greenmangostudio

TIFU using Nair for the first time. So a story I just read reminded me of this one. This happened when I was about 14 so this is more of a That Time I F’ed Up story. I had heard about Nair & wanted to try it since I was horrible at shaving my legs & would cut my knees up all the time cuz they were super boney. So it’s the middle of the day but I decide to take a shower cuz why not? I hop in, do my thing, last thing is to apply the Nair to my legs & then I cut the water off cuz it was that kind that had to sit for like 10 mins & I had run out of hot water at that point so I didn’t wanna stand in cold water for that long. Now, I had forgotten that there was construction going on just down the street where they were building new houses. That’s where I fucked up. So the 10 mins pass & I go to turn the shower back on to just rinse off real quick, hoping there was maybe a little hot water back. Nothing came out. I start to panic a little as my legs are starting to itc...

Over the past couple of weeks, I've noticed people flashing their high-end when im driving home. I just moved to the area in January, and my car has aftermarket headlights, and is an SUV. I thought my regular lights were brighter, and since my car is higher up, its shining in other drivers' faces and they thought it was my brights and were flashing at me to tell me to turn off my highbeams. the other night, I was driving and there were three oncoming cars on my road, and I was getting annoyed at people flashing their brights at me, so I flashed them back. so when I got home, I asked my aunt who's lived in the area for 20 plus years when its appropriate to flash your highbeams at another driver. "Never." So I explained a bit and she said that the road was bumpy so sometimes it looks like people are flashing you, but its just the lights moving along with the bumps on the road. I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to the other drivers for being an...

So I live with 3 housemates and our fridge tends to be full of containers. I had decided since I am chronically ill and struggle cooking food every day other than simple pasta - which is rather boring - that I would batch cook this week. So i made 2 dishes one of which was a wonderful pie that I ended up eating half of before putting in serving size containers. This meant I'd put about 5 containers of meals for myself on the shelf I'd cleared out for my stuff in the fridge. To be good I'd reused those crappy takeaway plastic ones so they looked like leftover takeaway which was my mistake. One of my housemates decided to clean out the fridge and got rid of all of the leftover takeaway containers and other mouldy things. You guessed it my batch cooking since it was in those containers was also thrown away since I hadn't thought to say those weren't old takeaways but instead my food... tldr: I batch cooked a weeks worth of food and reused take away containers so a ...

TIFU by forgetting I had a 'note to the driver' on UberEats. This isn't a big deal or a crazy story, but I'm super embarrassed. So my friend is going through a tough time, and a few weeks ago, I had sent her a hot chocolate and cookies from Starbucks through UberEats with a note to the driver saying 'this is a surprise, it's for Amy, she doesn't know it's coming'. Fast forward to tonight, I was craving sushi, so I ordered some through UberEats. I completely forgot I had that note saved, and when I answered the door, the driver was holding my food behind her back, and asked 'can I speak to Amy?' For a second I was confused and thought she had the wrong house, until she whipped the food from around her back and said 'surprise!!' with a huge grin on her face. I just stood there in confusion until I realised about the note for Amy. I kinda giggled nervously, took the sushi, and then she asked 'are you Chloe?'. She must have th...

so this was not today fjjdjd, it actually happened when i was 14 i invited a buddy to my swiming club because he has huge feet so i thought he could swim fast, anyways we were in the changing room puting on the swimsuits when i notice that my buddy was looking directly at my dick (everyone change in a little room and see each other naked but is common sense that you don't look at your buddy's cock) so i said (take in consideration that all this happended in spanish but im going to do my best to translate this literature treasure) -dude if you want ,you can give me head later but we have to swim now and you now it took me and hour to cum (when im naked im specially witty) -asshole, ...... hey wa-what is happening to your.... (he point my dick) -nothing, stop looking at it idiot, what is the matter with you? -dude this thing in the head -what? the foreskin? ( i actually use another word but there is no translation , the most accurate word would be turtleneck) -what is tha...

So about 2 days ago I went to the shops and decided to treat myself to some biltong (a kind of dried meat similar to beef jerky I think?). As soon as I got home I put it in the fridge to keep it protected. Today I was feeling pretty snacky so I grabbed the bag of deliciousness and dug right in. It was a pretty big bag and I needed to eat as much as I could before it went bad. But about halfway through stuffing my face I looked inside the bag to see what piece I wanted to devour next and that's when I saw my life flash before my eyes. Staring up at me from the bottom of my yummy bag of biltong was a baby cockroach. I could feel the sensation of dried meat coming right back up my oesophagus while the little bastard stared me down. I was midchew from the previous handful and realised, after what felt like years of a staring competition with this asshole, that he had been there the whole time. I threw the bag away and spray the shit out of my bin with some doom for good measure. He c...

