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Showing posts from March, 2024

TIFU by drinking someone else's soda

So I went and watched Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire. Part way through, I ended up drinking a soda. For a moment I thought to myself "hmm...this soda is really sweet! (I usually dilute mine with carbonated water). After setting it back down, I realized my own cup holder was full. In that moment I paused, the guy looked at me and for a split second everything was awkward. I quietly apologized and about 5 minutes later, decided to grab another straw for him. Had to miss some of the movie but it was my fuck up. Gave him the new straw and he thanked me. What's even more embarrassing is that I got the soda topper. My cup looked NOTHING like his. He kinda smelt like cigarettes so if I get sick well...that's what I deserve. TL DR: Saw a new movie, accidently drank out of someone else's soda.

TIFU by Accidentally Sending a Love Letter to My Boss

Okay, so this happened literally an hour ago, and I'm still cringing so hard I might just implode. I've been crushing on this girl in my office for what feels like forever. Today, I decided to write out my feelings in an email and save it as a draft (kind of like those angry emails you write but never actually send). I poured my heart out in a heartfelt letter, detailing how much I admire her and how I've been too chicken to say it in person. But here's where the disaster strikes: I meant to save it to my drafts, but in my nervous haze, I accidentally hit "send" to the entire office email list. Yes, you read that right—the ENTIRE office. Now, my inbox is blowing up with confused and awkward replies, and I'm sitting here contemplating my life choices. To make matters worse, my boss just walked by with a smirk on her face, undoubtedly having read my cringe-worthy confession. TIFU by hitting "send" on the most embarrassing email of my life. Loo...

TIFU by being awful at flirting.

Disclaimer: this happened a year ago. I (30F) decided to go on a long hike in an area I’m slightly unfamiliar with. Along the hike I kept leapfrogging a group of three with an adorable pup. I kept hearing the guy running point on the hike call the dog back as it wandered off trail, and the name sounded close to mine. By the third time I leapfrogged the group, I was able to discern that it was made up of a romantically linked couple and a single guy. I got a look at the guy and thought he was pretty cute. Now Reddit, I am notoriously an awful flirt. I get incredibly flustered and self conscious when trying to do it, so I’ve been challenging myself to start to talk to people I find attractive. l paused and asked “hey! Is your dog’s name x? Mine is too!” Confused, the guy turned and looked at me like I had three heads. He then replied, telling me a name that sounded NOWHERE close to my name. Strike one. Since they seemed like they knew the area pretty well and had a map, I decided to t...

TIFU by getting kicked out of my dorm room for being too loud

This actually happened last night but it was after 12 so technically it was today lol. anyway i (18F) invited a guy over (23M) that i've been talking to lately. he's in a frat and we met at one of the huge ragers they throw. well he's been asking to chill for a while and i kept pushing it off, but last night i was bored and it was saturday night so i said fuck it and told him to come over. what i failed to realize is my sorority is really strict about having male guests over. i knew it wasn't allowed but i didn't think they really enforced it, especially given that i paid for this dorm in advance and it's my living space. Fast forward into the night one thing led to another and we started having fun together. i won't get into the details, but things got very loud. Loud enough to where i guess one of the girls snitched on me? i really have no clue how this happened but the managers on campus came knocking on my door at midnight to ask what's going on. h...

TIFU by trying to cash out my crypto profits without any pre-checks

Today, I faced a massive blow that has me questioning everything I thought I knew about managing my crypto investments. After years of dedication and hard work, I finally decided it was time to reap the rewards of my labor and cash out nearly $250k from my long-nurtured crypto portfolio. Little did I know, this decision would plunge me into a financial and emotional situation I wasn't prepared for. My trouble began when my attempt to cash out first led to a stuck transaction. Confused and concerned, I reached out to the exchange's customer service, only to learn that my entire portfolio was frozen due to being flagged for containing "dirty crypto." Apparently, a significant portion of my investments was traced back to what they consider "suspicious sources"—a concept I was entirely unaware of until this point. This revelation has been a hard pill to swallow. Every penny invested in my portfolio was from my own pocket, earned from legitimate work. The noti...

TIFU protecting sisters

So my 2 sisters both under the age of 14 and i were at Walmart shopping since there is two of them i let them go to the toys by themselves while i go shopping for the house. Anyways i end up getting everything i wanted and make my way over to the toy section. When i get there my heart sank i see this dirty looking guy probably homeless taking pictures of them with his hand in his pants and obviously saw the camera was on. My instant reaction was to deck him i did and ended up spending 3days in jail got a misdemeanor and taking anger management classes. I found out it was legal to take pictures of kids which is disgusting. I don’t regret what ive done at all. TL;DR so because of this situation im on probation required to take anger management classes take UAs and also got a misdemeanor.!

TIFU by walking in on my parents having living room sex

Throwaway because I don't want anyone to find my account. So this happened when I was 6/7 years old so this was a long time ago. My parents and I lived in a small house that only had one room which was my parents room. So I basically didn't have a room so I sleep on the couch in the living room as my room. So this happened in the mid summer. Me and my parents we were in the living room watching TV while I was in my thoughts like 7 year old me thinking about life. My parents were having a conversation and asked me if I wanted to go to their room to watch TV in there and I said yes and while I was making my way to their room they told me to close the hallway door, so i did and i sat on their bed watching TV for a while meanwhile my parents were in the living room watching TV and the fan on. An hour and a half goes by and I was bored so I left the TV on in their room so I was about to go back to the living room because it's better than being in their room because I'm a...

