greenmangostudio

I work as a camp counselor for the YMCA and every group leader has a walkie so we can talk to other group leaders to know where everyone is at. Of course the radio I was given has a broken antenna but I had no clue. It easily would just pull off and on but I hadn't touched it so I didn't know that. Well around lunch time this 3rd grader named Hunter was standing about 6 feet away from me minding his own business when he looked at me and pretending to throw a baseball. I saw him do it and I turned into a batter's stance and swung my radio by the antenna as hard as I could as if I was swinging a bat. Well, the radio flew off the antenna straight towards Hunter and knocked his two front teeth out. Not only did his teeth come out, but since it hit him square, they shot right down his throat. One of them he coughed up but the other one went down all the way. I had to file an accident report and explain to my boss and Hunter's parents what happened. His mom was so angry an...

Thursday, my dumb ass woke up late and missed the bus into town. So, I waited for the next bus into town and of all the rotten weeks I had to make poo-poo. But, I couldn’t just turn back home and make poop, my bus was coming. I couldn’t hold it and yet my dumbass had to hold it. I held my shit pipe on the bus all the way to the bus terminal and when I finally let that doo-doo and went to wipe, I had big time blood and shit on the toilet paper on top of a popped blood clot on the toilet paper. I literally tried to go through the day, paying no mind to the fact I was bleeding near my asshole. When I finally made it home, I took a shower because I felt dirty and put on fresh pajamas. When my aunt made dinner and I sat on the chair, and Jesus H Christ it looked like I sat on cherries and stained that poor chair. I ate dinner and my aunt took me to the hospital. Nearly 7 fucking hours waiting in the hospital and my bleeding stopped while I waited. When I finally got seen by a doctor, he to...

I work at a bar. Recently, a new girl started. She’s pretty and we got on well. After her first shift, I did some fairly extensive stalking to find out if she was single or not. This involved finding her Facebook and then her instagram handle through a reel that had been cross posted to Facebook. Her insta was on private so I didn’t find anything out. Anyway, fast forward to the latest and my final shift at the bar. I established through conversation that she is, indeed, single. I used Spotify Blend (great feature btw) as a reason to exchange contact details. I said “how shall I send you the link?”. “Insta!” She replied. I confidently opened insta on my phone and handed it over. “Have you been stalking me?” She exclaimed. Her insta handle was the last search. I said something like “ah fuck” and we both laughed about it, but it was super embarrassing and I think it probably ruined any chances I had. Even if it didn’t though, I was so off my game because of that. Later on as I was ...

I work the honey wagon at the campground I work at. For those of you that don't know what a honey wagon is, it's a big tank that you haul around to suck out the sewer from people's campers. It's not a glamorous job, but it pays. It was my final stop of the day. It was a single mom with an enormous fifth wheel. She told me that her toilet was very clogged. Basically with camper toilets that just means the tank is so full its coming up to the toilet. I backed the wagon up to the tank, got all the hoses on, and everything set up. The outlet was underneath the slide out so I had to get on my ass and slide under there to get to the pipe to connect the sewer hose to. So I'm laying there, I grab the hose, and as I take the cover to the sewer pipe off, gallons gallons of shit water just pours all over me like a river. There was shit in my hair; there was stringy paper and fecal matter hanging out of my beard. I was covered from head to waist in just shit. I turn around to ...

TLDR: at the bottom. So to preface I am a middle aged moderately high use user in a legal state. I smoke the equivalent of 2 or 3 joints a night and every so often me and my wife will will take 50mg of edibles to start it off before we smoke. 50 is the most I've ever taken and do that once a month or so. Buddy of mine stopped by my work 2 days ago and we talked for a bit, he's leaving and says hey you want one of these edibles they're 100s. I thought that may or may not be fun let me find out, knowing damn well sometimes 50s suck and I think that I'm about to be the first Marijuana over dose of all time in my head. I think great let's double that, I pop it 15 minutes before a leave and drive the 5 minutes home. Talk to the wife and the kids for a bit and everything is great. I go outside with my wife we smoke a bowl and veg on the couch for an hour everything is perfect I mean I'm high as giraffe balls but that was the point right. Kids go to bed we snack a b...

This happened to me on a family trip 5 days ago in Pamukkale, Turkey. I (30m), was sitting with my dad at a table at Cleopatra pool and waiting for the rest of my family to get out of the pool. I wasn't going into the pool since it was hot as hell and the water even hotter. Then the most gorgeous girl I have EVER seen anywhere sat down next to me. She caught my eye when I saw her taking photos of artifacts at an archaeology museum minutes earlier. She was probably around 25 yo, wearing a tight black dress, having dark curly hair, the most perfectly done red lips ever (seriously, I normally consider red lips a kitschy cliche, but this was next level), a true natural beauty with perfect proportions, black eyes, perfect skin. Words can not describe how hot she was. Just wow! Since my brain was going haywire I had to leave the table and go for a walk. After a couple of minutes, my dad came to me and said that she was really nice, that she offered him her lunch and spoke to him, but ...

