greenmangostudio

So I had recently bought a pocket pussy cause well, summer in a small town and break up with my ex. Well, I used it, cleaned it, and then left for a 2 week field deployment. When I got back, I realized I had left it in my living room. I live alone, no big. Well, I had been back for 3 days, but not home, so my bags were still on the floor and house a mess. I decided it was about time I get to finishing up a project on my parents farm I've been doing with my buddy. I call him up and tell him to meet me at my place, he does, we finish the project, and come back to my place. Now, I make sure to feed people who do work on my farm, usually my mother will cook cause she is AWESOME at it and LOVES doing it, but it was too spur of the moment. We got some wings and were eating at my place. He actually sees the thing and thinks it's his ( we are that close and he's spent some months over here cause divorce). I correct him and we eat. Somehow, we start talking about it, I pick it up t...

So, in short, about a month ago I accidentally dropped my cheap Moto phone in water. The Screen went blank. I went to local repair shop and replaced my screen with a cheap duplicate screen. However, this replacement screen brought about various issues. At times, the screen wouldn't respond to touch, while other times it would become overly sensitive. Occasionally, the phone would freeze, and so on. ​ Now, let's fast forward to two days ago. I have a classmate whom I haven't seen in about 8 years, but he is still in my WhatsApp contacts, though I rarely message him. Recently, a friend of mine informed me that this classmate had become a parent. Upon hearing this news, I congratulated him via WhatsApp. He responded with a brief "thank you." ​ Which takes us to today, So I was lying in bed just passing time. I opened Whatsapp, felt thirsty, put the mobile facedown on the bed, had a drink of water. And just as I came back, I start hearing noise of message sendi...

I, 24f and my boyfriend, 33m were planning on going out for our one year anniversary this Saturday. We had this whole day planned on going to the movies, going out to eat, and then going to this "Paranormal Cirque" thing later in the evening. We just had our first son together, and he is now a month old. My mom agreed to babysit him during the early part of the day (movie and lunch) and my dad agreed to babysit him during the evening (the paranormal cirque). All seemed good, we got the tickets and we were both excited. Today I realized having my dad babysit would be a terible idea due to the fact that my son has collic, like really bad in the evening and night time. Tonight he was so bad, nothing would calm him down, and he was crying to the point he was gagging himself. It got me so frustrated to the point I too started to cry and realized I could not have my dad babysit and how he would probably be miserable and how I put a burden on him by having to take care of a non-sto...

Literally writing this as I'm in the office waiting to be fired essentially, don't got anything else to do anymore. So I basically work in the HR Department of my job as an assistant and A few months ago we had an accident in our workplace where a man got sucked into a machine and it scrambled his arm. He's fine now but of course he's suing the company and my task was to record the videos of the process of how we turn the machine off before cleaning it and blah blah, simple enough so I recorded from February to march 17th or so and the accident occured April 2nd, I figured that was enough Then come to realize we never had the actual accident recorded and I was supposed to actually record past that date even, I thought a few days wouldn't be that bad and I assumed they had the accident itself already recorded, but yeah Idk much about computers and servers but I think after a few months the videos delete from the servers so now we don't even have the accident n...

Mobile format, apologies. TIFU… or should I say over the course of the last year I’ve FU by being so completely blind at what was going on. I basically had met my ex and we began a long distance relationship that was working pretty well (I thought) due to the fact that my job allows me to freely travel for little to no cost. It is also a benefit because I can have a travel companion for virtually nothing as well. I met someone and fell in love. Head over heels. He wanted to go to places like Cuba, New York, etc and I made it happen as soon as I could. I consider experiences a love language. AND I WAS IN LOVE! Anyway, a couple months ago the relationship was on a decline. Our work schedules weren’t aligning and it made it difficult to see each other. In turn , this made any kind of arguments or disagreements worse because we couldn't be together to fully discuss and hash things out face to face. One day he called me to ask for a break and I simply replied with a "yeah, it co...

So it’s the day before a 5 day weekend and I really don’t want to be working on reports and finishing paper work. I had a meeting at 1 so I went out at 1130 to grab lunch. It’s Friday, I’m going to treat myself. Sausage, BBQ chicken, pepperoni, extra cheese and jalapeños on the pizza, you know, the works. It’ll destroy my stomach but I’ll hit the meeting and then take PTO for the last few hours and run home, no problemo. I felt the tummy rumble and went and destroyed the bathroom, went back to my desk. Thinking it was a little rumble aftershock, I went to let one rip: big mistake. Placed my bet and LOST. Ran back to the bathroom. Currently trying to gameplan my exit. My keys are on my desk. I can sneak out the back unseen but I would need my keys. Can just sit on the bench and ask someone to bring me my keys, why am I sitting on the bench? Why isn’t SlimeySnakes in the meeting? He ran to the bathroom and then left after having the intern bring him his keys while sitting on the benc...