OBVIOUS TRIGGER WARNING If you ever think about ending your life please try to talk to someone and get the help you deserve, people love you and it will get better. Yikes, it sounds bad doesn’t it? Mandatory: this didn’t happen today but a few years ago So my now ex-boyfriend and I were dating for a few weeks when this happened. I was a girl that liked the occasional meme and felt quite comfortable in the internet lingo. To my understanding, just spelling something oddly was the punchline most of the time. For example “can I haz cheeseburger”. There were many of those around at that time and 9GAG was every nerdy teens’ bible. One of those silly phrases I saw a lot on 9GAG and YouTube comments was “kys”. My naive and innocent mind assumed this was one of those quirky interesting ways to say “kiss”. You already know where this is going. My then boyfriend and I were quite extremely shy to each other and would text most times despite living at 10 minutes walking distance. We were ju...

Throwaway account, but not sure if that even matters any more. I live in an 3rd world Asian country, where racism is not a big theme that people discuss everyday like in the US, for example. There's very few, if at all, acts of racism seen on the street or on the news here. I graduated from university 3 years ago and am currently working. My workplace is multinational and diverse. I never even care about that, to be honest. I treat everyone the same, regardless of where they are from. Different skin colors, different accents, different cultures etc. don't make a difference to me when it comes to work. To me, humans are humans. The company has this annual team-building activity event thing for employees. I guess most companies do. This year is about fruits, i.e. each team is assigned a fruit and has to create themes around it . I'm usually not a very outgoing person so in previous years I just let others lead and I simply followed. This year, suddenly I had this urge to ...

This morning, I was craving an iced latte from a certain donut place, so I got my husbands drink order and went on my way. When I got there, I suddenly realized how hungry I was and did not want anything sweet, so I added a kolache to the order. As soon as I got my order and pulled out of the drive-thru, I realize I am a huge asshole and did not even ask my husband if he wanted food. I couldn’t rub my kolache in his face. I had to destroy the evidence. I decided had to eat the kolache before I got home. Now, there is only a couple of miles between the donut place and my house and I was running out of time. I get the mustard open, get a few bites down and suddenly I’m at the last light before I turn on my street so I just go for this massive bite. I don’t know why. The light had just turned red, I had plenty of time, but in my gluttonous shame I shoved the rest of the kolache in my mouth and IT FUCKING LODGED IN MY THROAT. I don’t mean just a little bit. 0 air was getting to my lungs...

So from the title you can probably see where I'm going with this. Disclaimer, am on mobile, also this happened a few hours ago so the humiliation is definitely still here baby! Hopefully this doesn't violate rule 4, I'll try to skirt around anything that could gross people out. However if periods in general are not for you, then neither is this post. I, 17F, live in a household where my dad packs the washing machine, I hang it out, and my sister folds. Now before I get into it, I understand that this is a stupid thing to do, but whenever I get surprised by my period a few days early or a tampon just doesn't do its job, I tend to give my underpants a bit of a scrub n soak in the shower so that my dad doesn't have to deal with the grossness that is period blood. And more importantly, so that I don't feel embarrassed lol. So anyway, tonight was one of those nights where my period decided to pop in and say hey a week early, so I definitely was not expecting any ...

This happened a few hours ago. While my fiancé was at work I decided to cook up some sausages for when she got home. These were no ordinary sausages-they were honey sriracha sausages. They were finished before she got home and the temptation was too great- I crushed at least three. She arrived home not too long after and said she wanted to wait a bit before she ate. I said that's fine so we cuddled while she sipped on coffee. While we were cuddling, I had a burp come up from out of nowhere. Without thinking, I nonchalantly let it out-at the same time that she took an unusually deep breath. She inhaled my "sausage seconds" and immediately felt nauseous. She laughed that she was going to be sick and proceeded to throw up all of her coffee. She was so sick and disgusted that she canceled her D&D session and now I owe her coffee. I finished the sausages a few hours later. TL;DR Ate sausage, burped in fiancé's face, she vomits, her day is ruined, finished sausag...

Hi, So this happened at about 1am this morning and I'm currently dealing with the aftermath. I habitually wake up about 1 or 2 in the morning and make my way to the kitchen for some sort of snack. I smoke quite heavily (weed) before bed so when this happens I'm normally fairly stoned and half awake. Bit of background. I'm currently staying with my bubble and the kitchen in this house has no door (just a archway) and a very, very bright ceiling light. Because of the cats liking to mix and match what housemate they're sleeping with, everyone sleeps with their doors half open unless they have 'company' which obviously isn't a thing at the moment. The layout of the house is such that if I turn the light on in the kitchen, it ends up shining into the bedrooms and I hate risking disturbing anyone so I normally just use the light from the streetlamps outside or the internal one in the fridge - I don't actually cook anything on the hob or in the oven so the ...

