greenmangostudio

So last night I go to a local bbq restaurant and venue that's hosting one of my favorite Country bands. I missed any announcement they made that there was a warm up band playing first, so I assumed the warm up band was the main band, because dammit, they're playing at this show aren't they? I have no clue what either group looks like, I just listen to their music. I wondered why they sounded different, but chalked it up to it being a live, outdoor show. I was thinking today about why they didn't play any of their classic songs or an encore or why the concert seemed a little short or why nobody seemed in a rush to leave after the show. I did some digging online and found out that I paid $25 to miss the main band playing. I could throw up. TL;DR: I thought the warm up band was the main band because I'm a dumbass.

My wife and my mother-in-law have the same figure. They're both slim with long legs and have the same hair colour and style. From the back it's very difficult to tell who is who. Today they were both wearing black pants and a black sweater. My mother-in-law was leaning on the kitchen table. I was walking behind the table and I slapped her butt, as I would do to my wife. My wife never minds me doing it, she actually likes when I slap her ass when I walk behind her. I slapped my mother-in-law's ass with a tight grip. She was wearing a very tight legging, I literally felt her butt crack. She gasped and when she turned around I realized what I just did. She was shocked and didn't say a word. Obviously I apologized a thousand times. But it has a very awkward lunch after that. I cringe whenever I think about it. My wife laughed really hard when I told her the story but I feel so stupid. TL;DR : today I slapped my mother-in-law's ass thinking it was my wife.

This one isn’t as bad as other FUs I’ve seen, but still mildly amusing/fucked. I’m currently writing this with the help of some very inaccurate speech to text whilst I scrub my face. Anyone who knows me knows I really really really love Halloween. It’s basically my Christmas time, and as a make up enthusiasts and spooky expert I love doing Halloween make up in particular. I didn’t make any plans this week for Halloween, both as I was working a lot of overtime this week, and the Halloween event that I usually go to was sold out (I was on the fence about going anyway to do a bad experience that I had the last time I went) I decided to still do some Halloween make up because you know, I love Halloween, even if I have no plans. So I went to the shops today and picked up some supplies for Halloween make up with the intent of doing a witchy themed look. I was out at the shops today I found a facial temporary tattoo of a crescent moon, which I thought would really fit the aesthetic I was ...

So tonight is Halloween, my street (UK) doesn’t tend to take part in any Halloween festivities. This year for example there are no pumpkins outside or decorations on any of the houses. I’ve not had trick or treaters to my house for over 5 years so I don’t buy any sweets etc. I heard a knock on the door and I’ve been waiting on an Amazon parcel so I assume it’s an Amazon delivery parcel. I get up to answer the door and it’s a couple with two young children, I absolutely panic as they say trick or treat and realise I have no idea if I have anything I can give them. They looked so sweet, I asked them to hold three seconds and ran into the kitchen throwing open all the cupboards and fridge. I quickly realised I had absolutely nothing I could give the kids. I don’t even carry cash so I couldn’t even give the kids any cash. Having to go back to the kids to tell them I didn’t have anything was horrific. The look on their little faces. The parents were fine about it and walked off but the k...

This happened last week but it still is stuck with me I 22 (M) used to watch a specific type of "anime" For context: I used to use safari but stopped when I downloaded chrome, I don't know how to delete it so I just left it there. The story begins with my cousin 21 (F) staying over at mine. Her phone ran out of battery so I lent her my phone so she could browse instagram on it. I start playing on doom eternal on my Xbox one when I hear it. The accursed sounds of "anime." Remember when I said I stopped using safari, turns out I hadn't deleted every page. So I can just hear it, playing in the next room. I addressed it the next day and we had a good laugh over it. She's left now and I'm typing this on the same phone that she found the anime on. Lol Tl:dr I lent my cousin my phone and she found a specific type of "anime" on it

So this fun-for-all-the-family, emotionally scarring event happened a couple of days ago. Wanting to get my kids jazzed for Halloween, I decided I wanted to watch a nostalgic film (Hocus Pocus) that I haven't seen since I was a kid myself, with them. Checked netflix, no dice, prime and YouTube charge something like £11.99 for the pleasure, yeah not doing that, the fuck up.. So, I start googling free streaming sites as it's been a long time and find one that looks promising. I'm pumping the kids up as I try to navigate it on my newish 55 inch TV, much harder than a little laptop. Just as I think we're finally in, I click on the stream and BAM, porn, so much porn. You're thinking, well ok, turn that shit off, the fruit of your womb are 4 and 8 and don't need to be having this experience with you ever, let alone for the first ever time. Apparently in the moment, I completely forget what an off button is and just freeze, shouting at their dad to cover their e...