Today I fucked up by not holding in my shit. Well, technically ut wasn't today but yesterday. Yesterday I hadn't gone to the bathroom in like 4 days and had relied on fast food and the grimace shake. Well, when i got home i immediately went to the bathroom cuz my stomach hurt SO BAD. As soon as a sat down, gallons of long logs just came out of my body. AND IT WOULDNT STOP EITHER. for nearly 20 minutes I was on the toilet just having my internal organs pulled out of my anus. Every time I thought it was over, IT WASNT. it just would not stop. But I finally got tired of shitting so I took toilet paper and wiped. Well, when i flushed the toilet. THE SHIT FLOODED MY TOILET. making poop water go everywhere and onto the floor and into my shoes too. I had to get my dad to unclog it nearly 2 hours later (he was at work) and he was SO MAD. that's all. TL;DR: held in my shit, clogged toilet, got shit water everywhere. dad was mad.

NSFW because the squirt 💦 Obligatory “this was not today” disclaimer. A few years ago my MIL invited me to go with her and her friends to one of their daughter’s plays that happened to be in my town. I hadn’t spent much 1:1 time with her, but always have enjoyed her company, so took up the offer for a night out. She buys the tickets and sets a dinner plan up - all is well. She informs me that the play is The Vagina Monologues & I’m immediately thinking “this may be awkward.” Whatever, we’re all adults. Let’s do this. When we get to the show it’s open seating & we are trying to select a spot. Her friend suggests the front row & I blurt out “nah, wouldn’t want to be in the splash zone, would we?” and ya could have heard a pin drop. I felt my face go red and immediately realized how awkward what I said was to these 50 year old women I didn’t know well. No one responds & a different section is casually selected by my MIL. The icing on the cake was the end where the c...

Well this is what I get for experimenting sexually with my partner. A few months ago, my (21M) girlfriend (19F) admitted to being turned on at the thought of watching me with other people. Since March, we’ve only fooled around with one other person, who is her roommate. Now, being bi-curious, I proposed to my girlfriend that I do things with a guy in front of her and she was all for it. As a result, one fateful evening, I downloaded the best app for such an occasion; Grindr. Without thinking, I put a picture of my face on my profile without thinking much of it. As you all ought to be expecting at this point, this was my fuck-up. One coworker of mine, “James”, is openly gay. (Should also be noted that my girlfriend and I work together) Now, prior to this incident, I was under the assumption that James had a boyfriend. It wasn’t until I pulled up to work for the day that I saw his face in one of the profiles. Immediately my stomach sank and I blocked him, hoping, PRAYING that he didn’t ...

Since this is RIF's last day here and so will be mine on Reddit here is an event that happened years ago. My (now ex ) wife and I were at the Renaissance Festival for the weekend and stayed until they were closing. Now by nature I am an introvert, I like not socializing with people or really hanging out with anyone. That is until I had a full bottle of mead to myself. So we started working our way out of the festival and back to camp, I thought it would be fun to start skipping a long and giving anyone I could a high five. After a few minutes I lost track of my wife and went to look for her, I saw that she was near a couple of women that were sitting down on a bench. I attempted to skip over to her and saw she was bent over and talking to them. And super drunk me not taking half a second to read the situation I reached down with my palm out aggressively and yelled "High-five!", The girl I was gesturing to did not respond, and the woman next to her wasn't paying atte...

Obligatory, this did not happen today, but well over 20 years ago when I was maybe 11 or 12 years old. On mobile so yeah spelling & formatting. At the time of this TIFU, I was still a shy and anxious pre-teen who never overtly acted out. Follow whatever mom and dad said and keep my head down to survive the rules. My "subtle covert" acting out took on a whole new level one weekend. I played soccer and during the Saturday tournament my mom told me something I had do some something and I didn't like it. What it was I don't recall anymore, I just remember being angry and let down. So my brilliant mind came up with a plan to spoil whatever it was if the opportunity presented itself. Now, this soccer tournament was at an old complex that had neat trails & creeks through the adjacent woods that players and other kids would enjoy between matches. Between one of my games I was playing tag in the woods and stumbled across a massive patch of poison oak. I knew what ...