TIFU by letting my daughter think that our cat had murdered the tooth fairy

Happened on Tuesday but my sister thought it was hilarious when I told her l, so I'm sharing. So my daughter, who is six, lost her second baby tooth that morning. Fast forward to bathtime and it is getting late and I am camped out on the landing, playing duolingo and listening out for when she is done. Suddenly there is shrieking. A great big moth has flown into the bathroom and is doing its best to bash itself into the spotlight in the ceiling. I go rushing in and my stupid brain decides that I can kill a couple of birds with one stone by both reassuring her and hurrying her into bed because it was a school night and I want some evening to myself. So I brightly exclaim that it must be the tooth fairy checking so see of she can collect her tooth but, oh no, you are not in bed yet so she may have to come back tomorrow. What a shame. This has the intended effect and mermaid barbie and her court are in the process being swiftly ousted from the bath and into the tidy box when I ...

TIFU by forgetting to tell my wife about the king snake I released in the yard.

I live in a rural area with quite a bit of undeveloped land. In the past I have had problems with rattlesnakes especially this time of year as the temperature warms. As I was driving home last night I came across a fairly large king snake in the road. For those not familiar with king snakes they are proficient hunter of other snakes especially rattlesnakes. I have a bucket with a lid in the car and gently guided the king snake into it. When I got home I released home on a portion of the property where I have encountered rattlesnakes in the past and wished it happy hunting. I then went about the rest of the evening. A few hours later my wife and I were grilling and she went out to pull the chicken off the grill. I hear her scream and the sound of the plate dropping. She runs back inside yelling that there is a snake on the patio. I tell her that it might be the king snake I released earlier. “Seriously you didn’t think you should tell me that you released a snake on our property?” ...

TIFU by showing my penis the class where I studied

Obligatory, it was not today but many years ago when I was 11 in middle school, and sorry for my bad English, I am not native I didn't have my father next to me growing up because for his job he used to move around countries I am uncircumcised and I had a case of phymosis (Condition where the foreskin does not lower to reveal the head) , not a bad one because it was fixed with an ointment or something like that in a few months, but thanks to that I wasn't able to wash my penis till the age or 10 or something because my mother didn't know anything about male sexual anatomy, so during the years she tried to like she said to "open it", and it was very very painful and I always used to scream in pain, she to motivate me to stay quiet always said "your penis need to see the light of the sun" this thing stuck to me till the age of 11 After I fixed the phimosis, going around when no one was near me I used to take out my penis and let it see the places where...

TIFU by accidentally sending my gf a drive folder called "hotSexyCaliBoiz" of a friend and mine (it's not what it sounds like I swear)

EDIT, it won't let me change the title it should be: TIFU by accidentally sending my gf a drive folder called "hotSexyCaliBoiz" of A FRIEND OF MINE AND ME (it's not what it sounds like I swear) ​ so i have a buddy and we're each musicians. we go out and shoot music videos for each other sometimes. Anyway, I've been slacking on sending him his files cause we shot on my phone lip syncing. anyway, i thought it would be funny if I named the folder "hotSexyCaliBoiz" in google drive. So I upload it and i make sure it's all ready for him, and then I accidentally sent it to my gf because... i don't know... my brain is broken... haha, I'm thinking she'll probably laugh about it but I instantly was like, "whoops yeah that's a joke just my buddy and i doing music videos didn't mean to send it to you haha" but i'm wondering how freaked out she is. she already thought i was gay when we met and i love gay jokes and i'm...

TIFU- not sleeping with the woman I love

So this is a long one. (M 21) I’ve been in love with a woman that I’ve know ever since we started highschool. We dated for a while then broke up. 2 years ago we got back together and I lost my virginity to her. Our intimate life was amazing and it was the most fulfilling time of my life so far. She was my priority in life and I was absolutely head over heals. 3 weeks after we first had sex, she left off to basic training and found multiple partners without ever properly breaking things off with me. We didn’t talk for a while until she told me she got sent to California for job training. For privacy we both lived near the east coast. I drove to California (2k mile drive) to see her but I never got the chance. I headed back to my state and our contact demenished even more. Later on she text me telling me she’s now in Alaska and stationed there for the next couple years. Being me, I moved all the way to Alaska, driving over 4K miles to be with her. I find out she’s with a new dude but I...

TIFU: should I come clean to HR about something I did?

I need some advice, I don't know if this is in the right subreddit. Apologise for any spelling or grammar errors, I'm not the smartest tool in the shed. I (24 m) have been suffering from a lot of stress from both my job and personal life. I work in a college I'm the United Kingdom. (UK) One day while I was at work, I searched for adult content, while in the bathroom on my device. However, I was logged in to my work WiFi. (Which requires us to log in using our PC login details.) When I realised this I closed it down immediately and have working my ass off since then. I know I shouldn't have but I've been addicted to viewing such content, and I'm looking to get help for it, but I was too stressed and not thinking clearly. Now around the office, I've heard rumours about them catching someone viewing adult content two weeks later. I have a very strong feeling it's me. I'm scared because the last time this happened at my work, the person was pushed ...

TIFU by talking to myself for almost a month

I had recently made a new reddit account after deleting my old one after feeling like i was too distracted by reddit, i mostly lurked but started making more comments recently. I made a good few comments and posts but they got no attention. I was confused about this for a bit until i was browsing by top of all time on this subreddit and saw the post about the person that was talking to themselves for a year. I then realised that the same could have been happening to me. I decided to check and l it turned out i was. I appealed and got unbanned but i am still annoyed at myself. While its not as bad as talking to myself for a year i am still annoyed at myself (so many wasted words). ​ TL;DR: Got shadow banned, talked to myself for a month; realized what happened when i was browsing the top of all time on this subreddit.