TIFU. Not a proud moment. Not even sure what I was thinking. My anxiety’s been so bad lately that I don’t even know why I do what I do sometimes. I was waiting for my order at Starbucks and the guy called out what I thought was my order. When he did, the kid who was in line behind me originally went to go pick it up. I asked him if he was sure that it was his—we had the same order, but in hindsight it was obviously his because the food came out at the same time. He gave it to me to look and I said “I think it’s mine,” and I walked off with it. Why didn’t I, a fully grown adult who supposedly can be assertive, just wait and ask for another if I thought it was mine? Who knows. I got in my car and I realized that it was probably his to begin with. I made a literal child hand me his Starbucks. UGH. TL;DR I was weirdly anxious at Starbucks and stole a kids drink.

TIFU So for context, I am mostly a straight guy, just couldn’t see myself in a relationship with a dude, doesn’t mean I don’t find them attractive though! So I’ll quite often do some windows shopping/chat to them even if it doesn’t go anywhere. So the night before my shift I decide to redownload a couple dating apps, and after talking to a couple nice people (M and F) we exchange numbers and text on WhatsApp, the conversations sort of Peter out and die after we sort of exchange pictures and realise it wasn’t meant to be. I think nothing of it, delete the apps and move on with my evening; in my mind I assumed that the pictures that weren’t my own also disappeared with the apps being deleted. (Forgetting about WhatsApp saving images to my gallery for work reasons) Flash forward to today and I work in a small space with two other coworkers, one of them is a newish starter and asks me some questions about my hair as I’m bald by choice. I have had a significant glow up In the past few ye...

I (27F) reconnected with an old primary school friend (28NB) a year ago when they moved back to town with their husband (38M). As we caught up, I admitted I hadn’t recognized them when I ran into them at the market as they were super girly when we were young, but now had a more edgy tomboyish style. This is when they told me they’d transitioned from F to M and were exploring transitioning to NB. I sympathized and let them know I’m here for them as I’m as gay as the leprechaun at the end of the rainbow. We exchanged numbers that afternoon and have kept in touch since, hanging out every few weeks for game nights with our partners. Anyways, the evening we first ran into each other again I went home and excitedly told my wife (29F) all about running into them. She knows about said friend as I’d told her some of our childhood misadventures (we were rascals lol), so she was happy to hear that I’d run into “DeadName”. I gently corrected my wife that they go by NewName and they/them pronouns...

Back when I used to live with my family we all used the same computer, so every document and every file was stored there. Then I moved and took that computer with me and they got their own computers. Later I got a better computer so the old one with all the information was still there but never touched again. Anyways, time passes and I've been asked many times to send back those docs but I was really lazy and had no flashdrive. So my dad told me he got one for a really good price, I took it... I connected the old dusted pc, found all the documents and files they wanted and started CUTTING (instead of coyping) them from the computer directly into the flashdrive.. I finished at 3AM, checked the flashdrive, everything was fine, the computer had free space and the flashdrive had all the data in it.. went to sleep and woke up only to find out that everything was gone. The flashdrive appears to contain the +80GB of information but every single file and folder is EMPTY... I treid con...

So, some context. I (18M) have a bad rap with buying things. Whenever I have disposable income, I usually spend it immediately. One night, I think to myself that I’m not getting any action, and I’m tired of using my hand, so I go buy a sexdoll. The sexdoll was one of those torso dolls for like 2-400, but I got one on discount because it was a futa model. Didn’t really think about it at the time, just thought I got lucky getting a better quality doll for cheap. So I am waiting a few weeks, and eventually the day comes when it will be delivered. The issue is, I live with my parents because finding a house on minimum wage is a bitch. Throughout the week I came up with multiple plans and excuses on how to get this thing to my room, and was tracking its progress with the USP shopping app. I was so nervous however, that I forgot to sleep the night prior, so I am dead exhausted. I go and check the app and it says it will come at 7pm, kinda sucks but whatever. So, I decide to take a nap befor...

Well, this is the day I finally post here. I'll keep this short. Sorry for formatting, I'm writing this from my phone while waiting to eat lunch. Today I (17M) arrived from school early and I decided to please myself. So i took out my fleshlight and I went in the bathroom. After I was done, I washed my hands and went out of the bathroom and headed for my room to play guitar. A couple minutes later my sister (13) and my mom arrived home. While my mom was preparing lunch, she went into the bathroom to clean it and found the toy, that I had forgotten in there. She came out of the toilet and called me asking me what it was. I stumbled upon my words and said it was a thing that one of my (male) friends asked me to get them (yea ik, not a great excuse, especially given the item and the fact thatI'm heterosexual). And now I have to eat lunch with that thought. At least my sister didn't see it well enough to make out what it was TLDR, I forgot my flashlight in the bathroom and...

