greenmangostudio

I am 18** A little context sometimes I eat in my room because I'm busy doing something but I come upstairs to get the food but 1/10 times my mom would bring it down for me because I'd forget to come up. Promise I am not a gremlin who lives in the dark. Today was a fine day for little ole' me. Been reviewing for a test I have coming up for Monday for a while and I decide to take a little break! I commence my ritual and start to scower the hub for something good. Find something I like and I commence my ritual. I usually make sure that there is no reason anyone would come into my room beforehand. But at this time the sunlight outside is starting to dim, the light in my room is kinda moody, sitting back in my chair all comfortable; the house is all quiet and people are out, perfect mood for me. Absolutely marvelous. I am too in the mood for scouting. I reach the point of no return, and those who know the point of no return, know that it is practically impossible to recover...

I've had bad luck with dating for the most part of my dating life. I just can't seem to take a break. Today, I've hit the rock bottom by adding someone from a dating service. She was offering some services that I did not want to avail. But the stupid simp that I am, I said that I wanted to know her first and if she needed the money, I would just want to purchase content instead. Then she named her price and I sent her the money. At the back of my mind I do believe it's fishy, and the impulse of being sad and being horny was too strong and I was so weak to fight it. After a few hours I was waiting for the said content and I shared my weaknesses that I am not positive on my appearance and such yet she was praising me for who I am. And yes I do admit that I was a sucker for that. Then after a few hours, the content never came despite the fact the she was giving out freebies at least, and was now asking for additional money. I said that I couldn't give anymore and I...

This legit happened about 20 minutes ago, still reeling, throwaway for the same old reasons. Me and my partner have been together for well over a decade and while we aren't as young and constantly horny anymore, we definitely enjoy making sex worthwhile for each other. We have a couple of kids now, toddler age and infant age, which makes sex tricky to plan but when the mood strikes we do a lot to make sure the kids are in a proper nighttime deep sleep before we sneak away and get our funk on. Since we had kids our communication and openness about our needs improved tenfold, no longer are we "you like this, so I'll just do this" and now we are "I've fantasized about this, could we try that?" So for years and years I've always fantasised about eating my own lovejuice after finishing; from her vagina after sex, from her body after finishing on her, or getting a snowball kiss after she goes down on me. I would get really turned on by the idea of it d...

This semester I started TAing for statics. I really enjoyed the class and will admit the professor is pretty attractive. She gave all of her TAs her phone number in case of emergencies during exam proctoring as it's all still online. I got pretty drunk last night with my friends (it was my old roommate's graduation party) and sent her some really embarrassing drunk texts. Stuff along the lines of "Hey, you're pretty cute" and other dumb stuff. I really liked TAing for her this semester and the extra pay has been nice for rent. She hasn't responded yet and I really don't know what to do at this point. I'm worried if the school will find out will I lose my job? This is very new to me and I feel so sick about it. tldr; I sent my cute professor drunk texts and need help

Ok so this Is really embarassing (excuse my english) My Life Is already weird and shitty atm but I have to explain a little. Now I live at my mom house, I'm 24f and since a month my (34m) brother came back home (not forever) and it's a shitty situation because he was really abusive towards me and mom in the past (not sexually) I feel always anxious staying in the same small home and I just hope he will go away soon. Anyway I have a dildo and I keep It inside my wardrobe, under all the clothes. One hour ago I took the dog outside while saying to my brother "if you stay inside the house I need to go out" . He said like "yeah go away" I came back, went in my room and what I found? My wardrobe open with the dildo placed in the foreground. it's impossible It was my mom because she's not that weird. She would just have left it where it was. I'm sure it was him. But honestly? Who cares. You don't go in my room looking for whatever. And I have...

I had this getaway trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina planned for a couple of months. Sometimes it's nice to just get away for a weekend, you know, not think about anything going on in the world or back home or at work or whatever else. Anyway, I left work a little early yesterday (boss let me), and this morning I sent him a text thanking him for that since if I had left when I originally planned to, I would have run into a lot of traffic (as there was a crash on the road there). He wrote back and said "it's OK. We need to talk about some stuff on Monday though." Now that's the only thing on my mind this weekend. I even tried calling him because I want to clear the air and have a good time down here, but no answer. This sucks. TL;DR-texted my boss from vacation, he said we need to talk when I come back on Monday, now that's flooding my brain.