TIFUpdate by accepting a $50 dare

I posted here the other day with my fuck up of taking a bet to backflip off a balcony, miserably failing and landing on my back on the backrest of a chair. I had been lazy as fuck since that day, but yesterday, I genuinely felt better and decided I would be fine to go into the city's center and interview people for a project all day. Throughout the next couple of hours, the pain went from somewhat tolerable discomfort to agonizing deep pressure. I thought, whatever, I'll just sit down. But nope, no position or stretch or anything even slightly alleviated it. Getting into my car caused an overwhelming "pinching" sensation in my spine, and it was like my legs didn't work as well as they should. I could barely exert enough force to properly operate the pedals. I had previously convinced myself that this situation would just go away on it's own if I stopped being a baby about it, but at this point I realized something was very much fucked. So, in the late after...

TIFU clogging my in-laws toilet

TIFU, more specifcally this morning. This week I'm meeting my gf's family and staying with her mom and uncle in their country. It is also the first time I'm meeting them as my gf and I met in my country and have been together for ~10 months. On the first day day there (we landed yesterday late at night) I decided to "drop the kids in the pool." My gf was still in bed when I went and her mom was eating breakfast in the Living Room. It was a big dump and I tried to flush and it wouldn't go down... I decided to try again and still nope. I start to panic and wait till the water is fully replenished and press it down. At that moment I hear my gf and her mom talking, meaning I cant ask my gf for help without notifying the mom. I panic and decide to text my gf that I need help, but I hear her phone ring in her bedroom. I then decide to go get her in a subtle way when her mom went to the kitchen. She is like "goddammit" and she goes with me to the toilet...

TIFU By implying zombies can order.

So, for very relevant context, I work in a retirement community as a server. Normally, when working with old people, you encounter death a lot so you (or me in this case) can get a bit numb or used to it. Well, recently we had a couple die in the same day a couple days ago, and as a server you get to know who’s still around and who isn’t because you’re serving these people food. Today I was doing deliveries (room service) when I noticed that the husband of the deceased couple had an order in. “This can’t be right,” I thought, “he died on Friday.” So naturally I go to the front desk, and here’s where I effed up. I said to the concierge “Hey, not to sound insensitive, but I’m pretty sure zombies can’t order food.” And behind me I heard, “Oh, that must be for me, I’m his daughter.” AND LO AND BEHOLD WAS IN FACT THIS DECEASED MAN’S DAUGHTER, WHO HEARD ME SAY EVERY WORD. I profusely apologized and gave her food and while she took it in good spirit and said even she would say something li...

TIFU by going to lectures too early

Fuck it because of this i will skip tomorrow. I could have had a good night sleep but noooo. I am an idiot. So usually our classes are from 9-14 or/and 15-20. We mostly have 9-14 classes. I knew that Tuesday we were supposed to have 15-20 classes. My dumbass yesterday forgot that tomorrow(or today) is Tuesday. This morning i woke up at 7. Ate breakfast brushed my teeth washed my face did my makeup ran to the bus stop because i thought i was getting late. On the bus i put my headphones on and at some point i was 3 stops away from my stop i asked myself “Wait in which room was i supposed to go?” and I checked the website. Then i was flabbergasted when i saw that my lectures start at 3pm. I got out of the bus on the next stop and waited for the bus. Now i am on the bus on my way home. TL;DR: though the lectures started at 9 today and while i was in the bus i checked to see in which room i was supposed to go and i saw that the lectures started at 3pm. I am going home now.

TIFU by getting my teacher a card

This was last week but nvm. I (21F) am a university student. My class found out that one of our favourite teachers was leaving and I thought it’d be cute to get him a card from our class and get everyone to sign it. The week he was leaving was also the week we had a multiple assignments due and in person assessments so I didn’t have a lot of free time to look for a goodbye and good luck card. My options were rather limited but I managed to find a nice card, it was just very plain. I thought it’d be a cute and cool idea to get everyone to sign it in different colour pens to make it look cooler and jazz it out inside. I had one of those four way pens that had pink, purple, green and blue ink. Perfect! What could possibly go wrong? I took the card and the pen ink uni on the day of the assessment (the last day we had with said teacher) and got everyone to sign it. Most people had signed it and all was going well until I found out, when the card was almost full of signatures and without a ...

TIFU by not putting on my glasses when I woke up

Recently, staying in Thailand, a girl I hooked up with left snacks on the floor. Not a problem, I was gonna clean up later anyway. Only, I didn't know they were being monitored. The next day, before I had cleaned up the room, I woke from my slumber and put my pants on and went outside my hut to use the communal bathroom. Before I got to it, I had a burning sensation in my legs. It was bad! I ditched going to the toilet and jumped in the shower. It helped, but the pain persisted! I had all these red bumps all over my legs. I went back to my room, covering myself. Put my glasses on, and had a look at the lumps. Around all my legs, I saw tiny black dots. Then I looked closer, and saw the smallest little tiny ants! I was being bit everywhere! I look back to where my pants had been, and there was an army that had crawled THROUGH THE FLOOR up into where my pants had been, feasting on the leftover snacks. Fucking ants in my pants! I threw the snacks out the door along with my pants a...

TIFU by sending a customer service representative an image with an inappropriate reflection

Recently I had a wine aerator that was not working properly. I asked for replacement last week. Today I got an email on my phone from the company stating that they needed a picture of the damaged product to send a replacement. I had just finished a morning bike ride had taken my clothes off and was about to shower when I received this message. I walked into my living room, framed the shot, snapped a pic of the damaged product with my phone, and hit send. I noticed immediately after I sent the image that in the corner is a reflection of my penis off of my tv. It’s subtle, but clearly visible at full brightness. I promptly sent a follow up email with a better photo of the item, telling them to use that image instead. I hope I don’t get in trouble, they haven’t responded yet. TL;DR Accidentally emailed a pic that had a reflection of my penis to a customer service representative.

