc products. I also cant stop eating. I'm gonna feel wrecked tomorrow. I need more words, my pain must be shared. Words worms wriggles Words worms wriggles Words worms wriggles TLDR; MISTAKED THEN HIGHED

This fuck up wasn’t today, but was this past Saturday. Hard lesson learned, being lazy really didn’t pay off. Before I start, let me first say, I accept that this is totally on me. I’m not blaming anyone, just sharing my experience, and my very recent eye opening regarding Instacart. So, back in late 2018, I was recovering from Achilles surgery and started using Instacart for groceries. It was great, since trying to carry anything was not gonna happen on crutches. I’ve also never been a huge fan of grocery shopping, so this was a win-win for me. At the time, I didn’t think the charges and fees were that horrible. Well, I’ve basically been doing this ever since then, and never really gave it much thought. I knew there were added fees and such, and over the years I had seen the increases and kinda just rolled with it. So, this past weekend my GF was going to Aldi, which is where I usually shop, so I decided to tag along and grab some stuff. I almost immediately noticed the differenc...

So we were netflix and chilling on the couch and starting to get a little bit frisky. And as we were starting to make out, tiny lightbulb went off that I can just princess carry her back to my bedroom and continue there. So, you know, right arm under her thighs, left arm under her back. And then just lift her off the couch and carry her. Now the problem. I'm am a relatively average 5'10 210+ lbs man. My gf, is 5'2 to 5'4 ish. And you know, never ask a woman her weight, so considering her voluptous figure, I assumed around 180 lbs. So I expected a smooth lift with that assumption only to rocket launch off the couch cause she's significantly lighter than what I thought, and the sheer speed of it had her give off a squeal and wrap her hands tightly around my neck, She started panicking and hyperventilating so I slowly put her down on the couch. I gave her some space and got some water for her to drink and let her calm down. And she didn't broach the subject a...

It's been a while since I've been on a date. A friend of a friend, who I've had a crush on for a while, asked me if I'd like to have dinner and maybe a few drinks last week, and I said yes, Sunday evening would be great. I'm 31 but I felt like I was 16 again. Got my hair and nails done, my best makeup, a nice dress, heels, sexy underwear, etc. He'd booked a posh steakhouse for dinner - it was slightly low-lit for ambience and even the cutlery was all swoopy and wavy. Anyway we ordered our meals, both having steaks (obviously) and when my food arrived, I went to pick up a potato with my fork and accidentally pinged it off my plate and onto the floor. A little embarrassing, but we both laughed it off, I picked it up and set it aside. Okay so far. Well, internally I was a bit flustered and wasn't thinking straight. So, I didn't look twice at this fancy wavy cutlery. I went to cut my steak and didn't notice I was holding the knife upside down. Well...

Disclaimer: Not putting ages or the correct initials for the people involved because I'm not sure if the friend has reddit or not. We're all college aged, lets just keep it at that. A little back story So I (FtM) and my girlfriend we'll call T, have been together for close to 3 years now. I mention that I'm trans because it's relevant to the story. Since starting HRT I've experienced low libido, and very rarely am I ever actually turned on anymore. We've talked about it several times, she says it's okay and that she can do nothing but accept it and support me. A couple months ago we go on a trip to see my family (we're across the country from them), and it's tense at first but we managed to get back into a rhythm and find our flow again. We had more sex during that time than we had had in months and even experimented a little bit. We found new things to try and enjoyed them all! Well, we fly back and I essentially just can't get it up anym...

So I just came back from Thailand about a week ago and I have developed some pretty serious symptoms. Including but not limited to red bumps ans blisters around around the ole meat flute as well as discharge coming from my urethra. Additionally, I have also been having trouble going to the bathroom and have had a splitting headache for the past 3 days. I have a doctors appointment scheduled for tomorrow morning so I guess I just have to tough it up until then. While I’m not totally sure how I got sick I do have some good ideas. I took my proper vaccinations before the trip but I did skimp out on one of them because I just couldn’t make it in time before my scheduled fligt. Additionally, I also went swimming in a river which could have gave me some sort of infection. Regardless, I’m just really regretting a lot of my life decisions right now lol, especially since I can’t work or do anything productive really. TL;DR: Went to thailand got really sick. Probably going to cost me a total...