I (M15) have adhd, ocd and anxiety. I'm visiting my home town for Halloween (my town gets super into Halloween) to see old friends. When my friends arrive (F15, F14, M15) we're just wandering around until we end up at a parking garage we go inside and they offer me a weed cart (I had never done drugs before). They were already high as kites and figured it would help take some of my edge off... it did not. I immediately felt like I was going to die, I've never felt anything so weird in my entire life. It was 10 pm in a parking garage bathroom when I finally caved and asked my mom to pick me up. My sister will never let me hear the end of this, but my moms just happy I didn't die. TL;DR: I got super high in a parking garage bathroom and my mom had to pick me up. Don't do drugs

(This happened yesterday) Also, throwaway since I don't want IRL friends finding my account So there's a video going around of the Wake vs. Duke football game of a girl leaning in to kiss a guy and him not returning the kiss, and looking away. It's on r/therewasanattempt , and currently on r/popular , as well as trending on TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter. That guy is me. I have gotten texts from high school friends I haven't talked to in years, random college classmates, and my sister and mom who have all seen that video, and I'm gonna take this brief moment of internet fame to explain what actually happened. Basically, I've been talking to this girl for a while and we just started dating about a week ago. I tell her she should come to the Wake game since we are undefeated and will probably win. She says yes. We go with a group of friends, and we are having a great time. Throughout the game we are flirting, hugging, kissing a little bit, etc. We also do th...

It's called the clogger for no apparent reason Haha. It's made of beef, lettuce,tomatoes,sour cream,barbeque,refried beans,shredded cheese and finally guacamole. Then topped with black beans all over the burrito also white chili and finally curry! What do you think of this magnificent beast? Only 2 people have finished it😳😳. I feel so full its ridiculous like my stomach is going to explode. I took the bet because I wanted to please my fraternity. Though my goodness I'm lowkey feeling like it wasnt worth the money. Alot of people warned me it wouldnt be good for my health to try it. But I figured doing it just once couldnt do much damage. I'm hoping I feel better by tomorrow Though for now its misery. The only reason I'm typing is it takes away some of the focus off the pain! I think in the future I should stick to being a health jut and just say no! TL;DR telling my bros tomorrow not doing that again dont wanna become fat being the challenge guy!

Today morning I went to the bathroom to get a shower. In the middle of the shower, I looked down and saw the water mixed with soap making a whirlpool above the water drain. Suddenly my brain brought back the memory of Belle Delphine getting offers to sell her bathwater from the internet and how she made a few jars of them to satisfy the demand. I never thought about it extensively until I saw how disgusting my own shower water is right now. I asked myself what kind of dude would ask something like that and my imagination started to run wild. 5 seconds later my brain is on a continuous replay of some fat dude jugging one of that bathwater jars while wacking himself off to Belle Delphine and Bam, I puked my morning breakfast in the shower. From now on, I will close my eyes while showering. TL: DR, Took a shower. My shower water reminded me about Belle Delphine and her Bath Water stunts, My brain overthought it and I puked in the shower.

This happened a few months ago, I got in contact with a old friend whom I haven't seen in a while and deciding to drop by his house to catch up. He has a wife and 2 kids, one of which recently had a birthday, so it would look nice for me to bring a gift, right? Well, I checked out a few stores and settled one of those toy detective kits, because I remembered he was into crime/detective stories back in the day. Fun for the whole family, right? Then, I go at his place, we greet, exchange small talk, and the kids come in and I give them the gift. They love it, and unpack it right away. It has many things, a Sherlock like magnifying glass, fingerprint finder, and a UV light with a UV visible blood. The kids run around and we chat for about half an hour. Then, one of the kids comes screaming that their house is a murder house, and want us to check the parents' bedroom. We go there laughing and the laughing awkwardly stops as we see there is, indeed, UV visible liquid all over th...

Reddit, I fucked up by letting a stressful, fast-paced, underpaid soul sucking job ruin my life and joy. I'm only 24 years old. Graduation date: December 2019. Been battling Borderline Personality Disorder and Anxiety Disorder all my life. I recently got diagnosed with ADHD (predominantly inattentive). My life, joy and fun ended when I graduated college. I lost my identity and self when I joined the real world, which I cannot handle. I was the bomb in college. Getting straight A's, being a promising student, had tons of friends, I hung out... I was at the top of my game. Now, I haven't left the house in a long time. A childhood trauma came back to bite me this year and I ended up in the mental hospital. Then, an outpatient program. A girl teared my heart to pieces and sent me to another outpatient program for 9 days. I went from being active in organizations in college and being all over the place to being a corporate slave at a fast paced, high pressure job with changi...

We've lived together for 5 years, I do the laundry and dishes and he does harder things like clean the bathroom ect. It's worked out fine, until today when I was running late and I needed my Halloween dishes to be clean for another party today, so I asked him to run the dishwasher. He failed in our entire 5 years to ever tell me he's never used a dishwasher or clothes washer. I came home 30 minutes later to a entire kitchen and dining room full of soap suds.. like massive monster of suds. I call my boyfriend downstairs and he had no idea what he did wrong and why there was soap everywhere thinking I was pranking him.. after some confused conversation I evaluated he used dawn in the dishwasher. So guests were starting to arrive as we were half done cleaning, but made a good laugh at least. I blame myself, he moved out of his parents house to me, never lived on his own before so I should of known. I should of know after 3 years ago I asked him to throw wet towels in the dr...