When I was 9, I was molested by my older brother when he was 12. A few years ago, I told my mother about this but didn’t go into much detail. She brushed it under the rug. I needed her support, but she told me what he did was “sexual exploration” and it’s completely natural. I trusted what she said, but as I got older I started to have a harder time processing what he did to me. It’s been getting much harder for me, especially recently. Today I called her crying and telling her about how what my brother did is making me feel suicidal and fucking awful. I told her more specific details of what happened and I told her I am hurting bad. Lately, my suicidal ideations have been getting extremely intense. I almost jumped off the bridge near my house the other day when my thoughts and feelings became too overwhelming. I told her I am having full body flashbacks for the first time. I was saying how upset I am with my older brother. She didn’t take my side, or even react when I told her ab...

I was replacing the brake fluid on my motorcycle due to a leak. Now i was emptying the resivour of fluid, and normaly you would due this with a syringe or some paper towels but i was rushing and didn't think of paper towels. So while rushing i decided to try the old hollywood trick and syphon it with my mouth. I almost inhaled a fair bit of break fluid, thankfully i spit it out due the taste. Then I read the label apparently break fluid has diethynol glycol which is extremely poisonous. Called poison control after freaking out. Apparently if i had ingested any i might have been dialysis for the rest of my life. Currently getting absolutely wasted because apparently the ehtynol inalcohol absorbs the glycol. TL;DR: Dont drink brake fluid. Buy a syringe.

TIFU by taking a bath. This happened about a year ago. I was having a pleasant, lazy Saturday morning and instead of a shower I decided to take a bath in the large, jetted tub. I walk down the stairs, lock myself in the bathroom, and run some steaming hot water into the tub. After disrobing, I slowly settled into the water. It was great. Now mind you, this tub doesn’t get that much use, and hadn’t been used for a month or two. Settled into the bath, and I reached over and pushed the button to start the jets. The jets started, and instantly hundreds of live ants came shooting into the bath, I was in a boiling cauldron of black ants. They had built a nest in the pipes. They were everywhere, and in every crack and crevice of my naked body….including my mouth and nose. I yelled at the top of my lungs, and jumped out of the bath. My curious family saw me sprinting from one bathroom into the shower to wash off the live black ants crawling on and in my body. I hope I covered my naughty bi...

Several weeks ago, I had a bottle of dr.pepper stashed away in the back of the refrigerator. The goal was to drink it with some lower end bourbon I had collected that weekend. That did not happen. My wife was able to find my sugary treat and drank it during the week. Come Saturday night I discovered my stash was taken from me. I asked her what happened to it, and she confessed and apologized. I did NOT accept her apology. While driving to our local gas station while listening to “Hurt” sung by Johnny Cash I plotted my revenge. Mixing it up, I told her what I was planning. “I know you’re kinda sick right now, so I won’t do it now. But, when you get better, I plan on ticking you... in the armpits for what you did to me tonight” -me Fast forward exactly one week. I exacted me revenge. I ticked relentlessly. Our 3yr old daughter even got in on this tickling. It felt wonderful. Like most husbands I tend to let things go, and live my life with mild inconveniences. Not this time. The ...

So yeah somehow after having a period for 7 years, I forgot periods knock every month and as such was not prepared (Im a dumbass I know idk how I forgot about it). I was going about my day minding my own business walkin into walmart. And then squish. I scurried to the bathroom, paranoid I had a red skid mark on my ass, hoping mother nature did not call upon the massacre that I felt it had. Sat down on the toilet and yup. Mother nature definently created a massacre and honestly that was the worst I've ever seen. Went through my jeans. They are still sitting on the sink with peroxide on them, even shout didnt work that well. However thick thighs my dude. I had a giant spot that was near the front of my jeans but the back didnt show anything (booty cover). Sometimes I hate not having a thigh gap, mainly during summer when chub rub creates its special red lighting, but this time it came in handy as my thunda thighs hid EVERYTHING. Created a makeshift pad with toilet paper, checked my ...

Just happened about 2 minutes ago - she’s downstairs now talking to her parents. I’m contemplating jumping out the window and never coming back. Girlfriends mum walked in while my shirt was off and her... almost everything was off. Mum was just disappointed. Came up to give gf a package that came, saw us and just threw the package. I felt so bad because she’s genuinely so nice and it’s only my second time meeting her mum. I thought this shit only happened in movies I want to die. I almost would’ve preferred to have been kicked out and she got angry instead of being disappointed in us. Please share similar experiences and how they ended up so I can distract myself from the inevitable deathly silence when I go down for dinner in a few hours. TL;DR - girlfriends mum walked in on us barely clothed and is so disappointed that now I can’t look her in the eye.