So, I've had a crush on my neighbor, Sarah, for ages. She's a foodie, and I thought I'd impress her by cooking a fancy dinner. I found a gourmet recipe online and decided to give it a shot. Everything started out well. I was chopping, sautéing, and seasoning like a pro. The aroma was heavenly. Just as I was about to serve the masterpiece, disaster struck. My cat, Mr. Bob, decided it was the perfect moment to stage a surprise attack on a rogue piece of lettuce on the counter. In a panic, I shooed him away, but not before knocking over an open bottle of olive oil. It spilled all over the freshly cooked dish. I tried to salvage it by wiping off the excess oil, but it was too late. My culinary masterpiece had turned into a greasy mess. Sarah arrived, and I had no choice but to serve the disaster-on-a-plate. She tried to be polite, but her disappointment was palpable. We ended up ordering pizza, and I had to laugh it off as a "learning experience." Lesson learned:...

What I meant to do was write an email to my boss to offer my help with a project he was working on. Outlook has a handy auto-complete feature. Normally, when I start to type the word “assistance”, I just hit tab and Outlook finishes the word for me. But today, as I started the email to my boss, somehow I accidentally sent the email instead of hitting tab. So instead of offering my assistance on a project, the message I sent was just: “Let me know if you want my ass”. Thankfully, my boss was understanding and had a good laugh at my mistake. I changed my Outlook settings so that (hopefully) I can't accidentally send emails too early again. The only problem now is the endless stupid jokes from my coworkers. TL;DR: Was trying to use Outlook's autocomplete, but accidentally sent the email too early and offered "my ass" to my boss.

This started about a month ago when my parents agreed to renovate my bedroom because i haven't been very healthy this year and i told them i didn't think my bedroom was helping, one of the things i wanted was an air purifier, because i not only absolutely hate stuffy air but it also causes me migraine headaches (it doesn't help my dad is also a smoker), sure i could open the window but often the air outside isn't great either and i can't get enough of it in, so i decided i wanted an air purifier, i knew the ones that have ionizers could generate ozone in excess of safe levels but i had a solution to that, don't turn the ionizer on. ​ I was about to buy one but my brother said he had one in storage he hadn't used in a few years, so i let him set it up in my bedroom and a few minutes later i checked it out, the air was already much better but i could smell something vaguely electric, my brother said he had the ionizer on for a few minutes, no problem i thou...

This happened last night / this morning So I’ve been seeing this girl for a week. we met on tinder and I knew some thing was strange because she was kinda out of my league but I have anxiety and bpd so let it go as that. I’ve always stayed at her place but I was having friends over so I asked her to stay over. She came over to chill with friends and drink. She was being a lot so I took her to a bedroom and gave her water to lay down. She started screaming that I hit her and locked her in the room while the door was open and 3 people were watching like WHAT THE FUCK. Finally got her to calm down and fall asleep an hour later. She wakes up and doesn’t remember at all and when I ask her to leave she starts screaming the same accusations and when I offered an Uber home she screamed more so I called her mom. Her mom says this is not the first time and to call 911. She didnt like that I called her mom and came at me with a kitchen knife but she was very small and not really dangerous so I ...

6 months ago, in an effort to gain freelance clients and have a side hussle I accepted a huge software project for what is definitely less than its worth budget. It was my first project at that scale, i did some bad decisions admittedly that ended up in me late for the deadline, and forced to work on it myself with the developers instead of just managing it like i initially wanted. I already have another full time job, im burnt out as fuck, i live every day in anxiety fearing my client will be upset because we are late on deliverables. And my wife just told me i have been throwing negativity and complaining about this project for months now and i realized shes right and i hate myself for taking it. the client already paid half the agreed amount, all of which currently covers the developers fees, i wish more than anything i could throw whats done so far to my client, tell her i dont want the rest of the money and go back to being happy and relaxed in life. this project literally rui...

Last Saturday at 1am I(22M) went to a friend after work. They were having an after party I took my dad's car. Then we with some other friends drove to the woods to walk through them because we were bored. I went back to her place and left at 4am but decided the woods were cool so I wanted to go back. I arrived at 4.30 am and went deeper and deeper into the woods(obviously dark af). My phone started dying and my GPS didn't show where I parked the car. Anyway it took me literally 2 hours to get out of the forest. The exit I took was not the same as where I parked my car so I kept looking around the first, and partially in it again, and after 90 minutes of that I found the car. It was raining a lot, cold and u was mentally losing it. I cried, screamed and hit myself a bunch of times. TL;DR: decided a dark forest would be cool to enter at 4am, got lost, then lost location of the car and took almost 4 hours to get home.