Last night at about 2am my usually very placid German Shepherd started barking his ass off, so much so that it managed to cut through my comatose sleeping ability. So I(19M) thought, sure, Halloween weekend, bound to be some reason for this. Upon peeking out the front curtain and see an empty street besides a beat up civic with the interior light on parked 20m from my front door. It's fine I thought, just some people relaxing in their car (starting to get weirded out). Decide to wait up for a bit to see if they move on and if my dog will chill out. Slam! My bedroom door closes hard, my room connects directly through the back laundry to the back door. So of course my mind immediately goes to the only possible explanation that my poorly rationalizing "night brain" could come up with, robbery! Frozen, I stand there for about a minute, absolutely convinced that my house is being robbed and of course I've put myself in the one room with the hardest possibl...

My wife and I are well out of our college years and have two young children. We wanted a date night so hired a sitter for a couple of hours while we sipped margaritas at one of our local favorites. We get home and are sitting in the living room, making small talk with the college-aged sitter that I have never met before tonight. My wife is telling her about how she suffered a shoulder injury as a cheerleader in college that required her to come back to our hometown multiple times per week for physical therapy. My wife is the most intelligent person that I know (obviously much more so than me, judging by what just came out of my mouth) but she frequently cannot think of a certain word in conversation and looks to me to interject with said word at times. You may see where this is heading. In the middle of her story, my wife forgets exactly WHAT she tore in her shoulder (her labrum), and pauses to look at me for guidance. It's at this point that I blurt out LABIA with complete con...

Warning: this is a long story, but if you enjoy your daily dose of crazy, you're gonna enjoy this. Sorry in advance for the formatting. I'm on mobile and all that jazz. So, just to preface this story, I (29f) have been renting a room in this cheap share house for the past 3 weeks because I'm a broke backpacker. This share house is more like a hostel with private rooms, so you don't get to choose who you live with. The TIFU isn't from today, but this whole mess did come to a head this morning. I've been renting this room for a bit now as I said, and everything had been going smoothly. The neighborhood isn't the best but the house and the other tenants are nice and calm. Exactly what I wanted. I usually keep to myself and stay in my room when I'm not doing couses and only come out to cook or have a quick smoke. This was my routine for about a week up until a new tenant moved in. We'll call her CR, for crazy roommate, and you'll find out why. ...

I'm 27(M) he's 30(M). We met last year after a casual hookup. This was before the whole social distancing thing was in full effect. We kind of hit it off so I just started texting with him here and there. Stopped talking for a few months before I hit him up again for another casual encounter around December 2020 or January 2021. After this, I kinda started feeling something. It wasn't a crush, but it was something. We started texting a little more, not full blown daily conversations, just idle chit chat here and there. Around May/June 2021, I messaged him after going to visit some friends, it was a 3 and half hour drive back home and he was on the way. I was expecting a hook-up, but we ended up just being very affectionate with each other, cuddling for an hour or so before finally passing out. Fast forward to mid June, and I tell him I'm moving 100 miles north come July, he's visibly disappointed, but at this point it's clear we're both into each other. ...

This actually happened today and I’m still embarrassed 5 hours later. For a little context I’m 22 (F) and work in a garden center in a management position. Occasionally we have to build certain structures like A-frames and tiered displays etc. So today I enlisted the help of my 16 year old male coworker for help with a project. He was “holding the flashlight” so to say, handing over tools and whatnot. Well I needed a nail. So instead of just saying so like a normal person, I blurted “Hey, nail me!” And instantly realized how wrong it sounded. He let out a giggle and said something like “Um I don’t think…that’s not..” and I replied “oh you know what I meant.” But it doesn’t end there. I then escaped to the back room to die and also tell my other (adult) coworker what I accidentally said. So I proceeded to explain to my coworker, who’s holding scissors “you know, like if you’re helping me and I need those, I hold out my hand and I say, “scissor me.” NO. That’s not what I say, ever again...

So, this happened last night actually, but I digress. My (28m) gf (28f) and I went to Universal Studios for a friend's bday. We were having a good time going through the mazes. Then, we decide to check out the Mummy ride. And that's where shit goes downhill. We spent about an hour and some change waiting in line. Finally, we make it to the front. The ride seats 4 people a row, so it's me, my gf, and two of her friends. GF goes first, and I decide to be a gentleman and let her friends get seated before me. So, the seats are as follows. Me, FRIEND, FRIEND, GF. There's just one problem, my GF can't get her seat restrainer all the way down. Yes, after the events, she disclosed to me that she's pushing 300 and has never felt so big. After a minute of trying to get it down, the operator tells her that she's gotta come off so the ride can go. She obliges. The other problem is that I'm locked in my seat, and can't be by her side. I'm bad with social ...