I've been debating making this post for a while now. It's late for me as I write this and I've got nothing better to do anyways, so here goes. I am of Indian ethnicity. I didn't grow up in India, but have been living here since 2017, and plan on living here for the next few years as well. I started university here, and thought it would be funny if I did an Indian accent for a semester and reverted back to the way I speak normally in the second semester as if nothing had happened*. Unfortunately, when the second semester started, I was initially sick for the first few weeks, and stayed inside without interacting with many people. And then the world went into lockdown and we got sent home, where I have been finishing university. Over the past couple years I really haven't had to interact with people from my university much, faking an indian accent for a few moments when I had to speak in classes or for a couple hours whilst calling friends was no problem. And he...

I (22M) have been talking to a girl for a few weeks now and things have been going really good. We had a couple of dates in the last couple weeks and so we decided to have a movie night at her place on the 3rd one. We got through some movies when I had to pee from all the water I had during the movies so I went into her bathroom. This is where it starts to go downhill, she has one of those personal bathrooms that connect to the master bedroom and it’s pretty small and you can hear everything coming from the bathroom while you’re in the bedroom. So I walk in and started doing my business then I sensed a fart brewing, I felt like I had to let it out so I attempted to make it slow and quiet. To my surprise, it was the exact opposite. It was such a forceful fart it felt like an earthquake came from my ass, probably loud enough to hear from across the apartment. Now my fellow guys, you know how it feels to let out that fart after a long date when you’ve been holding it in. This is where I ...

This didn't happen recently, maybe 16 years ago? ​ When I was younger I was very heavily into experimenting with various substances. Being a minor with no car however, limited my access to a supply of any sort. Like many teenage boys I was pretty sure I was invincible and willing to try anything. ​ I had found a copy of something similar and equally dubious to the Anarchist Cookbook, on it related to drugs. How to refine them, tell their quality, produce them, etc. One particular chapter in the book had a section dedicated to "Lesser Known and Legal Mind Altering Substances." ​ What I am about to tell you, if you are well versed in the world of "legal highs," will reveal just how full of shit this "compendium" was. The first entry into legal highs was banana peels. Yup. I'll repeat that for you, banana peels . I've eaten a lot of bananas in my life and never once thought "holy shit, this is some primo stuff; I'm wrecked." B...

Doesn’t seem like much but as the title states, I opened my ‘The Coldest’ water bottle on the plane - for context, I’ve got the one that has the straw in it, and anyway, I open it up, and the water literally shoots right out the top of the straw, all over me, and on a woman in the seat behind me. As I’m trying to control the fountain coming out of my bottle and am literally sitting in a puddle of water, I look up to see where the water had gone. I hear the woman behind me say, “Oh, where did this come from?” And the man beside her says, “Just from in front of you.” I’m drenched, I turned around and I apologise profusely. Thank god she was chill about it, but I honestly felt so awkward. I spent the remaining 20 minutes before landing, flicking off any excess water on my jeans and searching for other droplets around me. My ass was wet, everything was wet. This has never happened to me before but I have definitely learnt my lesson about pressure in water bottles on a plane, specificall...

Earlier today, I had woken up late again on a school day. I went downstairs to go eat my breakfast, which was a bagel with cheese. I decided to go get a drink to go with my bagel because of my anti-sad pills. When I opened up the fridge, I noticed a bottle that looked to be some sort of almond milk cappuccino drink. I opened the bottle and poured it into a cup to drink my anti-sad pills with. The drink was really good. When I went to school tho, my stomach started to ache. This was not good, since my school has strict covid laws, and stomach ache was a symptom. It was so bad I couldn’t do my work and got mad at the supply teacher for not listening to my concerns that it wasn’t covid. Eventually, I felt the need to go to the bathroom badly and I rushed into it. I had explosive diarrhea and yeah. When I had gotten home, my mom told m that what I drank wasn’t actually a cappuccino, but coffee thinner. After that I had explosive diarrhea again. Then I felt really bad and cried my hea...