This just happened not even an hour ago. So let me start off by saying i have not had a gf or even done anything with a woman in years. So I downloaded a dating app after a few friends bugged me enough. I matched with this chick on a dating site. Everything seemed cool at first, with plenty of pictures to verify. We started talking, and she wanted to switch to a different app, no biggie. We talked on there for a while, and then she wanted to video chat and talk. Of course, no problem, except she wanted it on a different app again. Red flag number 1. Then she wanted to start "playing" red flag number 2. Now, this is when I should have started to realize what was going on. But nope. So we get to playing. She has to go for an "emergency" and now she is trying to black mail me in to send her money. Threatening to send pictures and videos to all my friends and family. I dont believe her. But this is my fuck up. TLDR: was horny and now I'm getting blackmailed for mon...

Fml. 10 years ago, I was falling for someone other than my partner. I kept it to myself and did not act upon it Leagues aside, I knew fine well it'd never happen. I allowed myself to drift away from that group of friends and from this person. It was for the best. I was over it. I doubt I've ever been the remotest hit on their radar. Honestly, I have no trouble accepting that. This evening I spent time with that person in mixed company, and all the old feelings were resurrected almost instantly. I was shaking as soon as I saw them. It'll never happen, I'm okay with thatn. But FFS 10 bastard years have gone by. We reminisced, talked, sang together although no time had passed by at all. I am 100% certain this person is not aware of how I feel, not do they feel the same way. That is absolutely fine, I expect nothing more. I can't do anything about it, I'm nearly 40 and have an acceptable existence. I wouldn't say I'm happy, but it's comfortable. No...

Yesterday I saw a free boat listed online in a town near my city. I texted the number on the post and the guy told me to call him in the morning. A free boat is a good deal and I was worried about getting beat out by some faster deal hunter, so I set my alarm to make sure I was the first one to respond. Jumped in the car and made it out to the address. When me and my partner got there the thing was pretty shredded with fiberglass sticking out everywhere. I thought it just needed a refinish so I said sure, I’ll take it. I figured I could do the work—the partner and I took on a huge boat project a few years back and I didn’t want to drag them into it. But when we flipped over the boat I realized it was going to be a much bigger project than I could take on myself. I felt bad backing out and we’d already driven so far, so we went ahead and grabbed this flimsy old thing and now it’s taking up most of our yard. The weight of the project is sitting on my chest. My only hope is that some han...

This happened last Saturday. I've been having a tough year. My father passed away; I have a host of medical issues; laid off seven months ago and can't even get any interviews as I work in tech sales, which is a blood bath right now; my girlfriend recently broke up with me; and I've been feeling very lonely the past few months. I live in the downtown area in my city and right across where I live is a condo that is notorious for having loud and crazy parties. I've seen some wild things. This Saturday, while feeling particularly lonely, I was trying to keep myself occupied before feeling tired by cleaning my place. I could hear people laughing and yelling. I wished I could be around others, drinking, laughing, and for one night forgetting about everything I was going through. When I was done cleaning I showered and went out on the balcony to have a drink before going to bed. I noticed that the laughing and yelling was coming from a unit directly across from me. It was ...

So long story short about a week ago I made a post in this sub saying I lied to my family and told them I had a boyfriend because they've been hounding me for YEARS to get one, specifically 3 of them Deb, Lola and Jenna (all fake names) and I couldn't handle the pressure anymore. Yesterday I got a text from a friend of a friend linking me to that post asking if it was me. At first I was going to add to the web of lies and tell them no but before I could reply they said the story is too specific to not be about me and I finally came clean. Huge mistake. Aforementioned friend of a friend, let's call her Dayna, told my entire family that I lied about having a boyfriend and they're all pretty pissed at me. Mostly for lying but more so the fact that I still don't have a boyfriend "at my age" (I said this in the last post but I'm literally 21 and they're acting as if I'm on my death bed). Also somehow Dayna found out the youtuber I was referring t...