Over the past few years, I haven’t been able to focus. I had resigned that there was something wrong with me: probably an old head injury, cancer, new onset of autism, too much tiktok, unchecked ADHD or some other mental illness that would never get fixed. About 5 years ago, I was prescribed amphetamines and even went to a therapist that treated the issue as anxiety and learning to live with what I was experiencing through mindfulness. It has only been getting worse after 5 years, so I just resigned myself that I was going to die soon and learned to live like this for years while just coping the best I can. This got even worse just recently when I had a seizure while I was waking up in the morning. My focus been gradually going to shit with me lacking even the most basic ability to follow movies or what people were saying to me in conversation. I even worked with someone that would once told me “I don’t know if there’s something in your head that the words don’t catch...” but she wa...

ok... so firstly, i have severe anxiety & paranoia. now i know what you’re thinking, “why the fuck did you watch a horror movie if you have anxiety & paranoia?” i’m an avid horror fan. i’m obsessed with everything from serial killers, conspiracy theories, murder mysteries, etc. i can’t stay away from it. ANYWAY! with that being said, i do tend to get extra paranoid after watching horror movies. especially the more realistic ones. you know that newer movie about the mother that cuts off this psycho dude in traffic & then he stalks her & tries to kill her & blah blah blah- it’s terrifying! so naturally, i need some form of comfort & security after watching spooky shit. that’s where my animals come in. i have some dogs & cats & other animal friends that i live with. my doggos are super protective & i feel safer with them in the house. i grabbed my big fat orange cat & headed to bed. every sound triggered my anxiety & i was super on edge. i w...

Technically the FU was last night, but just got home from the ER, so close enough. So for background, I have severe sleep apnea. Like the doc looked at the sleep study and looked at me with a total wtf look in his eyes level of sleep apnea. So I sleep with a CPAP. Sleep great unless I'm congested, which obviously makes things difficult. So last night I'm congested. My primary FU is in not taking a nasal steroid to let me breath enough to use the CPAP. I just say the hell with it and go to bed. So begins the apparently collosal snoring session. I wake up about two hours later and can't breath for shit. I swear to God it felt like I had swallowed a frog and it got stock in my sinuses. I'm literally having to focus on using my neck muscles to expand my airways enough to be able to breath. I can feel something huge in the back of my throat moving a little each time I try and breath. Nose, mouth, no difference. It's blocked almost completely and I'm freaking out a...

So this happened last night. Let me start with this. My husband works grave yard and we’ve been happily married for 7 years. We are high school sweet hearts. I grew up knowing the things he loves from home. And one thing he loves from his childhood is a dessert called grandma Ella cookies. They are ritz crackers with peanut butter covered in chocolate. I grew up in a household where sweets weren’t the norm. I’m a wicked baker and I make cakes all the time but like as just for the two of us it’s not often. Why do you need to know this. It’ll make sense below. About two weeks ago I was saying good bye to him as he headed off to work. I was thinking about how much I love him and how much he does for me. And I realized in the 7 years we’ve been married I’ve never made him grandma Ella cookies. And it’s due to my upbringing. I just don’t think about sweets. And he could make them sure but cooking isn’t a skill. It’s something his mom use to make all the time. And I have the recipe from...

This was very recent So, I got a new dog (yay) and she was adopted without being fixed. Roughly the same time that I scheduled her spay, I also had elective surgery that involved drains in my pubic area and swelling of my penis and scrotum. Cool huh. Both of these institutions were pretty modernized to today's standards so they often communicated via text and email. I made the unfortunate mistake of saving neither in my contacts list and just remembered who they were by context. So I send a text saying I'm worried about my drains to what I thought was my doctor. They respond and say "drains? can you please send pictures of what you're talking about" I should have sensed something was awry but I was probably multitasking as I always do and just not paying attention. So I go ahead and take pictures of my pubic area and my dick and send them in a reply. Shortly after they reply "I'm so sorry, this is your vet clinic". I immediately asked them to del...

Six years ago, I contacted my attorney and informed her that my ex was abusing my parental rights. She had told me that given the proximity to the custody hearing (A year prior) that the court would most likely not entertain my case. She informed me that my best course of action was to be as meticulous as possible, journal everything down and collect evidence. I tried to explain how my grievances, just couldn't be within the realm of typical "custody disputes" but was met with a cautioning "Well, as tedious as this may be. You're better off having a plethora of evidence. Trust me, everyone of my clients says the same thing" Seeing as how I have financially struggled in the last handful of years (Home foreclosure, a mountain of medical debt and just enough income to watch said mountain terraform into a range). It took me many attempts to collect the nessecary 3k for my attorney and roughly 5 years and 3 months to do so (Donating blood, selling my army stu...

This happened to me(m) seven years ago, when I was 13 or so. I was went on vacation in southern france with my parents, I myself am from Germany. We stayed at a campground, where there also was a swimming pool. One day my parents went for a walk and I spend the day at the pool, pretty much alone. Really all I did was sliding down the slides and this is where it went wrong. I was in queue for the slide and waited for some little girl, probably four or five years old to slide down, but she didn't moved a centimeter. Behind me the queue was getting longer and the other kids where asking, what is taking there so long. Eventually I tried to speak to the girl in english and german but she didn't understand anything then I tried to show her with my hands that she has to slide down and not block the slide. Unsuccessful. After a few minutes I had enough and pushed her a bit with my foot, that finally made her slide down. I didn't really thought of any consequences, but they were ...