I'll begin by saying that my fiance is very well endowed. Neither of us have taken a ruler to it but judging by the width of my hands, he's a solid 7.5-8 inches. It's great, but it also means that certain positions require more gentleness than others. We recently purchased a 2 person beanbag chair (highly recommended) and I wanted to try a new position on it, but due to the instability of the beanbag chair, he went into me too hard too fast and we had to stop. We've had our fair share of these instances before, but this wasn't a normal "put a heat pack on it and chill out" sex injury. The pain on this one kept spreading. It started in my uterus and radiated up into my abdomen. At first I thought it was gas pain, then around the 3 hour mark I couldn't stand up without feeling like I was going to faint. I could barely move, and I couldn't pee. I checked my IUD strings and they seemed okay, but a displaced IUD was my best bet for what was going on. ...

I'm a guy in my mid 20's for reference. My girlfriend frequently calls me instead of texting me, whether it be the most mundane shit ever or a complete emergency. She probably calls me 5-6 times a day, and luckily, I'm at a job where it doesn't matter if I'm on the phone, I can still do my work and my boss doesn't mind. Every time I hang up, I end it with "I love you," not just a quick love you, but the full I love you. We've been doing this for years so it's second nature. Anyway, my boss was working from home today and when he does that, he also calls me frequently to go over x and y. This last time he called, I had just gotten off the phone with my girlfriend so it must've been instinct, but right before I hung up, I go "got it thanks, I love you" and then hung up. I knew immediately what I had done and quickly texted him "I don't actually love you, sorry about that" and I think that might have made it worse sin...

I'm a (white american) digital artist working on a webcomic, and I've always wanted to see a Black main character in a high fantasy cartoon, so I tried to create a really awesome character--and ended up settling on a fun design for a little 9 year old boy from a small village, but with textured hair and Black features. I tried to go with a regionally neutral name that seemed like it could fit in with the world. ChatGPT gave me a list of names and I settled on "Kieran", as it seemed like a name that would work and CGPT said it meant "dark haired", which, yeah, he's dark haired, so I went with it. Seemed like it would work. I created lots of content with this character for pre-production--I made an expression sheet, a character rotation, a full render, and I legitimately got to know this kid as Kieran. Flash forward a bit and i'm almost ready to make my Art Fight bio for this kid (art fight is basically this huge event where artists draw each other...

In a horrible turn of events during a hangover ridden Tuesday, I was laying in bed as I felt the gas in that needed to release from my sphincter. My headache from my hangover was already bad enough so letting release the pain in my gut seemed like a good idea. Boy was I wrong! As soon as I let the toot slip I knew something was very wrong. Minimal air, in sound. Wet. Too wet. Gooey, and I realize in horror what I had just done. At a ripe 21 years of age I have never had the misfortune to make this mistake before, typically my asshole is very good at telling what is or isn’t simply flatulence. I rushed to the toilet, however was horror stricken to find it in use. So I stand outside feeling like the world’s oldest toddler or youngest elderly person who, either way, forgot how to use their diaper and is not in control much less aware of their bowels. shit running down my leg and debate all of my decisions in life up until this moment. What now, must I be wary every time I feel some tummy...

I'll give you a warning before you read this. It's pretty gross and involves vomit, so if that's something that you can't handle, don't read this. Anyway, today was my first real day at my first job. I'm a front of the house worker, and I was basically shadowing another worker at the drive through. Anyway, I got there at 10:30 when my shift started and found the coworker that was supposed to be training me. We went to the drive through at about 10:38 or 10:40. My first fuck-up (minor but probably still should've thought through my decision more) was when I decided not to get a drink before starting against the advice of my co-worker. I said I had just brushed my teeth so it would taste weird, and they were like fair enough. After working for about 20 minutes my stomach started to hurt. It didn't feel like I was sick, more just like I was really hungry. I had eaten at about 9:30, so looking back I probably should have realized something was wrong given ...

So I, given the end of my GCSE exams, wanted to have some fun. I flew to my grandparents and am now with my friends in Poland. We went to the lake nearby to go swimming, and I know how deep it is everywhere where we go swimming. I jumped into the lake head first at to great of an angle into the shallower part. My arms hit the ground first before my head hit it shortly after. My nose and lip were bleeding after I came out of the water, but not to raise any worry I stayed in the water and kept swimming and having fun. In addition my neck and forehead were slightly hurting. I do feel alright as I'm writing this, still by the lake, but shaking. I don't want my grandparents to be worried or anything so I will say that i had an accidental, for example hitting a lamppost or maybe stating I was play fighting with my best friend, and he hit me twice in the lip. This too, was my closest call to death, or paralysis, but luckily my arms absorbed most of the impact. TLDR: I hit my head o...