Happened last night, I had a craving for my fave food and decided to sneak out for a quick one. My wife and kids were KTFO and I thought I could go to a local late night spot and get back before any of them noticed. On my way home, my wife sends me a text reading “Eric woke up and he’s asking for you. Where are you?” FUCK. So I rush home. Park the car in the driveway, get out, run inside (WE HAVE A SMART LOCK SO NO NEED FOR A KEY) and snuggle my son so he falls back to bed. I pass out with him. Woke up this morning, got dressed and went to grab my keys from the hook…no keys. Searched the house, no keys. Opened the front door because I thought “hope I didn’t leave them in the car…” mouth dropped to the floor as I just stared at an empty driveway. I’d left my keys in the car. Thanks to my particular auto insurance, there is a gps tracker in my car and I was able to pinpoint where it was. 3 cities away…and 2 not so reassuring engine diagnostic alerts triggered. The police were abl...

Happened like 20 mins ago, so actually today. I'm at a hotel with a Japanese restaurant. Of course , I just had to go there for dinner. And for the appetizer, is assorted sushi, with wasabi. Now, I consider myself something of a space connoisseur, and hadthe brilliant idea, to eat the entire clump of wasabi. I told myself it would be fine. My mom told me not to, and I did it anyway. Instantly, there was a strong smell, and a strong taste, and my throat closed up almost immediately after.It didn't even burn while it was in my mouth, it just overwhelmed my senses. I couldn't even breathe or talk. I was entirely certain I was about to die. I wasn't even scared, just resigned. Fortunately gulping down a full glass of water was enough to breathe normally again, and a bowl of soup to be able to talk normally. Though even now, my throat still hurts. TL/DR Ate too much wasabi, almost died. Hurts still.

So I (20F) and my bf (20M) have been dating for a year and a half, things have been perfect except for one thing, he comes from a culture where it’s forbidden to date so his parents don’t know I exist (his siblings and cousins know though). I personally have had no issue with this as I’m a pretty chill person and im new to relationships so im just not ready to meet someone’s parents (though I want him to meet mine and plans too soon). We have one rule in the relationship: don’t call him when he is home. So here is what happened, he called me at 7:45PM seeing if I wanted to chat but I was out with my mom so I told him “I’ll call you when I’m home” and he said “okay”. When my mom dropped me off she reminded me to call him, as I’m very forgetful due to medication. So at 8:10PM I arrived home and called him. He didn’t answer. At 8:13PM I get this message “my dad picked the phone up”. He is furious and doesn’t want me to say one more word to him saying “I told you to never fucking call m...

I had a busy day at work followed by an evening out with my mom. I was home for a couple of minutes after work before heading out again, and definitely walked through the living room at this time. In total, I was out of the house for about 14 hours today. My boyfriend did stop by to feed my cats for me, but didn't go into the living room. My cats are twins named Kit and Clank(1.5 y/o) Their typical hunts include spiders, houseflies, mosquitos, and the occasional wasp. They are strictly indoor cats because Clank is on immunosuppressants due to an immune disorder that essentially dissolves his teeth otherwise, so I know that they didn't bring it in. I have no idea where they found it, how it got in, or if there are more. When I returned home this evening, I didn't turn the lights on right away. I thought the two of them had dragged a toy mouse out of their toy box. But... I don't remember ever having a toy mouse with legs... MY INDOOR CATS KILLED A MOUSE AND LEFT IT ...

When I was 12, I went to South Carolina to see some extended family. We ended up going to the Columbia Zoo and I got to some area with some monkeys and a little pool. I saw a bunch of coins in it and thought “If people are just gonna throw these away, they must be begging for someone to take them”. So when no one was looking, I reached my arm into the pool and grabbed as many as I could and stuffed my pockets. I looked it up found out it was illegal but I doubt I would’ve gotten in too much trouble anyway. I was old enough to know that no one found out about it and that nothing was gonna happen, but I still made a promise to myself to never do it again. TL;DR: I went to a zoo and saw a pool of coins, took some and found out it was illegal later.