I have been donating blood couple of times. But today im so embarrassed. For the people who regularly donates blood or have been donating, you may know how the process are. The process goes very well, with medical check, blood pressure and so on. It's just like a normal day for me, nothing wrong and all goes well. Usually, after the nurse draw your blood, the nurse will give advice to not use your hand that you got your blood drawn on, for heavy task or it may complicates the healing of the wound or some sort. And i nodded and said yes as to acknowledge her advice. And then, after all is done, i go out to my car, (fyi my car door handle is a bit hard to open, and i got my father to drive). With my smooth a*s brain, i open the car door with the hand that got blood drawn from. At first, there nothing wrong with it, i got inside the car, get seatbelt on. Then, my father drive out the parking lot, and i start chit chat with my father. Then i feel something wet on my trousers. And ...

I love Peppermint Patties. I always have. My doctor told me to lose weight. I'm old, I'm fat, I'm borderline diabetic, etc. My wife feels my pain since I'm always bitching how life is sort of crappy without being able to indulge in my favorite foods. To be nice she purchased me a bag of mini, sugar free peppermint patties. I was reluctant at first, but last night I ate one. Then another. The bag had about 7. I ate them all. They were pretty good. I went to bed. Flash to 1:30am. I awakened in a cold sweat with my intestines cramping like a boa constrictor and emitting sounds like a car engine trying to turn over on a wintry day in Michigan. I barely made it to the hopper. The liquid feces that exploded from my anus sounded like a water fall splashing in the toilet water. Never has my poop been so liquified. I sat weak and shaking as every meal I had consumed in the past 7 days exited my body at an electrifying velocity. An hour later, I stood under the showe...

You know how one of the most important parts of a healthy relationship is communication? That thought was on my mind this morning when I woke up next to my wife. The morning sunlight made her skin glow with an aura I'm sure one could only see through my eyes. I shuffled over to her side of the bed, trying to be as gentle as I could. I wanted to preserve that moment but I couldn't resist the urge to be closer to her. I settled in with my head laying next to hers and looking directly into her beautiful blue eyes. Her closed lids could never hide what I know to be the most lovely pair of eyes I've ever seen. She must have felt me there because her eyes began to slowly open. Just when I thought I couldn't feel any more content in my life, she smiles at me. I smile right back at her and with the thought of communication on my mind I promptly said " You don't let me spoon with you while we sleep because you'll fart on my dick right?" She hasn't s...

This happened earlier this morning. I work in an office environment and one of my best work buddies is a guy. He's cool, treats me as an equal and most importantly doesn't hit on me. He's almost ten years older than me, married and has a kid. We always share office gossip, go to lunch together and the sort. I've met his wife on more than one occasion and even been to his house for BBQs and other events. His wife is great too and occasionally go out with her. Everything is strictly platonic. Today, after work I'm going out on a date so I'm wearing slightly sexier clothes than I normally wear, including a low cut, form fitting top. I went over to his cube to say hi as I normally do and I lean over the cube wall like I always do completely forgetting what I'm wearing (I'm also a little bigger than average). They are these half height walls, just a little taller than the desk. He was busy working on something facing the other way at this computer but when ...

This happened a few days ago and I’m still salty and pissed off about it. My wife usually plucks under my eyebrows to “clean them up” as she stated. She’s been doing it for almost 20 years that we’ve been together. She’s only messed up once in our marriage and it was literally the night before I flew to Iraq for my deployment. I recently bought her this high end trimmer and accessories, so she asked if she could clean up my eyebrows using the new device. I said she could because at this point it had been 16 years since those god awful McDonald’s arch’s she gave me before going to a warzone. I made a joke and said “be easy, don’t give me those eyebrows from 2006!” She smiled and began going to town on my eyebrows. She says she’s done and I get up out of the chair and her mouth is open with her hands covering it. I didn’t even have to look and I knew what happened. I looked in the mirror and was livid! I looked like that girl on YouTube who gave herself the “Mona Lisa eyebrows of suc...