This was typed on a phone, sorry if the formatting is wrong. * This one is a little long (heads up). Not sure really where to begin, but this possible FU started back in August (and is still happening today), when I (39 M) passed out at work (second shift warehouse environment), hitting my shoulder and head on a conveyor (like) belt. The initial diagnosis, simple mild concussion, solely on the fact that I didn't initially know what date it was, after being woken up from my work time nap. Nothing about my shoulder. 5 days later I finally get to see an occupational doctor, she gives me work restrictions (which my job could not accommodate) and physical therapy for my shoulder. Since they could not accommodate, I have been shelfed until the occupational doctor gets the results of an MRI on my shoulder (scheduled the second week of October). Here's where I think I'm F-ing Up: Since I am not working currently, I am home all day, with our (married to a 33 F) toddler. Fine no ...

TLDR; I dumped water out causing one of the employees to have to redo a bunch of work she was half way done with I volunteer with a rescue that adopts cats out of a PetsMart. As a volunteer I go in a couple days a week to scoop litter boxes, change out the water dishes, give some canned food & love to the kitties. Before anyone asks, I only go a couple times a week, but volunteers go in twice daily to make sure all the kitties are well cared for. As part of the process, we dump out the old water into a pitcher, wipe down the bowls, then put in fresh water from a Brita filter. When we're wrapping up the cleaning we take the pitcher & filter back to the employee area to dump the old water & refill from the sink they have in the back. The employees recognize us as we're there on regular days/times, so we see each other frequently. On this day when I go into the back, there's one of the PetsMart workers at the sink (which is pretty big) I pull up next to her an...

TIFU This happened 2 years ago. I dropped off my 7 year old daughter to her dance class. The entrance is on the side of the building. I had my other 2 kids in the car (aged 9 and 11, boys). The boys were distracting me with their nonsense. It was a cold day. I went home, her class ended in an hour. My wife was doing the pickup. My wife called me an hour later really upset. Apparently class was cancelled at last minute that day and neither of us saw the email. My poor sweet angel stood outside the dance studio crying for an hour. The doors were locked. My wife came home in tears. My daughter was in tears. I grabbed my daughter apologizing and I broke down in tears. She said was so scared and didn't know what to do. It's all my fault. I wasn't paying attention. I usually walk her in to the dance studio. Make sure she is all set, but that day I got lazy and let her do it herself. All future dropoffs I walk her in and make sure. Never again. I still get upset when I think ...

Going to start by apoligizing, my grammar and punctuation are going to be shit. I (23F) detail cars for a local dealership in my town. I started back in August so I am pretty new still. I have a step tracker on my phone that has this nifty little thing where it sends me reminders to drink water. Well I'm on my stool scraping break dust off the rims of a trade in when I decide to switch the song that's playing through my earbuds. While I'm doing that the "It's time to drink some water" notification pops up. Now I'm a goofy shithead and talk to myself/my phone/the cars I'm cleaning throughout the day to make myself laugh and help the time pass. So when this notification popped up I said outloud, "Oh my God, yes Daddy. You're so demanding." I was really laying it on thick too man cutesy voice and everything. That's when I see the shoes. ONE OF THE SERVICE ADVISORS (35M) WAS ASKING ME A QUESTION AND I DIDNT HEAR BECAUSE OF MY EARBUDS, SO...

This story is pretty long and wild so I’ll try to make a TLDR at the bottom. So I was with my ex since high school, it was my senior year we started dating. We were together for almost 5 years, it was the best time of our lives we always talked about the future and how we love each other so much. We shared hobbies, playing video games, sports, going out together to bars with friends. However, her life got kinda messy halfway through the relationship, first of all she lost all of her friends because she claimed they were mean to her. She would come home crying hanging out with her friends saying how they would bully and exclude her in conversation’s deliberately being mean. And after about 6 months of that she essentially cut them off and was left with just me as her real only friend. Which was fine because we we’re definitely best friends and I had a very large social circle that accepted her and she liked them all. Okay so now she’s going to university, she makes a couple good fri...