Ok last fall. But still.. I figured I'd try out the new Waymo driverless car service from Google just for fun. I drove to a Walmart inside it's covered range in Phoenix. I parked, summoned my car and walked to a convenient spot where the Waymo would have no problems spotting me. I watched the car on the app as it approached and it drove right past. *sigh* off to a bad start. I noticed that it constantly avoided left turns. Instead of turning left, it made 3 right turns. I nicknamed the car Zoolander (after the movie with Ben Stiller about the male model who famously could not turn left on the runway). The Waymo came in, I waved. It drove right past me and all the way back to where I parked. Well of course it doesn't respond to waves. D'oh. When I caught up with it, I tried to open the drivers door (locked). I opened the unlocked passenger door, unbuckled the seat belt, slid the seat back and hopped in. This is apparently a major breach of Waymo etiquette and this is w...

My parents divorced at the beginning of the year. I (28m) have been as supportive as possible to both my parents since the divorce, but lately I've come to regret not being less involved because I was not fully prepared for the fallout of suddenly having crazy single parents. Exhibit A: my dad. He recently asked me to help him set up an account on Tinder because one of his coworkers suggested online dating. My dad had no idea how Tinder worked, so it became my responsibility to tell the internet that he's available. I love my dad, but he's the most boring person on the planet. His Tinder bio was mundane as fuck. Most of the photos he had included my mom, aka the ex wife, which was obviously not usable. The few solo photos he had made him look like the hillbilly gas station owner who worked in the middle of nowhere and encouraged lost teenagers to follow the route that is not on the map so they could get violently killed by cannibals. My dad decided not to use the hillbil...

I managed to turn a playful and intimate moment into a hilarious yet expensive disaster. So, my fiancée and I were having a great time, fooling around and enjoying each other's company. She had one hand busy and was trying to take off her ring with her teeth, all in an attempt to avoid scratching me. Here's where things took a wild turn. In the heat of the moment, I playfully decided to give her a little spank. Little did I know that this would lead to a unfortunate event. The force of the spank somehow caused her ring to get lodged at the back of her throat and down it went. At first, I was shocked and didn't really register what had just happened. But as reality sunk in, panic started to set in. We tried all sorts of methods to retrieve the ring ourselves, but nothing seemed to work. Long story short, we had no choice but to rush to the emergency room. After what felt like an eternity of waiting, x-rays, the doctors confirmed that the ring was indeed making its way th...

i (19F), had drunk sex with my friend, H (also 19F), and i’m kind of regretting it. we were supposed to drink a bit then she would go home, but we got drunk and one thing led to the other and we ended up having sex the problem is, we were doing a timelapse and forgot to turn it off before we did the deed, and now i have a sex tape on my ipad and idk what to do with it to make matters worse, after she left, i drunk called two of my friends and told them an extremely detailed explanation of what happened, and now they’re both teasing me oh and i have a final tomorrow and i can’t seem to focus because i keep getting detailed flashbacks, so now my lips are bruised, my body is full of hickeys, and i’m definitely retaking this class TL;DR i had drunk sex with my friend and i’m now facing the consequences of my actions

Hello all, thank you for all the responses. Everyone has really helped me open my eyes of how terrible not only my husband and my sister’s situation is but also mine and my husbands. I never thought of my husband as a pervert but you guys have really helped me see. It is true, we met when I was 15 me and him got together with my parent’s approval. Growing up my parents severely disliked me, they had me at 18 unplanned and I ruined their chances of a successful future together. I think they wanted to just get me off their hands even if it meant approving a marriage with a much older man. And honestly I wanted away with my parents too, so I convinced myself it was cool to have an older boyfriend and sucked it up the whole relationship. Now for the update, I decided to speak to my sister despite mine and hers differences. When I asked her what she was thinking she didn’t know what I was on about, and that was when she shown me a bunch of one sided texts from my husband. She told me t...