TIFU by giving my GF of 5 years genital herpes

I found out that I gave my long-distance girlfriend genital herpes today from a visitation 2 weeks ago. She has the bumps, symptoms, and is going to get tested later today, but we're basically 99.9% positive it is genital herpes. We both have had no sexual partners prior to one another (except 1 for me over 10 years ago). Me and my girlfriend have both gotten cold-sores growing up, so we both have knowingly had HSV-1 (Herpes Simplex-1, the cold sore virus). I had no clue that not only can you give someone genital herpes from carrying the cold sore virus, but you can also give them genital herpes EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE A COLDSORE (albeit, much more rare). Our general understanding from the research we've done over the past 2 hours, is that HSV-1&2 are 2 different strains of the same virus. HSV-1 spreads through contact with the virus in saliva or skin. It usually affects your mouth and face. HSV-2 spreads through sexual contact and usually affects your genitals. Al...

TIFU by being lazy and potentially scarring myself for life

Obligatory this didn't happen today I'm a chemist working in my first real job out of college at a lab. When I started I was shocked by how lax the safety rules were in regards to PPE- we're really only required to wear a lab coat and goggles when dealing with particularly hazardous chemicals, which is pretty rare. Gloves are barely required either; apparently OSHA is cool with whatever as long as safety equipment is provided to us, otherwise it's a personal choice whether we want to actually wear it or not. So that means that a lot of us don't use PPE for most things, and usually we don't have any problems. But on Friday, right at the end of the day when I was finishing some stuff up, I was pipetting a very concentrated acid. Again, it's not unusual for us to not wear gloves for stuff like this- if I was pouring it I would've worn gloves, but for simple pipetting that only took 2 seconds I didn't bother. When I went to put the acid away, there mu...

TIFU Nut consumption

Last night I fucked up, I lifted weights for 3-4 hours, got done, took a shower, ate me a good steak n potatoes. This is the best part. I HAD a big bag of almonds that were honey roasted. Delicious, until the next morning came (today) n I ended up waking up gettin ready to work on my house, drank my coffee. Had a smoke, then it was typical shit time, come to find out after the first two pushes that it wasn’t gunna be fun, got up thought all was well. Until I went to go back n destroyed the toilet to then again find out. It hurts, a lot. Started feelin sick. Couldn’t get off the toilet, started punching the wall, regretted everything. Now I’m laying on the floor of my motorhome exhausted with a dip in and feels like I tore somethin up. Thought I was dying now the paid sorta going away but it ain’t gon be gone till the next two days it feels. What a mistake it was, DO NOT EAT NUTS IN BIG QUANTITIES. Do not eat them like chips, have like 5 n be done because it’s not good for you. About f...

TIFU by showing my girlfriend my flipper device

So this happened this weekend. My now ex girlfriend was out of town last week. She got back late Friday night. I stayed with her that night and all was good. Saturday morning we woke up and as I was cooking breakfast she noticed $400 had been taken out of her savings account. After looking at her transactions she figured out both were withdrawals from ATM’s. One at a bar and one at a bank. We guess that her card got skimmed somewhere. She called her bank and closed the card and reported the fraud and everything else. We started talking about it and i tried to explain to her how easy it is for someone to skim a card and some of the precautions she should take. Things like checking the pumps and card machines and also maybe think about getting a wallet that blocks the cards from being able to be read. So here is where I messed up. Around Christmas I impulsively bought a flipper zero. I am trying to learn about internet and device security so I thought it would be a cool little tool....

TIFU my family read the written account of my first BJ

Fuck. My. Life. Either going to end it or retreat to somewhere deep in the jungles of the Amazon. I (20M) have been a writer my whole life. I’ve made decent money with a few novellas and I’ve been piecing together a novel in my spare time. I’ve been journaling since the third grade up until senior year and I’ve built an impressive chronology of my life, albeit with a few gaps when things were busy. Of course as I passed puberty my entries got a little more explicit, and even more so when I got my first girlfriend at 14. I had a lot of my firsts with her, basically everything short of intercourse, and I made the mistake of scribbling every little detail in my entries. Last weekend I came home from uni for my little brother’s (16M) birthday and we got to talking about his little girlfriend. He’s into writing just like me and my Dad, and he told me that he took up journaling the year prior. He admitted a little sheepishly that he had written a poem about his first blowjob, and I laughe...

TIFU by confessing to my best friend that i have a crush on her

So, me(20m) live in my best friends(19f) place, tough situation, im grew up in a boarding school, no connection with my parents and got into the army half a year ago, i dont have a home because i used to live in my boarding school and i am kinda broke and because im in the army i cant work and only work on weekends. Now to the situation at hand, since i live in her place for like half a year, some people asked me if she is my gf, to which i always answer no. Since we are really close i dont mind much and feel comfortable to tell her anything that bothers me, i love her, but until now i didnt think of her romantically. A mutual friend (18f)of ours talked to me, and asked me what i think of my best friend, i told her that i love her, but not in the way she thinks, she is probably the most important person to me ever, i grew up without family, and she was there for me when i needed help and stuff.. She then told me that wants to test if im in love with my best friend, so she made me a...

TIFU by asking my friend if she’d like to have a threesome with my fwb and me

I still can’t believe what I’ve gotten myself into. So this actually happened last night, not today, but close enough. I was fwb with a guy and it was no-strings. My friend and I live together and she came into my room to get something while he was in there. Ever since that moment he kept badgering me for a threesome with her. Talking about how hot it would be etc. I always rolled my eyes and said no because I just don’t want to share a dick with my friend (or be in a sexual situation with her as I’m straight). Also I didn’t think it was something she would ever go for. Last night, she came in while we were watching a movie in the den. I invited her to join since it was a movie she liked. We all started talking and whatnot (a bit of flirting from his end which annoyed me but whatever). Later into it he texted me “you should ask her.” I knew he wanted me to text it but I wanted to embarrass him and make him stop badgering me once and for all. So loudly in front of him, I asked my fri...