Hi there. We are m 28 and f 31. So our story starts when we met back in december 2012. She was head over heels for me, but at the time I had no interest. After a while our friendship grew and we came to an agreement to be friends with benefits. An amazing time where the sex was overflowing an plentyfull. After a while i cane to terms with what I wanted and I was convinced to pursue a relationship. We soon after started living together Now the sex itself hasnt ever been an issue up untill now...however there was always the problem that I was hyper sexual wanting to have it more than once a week, but she didnt. I would always have to nag or try my utter most best. So as an agreement we said lets do it just once a week.. I was okay with that since the sex was beyond amazing. After a few years it no longer became once a week, sometimes nothing for a month. That made me very frustrated so we made the agreement that instead of once a week it would be once in every other week.. I was stil...

Welp there goes $44 So I went ahead and bought a Clone a Willy for shits and giggles since I had some money to spare. So I got it for 44 bucks and it arrived today. First mistake. This is the kind of thing that you should have a partner for, as that are multiple steps that need to be done. If you are guy like me, who is going through a dry spell, then its gonna be hard ( heh ) by the time you're ready to stick your dick in. So there I was, trying to get everything ready while also trying to be aroused. Then my second mistake happen, You see in my reckless pursue of knowledge, I had cut the tube that I would use in way that left some jagged edges that would surely hurt if I wasn't careful. But I thought I could handle it since I'll be sticking my rod into the center of the tube and the mold would protect me from the edge, leaving only my fad pad to get hit. So I got done mixing and being aroused, and I rushed into my shower in case of a mess. I aimed and thrusted int...

I'll start off by disclosing that 18 is the legal drinking age in my country. A few months ago I had walked in on my (21f) girlfriend (20f) sleeping with her friend (22m). I had immediately broke it off with her and a week later found out her and the man she cheated on me with started dating. Last week I had got a message from her, apologizing and asking to be friends again. Against my better judgement I agreed and invited her and her boyfriend to a party I was having Wednesday night (yesterday) for a birthday. At the party she got pretty wasted and passed out on my bed around 10pm. That's when her boyfriend started to hit on me and trying to hook up with me, at first I was disgusted and was planning on telling my ex when she was sober enough but then I got the stupidest plan stuck in my drunk brain. What if I hurt her the same way she hurt me? So I decided to flirt back and long-story-short me and her boyfriend ended up sleeping together. When I woke up the reality of what I...

Obligatory didn’t happen today, but happens a couple of months ago. Been in a long term relationship where oral is a pretty common thing (lucky us). Was at a mutual friends birthday party where we were both knocking back a jäger or two and everything in between. I’m very much a bloke who gets mega Dutch courage after a few drinks and can start spouting absolute nonsense, even in a sexual way. Usually I get fairly raunchy once the jäger hits and I decided it would be a good idea to start whispering in my girlfriends ear about everything I want to do to her, lick every inch etc. Have a good night at the venue, both decide it’s a good time to head home and start acting out what I’ve been cheekily chatting. We get home, Things start getting heated, we’re both naked, kissing intensely, decide this is the perfect time to throw the duvet over my head and slowly kiss my way down. I start my teasing session, kissing everywhere, brushing against the good parts but not quite going for it ju...

I'm a senior in high school, and my grade is playing a game called senior assassins. It's basically where you are on teams and have to shoot each other with nerf guns. The prize pot is roughly 4500 dollars. My team is in the final 4, and we got a kill, so all I needed to do was to not get shot. However I fucked it up so badly for my team. When the teams were assigned, some girl added me on snapchat, which was set up by the team hunting me. She was talking to me for a bit and I am incredibly down bad, so she came to my house, and I walked outside and got shot. My life at school is going to be hell, I am going to be the kid who got cat fished into getting shot, I have no idea how to handle myself or how to sleep. And of course I was shot by the "cool" kids, who will never shut up. I have always been pretty lowkey at school, and now I am going to get a lot of attention, for all of the worst reasons possible. I am so screwed, and I will always be remembered like that, li...