So I’m hiking by a creek. The creek got really shallow to the point where it turned to deep mud — basically quicksand. It was mushy, smelly, and freezing cold. I heard a rustling up ahead. I didn’t know that I was standing next to a nesting turkey hen. I decided it was a good idea to go up to the turkey to get a closer look. It’s the beginning of egg laying season so this mom was not happy I was there. The mother attacks me and I try to run and my feet go knee-deep into the mud. I pull out my feet but it’s just my socks. My boots got stuck in there. It was way too dangerous to try to go back and get them the mud was so deep. It was too cold to wear my wet muddy socks. I ended up hiking barefoot 2 miles back out of the reserve. My boots are still in that mud. TL;DR — I tried to approach a nesting turkey and my boots got lost in quicksand so I had to hike back barefoot.

Obligatory this didn’t happen today but rather 2 years ago. I went with a friend of mine to a pub. We were just drinking at the bar remembering old memories when a girl started talking to us. We started talking about anything really. We were both drunk and made a connection (I can’t really remember about what) but it was real at that moment. Some time later a guy I went to elementary school with entered the pub. I recognized him immediately. He used to be a bully. I’ve seen him around a few times, but never really talked to him since. When I went to the smoking area the guy was sitting there and that girl I met was following me. He started talking to me and was genuinely sorry about what happened in elementary. We had a really good talk about what happened and anything when this girl which I just met started defending me and talking like I was the best person shes ever met and she was ready to fight. The argument started to get heated between the two of them and I literally had to st...

Ok so this is a classical cliche fuckup. First let me set some context My parents have always been open to me with things such as sex. I myself have quite some extraordinary preferences, which they somtimes make fun off. I was working on my maths homework when suddenly a thought popped up in my easily distracted mind. I just needed to connect my phone to my audio setup via an aux cable. No big deal right? Well here comes the fun part. I go downstairs and happen to remember there's such a cable on my parents bedroom. I enter the bedroom but out of the corner of my eye something caught my attention. I move closer to see what it is and see, i kid you not, a massive phallic shaped object meant for insertion in the anal cavity, otherwise known as an anal plug. Now i do know parents have sex but let me clarify, this buttplug was quite large and black. The worst part? It was in my dads compartiment. My very troubled mind immediately cut to images of my mom in a leather suit with a ...

This happened to yesterday. I don't know how you boys keep it with shaving your balls. I for myself like my balls shaved. Even though I am single and in a sexually dry phase. I like to keep a smooth bag under my trunk. So like I do at least once a week I shaved my marbles yesterday. Later that day cooked myself some nice chicken curry. I have that special sauce to pimp my curry. It's one of those sauces that you require only a very small spoon tip of to make your curry just spicy enough. If you take 2 spoon tips you will find yourself sobbing on the toilette at 3 am with no further sleep that night. So 1 spoon tip. However somehow I must have gotten in contact with contact with that stuff. Meaning some of it sticked at my right hand. After lunch I watched an episode of my new favorite show. The Peaky Blinders. Great show. But as us boys do at some point I wanted feel up my freshly shaved nuts. As you probably know shaved skin is like thousands of small open wounds. After so...

So, here's the thing. I may or may not have a slight to moderate addiction to these delicious violet mint candies. (I'm choosing not to give away the name of the maker of these candies in an effort to protect the small company. I won't sully their reputation because I sullied my toilet.) I recently found these succulent fragrant treats again after trying them years ago on a whim. They are the perfect blend of strong fragrance and chalky texture. I am enthralled with them. Or...I was . I forgot all about them until that first fateful day, about 4 or 5 weeks ago, while browsing on Amazon for nostalgic candies. Fuck up 1: I found the same brand of violet candies and was very excited to have them again. I ate all four packages of 15 mints each (60 mints total) in an embarrassingly short time. I started having some minor poopy issues here and there, but chalked it up to basic bacteria and subsequently forgot about them. I even went to so far as to passively blame by boyfrien...

So this happened around 2 years ago but I didn't know reddit existed at this point. I was about to start a new job - my first one in fact. I wanted to become a truck driver but had no driver license yet. Not even for a normal car. The company called me over so they can show me the company grounds. After all that talking and stuff they asked me if I wanna test drive a truck. Me - who doesn't even have a driver license. Fuck ofc I said yes! So I climbed into the driver seat of this 12 meter long truck and started driving. And this is the beginning of the end. In front of me stood a giant container. I wanted to stop the truck (wasn't going fast) but I didn't know back then that I have to lift my foot to be able to hit the break. So I tried to hit the break and ended up hitting the gas instead. I drove full speed into this container. Causing the company over 30k damage. The truck needed a repair team and the container was besically destroyed. They still gave me the job! ...