Edit: Thank you all for your responses and advice. I'll keep you updated but sadly won't be able to reply to everything :) Actually, it wasn't today but four days ago. So I (19m) was at a party four days ago. Like at any other party, there were lots of drinks and stuff, and of course I took a few. I think there I took something that I didn't have before and after that I don't remember anything from the night until I woke up. When I woke up, this one girl (19f let's call her Melanie) was on me undressed and I was undressed too. I think I don't have to go in detail there. Even though I was repulsed, I came, that's maybe where I'm at fault too. My friends told me the next morning that they saw Melanie taking me in a room with her. Melanie has confessed her feelings for me a few weeks ago, but I'm gay and she knew that too, so I don't know why she acted so surprised when I rejected her. Now Melanie has been wanting to start a relationship. ...

My (38m) girlfriend (38f) and I have been together for 15yrs and have 2 kids together. She has always been an open person and has shared stories of passed relationships. She is still close (long distance) friends with one ex, who I am on good terms with. Recently though, a different ex reached out to her to reconnect as friends. It didn't sit right with me at the time, as stories of how he made her feel gave me a very low opinion of him. I didn't say anything though as I wanted her to have the freedom to decide for herself and they had once had a good friendship too. She can also get defensive due to some challenges in her upbringing, so I didn't want to be controlling. Flash forward a week and they meet up, with her coming home around 11. I then struggle to sleep because I am worried about her letting a toxic person back in to her life, and by extension our family's. In the morning I told her how I felt in a very open fashion. I am not as good at expressing my feeli...

Obligatory “not today”. So a few months ago, I got my first ever flat tire through my own stupidity. I was having trouble with the lug nuts, so I texted my roommate who’s a car guy to see if he was available to help with some brute force. He wasn’t, but he said to text if I still needed help when he was off work in about an hour. Now, the important part is I was on the way to a Passover Seder when this happened. I eventually got a better angle and managed to put the spare on with no small effort, by committee of me, my friend/passenger, their dad/Seder host, and a random passing college student. Off we went to the Seder, and into my pocket (and onto do not disturb) went my phone, since it was a mixed Jewish group and I knew there’d be mixed opinions about phone use on a holiday. Hours later, having not once checked my phone during the very long dinner as I was trying to be in the moment and not rude, I see a discord server for a local volunteering group my roommate and I are in is b...

Started at my first break at work had a bunch of bars sitting in my locker and decided let’s eat these ended up having 4 in one sitting, 3 hours later I had my lunch break and ate another 2 with my lunch after lunch I was bloated (sometimes happens but goes away shortly) 1 hour later I’m still at work bloated and it hurts, try to go to the bathroom multiple times and no luck. I contemplated just retreating home but decided to stick it out. When my shift was over the ride back home was terrible, felt like I was holding my breathe the whole drive. I rushed into the house and ran to the bathroom and only gas came out but my bloating and pain soon went down and I was somewhat back to normal but not feeling 100% 20mins later my wife, kids and I are eating supper (salad and perogies,yum) All was going well. After supper I took the dog out for a walk as per usual. Within 10 mins of the walk the bloat and pain start to comeback very steadily and slow. On the walk back in an ally with my ...

Disclaimer: English is not my first language and this is my first reddit post. 👀 I'm a 24 year old female that's currently studying to become a florist. My program contains a number of "work experience periods" where we usually work in flower shops for a month to then go back to school for a month -and so on. Now happens to be one of those periods so I'm working at a flower shop in my nearest city. I've been there before so I already now both the owner and the employe (let's call her Jessica). Yesterday (not today I know, but close enough) was a hot summer day with quite low customer activity. I worked with Jessica and we decided to go out to the area where they keep the outdoor plants to trim them. Well, some of them -really- needed a trim so I got to work. For the most part I only used my fingers to pinch off the dried flowers and ugly leaves, but when that didn't do the trick I used my beloved floral scissors. I use this one. https://gronytekons...