I have the bad habbit of scrolling through reddit and saving all the titles that sound interessting, so I can read them at a later point when I have some more sparetime. This is a side product of my ADHD (being interessted in everything but lacking the concentration to finish anything). I recently gotten into a TIFU story about a girl that was obsessed with her guys penis and loved looking at it. She dared him to post a dickpic on reddit(I think) and it was a huge turn on for her knowing it was out there. I was really turned on but was interupted and didn't get to the part where it went south! And now my ADHD brain is wondering how the story ended and I've been looking for this post for 4 hours instead of getting a good nights sleep for work tomorrow on my new job. TL;DR: didn't finish a reding a post, been looking for it for hours

This main story actually happened today, unlike a lot of the posts here lol. Background: So I (18M) got a cold from my cousin (5F) since I drank from her water bottle, assuming my immune system is supreme since I had been watching her for three days beforehand, which included the baby antics of climbing, cuddling and fighting with me. Even though all that happened, a little sip from a cup gave me her cold. Then, last night, when I was sleeping, my mom decided to make curry, which is such a fantastic dish for my taste buds. Although I'm not a big fan of hot spices, I will, make a pass for the curry and roti as long as I have tissues to wipe my nose and a drink to cool down my throat. However, since I haven't gotten sick for a while, I forgot that eating spicy food messes my stomach up when I'm sick. So I threw up after eating it and got it on my new jeans since I planned on going out after this. I hope I get the stain out but I still plan on eating it tomorrow. TL;DR: ...

Welp.... I bring unfortunate news. In my last post, I had updated by saying that I was following what someone suggested and getting in touch with the VA. Which was a great idea! They had a cameo! I paid the extra fee to get it express done within 24 hours! 24 hours has come and gone.... let's just say I better get my fucking money back. So I was going to go back to plan A: Giving appropriate apologies since things cooled down. Come to find out.... I'm blocked. Which... sure did sting. I had hoped that we could have at least talked about it.... but I suppose I'm not entitled to her time. I really didn't think something like that would do this much damage, else I never would have done it. But oh well, not much I can do about it now. I suppose all I can really do now is maybe hope that she's just want to take some time away from me before talking about it, but I guess that's wishful thinking. I had taken note though that she unfollowed me on Twitter but s...

This happened overnight. I was sleeping pretty well, and I woke up from an itch on my nutsack. I scratch it, but it doesn’t go away, so I scratch harder. I feel a tear but I feel it isn’t too deep so I think nothing of it. Go back to sleep but I wake up again 10 minutes later when I feel a liquid dribbling down my leg. I turn on the light and check my balls and see blood on my hand. I lift my baby maker up and look and see there’s a nice deep cut to my precious gonads. I’m not quite sure what to do so I throw a band aid on my nut sack and go back to sleep. I got up a few hours later and thankfully it stopped bleeding but goddamn are my nuts sensitive right now so if my tighty whities ride up on me it gets mighty uncomfortable fixing them. Replaced the band aid with a new one. It appears the bleeding is done now thankfully. I’m just hoping I don’t have to go to the doctor and awkwardly explain what happened. Stitches would suck TL;DR: Scratched my balls making them bleed now I go...

TIFU by going to the strip club for my 21st. soooo i went to a strip club the other night and i genuinely think it changed my perception of myself and my sexuality. for context i’m a woman that just turned 21 and i went to a “gentleman’s club” on saturday night after hitting up some other bars and from 11pm to about 2 in the morning i found out that not only do i like my body so much more than i thought i did (not so much the FU honestly), but i also apparently like women SO much more than i thought i did. i was absolutely not planning on going to a strip club that night but after a warm, close, vanilla scented dance i think i enjoyed it a LOT and i now absolutely cannot stop thinking about a woman that looked like a much younger, edgier version of greg heffley’s mom from diary of a wimpy kid (the FU i can’t mentally escape). i also ended up spilling an entire double vodka cranberry on myself and i also very unfortunately and confusingly want to visit this place again. TLDR: Went to ...

I live in a house with one bathroom which is upstairs. I woke up from a nap on the couch around 5pm (had day off) and really had to pee. Like bad. I had two options to avoid pissing my pants. Go all the way upstairs to the bathroom, which is about 100 feet, OR go 20 feet out the back door and pee on the tree inside my privacy fence. Obviously I chose the latter. I headed outside and proceeded to relieve myself on the tree. I closed my eyes and enjoyed my post nap evacuation, feeling the sun on my face, and member was relaxing. Suddenly, my enjoyment was cut short by a stabbing pain on my Johnson. I looked down and saw there was a mosquito biting my shaft. Rage filled my heart as I instinctively slapped the little asshole, failing to connect the dots that my hand was speeding toward not only the ill fated mosquito, but also my family jewels. Due to my post nap brain fog, my reaction was not fast enough to stop the assault on my genitals that was about to take place. My hand conne...

I always always used to say I would wait until marriage before having sex. When I graduated high school all up until my sophomore year of college I never drank or partied. I excelled in school. Things have changed a lot, and it is honestly making me feel awful about myself and that no guy will ever want to be in a relationship with me. My sister committed suicide when I was a freshman in college. Ever since I think I went downhill. I still did well in school but I began to do the bare minimum. I slowly became exposed to drinking and partying in college when I moved on campus. I was never diagnosed but I feel like I have situational depression or some kind of mild depression because I have been really sad ever since my sister died and it’s been 2.5 years now. Because of the combination of being depressed, being exposed to alcohol, partying more, and being told by my friends that it’s okay to hook up and seeing it normalized, I lost my virginity last year shortly after turning 21, an...