TIFU by going down on my wife while I had bronchitis

My wife, 29f, and I, 27 f, are very sexually active. We’ve been together for 9 years and We usually have sex at least a few times a week. I have horrible asthma and the air quality where we live is absolutely atrocious. It’s led to this weird annual occurrence where every year during the winter, when I inevitably catch a cold, it develops into bronchitis and I spend a good couple of weeks down for the count, hacking my lungs out. On top of that, I have a horrible gag reflex, and the constant coughing often makes me puke. Needless to say, this usually causes a dry spell with my wife until I can breathe again. This year, I didn’t get sick all winter. It’s already warming up here, and the snow is gone. I thought I was in the clear and was grateful that I had seemingly missed my yearly sickness. That is - until about 3 weeks ago when I felt the familiar tickle in my throat and shortness of breath. Before long I was hacking every minute of every day and couldn’t catch my breath for even ...

TIFU by leaving hentai on my phone.

Earlier, I had given my phone to my mom to use as she had broken her own phone. What I forgot, is that I left a tab open of the hentai I was watching. My mom is really anti porn. She called me to the living room, showed me the hentai I left on my phone, then proceeded to give me the most uncomfortable conversation I’ve ever had. She started to scream at me, berate me you name it. She even started to call family members to tell them about the situation. For some context, my whole moms side of the family, including my mom, is really religious. So not only my mom knows that I watch hentai, that whole family does now too. They started to berate me over the phone and, now are even trying to get me to go to some class so I can get some type of help. My mom doesn’t even want to talk to me. I’ve been getting calls from all of my family trying to talk me into going to that class. TL;DR: leaving hentai on my phone.

TIFU by accidentally sending a semi-nude picture to my dad

I majorly fucked up today. i (18F) just accidentally sent a semi-nude snap to my dad on snapchat. he just recently downloaded snap and wanted to test out the filters so we've been snapping back and fourth, but i've also been talking with my bf and he likes when i randomly send him teasers while at work. well i took a mirror selfie with no panties on but covered myself with my hand, then the caption was "when you get home this is all yours" i shit you not right as i sent it my dad's profile went to the top of my most recents (im assuming he snapped me right then) and i sent it to him. milliseconds later i knew i fucked up. i legitimately froze for almost a minute not knowing what to do, i watched him open the snap immediately and leave me on seen. i tried calling my bf like 10 times cause i was in panic mode but he wasn't answering at work. it was too late anyway my dad opened it. it's gonna be so awkward between us now. he still hasn't responded to m...

TIFU by being in the bathroom for so long that the restaurant thought I had dined and dashed.

I went to a Chinese buffet against my better judgement. Ate my food. It predictably opened my bowels right up because the fat content. Couldn't really hold it and wait for the bill. So, I grabbed my stuff because I didn't want it out in the open when I'd be in the bathroom a while. Apparently, the waitress only saw me load my stuff up and then just disappear when she looked back. I got done taking a long shit and came out to them talking to the police. They saw me. I talked to the cops. They got called for a dine and dash and showed up cause its a slow day. Explained the situation to them. They asked why I had taken all my stuff with me. I told them it was because "I knew it would be awhile and didn't want anything stolen". It was light-hearted. The cops, waitress, and me had a laugh. I paid my bill and left TL;DR: was in the bathroom so long that the restaurant thought I had dined and dashed and called the cops.

TIFU the last date of work on my two weeks notice

So I am working in a firm and I decided I have had enough with the awkward discriminatory comments made by the Director towards my colleague, who has no interest in filing for a pretty credible racial discrimination case on his hands (Director called him numerous slurs and invited him to fight in the elevator) - so I put in my two weeks notice. They also grossly underpay in one of the most expensive places to live on Planet Earth, at a time where taxes are the first bill we pay, on top of giving victimized employees secret Sweetheart Deals to prevent them from filing with the EEOC. Come to find out, after I sent the email to the owner of the firm and Human Resources I realized that I put my last date of work.... ON A SUNDAY. Ten mins after my mistake, I realized my goof. My email client does not allow for message recalls, so I quickly I re-drafted the letter, put the correct date for two weeks out and NOT on a Sunday. Sent the correct letter, but it's just two clowns parting way...

TIFU by giving blood away

I went after two years to donate blood again. The very first time I had no issues/ complications so there wasn‘t any reason for me to be concerned. I went to the first doctor, which told me my RR was 123/74, so everything was fine and I was ready to donate 500mls. After I was done I looked at my sister but realised that I am slowly starting to see black and faint. I only saw her running around and looking for a doctor to help me. For me it felt like I was just closing my eyes for a second, hearing music in my head(idk there was literally no music around me) but later waking up panicking and seeing 2 doctors and 3 nurses over my head and my blood running down my arm, because the needle fell out or something. They were all holding up my legs and asking me a gazillion questions to see if Im back to my senses. They gave me some medicine and told me to lay there and not move, and while I felt better for a bit, my RR dropped to 90/60 and later fainted again. They gave me an infusion and it...

TIFU by admitting it was my dog’s poo the yellow lab ate.

I (M 49) have a very small dog. She is only 4 lbs, I walk her frequently and ALWAYS pick up the little turds. TIFU by running out of poo bags that I have attached to the leash. My dog did her thing and when I realized I was out of bags, I decided to make a mental note of where it was and walk about 20 yards down the path to a dog waste station that has a roll of plastic bags. As I returned to pick up the poo, a lady about 65 years old, walking a yellow lab and talking on her phone, approached the spot where my dog left her poo. The lady stops right next to that spot, talking on her phone. I was approaching to ask her to move a little so I could pick up the turd and then it happened. Just as I said, “Excuse me….” her dog ate the turd. One gulp. It was gone. She looked annoyed with me and asked “Yes, what do you want?!” Standing there with the poo bag in hand, ready to pick it up, I replied (and here’s where I really f***ed up), “Oh never mind. I was going to pick up my dog’s poop but i...