Obligatory happened a few years ago. Also on mobile, sorry for typos. Worked for a guy moving all types of shit: furniture, fountains, nursery plants and trees, whatever. When I first started my boss and i were tasked with carrying a particularly heavy couch up a set of stairs. “You want top or bottom?” my boss asked. “Bottom. I’m a power bottom” I joked. He didn’t laugh or anything, just picked up the top and started guiding it up the stairs. Turned out my boss thought I looked like a smaller guy, and was pretty surprised I was able to handle the bottom of the couch. After that, he started regularly referring to me as “power bottom”. Guys had to move a 500 lb fountain bowl up a ramp? “Let power bottom grab a corner.” Coworker asking my boss to move a solid wood desk to the third floor? “Take the power bottom” The guys I worked with thought it was hilarious, but never told him to keep the joke going. Plus it became my nickname on the team. Cut to a few weeks later and my b...

I was eating leftover pizza for breakfast because I'm a mess. I went to the kitchen for a sec to heat up some water for my tea. I should have known that my cats would be incredibly interested in my food. My younger cat, Nox, jumped up to the box to lick at the cheese on my pizza. The problem is that I like to slather leftover pizza in sirracha. From the kitchen I heard a strangled mewing sound and ran back to see Nox backing away from the pizza with her tongue out and fur all standing on end. She then ran around the apartment for a good five minutes because the spicy was following her wherever she went. It's been about 20 minutes now and she's fine, grumpy and sad but it doesn't seem like she's in pain anymore. I'll keep an eye on her just in case, but I hope it'll just teach her not to eat my food in case it bites back. tl;dr My kitten licked some sirracha off my pizza and regretted her decisions

I applied for an apartment a month ago and was told I’m all set for the reservation and was given a move-in date. Day before move-in comes and they send the agreement over. I hastily signed through it all without reading it, in good faith under the assumption I was signing for the apartment I actually applied for. Little did I know, the management had taken it upon themselves to “upgrade” my reservation to different floor plan. One that cost $600/mo extra than the one I applied for. When I told them that was bullsh*t and that I couldn’t afford the apartment, they told me I was SOL and must pay to break the lease since I’ve already signed it. They want two months rent, totaling $2700, and I will also not be getting the $400 security deposit back. TL;DR Don’t ever sign a contract or lease before reading it. Hopefully at least one person who reads this can learn from my mistake.

So it's afternoon here and the house is empty and my dad normally gets home around midnight so I decided to hit it naked on the couch listening to my fav music (Radiohead) as loud as possible(I didn't hear him coming in cuz I had my earphones) then he opens the door of the apartment and sees me naked(i didn't turn the light on and I am not very pale so it wasn't so bad yet) he doesn't say anything but to make it even worse he goes into the kitchen to wash his hands and open the fridge and to get to my room I have to cross the kitchen (it doesn't have a door), Out of pure foolishness a 6ft teen came running across the house naked with his thing dangling around with a boner. I am approaching 17 and my dad is religious, thankfully I don't use porn while doing it that would have made it worse, just music and my moaning. I have my private room but it doesn't have any trace of sunlight, sunlight turns me on. My relationship with him is not great, we neve...

https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/qgfp78/tifu_by_stepping_into_the_echo_chamber/ TL;DR: I said stupid things to a coworker in chat and got fired. Follow up: I had a meeting with my boss yesterday morning. He understood that I was blowing off steam and still wanted to work there. He knows I do good work and we came to a resolution. There are some things I need to correct but I'm back at work on Monday, I got a "sign on bonus" to offset most of my missed time, after 3 months probation I'll be getting a raise and I got some scheduling flexibility. The anxiety of uncertainty has sucked, but I got a lot done with my free time and things at work are going to be even better than before. TL;DR: I am back to work and even got the pot sweetened a bit.

My boyfriend and I, to get into spooky season, went to a haunted house. This haunted house, rather than having a line, had a ticket system where you'd listen for you ticket number to be called to enter the house. That way, you didn't wait in any line but this courtyard area / indoor area duo sort of thing. Inside you could get food, drinks, ect. Outside, they had benches so you could sit and wait for your ticket to be called. Every 15-20 minutes or so, there was a performance put on by these middle school aged kids, who just performed a spooky dance routine and then after they finished, would go backstage to rest, and come out and do it again. We'd been waiting for a while, so we'd seen the routine a few times. My boyfriend and I were half watching half chatting about random stuff. It was then my boyfriend made some cheesy, bad joke (I can't even remember what it was) and I jokingly booed him. However, right as I did so, the kids on stage had just stopped perform...

First post here (and on Reddit at all) so I hope I don't mess up. Also, this was yesterday, not today. Okay so, in school the teacher asked what we do and without thinking I said "use Tumblr all day". Then ne asked me what Tumblr was and that's when I knew I fucked up. I was like "uhhh... a social media where people talk about things they like?" He said "Okay", so I thought I was good. WRONG. Flash forward to my next class with him, and he fucking MADE A TUMBLR ACCOUNT and showed it to us all on the smartboard and was like "Thank [my name] for getting me to use this site!" I was mortified. THEN he began scrolling througy it, maybe forgetting that it was on the smartboard and somehow FOUND MY ACCOUNT (my username doesnt have my real name but my bio does and one of my drawings is my icon so everyone recognized my art style) and FOLLOWED ME. And now the whole class including him knows I write smutty gay fanfiction. Worst. Day. Ever. TL;DR...