This is definitely a combination of tifu and aita I recently finished college and am moving to a new city, let’s call it the Big Pear. I had a friend group of about 25 girls and guys in college, some of which were also moving to the Big Pear post graduation. I also have a gf outside of the group; we’ll be in a long distance relationship for the next few months. Out of the group, I was moving in second. While planning the move, I told my gf that I would be asking my friend Ally for help. For context, Ally used to date one of my closest friends. She was also roommates with my ex for most of college. Differences aside, all of us were friends in and out of the friend group. I asked Ally for help moving in. In return, dinner would be on me. I got the idea from the internet, and asked my gf if it sounded reasonable. I asked her not because I was seeking permission, but instead to ask if covering dinner for helping move in made sense.Begin the tifu. Ally helps me move in. During the move ...

My attorney, who is also a Jewish man, scheduled an appointment with me two weeks ago for todays date (9/25/23). I drove an hour and a half to this appointment. When I get to his office there’s a sign on his door that says he is out of the office for a Jewish holiday and to text him. I text him and he apologizes, telling me he forgot today was a Jewish holiday. He told me we could meet tomorrow and he is sorry for the lack of communication. I told him not to worry and to ENJOY his holiday. It was not until now, hours later, that I looked into what holiday it is for Jewish persons. Apparently Yom Kippur is a holiday for atonement and repent of one’s behavior. It is not suppose to be a holiday of enjoyment. Jewish persons also fast and do not shower to cleanse their inner body. TL;DR I told a Jewish person to enjoy their holiday. Yom Kippur is a holiday to atone and repent and is not traditionally a “happy” holiday. I

This has not happened today, was about 15 years ago, and some of you probably read my viral story about a haunted laptop, I am not native english speaker so there will be grammar and language mistakes here and there. I was working late on a Saturday afternoon, when my wife's grandma's 70th birthday party happened. I was driving from my workplace to "grandma's" house, tried to be quick, and I found myself behind an old lady with a red Skoda 105. I was not able to overtake her for about a good 20 minutes on a narrow road, and followed her at a speed of about 10mph/15kmh on a road that you could go by 50. I was very angry, and probably shouting in my car all the way there, as got a text message from my wife that they are waiting for me to get the birthday cake out and sing the "Happy birthday" together. I told them I will be there in 15 minutes and about 20 already gone, I was still miles away... Finally I got there, they were not happy, about 20 people...

This happened a week and a half ago I'm currently a college student and i have a great dining plan that allows me to eat all i want at campus dining halls. I have a stash of shin ramyun bowls to eat in my dorm room whenever I'm too lazy to go to my school's dining hall. Tonight i was too lazy to get myself to move so i got some water from the fountain in my residence hall and pour it into my noodle bowl. I then heat up the water by using my microwave in my dorm. But today i decided to put the timer to 20 minutes as i was curious on how different it would taste. I hopped into a league of legends match and while i was in the match, the microwave went off saying the timer was done. I placed the cup beside me to eat right after i finish my game. 5 minutes didn't even pass and i forgot i had a bowl of hot water right beside me. I dragged my mouse a bit hard toward the cup and it spilled onto me. Some of the noodles and hot water spilled onto my laptop, which is a razer...

So for context, I'm in the first year of uni and for freshers, my uni has organised like a bar night. Initially, I went with my friends but we got split up when we went to get drinks. Before that we were in like an outdoor area, and the entrance to the bar kinda cuts into the middle of the queue for the bar so I ended up pushing into the queue in front of a girl with no friends in sight. I immediately profusely apologised and offered to give the spot back but she insists its alright so I instead offered to get her a drink. She refused initially but I insisted out of guilt (keep in mind the queue at this point is at least 15-20 mins from beginning to end). The convo went well but about halfway through the queue she asked for my number, which was the first time a girls asked for my number proactively (obviously I was very flattered at the time). I gave her my phone, she entered her contacts and asked me to text her so she can add mine back. I then realised that due to where the ba...

For some context I go to a college prep high-school and I have an A day B day schedule where I only bring B day stuff B day and same for A day. It’s just too heavy to bring everything everyday. You can probably see where this is going. So last week I noticed my backpack was getting really heavy to where it was hurting my shoulders. Last Thursday night I found some free time and took every class out of my binders and took out any papers that I didn’t need (like two 50 page packets) then I reorganized them into A day and B day binders. Friday was a B day so I packed my B day binder in my backpack and some A day homework incase I found free time to work on it. Fast forward to last period, I have a class called Great Books where we analyze texts and do Socratic seminars on them. I then realize that I left my big ass 3 subject great books journal at home with my text and seminar discussion questions/pre work. The class policy is that you have to complete your pre work and bring that and ...