TIFU by Accidentally Suggesting MRI Seduction to My Boss

Alright, buckle up for the tale of my accidental slip-up during a chat with my boss about MRI scans! So, there I (F) was, having a virtual chat with my boss (M), casually discussing work-related matters when suddenly, out of nowhere, the conversation took a sharp turn into the realm of medical procedures. Before I knew it, we were knee-deep in a discussion about MRI scans. Now, let me just say, I have this thing called claustrophobia, which basically means I have a deep-seated fear of tight spaces. Feeling the need to share my apprehension about MRI scans with my boss (because, you know, bonding over shared fears is a thing, right?), I blurted out, "Hey, I'm kind of freaked out about getting an MRI. Do you think they'll sedate me beforehand?" Now, at this point, my brain had already taken a coffee break, and my mouth decided to go rogue. Instead of saying "sedate," it chose to utter the word "seduce." Yep, you read that right – "seduce...

TIFU by neglecting my dental health

Not today but for almost 20 years i neglected my dental health. When i was a kid my parents used to take me to the dentist. However as a kid i was scared of dentist. All these machines and the sounds they make. Also it used to hurt. I was a calm kid however i used to hit dentists(i feel so bad now😭). I remember when i was 6 years old the dentist injected anesthesia. I was still scared and pushing her hands away. She got mad and kicked me out of the room(i don’t blame her if i were her and if it was legal i would have hit me because the audacity i had when the woman wanted to help me). In 4th grade i had emergency. I had no choice. I became calmer with dentists then. I was still scared. After that tooth was fixed the dentist told me i have many cavities. My mom wanted me to fix them but i said later. Later another tooth started hurting. Another filling done. The first dentist retired. That man said i had some cavities too. I neglected them. In 2022 the first filling fell. My mom sta...

TIFU by telling my coworker the toilet was in “extra stinky mode”

I work at a school as a teaching assistant. Everyone has a little bit of a silly voice when talking to little kids, right? Or is that just me? Anyways, our toilets have an automatic flush feature that’s motion activated. Most people still flush it manually, and sometimes while getting up they trigger the motion sensor, causing the toilet to flush twice. The kids and I call this “extra stinky mode”. It came about when somehow one of them learned about courtesy flushes, which for those of you who don’t know is the extra flush you do mid-poop so you don’t smell up the bathroom when you’re taking a long time. Well, yesterday, after an extra long brain-frying day, I had to stay late to help grade some papers. I went to the bathroom. My coworker in the other stall finished up and accidentally triggered the second flush. I don’t know why, but I just blurted out “UH OH, EXTRA STINKY MODE”. Immediate regret. I could see her feet stop in their tracks while she tried to figure out what the f...

TIFU by forgetting that a barbell is not weightless.

I started hitting the gym a couple of weeks ago with a friend. We have a specific routine that rotates every visit. One of the workout includes 3 sets of 10 flat barbell presses. Usually my friend reminds me that the bare barbell already weighs 44lbs, but this week he went skiing and I went alone. I checked my gym app and it said that I flat lifted 77 lbs the last time, so I wanted to do 88 lbs this time. I added 2 weights of each 44 lbs on each side... and forgot that the barbell itself already weighs 44 lbs. Instead of going from 77 lbs to 88 lbs, I went from 77 lbs to 132 lbs. The moment I stemmed the barbell out of the bracket, it immediately crashed down on me because I was totally surprised by the weight. I was able to redirect it away from my face and ribcage, but it smashed my pelvis which is green and blue now and hurts like he'll. Luckily, another gym goer saw my struggle and helped me out of my misery. TL;DR: Forgot that a barbell isn't weightless, accidentally alm...

TIFU by having naked photos of my wife on my phone

Today I let my kids use my phone while I was trying to prepare lunch for them. This is nothing to them as they have all their games and YouTube on there. My wife and I just returned from vacation by ourselves and finally got some much needed alone time in. Like all married couples alone in a fancy hotel, I snapped a few sexy photos of my wife in lingerie and naked posed on the bed, the overly fancy couch, shower, etc. and a couple having sex. Just something to remember the trip by. After, my wife told me to make sure I hide those photos on my phone. I told her I would do it later and to let me sleep. Wishing I had done it when she told me now because while all three of my kids were using my phone, they somehow made their way to the photo gallery. There was some recent photos from today of them playing outside and then it gets to the photos from the hotel. As I was bringing their plates to the table, the oldest daughter (12) has my phone and hands it back to me. On the screen is a pict...

TIFU dozing off on zoom calls at my new job

Recently started a new job in February, my first 9-5 at a well known company. Fully remote and WFH. Trainings are done by my supervisor sharing her screen and walking through the different processes there are to know. It’s either me and her or me, another team member and her (our supervisor). Cameras are always off btw. Anyways two weeks ago I fell asleep on one of the calls and woke up (to my self on mute) as they were finishing up, in time to say “have a good one” with everybody else. Didn’t hear anything about this incident Fast forward to yesterday 3/19, it was me, the team member and supervisor going over something on teams and I started dozing off. I woke up to the call ended for me but the other two still on the call. I tried to call back in but they didn’t answer. My supervisor messaged me when they were done and said “hey checking in on ya…..we lost ya”. I made up an excuse of me having to reset my wifi, which was real dumb because I don’t know if she was the one that kicke...