This happened last week. It was raining, the garage at my parents house was flooding, and they had 2 stacks of banker boxes that were getting soaked. I went to work and moved the boxes until I got to the bottom where the bottom box had cards/letter/gifts from when I was born, 29 years ago. I brought the box in and was asking my mom about random cards and people in it. Then I opened a box that had things related to my actual birth. Hospital bracelets, gift wrap clippings, more card, etc. I am rooting through it and find two tickets, and because I didn't read it I just said "you and Dad went to Hawaii when I was born?" My mom says no, why did I think that, and I show her the tickets, to which she said "oh no that was a homecoming football game." and then I asked why there would be tickets to a football game in this box. She is just as confused until she says "...OH! Well... do you really want to know?" and I said "uhhhh yes??" she then inform...

Dear Aussies, This one is specifically directed at you. You know who you are. A couple days ago, I started chatting with a new Aussie friend who was visiting his parents in Sydney with his sister and her two young kids. I had seen him in the hotel fitness center before and we had exchanged pics on the app. Well, last night he said he was free for an hour but he couldn’t come to my room. Reason? He had to babysit his infant niece while his sister and nephew went out. It sounded super sketch to me, but he was hot. He also promised the infant slept all the time anyway and would be in the suite area, not the bedroom. Ok, well I had never done a quickie with a for realz babysitter Aussie uncle in a hotel, in a foreign country, so why the eff not. Besides, he sounded like he was bluffing in the texts, like I would never dare to show up. Well, he thought wrong because I showed up in my hotel bathrobe with nothing under but my new Versace greek key inspired strap undies. After I went ins...

This didn't happen today but it's funny so I'll share. I needed to drive over a mountain pass to go visit my lovely parents. Well the night before I decided that I was gonna get drunk and have a cheese burger, the burger was delicious and the drinks were great. Well there is a part of the pass that's just trees for about an hour. Well out of my own stupidity I didn't plan ahead and use the bathroom. About 20 min into the middle of nowhere forest, my body reminds me I'm lactose intolerant and I get the overwhelming urge to poo. Lucky for me there is a pull out up ahead for a forest service "road" (basically an ATV trail), I take that road and drive up a bit so I was hidden by trees and won't be seen from the main road. I'm a good boy scout and I always keep a roll of toilet paper in my car (be prepared). I quicky parked my car in the middle of the road as no one would be driving down this random forest road in the middle of nowhere. I flung ope...

So this literally happend last night. It’s my birthday today. Yay me? Never tought I remember my 25th birthday like this. It was almost midnight and my horny ass brain tought it was a good idea to have a nice climax to start my new year. But just as the climax approached, the universe had a cruel surprise in store for me. It was just past midnight, i’ve been beating the meat for around 10 minutes. I was just about to finish up my session but than without knocking the door swung open. Yes, my mom had chosen this exact moment to surprise me and wish me an early birthday. So there I was, naked on the bed. No sheets because it’s summer and warm as hell. While my mom was just standing there. The smile on her face quickly faded when she realised. She just walked away and closed the door. The worst part might even be that I did not even enjoy a nice cum. But that might be my least worries for now.. TL;DR: Wanted to beat the meat but just before the climax my mom decided it was a good t...

Backstory: My mom bought a house that has a traditional interior. When we moved in about 3 years ago, we had to change a lot of appliances because some are already within their maximum lifespan. However, some appliances, although old, are still functioning, so we didn't bother upgrading them. A couple of months ago, our kitchen faucet started dripping, but it wasn't bad, so we just ignored it. Sometimes I put a bowl to catch the dripping overnight and in the morning, I poured the water into our water filter, making it drinkable instead of being wasted. However, a week ago, it was getting worse. My bowl turned into a pitcher. We decided that it was time to upgrade our faucet. I took it upon myself to replace the faucet. I replaced our garbage disposal as well as installed a bidet by myself before, so I think replacing a faucet shouldn't be too difficult. Oh, how wrong I was. When the new faucet came, I started getting cocky, and without making sure I got all the right req...

For about a month now I have been working at a DNR conservation farm. Specifically, we raise and release pheasants as well as manage the property and groundskeeping. My supervisor is an acquaintance I've known for years but never spent much time around, for what will become obvious reasons. Every attempt to have any conversation with him has spiraled into an opportunity for him to rant about "libt rds", "millennial p ssies", and "goddamn Democrats giving lazy people free shit". He thinks Trump was the best president since Reagan. Today, tempers flared because we are moving thousands of reluctant birds into their outdoor pins. His agitated state continues to build up as we work, assisted by a female coworker and his two young sons. The conversation wanders to out of control schools and how "they should bring back the paddle". My 1st F up: mentioning that the decline in our school system coincides with the cuts in funding under GWB and that ...