FINAL EDIT: Please stop commenting. I’m gonna handle this myself. I thought this was a funny thing I could tell you guys but I guess it isn’t. Godspeed Reddit! I’m taking a brake from this thread. So uh, hey. For some context, Im 26. And sorry but this is quite the long story. My little sister [16F] turned 17 yesterday on the 24th. She had a small party and a few of her friends came over, it was kinda low key. Basically, I had the idea to bring my girlfriend [24F] to the party; stupid as it sounds, but my girlfriend and my sister are kinda friends. I asked my mom and dad, and they were a bit hesitant at first, but then finally gave in and let her come over. What I DIDNT tell my parents is that I intended to ask my girlfriend to marry me. I’ve been thinking this for a while, borrowed some money to buy the ring and everything, but we’ve been apart for a while so I needed the perfect time. And i thought my sisters party would be just that time. So, day of the party. My sister was h...

Me and my Dad went to London for a holiday and we had some time to kill so we decided to walk around the city. We saw a sign outside some building that said "Free personally test inside" and it looked nice and sincs we had some time on our hands, we decide to walk inside, without looking at the name of the building or anything like that (mistake number 1). Once we're inside, we're greeted with an extremely beautiful and flush interior. We ask the receptionist about the personality test and he tells us one of his colleagues will come down soon to test us and he gives us a form to fill out. He also tells us we don't have to fill out what we don't want to which is weird. This form had some personal info on it which I thought was a huge red flag (Things like address, full name, phone number) I decided to only fill out my age and name but my Dad filled out his E-mail as well (mistake number 2) .The form also had some weird questions on it. One of the sections was...

So this didn't happen today, it happened 7 years ago, when I was 11. At that time, I was a big fan of FBI. I live in Slovenia, and obviously, we don't have FBI here. So I was a really big fan, I am talking about that big, that I gave my classmates "jobs". I even organized an election for a new secretary in my class during break (I had no idea how FBI actually worked). I even printed the ballots and all. And before that, I even had a custom stamp made with a FBI logo and I even made a website. This is where the FU started. So even after I made the website, I didnt't stop. So one day, I discovered a way, how you can add your business to google, so it shows up in the search results. So I did it. I entered a name, FBI Slovenija, my home phone number (big mistake), my address and the link to my website. For the type of business, I selected "security service". I added some photos of FBI logo and FBI agents I found on the internet. So the next step was to ve...

So I’m (F19) on the phone with my bf (M19) while waiting for a friend and he asks me what celebrity I think he looks like, after a good moment thinking abt it I tell him that I think he kinda looks like Hayden Christensen. I’m a big star wars fan and he hasn’t watched any of the movies. I explain that he played Anakin and I had to explain that Anakin is Darth Vader before he was Darth Vader. My bf is like “oh no cmon you think I look like the guy who played the worst villain” and my first reaction is “yeah he’s hot” 😑. After that my bf told me he didn’t really appreciate me calling another man hot, I explain to him that it’s as far as it’ll go and if he told me an actress is hot and I agree I would agree. I don’t think he’s too upset abt it but I’m pretty sure he didn’t like that. I know it’s not that deep but I still wanted to share in case anyone has advice on how I can smoothly come back from that one. TL;DR I told my bf he looks like hayden christensen and he was sad cuz it’s da...

The gas station I go to has a car wash. The gas price is reduced by $0.10 a gallon if you buy a car wash with your gas purchase. When you pay for the gas, a prompt pops up that asks "Do you want a car wash today?" and if you press 'yes', the gas price per gallon decreases. Really simple and a great way to save a few bucks on gas. I'd always wondered how the gas station ensured people actually bought the car wash. Like, what was stopping someone from just clicking 'yes', getting the cheaper gas and then leaving without buying a wash? Nonetheless, anytime I've wanted a car wash, I'd click 'yes', pump my discounted gas, then go to the car wash cashier and purchase a wash. Today, my friend was in the car with me when I went to get gas. I also wanted a car wash, so I clicked 'yes' on the prompt, and pumped the gas. Then I went to buy a car wash, but my friend stops me and asks what I was doing. When I told him I want to buy a car wash...