Ofcourse this wasn't today and as if it was a surprise English isn't my first language so please excuse me if I word some things weirdly. I'm also trying to keep lots of details vague because I obviously want to protect the identity of the woman. I've made a career change during covid, I started working as a catering worker in a dementia palliative care home. I loved it and I showed interest taking an apprenticeship to become a nurse. So after a week of observing and seeing my colleagues helping the patients wipe after they went to the toilet we were short staffed and this one woman needed to go. A bit of detail for people that dont know, dementia isn't just forgetting memories. Patients can become really confused and sometimes they will forget how to put on clothes or go to the toilet. And sometimes will smear stuff around. Which was the case with this person. Let's call this woman M. M shows me her classic signs that she needs to go to the toilet and th...

TL;DR at bottom, above the edit note Obligatory this happened a long time ago and it could have been much worse. At the time, I was a very shy 9-year-old with ADHD and autism, who had no common sense or social skills whatsoever. I also had low muscle tone, which basically means I was really weak. So, a lot of the boys at my school were doing this thing where they jumped from the top of a short concrete staircase to the large halfway platform about five steps down. They always looked super confident while doing it and as a nervous, weak, and "uncool" 9yo, I was jealous of their apparent physical abilities. One day after the bell rang at the end of recess, I decided to give it a go. I start a run-up, and right as I was about to jump down, I thought: "I can't do this, I'll hurt myself". Mid-jump, and I mean right as I was springing off, I tried to stop my jump, failed and only slowed down, and didn't have enough momentum to get to the halfway point. I...

I have been sitting on this story for quite some time and have decided that now is the correct time to share it, with it being the three year anniversary of that fateful night. I was a senior in college, 22 years old at the time. I had wrapped up finals and all of the seniors had that weird week after finals but before graduation where we just partied everyday. My buddies and I decided to go to a party at an offcampus house. I meet this girl, call her Christina, and really hit it off with her. We had the drinks going, the music was great, we danced and just had an overall fun time at the party. As the night went on, she asked me to come back to her apartment close by, I happily agree. We get back to her room and immediately get it on. Fucking is commensing - missionary style. I pull out of this girl and decide to go down on her, uncommon for me if I am honest. As I am going down, it is like a faucet has turned on. Not from my down under, but hers. Liquid comes shooting out of her l...

Yesterday I went in to this great Italian restaurant and I got myself this big italian sub, great crusty bread, with all the stuff on it. Lettuce, tomato, pickles, onions, hots, oil, vinegar, oregano. The works. Then I'm driving down the road and I've got this monster on the passenger seat. I'm opening and unwrapping it with one hand but it's immediately clear there's no way to eat this thing while I'm driving. So I'm looking for a parking lot where I can hang out for a bit and eat my lunch. Suddenly the guy in front of me slams on his brakes, I slam on mine, and this sandwich fucking EXPLODES across the dashboard in a shower of pickles, onions and hots. I think some of it went right in the vents. It took me 3 attempts to find all the particles and clean my car, and it still smells like onions. Fuck me. TL:DR made an epic Mediterranean mess in my car with onions and pickles. May need to buy a new vehicle.

I'm sitting at the table eating lunch and the topic of jump rope came up. I mentioned how I used to hold the jump rope for double dutch and my wife "jokingly" says "well that explains your problem with women. you'd do anything to hang out with a girl even if it meant pretending to enjoy yourself..." and the remainder of the meal was my wife and kids mocking me with little girl voices about being a boy jumping rope. Looking back I should have just kept quiet and eat my meal like I usually do, but today trying to participate with the family ends with humiliation. I am back in my home office now and my daughter literally just yelled in from outside to my other daughter an invitation to jump rope on the patio and middle daughter yells back, no but wouldn't it be funny if we can get [my son] to jump rope like dad did?!?!" Anybody wanna guess on what topic will never come out of my mouth again? Guys have a hard enough time opening up on the sensitive st...