I (33f) and my husband (34m) live in a little suburban neighborhood. We got really lucky when it comes to our neighbors. Every so often when we are out of town, or if they are, we will grab each other's deliveries. Sometimes we've even brought back little treats or things from vacation. (10/10 would neighbor again. I will be super sad when we move one day.) Now, like your average millennial, I spend probably too much of my disposal income on Amazon. I usually every 2 weeks will make a purchase on stuff I need/want in the house. I try to line it up with my paychecks, so I don't spend too much and go in to credit card debt. So on this particular order I probably had about 10 items. Cotton balls, nail polish remover, some new earrings, etc etc. But in particular I saw a really cute cheap set of lingerie that I wanted to buy. I also finally saved up to buy a mini steam cleaner vacuum so I could do some deep cleaning around the house. Now! Because I had ordered so many items...

TIFU so when my current bf (James) and I where in the talking stage I started in mid November my coworker also asked me and James and I agreed on no labels because we where going off to college soon. One thing lead to another and my coworker and I began sexting in December but it was very short lived and I have never contacted him again and we don't work together anymore. James and I began officially dating in late march and things where going great. The other night he went through my phone while I was asleep and found the messages between my coworker and I. He left in the middle of the night and I didn't wake up until the morning and found he was gone he turned off his location and ignored my calls. We talked over iMessage and I didn't deny anything and wanted to regain his trust and wanted to know how he felt. All of his feelings and actions where valid. He told me he felt disrespected, betrayed, and said that "I honestly do want just let go and move on but I...

Hello all! I’m on mobile, so excuse the formatting. I (20 F) am a huge Legend of Zelda fan, so when the new game was announced I was ecstatic. When May 11th finally came I rushed from work early, a coffee shop, with drinks in hand for my friends and I to wait until midnight release. We went over to our lovely GameStop early, and in one swig I chugged my iced coffee on an empty stomach. The excitement was really, truly starting to build within me as my friends and I waited for the games release. I just needed them for emotional support because I knew I would start crying in a moments notice. However, I realized that coffee wasn’t sitting right. I just blamed it on the excitement and the amount of sugar I had consumed. When we were allowed inside, I realized the led lights within the store seemed a bit too bright. I was starting to feel cold and clammy as well. I, again, chalked it up to my excitement. My heart was pounding and I was absolutely buzzing to get my hands on this game and...

I am currently a student at a university (studying media design and trying to get my bachelor of arts). Due to that I was able to get a Creative Cloud license for dirt cheap and everything. At first I was just struggling with Premiere Pro and After Effects as both programs were just continuously crashing when I pressed on "File" (A bug that has been known for over 5 years now where a setting called Device Control is acting up (and set in a stupid way since the beginning). I angrily googled how to solve that issue for way too long before I found the cause. Jokes on me of course this means going into the preferences tab of those programs which I literally cannot do since it just crashes both of the programs. Becuse of that (rather stupid) bug I wanted to log into my account in my browser so I can write a forum thread to get help. Unfortunately I wasn't logged it, and when I tried (too many) times I did not realize my Caps lock was turned on. After 10 or so attempts my ac...

I am not a very flexible guy, I was never even close to touching my toes and I have been this way for most of my life. So I have just learned to live with it. I am also a pretty strong guy and do a lot of heavy lifting/ pretty physical jobs as well. So I usually get a sore back or sore muscles that I take muscle relaxers to help was the pain until it goes away. Never really stretching to help ease the pain. This never really caused any issues until about 2 years ago when it started getting painful around my waist when ai wore a belt. I didn’t really do anything about it just learned to deal with it by not putting my belt on as tight around my waist. everything was ok for a while until the muscles in my stomach started to really hurt for no real reason. My 2 year old daughter had jumped on my stomach recently and I just thought it was because of that. Still I did nothing about addressing the issue. Then my lack of maintenance on my body finally caught up to me last September, right...

So I was going to get a pizza for dinner. I thought I'd have to park on the street, next to the restaurant, but it turns out you can just drive in and park there. I first drove by, trying tl find the place since it's the first time i go there and i realize I'm a few metres past it, so naturally, I turn the car around and go back. Thing is, I'm just really dumb apparently because I miss the entrance again and have to turn around twice. I'm finally able to get my pizza, and as I'm walking back to my car a man approaches me and asks me if I knew anything about a problem with a girl. I asked what he meant and what was going on. It turns out there was a girl walking on that same street and she thought I was going to kidnap her. She quickly knocked on the first door she found and desperately asked for help. The guy she found told the man who asked me, and now I feel like a total idiot. I apologized to both of them, but she wasn't there (logically) and I didn'...