TIFU by burning penises in my friends backyard

This wasn’t today, more like 15 years ago. One cool summer afternoon me and a few of my friends on the block were hanging out and were more bored than usual. The topics of discussion were usually Pokemon, Yu-gi-oh, or Wrestling. But today someone mentions that they saw a cool video online, and apparently you can make a makeshift flamethrower out of a can of axe body spray and a lighter. Being a group of degenerate 12 year olds, chaos ensued. We got through the first can just spraying fire into the air. Then on can two, I had the bright idea to spray a bunch of axe into a puddle and light it. We were mesmerized. We started writing our names in the yard and lighting it. Once the spray burned up completely nothing was left behind on the concrete. So naturally names turned to curse words, curse words got boring quick. “What else can we do?” I thought That’s when it hit me, the most creative and genius thing my 12 year old mind could conjure up. We started drawing penises with the spra...

TIFU By inhaling fucking gasoline fumes

This was like an hour ago. Today me and my friend decided to take a bike ride at the park. Recently passed my Army physical so been having fun hitting my Delta 8 pen the past few days. I wanted to be a little high for the ride so I could relax, so we went to the gas station to get some gas and while I was doing that outside, I was simultaneously hitting my pen. Probably wasn’t the best decision because once I’m back in the car I’m high as fuck, and 5 minutes later I can immediately tell something is wrong. A massive, burning, tense pressure builds in my chest. At this point I’m worried I hit the pen too much and tell my friend something is wrong, to which she just said I’m fine and I’m just freaking out due to being high as fuck. But no matter how much I try to calm down that burning pressure just spread across my body. Eventually I just start getting hot, light headed, and then fucking semi passing out. Essentially I could HEAR my friend calling my name and talking but it was almo...

TIFU by going to a job interview with a white substance on my nose 🥲

This actually happened yesterday but I’ve been thinking/panicking about it for like 24hours. For context, I quit my shitty job a couple of weeks ago and have been job searching since. I had an interview for a position with good pay and hours that was definitely a step up from my last job (retail). I also have a piercing on my left nostril (small nose hoop), which has been doing fine the past few months up until about 3 days ago when a huge irritation bump popped up on it basically overnight. I thought, ‘great, ofc I would get this gross thing on my face just before an interview’, and tried to get rid of it or at least reduce its size. I did this by putting a sea salt solution on top of it, and slapping a bandaid on it overnight. Typically, this has worked in the past at reducing the irritation, but alas no such luck this time. That’s fine, whatever I think, and wash my face. Here is where I fuck up: I clean it again after washing my face with a sea salt solution, but this time only r...

TIFU by accidentally sending a flirty emoji to my boss

This happened just a few hours ago and I’m still cringing so hard I might implode. So, a little background: I recently started a new job, and let’s just say my boss is quite the attractive gentleman. We’ve been getting along well, but strictly professionally, of course. Or so I thought. Now, onto the catastrophe. Today, during a lunch break, I was exchanging some flirty texts with my partner. You know, just harmless banter to spice up the day. Little did I know, I had accidentally switched the conversation window to my boss’s chat in my haste. Yes, you read that right. I sent something along the lines of, “Can’t wait to see you tonight, and I’m not talking about the meeting ;)” followed by a string of emojis that would make even the boldest blush. The moment I hit send, my stomach dropped to the floor. I tried to recall the message, but as we all know, once it’s out there, it’s out there. Now, I’m sitting at my desk, praying to any divine entity listening that my boss doesn’t chec...

TIFU by not knowing I was being genuinely asked out. Twice.

Obligatory mention that this didn't happen today, but I was told to put this on here because it's an entertaining story. First, some context: in high school, I was asked out by a girl named Ramona. No bullshit, point-blank. However, since she was really pretty, out of my league, and I wasn't really looking for a relationship at the time, I thought it was purely a joke and rejected her. We continued being friends, and I ended up forgetting about the whole thing. Fast-forward to our freshman year of college: I had a crush on her, but she went really far out of state. Not only that, but I still thought that I genuinely had no chance anyway. As a freshman in THAT kind of college, I partied a ton and got absolutely wasted. My liver was in a prison, and I was its warden. I was a machine that turned alcohol into undignified pain and suffering. I had a habit of demonstrating to everyone that I had a problem by calling them while drunk, and that everyone included Ramona. I would ...

TIFU I snuck into my middle school on a Sunday in the afternoon

So let me start with this, me and my friends were riding our bikes around all day doing stupid stuff like hitting jumps and playing around with eachother, one of my friends decided that it would be a cool idea to test his lockpicking skills on the school bathroom since it’s locked from the outside on weekends. I took him to his house and we grabbed his supplies and we went to the school. There, we picked the lock to the bathroom and went around just exploring. We dipped soon after but one of the janitors there got a video of us attempting to break into the school. I haven’t been called into the office yet but my friends have and they pulled out the video, they only know that we went into the bathroom and went right back out (we didnt do just that we went further) but they are really mad at our friends and were kinda screwed. They are going to call me in the office tomorrow and my parents will kill me, I feel really guilty because I’m just a stupid teenager with nothing to do and I fuc...

TIFU by creating a poisonous gas in my dorm room

My friend and I just finished learning about voltaic cells in our chemistry course, and attempted to recreate an electrolytic cell in our dorm room. Basically a battery with wires attached to two pieces of pencil lead, stuck in a bowl of salt water. Bubbles started rising off the graphite, and we applauded ourselves on a successful experiment. However, when cleaning up we noticed a public pool-like smell; chlorine gas. Turns out, we had overcharged the cell and instead of creating hydrogen and oxygen gas, we made hydrogen and chlorine gas. The wires were kept in the bowl for a long time, as we were showing our friends how it worked and filling a vial with gas, so we basically flooded our dorm room with a corrosive and dangerous gas. Fortunately not flammable, as we tried to do a flame test with the gas collected because we thought it was oxygen. TL;DR: wanted to do a fun chemistry experiment and almost gave everyone in our dorm lung damage.

TIFU by putting mayo in a burrito.