This happened a few days ago, so the cringe is still painfully fresh. I think I lost a friend, or at the very least earned some friendship exile for this one. I am not a hairdresser, a barber or anything of the sort. I do occasionally cut my boyfriend’s hair when he wants simple things like cleaning up the sides. More recently, he asked me to buzz all of his hair off, which was nerve wracking. In the end it was fairly easy— just plug in the clippers and go to town. My friend - let’s call her Dallas - texted me recently to ask if I would “shave her head”. I was surprised because Dallas has a beautiful head of hair and always takes great care of it. She also dyes it with fun colors and generally takes great care in her appearance. This should have been my first hint, but for whatever reason my idiot brain didn’t think to clarify the request. I just thought, “oh! Dallas wants to try something new!” She also went through a breakup recently so I thought maybe it was a fresh start thing. ...

(This actually happened years ago but the consequences are ongoing.) Once relatively early in our relationship years ago my girlfriend went on a trip to visit her parents. This was my first serious relationship and I had a lot of odd ideas. One night as we were texting her messages start to turn sexual. She talked about touching herself and imagining that it was me touching her. These messages are long gone but that’s the part I remember that can also be shared. I did not react well. I was worried that her parents would see the messages on their family plan. I also thought that sexting was something juvenile that teenagers do. Finally, I didn’t see the point of getting worked up when we were in different states. I effectively told her to stop. She basically backtracked, embarrassed, and said that it was just a joke when she said she was cumming. I realize now that she just wanted to feel close to me. She never tried again. TL;DR: GF tried to sext me and I shot her down so she never...

Yes you're reading it right. Olives. When I was younger, putting the whole black olive on your fingers at family events was what I did. Was it sanitary? Absolutely not but my whole family was very hands on.( any olives us children put on our fingers didn't go back into the common dish, they were eaten or thrown away) Well I'm 25 now & I still will not eat them. Never had & never will. Well our family just celebrated my great aunts 70th birthday & we went all out. All types of food in the house but especially olives. I think about it now, like you've gone this long without it being a problem, why would you make one now? I didn't. I simply told my cousin I didn't want any salad with olives & it wasn't a huge ordeal. Everyone decided we were going to make our own personal little pizzas. This is where shit hit the fan. As were preparing the pizzas for the oven, my aunt realizes my pizza is the only one without olives. She sincerely feels like I...

Actually last night but still reaping the consequences. So I’m in college and a girl from my class invited me out to a party she’s having. I hadn’t eaten for abt 9 hours but decided to take 2 shots and have a (very strong) mixed drink. I invited my roommate and this guy I’ve been seeing casually who I really like, call him G. Well of course I get absolutely annihilated off my ass. We get to the party and everything’s going fine until I try to sit down without looking, and lean back into a huge mirror which breaks and pieces go everywhere. We honestly should’ve just left after that, but noooo, we had to stay. A bit later, one of my friends says “let’s go explore a construction site!” I’m like what fucking construction site mate, I follow her to the side yard and see her and another dude tryna hop the fence. It’s one of those w the decorative top piece right. In my infinite wisdom I don’t even look and just flung myself over the fence, breaking the decorative piece and all of a sudden...

My Dad is 62 and was adopted, he has been watching a lot of long lost family recently and I encouraged him quite persistently to start some investigations into his own family. I did most of the research and managed to obtain his adoption paperwork and also found a last known address for his birth mother. So we wrote to the address (stating that we were working on a family tree) and does this person still live here and we got a reply that said: "Please do not contact me again, I'm 82 and just want a quiet life. I wish you all the best in life." Signed from his birth mother... Now he is dealing with the rejection again and is really upset and I wish I never pushed the issue. He seems so lost and deflated. He almost certainly would not have been able to carry out the research without my help. I'm sorry Dad 💔 TL;DR Convinced my Dad to locate his birth Mum, she is not interested and now he is miserable.

First, some background. I'm frugal. Several years ago I purchased a cheap safety razor and about 100 blades. I had a great plan. Each blade is about 5 cents so it would only take a few months to break even on my initial investment for the handle. After that, I'd be saving money each month. I thought I had beat the razor blade companies at their game. Sadly, there's a reason safety razors aren't that popular in 2021. They're hard to use and dont work all that well. I only used it for a month or so before giving up on my ingenious, money saving plan. Eventually, when it was time to buy regular blades again, I saw the old safety razor and decided, in the name or frugality, I have to use these up first. So, for the past couple months, I've had terrible shaves and keep telling my wife I think I might just get rid of it and cut my loses. About a week ago, she cut herself in the shower by stepping on a razor. I didn't realize it then, but it turns out, it was my s...