I was vacuuming the house when I found these little beads everywhere. It’s happened before so I assumed It was coming from one of our stuffed animals. My brother has had this puppy toy for like 18 years, so me being sentimental I decided to sew him up and fix him as a surprise. I hyper-fixated on it to the point where my mum told me off for not eating dinner, it was my favourite dinner too. I was super proud of my work, so I decided to run up to my brother who was upstairs and show him. Mind you this is a very open area, literally a second little living room just upstairs. Bro was “fixing viruses when his finger slipped and his pants fell down.” He didn’t see me, but needless to say I immediately went back downstairs and just put his toy on his bed. You needa do, what you needa do… but jesus christ, what if it was my mum instead? It’s like just whipping it out in the middle of the kitchen. I lost my appetite. TL;DR: Spent a lot of time sewing up my brother’s childhood toy, went to gi...

So this has happened around 6 years ago but for some reason I only just remembered it - my mind maybe just wants to protect me from this cringe. I used to work in Greggs doing a 5.30am-11.30am shift which meant I had to be up dead early. By the time I’ve finished work I was ready for a small nappy nap again before cracking on with house work and stuff. One of these days I thought I kill 2 birds with one stone and start dying my hair before going off to sleepy land. I don’t know how other ladies do their hair but basically I shut the curtains, take my top and bra off (to prevent black dye getting on it) and whack a black binbag around my head. I’ve set an alarm for 45 minutes and gone to sleep on the sofa. Around ~40 mins into my nap I woke up to the sound of our creaky stairs. I’ve jumped up to see wagwan and saw this builder looking geezer going down on it. He just shouted up to me saying ‘it’s all done’ and left before I could’ve even ask any questions. I was so confused, I mess...

This happened in the school year but I am still wincing every time I think about what happened. So, at the time, I was in an advanced 10th grade literature class that begin reading 1984 by George Orwell. While in my veterinary class, I started writing a short summery of the chapter in which Orwell was describing how nobody could actually love or trust each other. However, the only paper I had on me was a sheet that my teacher handed back to us everyday but she never actually read it. I used the back of this paper to quickly jot down my thoughts and a rough draft of my summery, thinking that my teacher wouldn't mind. Well, I was wrong. In the summery, I wrote about how eff'ed up the society was, that love and security were an illusion, and how Winston (the protagonist) felt responsible for the way his mother had died. It was messy and rough, really just a way to put my thoughts on paper. I genuinely thought nothing of the blurb until the next day, when I arrived at the tech...

I had been enjoying a glorious nap on my couch when I was suddenly awakened by my angry wife. She had asked me multiple times to clean the cats litter box before I had sat down and drifted off to lala land. Understandable, I am a master procrastinator. Bleary eyed, I shuffle over to the Kitty's throne and start panning for nuggets. Another one of my positive traits, I am notoriously cheap. I'm the guy wandering around the grocery store with a calculator finding the gram unit price of a $.50 can of beans. As such, we are currently trying to make our way through 50 pounds of unscented, non clumping cat litter. I will admit that was a mistake. It's fucking disgusting. I'm done my chore and stand up to return to my slumber, when my wife reminds me to spray. Disturbing the cursed litter has released all its wonderful aromas and we do battle with them with a bottle of febreze. Lavender scented. I give the box a quick misting and then pause for a second. I decide the air di...

Actually happened yesterday still dealing with the aftermath. Been looking for a little automatic car for my partner for a while, a cheap banger that starts and stops. Found an ad on Facebook marketplace for a Suzuki wagon £500. Obviously gonna be crap but hey it had MOT and was cheap enough to spend money on repairs it might need. Met this old boy at his house, he drives us out and I drive back, partner in the back. He's chatting shit the whole drive, proper del boy he's 64 years old. I'm trying to listen to the engine and gear changes, he won't shut up. I drive it back seems alright. Just as we are nearing the turn to his house he is still blathering on and I miss the turn for his road. He says 'quick pull in here and do a U-turn'. Well, I drive a manual normally and in my haste fully stamped on the brake pedal looking for a clutch. Old boy is not wearing a seatbelt. Old boy has bad legs from diabetes. He is smashed into the dash and his head hits the windscr...