Happened mere moments ago. My tongue and stomach have been sullied. I know. I know. Today my roomate laid out all the ingredients for burritos after meticulously cooking them for the past few hours. Including monster sized tortillas. As I was making my burrito, I realized we were completely out of sour cream. And I'm also extremely hungry. In my foolishness, spurred by my hunger, I decide to substitude mayo. I was desperate. I wanted to have that hint of delicious sour cream by any means. I was arrogant. At first it wasnt bad. Just confusion. An odd taste. I was not impressed. I got to the end. And it was almost 50% mayo despite me rolling it and the mayo previously being spread evenly. Regret washed over me like a tsunami. I committed to it. I wont waste food. I swallowed it and finished my burrito. And and have been prompltly shamed by my roomates, and now my roomates families after theyve texted them of my folly. I am ashamed and humiliated. TL;DR: Do not the mayo on...

TIFU by walking naked with a fireman hat into my husband's work meeting

For background, my spouse, Mark, and our 2-year-old daughter live with me. Husband is a fairly senior member of the company and works remotely (his employer is in Germany, but we're temporarily situated in the US for my career). As a result, he frequently holds Skype video conferences and answers calls at strange hours (8 hours apart from Germany). He has to answer calls at five in the morning, but not because he has to, but rather because he doesn't want his presence in the US to work against him in conversations with bosses and coworkers. By allowing him to work remotely from home, they are doing him a service. I should note that this was a significant victory for him because his employer has very traditional working practices (hierarchical, etc.). Important background: I store my things in the guest bedroom, which doubles as his "office." It's not far from our private restroom and bedroom. I think you can see where this is going. Our typical morning schedul...

TIFU by getting a hair cut.

So for context Tuesday I’m going to a funeral. So I thought hey I need my nails done and a hair cut. Why not get them both done today? So I got myself dressed and sat down in the bus. The nails look amazing and are symbolic and represent the person who’s deceased. I nearly cried good tears seeing them on. So riding a high I walked into the barbers. The reason I go to a barbers and not a hair dressers is because A) I have an unconventional haircut for a woman as part of my head is shaved and B) it’s so much cheaper than a hair dressers. Guess I know why now. So I got to a barbers shop I frequent regularly for my hair being buzzed. However I also wanted my hair trimmed to just below my ear so it was still long enough to cover it fully if styled in a certain way. Another thing to note that I wear glasses and my eyesight is terrible without them. Like if glasses didn’t exist I would be classified as legally blind bad. Like can’t read text on a phone unless it’s like pressed against my ...

TIFU ….Lost a contest by entering my name incorrectly!

I’d entered a contest for a $7 WestJet airline ticket… It’s their birthday… big celebration! The prize is the base fare is only $7, pay the taxes, some restrictions on travel but still would have saved some money on an upcoming flight. Got notified I’d won.. replied to the email with the correct answer to the skill testing question, signed off on the waiver BUT I added my middle name between my 1st and last name. I was thinking it needed to be my full legal name since it was for confirmation of an airline ticket. Yep, it says in the rules ‘names must match’ .. but I didn’t see it til after I submitted. So yes… 1st and last name did match.. but because I added my middle name thinking I had to, here I am… A Loser! WestJet has replied to my emails and messages and will not escalate or reconsider. In their eyes I forfeited the prize. TL;DR Use the exact same name you used when entering a contest

TIFU by going on a date with the wrong person

Okay, so I've been dipping my toes into the dating pool and ended up vibing with this dude who's a bit older than me (f 24) – like, he's 35. First impressions? Totally nice, has that confident, suave charm that totally took me by surprise in the best way. Flash forward to last night, Mr. Smooth asks if I’m down for a fancy dinner, and ya girl says yes (obviously, I'm not about to turn down good food and company). Dinner was a blast – we're talking, laughing, and he's still rocking that cool-guy vibe. Post-dinner, he's like, "Wanna chill at mine?" And inside, I’m like, "Hell yeah, I do!" So, we end up back at his place, and things escalate pretty quickly – clothes flying off, you know the deal. But THEN, right as we're about to get to the good part, I notice he's acting super off. The guy who was all laughs and confidence is suddenly quiet and seems super tense. I check in with him, and he insists everything's cool, so we c...

TIFU by letting a random person go ahead of the cue

So my favourite bakery has a deal where you can get a coffee and a specific pastry for a discounted price, which i usually get for my lunch time coffee break. As I went to the store I noticed an old lady who looks like shes in a hurry so somehow i decided ot was a good idea to show an act of kindness by letting her go first. To my surprise, she bought all the remaining pastry that is required for the discount combo and i have never felt this betrayed in a long time. So i just asked the cashier if the the usual is still available and sadly, it's all sold out for the day. I now regret my act of kindness and remind myself to never do it again as I glanced at the old lady receiving her packed pastry with a slightly betrayed look on my face, hoping she saw it and left the store dissapointed. TL;DR I ruined my lunch break because I let someone else order first

TIFU by accidentally touching a Karen's hand on public transport.

I was on the bus heading home, and it was absolutely packed. Well, we hit some unexpected traffic, the bus jolts, and I swear, I had zero control over my body as I pushed forward. To break my fall, I kind of reached out to one of the handles, and my hand ends up brushing against this lady in front of me. Nothing crazy, just a light touch. "Oh, I'm sorry," I say automatically. Mistake. Because this lady spins around, eyes blazing, and starts complaining about how I touched her without permission, how inappropriate it was and everything. I'm confused, trying to explain it was an accident, that the bus was crowded, but she's just getting louder. People are starting to turn and look, and I feel myself sweating.Now, people are probably thinking I'm some kind of creep. She reaches a whole new level, demanding to talk to the driver and report my "assault." Thank goodness that guy was basically like, "Ma'am, please sit down," and shut her no...