Obligatory this happened a few months ago... My husband and I were at Costa Vida (Mexican-style fast food kind of place) and we had gotten our food and sat down near the line. My back was to the line and I was tucking into my salad. I was trying to get a piece of tortilla out from the bottom without flinging food everywhere and said, "This isn't going to end well." My husband's eyes got really big and said, "Oh no..." I asked what he meant and he just murmured, "I'll tell you later." After we had left the restaurant, he told me that there was a gay couple right behind me who had recently gotten engaged and one of them seemed kind of shy, but he finally pulled out his hand to show off the ring. This moment coincided with the moment I said, "This isn't going to end well." He apparently looked on the verge of tears after I said that. I got some dirty looks as we left the restaurant. ​ TL;DR I was trying not to make a mess at a ...

My wife and I have been married for quite a long time, and over the years, one of our favorite games is to give each other nicknames. Most times these are short lived jokes, such as our “lucha libre” phase where I was her beloved “El Asso Wipo” and she was my darling “Senorita Bag of Crap.” Others, such as the time we mocked another couple calling each other “buddy,” resulted in a multi-year habit that took a concerted effort to finally stop. We still slip up and call each other “buddy” from time to time, but that is a fuck up not nearly as bad as my latest. The stupid names are cute, silly, fun, and we still do it. Most of these new pet names don’t last a week or two, and I’m always on the lookout for a new one. Thus, the seeds of my fuck-up were planted. I heard what I thought was a cute-sounding expression in passing. I made a note of it and planned to bestow this new title on her at first opportunity. I really should have been paying closer attention. Or at least spent 30 sec...

This just happened a few hours ago and I am still horrified. So my mom stopped by my apartment today after I dropped my girlfriend off at work and I made some coffee and we chatted a bit. Then when she was about to leave she asked if she could use my restroom and I said yeah of course. As soon as she went in I panicked. I had totally forgotten that me and my girlfriend are kinky freaks and her dildo is stuck to the wall above the sink with my cockring/vibrating prostate massager toy hung onto it. By the time I realize it's too late and I'm shitting myself out of shame and embarrassment. I text my girlfriend just a long drawn out "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH" and explain the situation. All she could to was type OMG over and over again. After a minute or two my mom came out, and didn't mention a thing. Just started playing with the cat then said she had to head out. Told me to tell my girlfriend hi. I wanted to run away. Kill me now. I suppose we will both pretend n...

Okay this is the probably dumbest thing I've ever done and it's hopefully something I can laugh about in a matter of time. I am so full of shame. I sent a letter for an application for a job (I'm 20 btw) Typed a perfect motivation letter and at the end I wrote: "YOU BETTER HIRE ME YOU DUMB F CKING WH RE". I wanted to send it to a good friend of mine with something like "you think they'll appreciate this?". I know it's not even that funny but we send stupid jokes to each other a lot. (I didn't even send it to my friend because I didn't even like it as a joke myself) So as you can probably guess I sent an E-mail with my résumé and the motivation letter with that still at the end of the letter.. I almost got a heart attack when I found out so I sent another letter saying I shared the letter with a friend so he could check if it was a good letter and that he typed is as a joke for me. Of course I apologized and wrote it was never my int...

All my life I have been pirating shows and movies because I'm poor and cheap in the same time. That being illegal never bothered me since I was living in a country where everyone was doing it and nothing happened. A couple of days ago I moved to Germany. Being a big fan of Dune when I saw it arriving on YIFY I was thrilled and downloaded it the same second without thinking too much. I did not use a VPN because back home it was not necessary since they weren't tracking it at all. Forward two days later. A bill and an agreement came from the crime police with a fee of 963€ and for me to sign it that I won't do it again. So this will officially be the most expensive movie I ever saw. I will store on a cold hard and watch it at least once a month for the rest of my life to remind myself of this. TL;DR I paid 963€ to watch Dune. Thats 360€ per hour. 6,3€ per minute. 10c per second. I did like the movie though. But no so much.

So I live with 2 other people in a very tiny flat, super small kitchen and living room and I'm the only one with a single bed and small bedroom because I arrived last. I came to know my flatmate leaves hey keys to her boyfriend to come as he pleases and he even leaves them outside the door under a vase. Because our neighbors just got broken into I told her it wasn't wise to leave the keys under the vase outside, and even if he would just give them back to her in person I don't think it's fair he gets to stay in our house by himself when he doesn't even live here. It escalated quickly to me saying things like I think she's a hypocrite for having loud sex with her boyfriend but complaining to me multiple times about how her previous flatmate would be loud and it would be awful, she told me I made her feel uncomfortable and she doesn't think it's fair because it's her room, I told her she signed a contract where it says she's the only one sleeping ...