So it actually was today that I fucked up. Sorry for formatting I’m on mobile. So today I (m28) decided to take my three kids out fishing with my Mom near a boat launch. All simple fun with the occasional messing around because the kids would end up snagged in a tree or on a log etc. We had a few nibbles but no actual catching of fish and the kids were starting to lose their patience and getting bored of fishing. While all this was going on there was a boy probably around the age of 17 and his young nephew who was probably around 10 fishing from their boat that I had seen them messing around with and they were unable to start. They were tied off to the dock and we had some casual conversation about how they brought the boat out and it was the nephews dads but they weren’t able to get it started and so were waiting on the Mom to drive there to load it up on their trailer. The Mom showed up after another hour or so and at this point my kids and mom had walked over to a nearby park as ...

Obligatory “this happened over the span of a few days” As of late, college has been pretty stressful. As a Finance and Computer Science double major, I’ve been getting fucked from both sides by my courseload. As such, I’ve been so tired, falling asleep the second I step into my room has become a pattern. Unfortunately that means I haven’t been taking my nighttime Ulcerative Colitis medicine, which has led to a unfavorable chain of events. For those of you who don’t know, some symptoms of Ulcerative Colitis or UC, as I will henceforth call it, include the frequent desire to shit, yet only have blood or intestinal mucus leave the body. Normally the medicine remedies these symptoms, but as I’ve been skipping them, I’ve been spending more time on the porcelain throne. Since quarantine, I’ve developed the bad habit of sitting on the toilet for a fairly long time, browsing Reddit or Tiktok. Since I’ve been on the toilet so often, I have also been sitting there browsing, for upwards of 1 h...

I am a teaching assistant in the UK. Recently I have applied for a number of positions, and took time off work for one without telling my employer that I was interviewing for another job. Now another interview has come up on Monday. I haven’t told my employer yet, but prospective employer has asked current employer for a reference. My motivation for not telling current employer was that they don’t have to give me time off work for interviews, and I was concerned that they would refuse. Background to this: I recently took holiday and departed a couple of days before my obligation to the school for holiday club cover ended (resulting in an ‘informal warnings that was, nevertheless, written. I suspect I may just have to come clean and tell them I need time off Monday morning for the interview, but the optics aren’t great and they could refuse, which would obviously be quite the quandary and would look bad to both current and prospective employer. There was no ill intent on my part, I ...

So recently I became aware of a vegan festival in my city, and since I'm vegan, I was very excited about it. I was absolutely giddy going to sleep the night before, and I practically jumped out of bed when I remembered "oh yeah, today's the vegan festival!" So I woke up, had nothing for breakfast but a mug of tea (planning on eating at the festival) and hopped on my bike to ride there. The ride went pretty smoothly except for a small detour where the road was blocked off, and when I got there I was pleased to see it was decently trafficked. So I went around looking at the booths and god, everything looked so good... And this is where everything went off the rails. I went walking around buying food, talking to people, and soon it became evident that I was getting full, but there was just so much delicious vegan food! So I kept eating... and kept eating... and eventually left when I bought a drink and found that I couldn't even bear to finish it. Then on the way ho...

TIFU for calling my sisters future mother in law names and “ruining” her party. My (23F) sister (28F) has always been a pushover. I love her to death but it’s sometimes frustrating how she lets people, even strangers walk all over her. She complains and cries to to us behind door but isn’t able to defend herself upright ever. We all do our absolute best to be there for her but sometimes it’s hard to not be frustrated. She has been engaged to her fiancé (30M) for about 2 months now.My family wasn’t happy with this development as we could see how badly his fiancés family treated her even before the engagement. They have called her in the middle of the night to take care of his grandma or pick groceries or medication or whatever because apparently no one could despite his older brother and wife living with them and not working. They started dictating her going outs because a “to-be-married” woman she shouldn’t behave a certain way or go out certain places or meet certain people. My s...

Obligatory this didn’t happen today but in Primary school. When I was 8 there was a new kid in school called Abdul. Me and Abdul hung out a lot. One day other kids told me they were going to play with Abdul, so I was down and went with them. As most 8 year old boys games go, we (at least in my head) were playing WWE. I didn’t think much of it, until a teacher pulled us all out of lessons and told us we were in big trouble for attacking Abdul. It came out that the main kids dad had been teaching him some pretty racist stuff and got him to beat up the new foreign kid. Abdul knew I wasn’t being malicious and forgave me quickly, we went back to being friends straight away. I never hung out with the main kid again. TLDR: I thought I was roughhousing with a new friend as a game; turns out it was a planned racist attack.