This happened like a half hour ago and I need to talk about it because I'm not ok. I live in a pretty rural area. I had just gotten home from the vet with my cat and noticed the neighbor's dogs were in my yard for some reason. They were both just laying in the snow gathered around a dark spot, couldn't quite tell what it was from that distance. I called them over and I was able to grab the friendlier dog's collar. My neighbor came out, apologizing, and the two of us wrangled them back into her fenced yard. Curiosity got the better of me and I went to see what the dogs were so interested in. I found a bedraggled, wet looking 'possum. There were some signs of a struggle, little spots of shit and piss in the snow. Then I noticed the shallow, labored breathing of the poor creature. Oh fuck it's still alive. I ask my neighbor if she has an axe or something, the dogs got a 'possum and I want to put it out of its misery. She comes back out with a shovel and asks i...

This happened a couple of years ago. I had just gotten my dream job in another state for a multinational corporation. It paid more than double what I had been getting so I quit my job, sold my house and moved over 1000 miles away to a new city. The first week was just the usual onboarding bullshit and by week two I had been granted access to all the software and was spending time familiarizing myself with it. While reviewing the expenses on the facilities P&L report I noticed a few things that looked odd. Things like nice round dollar amounts (i.e. $1,600 instead of $1617.34) on items that would have required tax. There were also identical purchases to the same store within an hour of each other for the exact same amount by different people. Along with a lot of other little things that appeared to be put in place as subterfuge. All these purchases were made using the company's purchasing cards that they had issued to people in management. I did some quick research on Google a...

Obligatory happened 3 hours ago. The post that scared me: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/l21s75/tifu_dismissing_bright_red_blood_in_my_stool_for/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share I ignored blood in my stool even after two rounds of hemroid compound creams didn't cure it I decided to just ignore it. Well I'm browsing reddit when I read the above post. I tell myself 'that's crazy better check it out'. Well I schedule an appointment with my doctor. Clean out my intestines and go in for my endoscopy. The nurse is trying to get me to relax and telling me I probably have roids and don't stress. They wheel me in and put me under. I wake up and I'm very uncomfy. My tush feels like someone cut it. Well the doctor comes in and tells me he removed a very large polyp. Either pre cancerous or is cancerous (sent it to get biopsied). And my butt is stapled on the inside with metal clamps. He also thanks me for actually coming in and told me that he ...

So this just happened. Walking in Philadelphia. Saw a homeless guy sleeping in cold. Bent over and gave him 20 bucks. Other homeless dude saw and started kicking him to get 20 bucks. Then 2 people rushed over to stop the attacker. Then four cop cars all rushed on. Then an ambulance came. And even worse, I stopped to watch, but did nothing to help. So now I feel like a sniveling coward who was evilly entertained. All because I tried to do something nice. What is this world coming to? EDIT: Apparently I need to be more wordy. The homeless guy I gave the 20 bucks to was lying on a blanket at 5th and Callowhill Street. There was another guy begging for money with a sign in the middle of the road (who I initially didn't see), who saw me bend over and give the money. He rushed over from the middle of the street and started to kick. Two men across the street saw what happening and ran over, and another guy stopped his F-150 truck on the side of the road and hopped out. Those guys p...

yes, you read the title correctly, and no, I won't be supplying pictures of my butt. So today at night while yours truly was taking a nice, hot bath I had the wonderful idea of using the showerhead to clean my soft rump, although the bidet works perfectly fine the heater just wouldn't give all that hotness to the beautiful ( and versatile ) bidet. now while I was cleaning my hair with hot water I thought "hmm, I could just change the mode of the shower head from spray to jet and clean my ass" and for those who haven't cleaned their asses with hot water, YOU SHOULD I changed the mode and started the mission, in between cleaning I realized that the water was slowly becoming cold again, so I fucking pull the lever all the way to hot now it takes 3 seconds before I inevitably realize what I have done, panic ensues, I start screaming I scorched my butthole, my dad rushes in and is currently having a revelation on whether to uncontrollably laugh ( I mean who can bla...

Throw away, cause I wanna throw myself away. This happened over a few months, and I only found out he was my second cousin because he died. Okay. So. I met this guy on Grindr, had a good chat, and really had a good vibe, and moved over to Telegram. As horny gay dudes do, we traded pictures, like, chatted a bit on the phone, etc. ​ A last month, I check Telegram, and our chat is gone. I though, guess I was blocked :/ Same day, I found out, my second cousin, who turned out to have the same name, died that night. ​ Okay. Spooky, but nothing solid. So, I ask my family about him. More things... Same interests, same area of growing up, same age. ​ Now, this is getting bad. I didn't like this, no proof it is him still though... ​ Last week, the funeral. My Father was close to him when they were young, as he grew up with him as his Father, my Grandfather, was close with him Brother, but haven't chatted for years. ​ So, I was asked to go since he was family... ​ It'...

It actually happened around a year ago before all the current lockdowns started. In my country brothels are legal, you can go choose any girl you want and have sex for money. About a year ago me ( male) and 2 other friends (both males) decided to meet up for a few beers and a few beers turned into binge drinking. After we got drunk we felt so horny and decided to go to the brothel for some sex. 3 of us took a girl and went into seperate rooms. After around 20 minutes I was done and went outside to see one my friend already waiting for me, we asked about the third friend and the brothel manager said that that guy paid extra to extend his time ( you pay for each 30 minutes). So we decided to sit down and wait for the other friend to finish. We sat down on the sofa, where there were around 20-30 girls sitting and waiting for their clients. We didnt realize that part of the brothel was only for escorts and clients usually sat in the other room. After a few minutes 3 guys walked in, all lo...