Okay, so technically this isn’t MY cat, but it’s my girlfriend’s best friend’s cat. The owner travels a lot so we end up watching over the kitty pretty often. Anyway, we’ve been watching her the past few days. I’ve actually had the cat in my place instead because my GF has been pretty busy, so I’ve gone full cat-dad mode and got her food and treats and even replaced a litter box for the first time in my life (always been a dog guy lol). With all that being said, my girlfriend finally came over to my place after a two day absence and I couldn’t keep myself off of her. We had some pretty nasty, sensual, “I miss the hell out of you” sex, and apparently the cat was watching from the ground the whole time. Now, lemme say this, this cat is EXTREMELY well behaved and calm. Ive never had problems with her despite my lack of cat experience. But maybe 30 seconds after we got done all hell broke loose. I don’t know if it’s even possible for humans to turn on cats but man- she was humping everyth...

So I just commented it on another user's TIFU and I thought I'd share it here because this story makes me laugh to this day. Obligatory not today. Some background: When I met my husband, I'd already had my cats for a year and a half. Before these two furballs, I'd only had dogs, so I had a lot of learning to do after a lifetime of being around dogs. My husband was the same, he even claimed to hate cats due to a past experience - when he lived with his ex, she had brought in her long neglected family cat (whom she continued to neglect) who was very prone to biting people's ankles and very averse to being pet. First time he went home with me, my girl cat (Oli) fell head over heels for him, to the point she would jump over me to get to his lap, cuddle with him everytime she could, sleep on top of his clothes, etc. With my male cat Pepe was a whole different story tho, he's the sweetest boy, but very very shy. So now to the story: Almost 3 years into our rel...

We had a massive deadline this morning at work. It was on the entire company’s radar. Our whole team has been driving it like we stole it to get it done. Due to things out of our control, our test data didn’t come in on time. At the end of yesterday, it looked like our spectacular accomplishment was about to be a colossal public failure. My boss waved us off late in the day because everyone was blurry-eyed, and Frankenstein walking around like we worked in the shadow realm. Even if the data arrived at that point, the report was going to be a herculean effort. He’s a super dude and was already falling on his sword to leadership for us and congratulating us on an amazing attempt as he told us all to go home. We all knew he could be dodging flaming meteors fired at him this morning, but he never let on or showed any disappointment. It’d been lots of late nights stacked on top of tons of stress, so most everyone went home to a real life. I’ve recently detonated my personal life and been ...

I recently found panties in my bedroom. I have been dating this girl for about 5 months so I assumed they were hers. I cleaned them with my clothes and put them away. This morning, as she was leaving my place, she complained that she didn't have time to go home before going to school and, hence, would have to wear the same panties. Suddenly, I remember the ones I found and say "hey, actually, I have pair of your panties laying around". However, when I brought them out, her reaction was not what I anticipated. "Those aren't mine" she said. I have no idea where they came from - they must be from months ago, before I started dating her, and I just found them I guess. I told the same thing to her but she didn't seem convinced and there was a bit of tension as she left my place this morning. Boys, if you find panties in your home, just throw them away - its not worth the risk. TLDR: I thought I found my girlfriend's panties in my room.and I tried t...

About two hours ago, I was laying in bed and I started getting hungry. I had two meal preps left in the fridge for this week, but I had just taken a particularly difficult exam, so I decided to treat myself to Popeyes instead. I pull up to the drive thru, they say I have to go inside to order, no big deal. I go in, I do that. And I would have eaten inside of the restaurant too, if it weren’t for the fact that I had ordered a “2 Can Share” meal for just myself to consume. The lady offered me two sporks, I accepted them both, and I left the establishment. So, I drive out of the Popeyes parking lot and into the adjacent dark, unlit abandoned strip mall’s parking lot, put on my harry potter audiobook, and just began to devour that chicken. Like, I’m deep in the zone, thoroughly enjoying myself, not even caring what kind of facial expressions I could be making or what kind of a mess I am making. All of the sudden I see this flash in my rear view mirror. I thought it could just be someon...

My type is sweet, helpful guys. I remember being young and my mother telling me the word “husband” literally means to take care of something. Even though some people think this quality is feminine, I think it’s really masculine. As a result, when people asked me if my ex was whipped, I used to say yes. I just thought it meant when a man is very devoted and caring, because sometimes those nurturing qualities are considered shameful for men. Fast forward to today… I’m with a very caring guy again. My boyfriend just wondered out loud if my roommates think he is “whipped” since he always does things for me like getting my coffee etc. I replied that there’s nothing wrong with being whipped. Then, he informed me that when a man is “whipped,” that means his partner denies sex until he does what she wants. It’s short for pussywhipped. I used to proudly tell my friends that I manipulated my ex using sex…I just thought I was defending my nurturing man! Tl;dr thought whipped meant loving. Turn...

During what I believed to be a normal text conversation with my “boyfriend” of over a year today, he mentioned that he had a bunch of sexy things like lingerie in his Amazon list that he was never gonna get to buy or use with anyone. I responded by asking, “You don’t wanna use them with me?” He responded, “No, I didn’t plan on that.” At this point, I took the strong hint that he didn’t expect us to be physically sexy together again. That’s a weird thing to tell your “girlfriend.” I told him I thought we were in a relationship. I thought we’d been together long distance for 6 months with plans to live together again once he moved for work but apparently we were not actually together at all during that time. I bought and sent him birthday gifts, always looked for one of his favorite snacks at a certain store he doesn’t have in his area to send him, wore some his clothes I still had at my place (undies included!), flirted, and told him I cared about him for 6 months. We were never su...