This happened last night, and I want to share because my mind is off. I'm currently in Medellin Colombia as my first stop before seeing the rest of the country. I was stupidly on tinder as I do with most countries I visit, and began swiping. I eventually matched with this beautiful girl we'll call her Ximena cause that's her real name. We talked for a few and agreed to arrange a date and she'll show me around town. The date went well she showed me all the pablo escobar sights, and we got some really good food. We eventually went back to my hotel, and I could tell she was down. I grabbed us some drinks, she got us some weed and we were having a nice relaxing night. We talked a lot about our childhoods and past, and were having sex in between these talks. Literally just two people opening the story of their life to each other, it was really memorable and emotional. It was now pretty late around 4 AM, and we just kept talking. She asked me if she could be honest, and I sa...

On a date night with my man and craving pizza because mmm pizza. I thought I would go for something different but didn't realise how spicy it was, so my eyes are watering, my face is red and I'm coughing. I also can't handle that much spice in general so probably not saying much. I manage to calm myself down slightly but end up dropping my fork (had to use it to cut up the humongous slices) it hits off the side of the table then a chunk of spicy meat flies straight into my eye. Then I'm back to square one... coughing, nearly in tears and about to dab my eyes with the napkin but I'm freaking out so I rub my eyes with my fingers that are covered in the pizza sauce because apparently... I don't know what I'm doing in life. TL;DR Tifu by not realising how spicy my pizza was, getting it in my eye and then rubbing my eyes with spicy sauce.

Okay so I was cooking dinner with lots of jalapeños and spices and i had the sudden shift in my stomach where i had to use the restroom like a rocket ship. I ran to the restroom and sat down immediately. My dumbass didn't wash my hands after chopping the jalapeños and the other spicy boys so when i went to wipe myself, i immediately felt my ass on fire. I live with my buddy and his wife, so I didn't want to cry out loud. I bit my lower lip as I felt my own ass breathing in and out hard as if I got peper sprayed in the eyes. I feel the sweat drip down my forehead as I pray for help to get through these painful moments. As soon as I thought I was clean enough, I grabbed my towel and washed my ass. It's been about an hour now and my ass feels sunburnt. I do have some Aloe vera that I could put on to make my ass feel better. Just wanted to share. TLDR: Didn't wash my hands after chopping jalapeños and my asshole felt on fire.

today i got home from school and im sititng there thinking about jerking off, but i want MORE if yk what i mean, so i got out a sandwich bag (first mistake, use a glove.) then i took my hands and spread the vaseline in the bag, i lied down and got to work. It felt so good i got literally got lost in the sauce. When I was done i looked at the mess i made, bedsheets, hands, stomach… I threw the bag beside me and stood up waddling to the bathroom with a towel over my junk. I hop in thinking its gonna be easy but oh no, i scrub with soap and water but its just repelled, not only that, i just spread the vaseline all over my body, hands, feet, legs, arms, AND FACE!!… I go get my phone, waddling to my room, then bam, i slip and my forehead hits the ground. I grab my phone and run back into the shower texting my friends. One gave no advice, the other said to leave it. No I dont have dawn dish soap. So here I am, writing this in the shower, WHAT DO I DO? TL;DR I jacked off with vaseline and m...

I posted here sometime last year about giving my brother the sex talk and I must say, it's not going so well. I'm typing this as I sit alone at my dad's place away from my mom's. My brother apparently thought that me being a good sister was free reign for him to think of me in an not so familial level. I look back to things I might have done wrong. I've always taken being a big sister seriously because again I have a lot of siblings and I live in a third world country in Asia where my parents have consistently pressured me to be the picture perfect daughter. I never realized being a good older sister would have me end up this way. So here's what happened. My brother got a girlfriend a few weeks right after my initial post. I thought all's well that ends well. at first he was secretive about it, until I found out the girl he got into a relationship with had the same name as me. If that wasn't weird enough, we both had glasses, too. I thought it was jus...

So my mom asked my Sister ( we'll call her sarah) if she wanted to go to the fair today and she said no. I got on the phone and was like don't be a loser just go and bring your daughters. Sarah then proceeds to text me "I can't believe you I don't really like hanging out with mom". I'm like I love our mother wtf is wrong with you. She then says she is always so negative towards me etc. I explain like yes she's our mom and is going to call us out on our bullshit its what a loving mother would do what is the problem. I keep gassing Sarah up defending my mom as anyone would. She then proceeds to tell me that when she was 11 our Mom tried to sell her to some guy. I'm like what?!?! I told her it was bullshit and she would never do that. She said ask our step dad he knows about it. (Some context my mom ended up dating our future step dad who worked at a radio station at the time and that will come into play later.) I'm like how he didnt come into ...