TIFU (last week) and I thought I was trying to be prudent. I have kidney disease. When I was born my uritors were blocked and all tied in knots from a birth defect and I didn't know until I was 6. I had pneumonia at 6 and doctors did an ultrasound on the lungs and found the blockage. End result: I have less than 1 functioning kidney between the two. Although stable now, they're doomed. One has 10% function (dunzo) and one has 60% function (HOLD ON LOOSELY). I'm 32 so maybe a transfusion is likely if I live long and I want to know my blood type. Mom told me it was B+  and I researched that 9% of people have it, yikes for me right. I wanted to confirm that situation, so here we are. I got my results back and I'm A+. Highest I've ever scored. This is good for me because it's a popular blood type. If I ever needed a new kidney (living healthy, hopefully won't ever need one) it will be grown in a lab somewhere and not donated. Either way, this all started some ...

Went on the supermarket with mom, and got 5 KitKat Chunky to share between me, mom, dad, brother and my cousin that's always hanging around. Left my brother's and cousin's chocolate by the tv(plus a baggie of garlic peanuts for cousin, important for later), mom took hers, i took mine and gave my dad his. Here's the thing: my dad should NOT eat candy, he knows this, everyone knows this, but to avoid him pouting that he got none, we get him one and if we are lucky he'll be like "You know what, i shouldn't eat this" and give his away. It happened, and he gave it to my cousin that appeared without my brother earlier to care for his chickens (he's raising them in our property, we get a share of the eggs as "rent" for the space, haven't bought any single last July) The part where i FU: I took the extra kitkat from the place near the tv, left the one meant for my brother ON TOP of the peanut bag and guess what happened? My mom thought it...

If you are not comfortable with the word vagina, better turn back now. Today, February 26 is my birthday (it’s also a big one). Because it is a bigger birthday I have people who want me to update them and/or send pictures of the “festivities.” Without giving y’all too much detail. I had a cut that was healing down there. I am suppose to apply cream. Last night I was extremely tired when it came time to put on the cream. I overreached and ended up hitting the cut straight on with a lot of force. I felt it rip. As soon as I pulled my finger back it was completely covered (tip to base) in blood. I was bleeding quite a bit and had waves of intense pain. It felt like I was sitting on a sharp cone. Then every once and awhile someone would come along and kick the cone. After the initial shock went away, you wanna know where my mind went to? All I could think about was how am I going to explain this to everyone who wishes me a “happy birthday” today? Haha “You know, just in the ER getting ...

So where to begin... On 11th of February i had a work accident where i lost 85% of my left arm(was a leftie). Since then I'm basically a cripple with low level of education who only ever did manual labor. Nowadays I find myself just lying in bed taking tons of pills the dr prescribed me. But those don't really help me that much. I don't have much to do in life now or in the future regarding work. A friend recommended i try streaming. I tried on twitch but my pc is a dumpster fire and shuts down if i try anything more demanding than watching youtube or netflix. 3 days ago i found about r/pan and decided to give it a go. First stream i had 2000 views total and a ton of chat interaction, 2nd day I had a bit less, but i recognized a lot of names from last stream, which made me happy cause it meant people found me interesting. During those streams i often took painkillers, antibiotics and opiates prescribed by the doctor to help with my physical and mental pain cause i l...

I work at a small local flooring store and answered a few questions questions for an older couple... This conversation just took place about 5 minutes ago... I just had an old man customer from yesterday call to thank me for helping him... He ended the conversation with "you be good now, or at least don't get caught"... I've honestly never heard that before and it was so well placed that I "annoying laughed" for a good 5 seconds while trying to say that "I'm stealing that" but the words I spoke were "I'm stealing you" because I was also trying to say "thank you for the call" at the same time... Followed by a brief silence and "well I'll give you a call when I know how much we need"... Leave it to me to open my mouth and insert my foot... Now I can imagine this old man telling his wife that "the nice man from yesterday threatened to kidnap me"... Just... Wow... Tl;dr: I helped an older couple ...

This goes back many years ago, a bunch of guys from work at lunch and somehow the topic of the website for the White House (whitehouse.gov of course) comes up. Then someone asks if everybody knew about Whitehouse dot com. I hadn't but several others had and said it was a porn site. I was dubious but they insisted. Being the 'I'll believe it when I see it' type, when we got back to work I went to my cube and looked for proof. Typed in the URL and Holy Christ on a kickstand it really was porn! About this time I hear someone approaching from down the hall, I knew I had but a few seconds so I EX out of the browser window, and spin around in my chair looking relaxed just in time to see one of our Sales Managers walk up. He puts one arm up on top of the cube wall and says "Hey, did you get..." and then gets this wide eyed stare over my shoulder. I spin back around and see what looks like about TWENTY windows popping up, all advertising porn sites, porn discounts, ...