Sometimes my life feels like a Seinfeld episode. I work in the pest control industry and since I'm out and about all day long finding a public restroom can be challenging at times. Earlier this morning, I get a call from a property manager that I've been working with for several years. He claims he has a vacant home that just needs a quick inside and outside treatment for ants. Nobody is at the house and he gave me the code for the lockbox. This is a quick and easy job and he said I can go at any time I want. As any red blooded American knows, we can all get a free Doritos locos Taco at Taco Bell since a base was stolen at the world series recently. I wasn't going to let this deal of a lifetime slip through my grasp so I figured today was as good a day as any. Not too long after lunch I start feeling the disturbance in the force. I decide this is an ideal time to go to that vacant home and not only perform an easy treatment but also use the restroom while I'm there....

So I work at a little games store in a mall. We mainly deal with retro consoles but we also have a few of the newer ones. Yesterday when I was opening the store my boss called me letting me know that there was this guy that wanted to buy a ps5. He said not to sell to him because he only wants to use credit and my boss thinks he's going to try and fight the payment. He gave me the guys description, however I heard what he said wrong because my boss isn't very clear over the phone. Well today the guy comes in and I completely forgot about what my boss said. My brain just didn't put two and two together. So I sell the ps5 to him, he uses credit. I call my boss and he starts to freak out in a panic type of way not like yelling. Anyways, now I'm really stressed and I feel like I shouldn't go into work tomorrow. And I'm just now realizing that min wage is not high enough for me to deal with this. TL:DR I sold a person a ps5 completely forgetting that my boss had ...

So this happened about 3 years ago, but my friends still rightly give me a hard time for it. I was 21m and home from university (college) for the holidays, feeling horny I decided to make the most of a free house, something that is rare for someone who lives with his parents and two sisters, and decided to make the most of it by beating my meat. All went well. Feeling satisfied, I walked from my room to the bathroom to destroy the evidence of my alone time, when the accidental fuck up happened. Unknown to me at the time, but in my haste to destroy all evidence, some of my ejaculate had fallen away from its tissue. Landing on the wooden hall floor, a common route our small bungalow. I go about my day normally, until about 4 hours later when I hear a commotion out in the hall from my parents. I wonder what is going on, and go and investigate. To my horror I find my Dad, accompanied by my mum, crouched down poking my cum (with his finger) wondering what the hell he had slipped up on....

So this fuck up is currently ongoing, and might be saved by a miracle, but I doubt it. I have been working my nards off on a fun cute little indie game called Consume Thy Flesh: The Pumpkin Smashing Sim. You roll your gargantuan gourd over moonlit rooftops, and hurl yourself into a group of trick r treaters, exploding your candy filled insides for their consumption! Sounds a little silly and morbid, right? It sounds like a fun little formula that could get some laughs and internet attention, right? Well, I worked by myself diligently for weeks, over 8 hours a day to get this finished. Hell yeah! Right? Well, I put the game up on Itch.io a few days ago. That took all of 10 minutes. However, the real goal was learning how to publish on Steam. The publishing process was way more involved than you'd think, but I got it figured out. I'm smiling ear to ear, and extremely proud of what I had done...unit I get to the end of the process... THE FUCK UP: "GAMES CAN BE PUBL...

This just happened and I’m in the ER as I type this. So lately I’ve been mad turned on by my wife and have been going down on her at every opportunity. I love to give, it’s one of my favorite things and she knows that. My wife has had some back issues in the past and they flared up this week and it’s been really bad for her, like things like bending over are difficult for her. Today she called out of work because it hurt so bad and she scheduled an appointment for tonight at 5:45 pm EST. I work from home so naturally after every call I’d come in and check on her and maybe give a little tease to her to lighten her spirits. Then at 2:30 pm I text her and tell her to start playing with herself around 4:45 so that I can get in there and give her some lovin before the doctors appointment. 5:00 pm comes and I get off work and I go straight to our room and rip the sheets off and start to go to town on her. I mean everything is sloshing around and my chin is dripping. She climax’s and I’m...

Well where to begin with this one. I(27M) have been talking to a woman I met online for a little while now. Nothing official yet, but just casual conversation and some flirting that does get dirty now and again. Well today I texted her asking if she would like to meet in person to get dinner or go to the movies. She said she doesn't go to the movies but dinner would be great. I thought it was a little odd because a week ago she mentioned a movie she wanted to see. I figured she just doesn't prefer it for a date night, or waits until she can watch from home. I say dinner is perfect and ask what day is the best. She tells me and asks "Do you want me to invite Papa or just you and me?" I'm stunned with a bit of confusion at this point. She had never mentioned having a boyfriend, husband, or "Papa." I responded to say "Sorry I don't know what that means." She didn't respond for a bit. So I decided to be a bit more straightforward. I a...