Yep. Our worst nightmares have happened to me. I was in my room, about to jack off like everyone does. I close(and lock) my door, and go sit on my chair, boot up my pc, ready to wank my weenie. So, I'm on the website, and I needed to go fullscreen. I click on the fullscreen button. Or did I? Seems like I didn't because I clicked the "Cast to TV" button instead. I didn't realize after like 30 seconds. The worst part is that my kitchen is very near my living room, and my mom definitely saw. After realizing the cast to tv button was glowing, I immediately turned it off. I didn't even jerk off after that. I was so scared and my heart was probably beating at 200bpm. I went down for dinner, and both of my parents gave me "the glance". they said to go to their room for a "chat" when I'm done eating. I'm literally typing this as I'm eating, I think I'm dead. TL;DR: I accidently steamed p*rn to my living room tv and my parents foun...

Happened today. My sweet 3-year-old rough collie, Mimi, is an absolute sweetheart. I got her as a puppy at 10-weeks, and read all about socializing them as much as possible when they’re young. So that’s what we did. Big dogs, small dogs, kids, people with beards, guys, gals, kids, puppies, old dogs, cats—I tried to cover it all. (For you puppy owners out there, don’t do this until they’ve had their shots!) And it worked! She’s a spunky, chill girl, and even tries to make friends with dogs that actively snarl at her lol. She goes up to everyone on walks, tail always wagging, because she loves people. She’s a sweetheart. … unless they’re in wheelchairs. I live in a city, and was going to get ice cream with a friend. I tied up my dog outside the store, and proceed to go inside to order. Within five minutes, I hear DEEP barks. Now my dog barks, but not like that. She has a relatively light bark, unless something is seriously wrong. So the moment I hear it, I tell the cashier to wait a s...

The title sounds terrible and trust me it is. First of, I'm 30. I've never really posted long story form posts before so I'm sorry if it's hard to read. I live alone and have only a few friends and sometimes just want to meet new people and yes I'm aware this is making things sound even worse. It all started by downloading an app that connects you to random people to text to but with profile pics. I met a few interesting people but no one who I actually carried on a conversation with until I met Emma (fake name). She was a cute looking 21 year old that had mental health issues just like me and we connected. After talking for a while she suggested we go to a different app. I said sure I'll give you my number and we can go to WhatsApp but she said that felt too personal and suggested discord which i was fine with. We chatted every single day for a few weeks when she asked for my phone number and we switched to WhatsApp. My bipolar sent me manic as hell during ...

So me and my boyfriend was chilling in bed, where suddenly I felt horny and we decided to try something new by him standing and me being on my knees giving a blowjob. I have this type of braces where I have gotten off my main braces but I still have a type off metal behind my teeth, and a part of it is loose and kinda acts like a spear. This spear has stabbed my tongue multiple times before but I’ve never thought it was gonna go this far and stab well you know. So I only gave tip because of this and we are both perfectly fine with this and I was careful and everything but I went a little too deep and stabbed my boyfriends dick. His dick started bleeding and there was a small wound, he laughs about it and thinks it’s okay but I really only feel guilt. Should I feel guilty for this? TL;DR: I gave my boyfriend a blowjob and accidentally speared his dick because I have a type off braces and I made his dick bleed. And now he’s just laughing about it.

TIFU. This did actually happen today, around 6:30AM. I’d stupidly left my work keys behind on my last shift. The place I work at requires you to unset the security alarm after entering the front door at the start of the day. I had a spare door key but no security fob. No big deal the closing manager said he left my keys in the cabinet by the desk. I was told I would have 30 seconds to unset the alarm after entering the store, plenty of time to walk to the desk and grab my fob to unset. Trotting my little legs as quick as they’ll go I must have unlocked and under the alarm within 15 seconds. Easy peasy. Or so I thought. Turns out it isn’t a 30 second timer for the security alarm but the amount of sensors. I’d tripped 2 sensors in my sprint to the desk causing the smoke bandit to activate. I’d never seen one in action before but within 30 seconds of entering the store the fire alarm was going off. I look behind me and see a wall of smoke making it’s way towards me. Just thick de...

The past few days I have eaten a very large amount of cheese, meat, and processed foods, and I’ve drank too many protein shakes. I feel myself slowly getting more and more backed up and I’m not looking forward to what my bowels have in store. I’m no stranger to constipation as I usually spend about 10 to 15 minutes on the toilet, but I can tell that this is going to be BAD. Probably 20 to 30 minutes at least. I would consider stool softeners but there’s no way I’m putting myself through the embarrassment of buying those in the store. I’m probably just going to try and drink more water and eat healthier to prevent this from happening again. Can anyone else relate to this horrid sensation of an absolute BRICK of a dump forming inside of you? TL;DR Ate too much, am currently very backed up.