This happened just a few hours ago. I came home from work and went to the bathroom to take a piss. I flushed the toilet, turned toward the sink to wash my hands, and in that process my car's only key was ejected from my sweater's pocket and landed straight into the toilet as it was at peak flush. I didn't have enough time to react and grab the key before it went down the drain. I saw it get swallowed and was mortified. I yelled many massive FUCKs and my wife banged on the door wondering if I was critically injured or something. I desperately stuck my hand into the toilet drain to see if the key was miraculously stuck there. Obviously it wasn't. I live in an apartment building so I talked to the building management to ask if it's realistic to recover it. As I thought, it wasn't. Plus it was in the evening so maintenance staff are gone anyway. I scrambled to figure out my options. My first instinct was to call my car dealership which is quite close to me, to a...

This happened just now, like moments ago. So my partner is out of town for a funeral. I've never spent a night in our apartment alone. I decided to take a very long, very hot bath (as I am wont to do) with epsom salts and bath oils. Screw it, a lot of bath oils. Ooo, and a glass of wine..... Which quickly turns into a bottle of wine. Oh boy. So now, about an hour later, I'm a drunk prune, and it's time to get out. Well I drain the water and start trying to stand up, and I swear to heck y'all it's like trying to stand up on a soapy slip-n-slide. I do the Scooby Doo run for a moment, lose what little traction I had gained, and go down like a lead zeppelin. WHAM. My wineglass is broken. I have glass in my arse (no you may not see, I am a lady). My head is throbbing (that should make my hangover tomorrow extra lovely). There's a foot somewhere behind my ear. AND I STILL HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE BATHTUB. So today I learned not to grease the bathtub when you...

This is my first time posting here so, sorry if I fuck up the formatting too, I don't remember the exact date but it was either the summer of 2016 or 2017(i was around 14-15 at the time) Anyways, it was summertime my parents were organizing a trip to the west side of the country (i live in turkey) and this trip included staying with my cousins for 2-3 days, I was really disinterested in the original destination of the trip so I asked my parents if I could stay at my cousin's. (the cousins were from my mother's side) they were staying at a military housing(i couldn't find the exact English definition of this but basically my mother's brother-in-law used to be a flight conductor in the army so their whole family was staying at a huge complex provided by the army, in Turkish we call it: Lojman) Anyways we get to my cousin's city and they accepted my proposal so I got to stay with my cousins for 2 weeks. So in the meantime, I hang out w my brother and he intr...

This actually happened a couple of days ago. I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon this week for abdominal surgery that I had 2 weeks ago. On my way home, I stopped at the grocery store to grab a snack and drink. When I got back to my car, I needed to readjust my JP drain. (Basically there's a long tube that is sutured into my right hip that drains fluid from my abdomen into a bulb that is pinned to the front of a thick band wrapped around my abdomen.) I needed to make sure that there weren't any kinks (no pun intended😊) in the tube and it was out of the way of the seat belt. It took me a few minutes to get it adjusted so it was safe and comfortable. When I was done, I looked up to get ready to drive home. I noticed some woman who had been loading groceries into her car nearby just staring at me with a look of disgust. Then I realized that since I had been moving my hands around a lot and they were down in my lap, she must have thought that I was masturbating.....in ...

For some background, where I live there has been a big problem with public parking recently. Too many people, too few parking spaces. But "wheel boots" aren't used here, unlike in America where I used to live. And on city streets, the cars are parked too close together for you to be towed. You also can't get your license suspended for parking violations. The worst that happens is you get a fine, which to me isn't much money, and they often don't even catch you to give you the fine. I guess the sentiment is common, since unauthorized parking is pretty common. Well, I guess the city had been getting complaints or they had enough, because a while ago after I got my 5th parking ticket, I got a note on the car along with the ticket saying that traffic enforcement would apply....what literally translated to "ferret scent?" / "mink scent/musk?" to my car, the next time it was parked improperly. I had no clue if I should take that literally o...

Obligatory this happened a few years ago, and sorry for bad formatting. I’m on mobile. For backstory: A few years ago, I was a delivery driver and part time manager for a National pizza chain. My boss, Jack, was in the midst of a messy divorce, and missed work every now and then just because he couldn’t deal with the added stress. On one of Jacks off days, while I was working an evening shift, I got a text from him. J: “Can u get me golden grams?” Weird request, maybe it’s a comfort food for him or something. Me: “yeah. On a delivery right now, but I’ll get them after my next run.” J: “cool. Let me know when you’re here” So I finish up my deliveries I was on, head back to the shop, and let the manager on duty know that I had to run an errand for Jack, and that I’d be back. I run to the grocery store up the street from where Jack was staying. (He was living with another employee from the shop, through the divorce.) Before I went in, I checked my phone to see 3 texts from Jack, ...