So my wife tossed them on top of my Dude Wipes in the cabinet, which I quickly reached for in the moment of need.. The package was different looking but I thought maybe it was just a new brand wipe or something, so I went hard without thinking twice. After I paused for a moment, then glanced at the package and sure enough theres a cleaning brand label on it I paused again thinking, maybe they have butt wipes? Then the word CLEANING hits my eye. It only burned for a few seconds then I used real butt wipes to get it off. But I thought I may have killed myself Darwin award style for a split second. I lurk this forum a lot and I know it's not the most dramatic fuck up, but I wanted to share my story with someone. TL;DR I wiped my asshole with bleach but lived to talk about it ( so far )

I [23F] met this girl at a nightclub and she invited me to her place. She was the hottest person in the entire place by the way, so I was very thrilled. We hooked up and fell asleep. I then woke up to pee and started looking for the bathroom. I went into a room but it was not the bathroom, it was sort of a storage room. I was extremely drunk and was about to piss myself, and I just...peed on the floor. I literally have no logical explanation for it. I saw a piece of clothing and proceeded to threw it on the pee puddle. I then went back to bed. The whole thing was like a fever dream. When I woke up again and as the memories started flooding back in, I realized what the fuck have I just done and the direness of the situation. I started to brainstorm about how to clean there and get rid of that clothing. But it was almost impossible for me to get back to that room without risking being seen by her flatmates, which would draw a lot of suspicion since I was a stranger and had no reason to...

Okay. So. For context, while I still think of him as a crush, we're kind of.. in a situationship? or something like that. Not quite exclusive but we've messed around a couple times and recognize each other's attraction. I would not say we're close by any means, but we did enjoy each other's presence. However. I happened to text him while high. Now—idk why i thought this was a good idea. I was high. You know how it goes. And my high messages consisted of me gushing about how attractive i found him and how I'd been crushing on him for a while and was sooo happy when I gave him a ride home from work for the first time. And how I'd save silly memes i found on social media about crushes and having crushes and how sometimes I want to show him even though I know he would not understand them whatsoever (....yes, i know....). and THEN I ventured vaguely into talking about my insecurities, about how what if he doesn't think I'm cute or pretty and I'm jus...

Not today, but recently: I had a 'friend' who I talked to pretty frequently and always seemed supportive of what I was doing and was easy to talk to about life... I knew he was on Reddit, but we never exchanged information regarding such. Also to note, we also shared other social media in which he made his political views known (conservative), but he had no idea about mine (more liberal, but still some conservative ideals). One day, I decided to make a comment on a post on Reddit, and due to the content of the comment, I had started myself on a downward spiral of my mood (comment talked about and extremely depressing occurrence in my life occasionally makes me sad when I think about it). Eventually, he found my Reddit account and after reading the depressing content, he also Reddit-stalked me. The next day, I was explaining a story, and described a couple as a female and male to explain why the couple was splitting up since he did know their names. Exact words: "the art...

Throwaway obviously. This did not happen today but several years ago in high school. As I’m typing this I notice the title sounds like a video I’ve viewed a time or two and it made me chuckle so I’m keeping it lol. I dated this girl for roughly 2 years on and off in highschool and we were abstinent for a large part of that. We had planned a way that we both wanted to lose our virginity several months in advance, it was going to be romantic. Her parents would be out of town on a rather rare occasion that didn’t happen often. We’d get home from school, watch a movie or two and cook some pizza rolls. Then after our gourmet dinner, head back to her room and do that deed. I had my shift covered at work, it was the perfect plan. Until it wasn’t.. I worked the worst possible first job, with long hours, short breaks and terrible managers. They refused to schedule 1 or 2 more people just in case someone couldn’t make their shift. They also refused to cover any shifts that had been dropped. W...

Years ago, I moved abroad to study and ended up staying there. I often came back home and hung out either with my childhood friend (Anna) - who didn't go to the same school as me and had her own friends- or my family, amongst which my cousin (Julie), who I went to school with and with whom I had a lot of friends in common. When we were in school, Anna sometimes went with me to Julie's parties and she was familiar with our group of friends. This happened in our early 30s. By then, I hadn't seen my cousin's friends in over a decade. One night as I was out with Anna and her friends, at a nice terrace with food and drinks, this guy appeared and joined the group late. My jaw dropped: this was an old friend from school, Julie's best friend (and someone I had a crush on) and I hadn't seen him since I was 18. Now this guy is very unusual looking and wears very distinctive glasses, tiny round frames. And his name is equally unusual (let's call him Napoleon). I ...

This is from the mid to late aughts. I had recently purchased a new device called a Kindle. I was pretty excited about it, so when my son threw it on the ground breaking the screen, I was pretty disappointed. I knew that it wasn't going to be covered by warranty, but I called Kindle support to see what they would do as far as maybe discounting a replacement. The agent I spoke with listened to my story and then asked me "so it fell from how far up?". I was frustrated because I had just told him the whole story about my son throwing it and this guy didn't care enough to listen?!? I repeat my story and again, the guy asked how far it dropped from. This went back and forth a few times with me getting more and more frustrated at not being heard. I'm ashamed at how long it took me to realize that this guy was trying to replace the Kindle for free under warranty. It wasn't during that phone call TL:DR I'm an idiot who didn't get a free Kindle

It is probably one of the worst interactions I have had with another human being in my life. For context, I was coming home from work on the train and texting with friends on the phone. I'm in the process of buying things for the flat I'll be renting with my girlfriend and one other person, so the main topic of conversation was gathering ideas for things we need. Baskets for clothes, cleaning products, a clothes dryer and other such things were quickly agreed upon so we moved on to figuring out what decorations we would like to have in the flat. The conversation was going along normally until we remembered that the bathroom was missing a curtain for the bath. We each browsed the listings for such curtains on the internet and sent pictures to the group, where we further discussed whether the curtain would suit the three of us. One of the suggestions that was sent by one of the friends was a curtain depicting a naked anime girl with her legs open. We all laughed at this and mov...

This happened 8 ish months ago and just wanted to give an update on how I am travelling after making such a stupid mistake. I was circumcised due to my ex's advice and didn't do any meaningful research myself to know if it was a good idea or not. Not only did I instantly regret the procedure less than a few weeks afterwards, but the ongoing damage that I have to live with everyday is a reminder to really think before committing to any lifelong decision. My penis has become extremely dry and does not feel anywhere near as sensitive. I am having issues regulating moisture as I feel it is extremely difficult to keep the glans moist due to the rubbing on my underwear/pants. I feel like too much skin was removed during the operation leaving me with inadequate skin coverage while getting erections and masturbating has become incredibly difficult and non-rewarding/pleasurable. I am a bit deflated about making such a permanent decision so quickly based on no research and I feel it i...

Obligatory this didn't happen today Context Me (28F) and my boyfriend (28M) are both in a STEM field with a shortage of professionals. I got hired to my dream job and we moved out of the country, where he quickly got a job in the same company. I haven't been in my home country for the last 3 years cause pandemic, and I've been taking anxiety meds for this same reason until I was recently discharged from them. We live in a townhouse that has smart locks. The Fuck Up So, since we haven't traveled back home for the past three years, my mom asked if she could come visit us. We were thrilled because we both miss her a lot, so her coming to us was really ideal with our work scheduled. We asked for a week off work aroud the time she would be here and it got approved! But we had one task to do the night before she would arrive, and it was a couple countys over. For some reason she couldn't postpone the flights, and my boyfriend suggested we could give her our password...