Yesterday I went in to this great Italian restaurant and I got myself this big italian sub, great crusty bread, with all the stuff on it. Lettuce, tomato, pickles, onions, hots, oil, vinegar, oregano. The works. Then I'm driving down the road and I've got this monster on the passenger seat. I'm opening and unwrapping it with one hand but it's immediately clear there's no way to eat this thing while I'm driving. So I'm looking for a parking lot where I can hang out for a bit and eat my lunch. Suddenly the guy in front of me slams on his brakes, I slam on mine, and this sandwich fucking EXPLODES across the dashboard in a shower of pickles, onions and hots. I think some of it went right in the vents. It took me 3 attempts to find all the particles and clean my car, and it still smells like onions. Fuck me. TL:DR made an epic Mediterranean mess in my car with onions and pickles. May need to buy a new vehicle.

The other night my parents were staying with my fiancé and I when we had a couple friends over and decided to invite them to a few games of jackbox with us. There were 6 of us in total. We were having a hilariously great night, my parents were cutting loose and getting along great with us and our friends, plus we were all drinking which helped things. Here is where ifu...we decided to play that monsters dating monsters game. It started out pretty awkward as a dating game between four of us in our twenties and my mom and dad in their fifties. Dad didn't really understand the game but eventually started to get it during the texting round where you're supposed to flirt with someone so they will match with you at the end of the round. We all pick a character and that is our face on the screen. So I'm flirting with one of my friends when my dad sends me this message "Hey you wanna sneak out of here and hump?" I kid you not he literally used the word hump. My face sn...

Not today, but about 20 years ago. I had been dating this girl for a few months. The two of us ended up moving in together before long. I was very happy in the relationship, she seemed to be also. Things went very well for a few years. We talked about marriage, and eventually a couple kids. I genuinely loved this girl. Then one day, out of the blue, she fell completely cold to me. Would look at me with disgust when she could find it within herself to talk to me. I had no idea what was going on. I know she had some mental health issues in the past, but her depression wasn't that bad anymore. Not near as bad as it very recently had become. She had bad days, but nothing like this. After a couple weeks of getting the cold shoulder every time we saw each other, she informed me she was moving out. She ended up shacking up with her best friend who was "like a brother" to her. I was devastated. It took me a long time to get over what had happened. I had no idea what went wrong ...

So I'm a volunteer farmer and I was helping to build an irrigation system over a series of garden beds. As I'm working, I see a faucet coming out of the ground, and as I work, I refer to it with the word my grandpa used to call it as I grew up. A certain four letter slur for latino people that starts with s. And NOBODY CORRECTS ME. It isn't until the end of the afternoon when I'm talking to the head farmer that I use that term to refer to it, and he pauses. farmer: "....what did you just say?" me: "and then we just hook it up to the sp** right?" farmer: "....you mean the spigot?" me: "... spigot? my grandpa always called it sp**" farmer: "well I think your grandpa might have been a little racist" And then it all clicked. And now I want to bury myself alive. As a bonus: When we were leaving, he was handing volunteers suckers. When he got to me, he looked at the bag and said, "oh, you probably don't wa...

This happened today, I'm pretty shocked and even a bit shaking as I'm writing this, but here we go... I (17f) just got my first personal computer last summer, it's new and high quality. I also have a little sister (10f) and she doesn't have a computer, so naturally, she sometimes asks me to use mine. This started only a few months ago, she would ask me to use it for a couple of hours and then give it back to me. But it started happening so often, that she stopped asking and just took it. Her reason is that I just let her have it 99% of the time so why even ask? Now to today. I got back from school and as usual my sister was on my computer. I told her i have an important paper to write and I need the computer. So she closed her tabs and went to the other room. As I sat down to finish the paper (because I started it yesterday and wanted it to be finished by today) I tried to remember the websites that I used the day before for my paper. I have really bad memory and ...

TIFU by going on a bike ride wearing the wrong sports bra I have slightly larger than average boobs and have recently put on weight so am a bit bigger than I was a year ago. Not dramatically (or so I thought) but enough that some of my clothes don’t fit as well as they once did. In an attempt to be a bit healthier I have started going on bike rides. I get home from work, get ready to go on my bike ride, put on an old sports bra which zips at the front rather than a hook at the back as a normal bra. Cycling along. Hit a speed bump. Zip gives out. Boobs, everywhere. Modesty gone. Have to cycle home trying to keep some semblance of modesty. Mostly successful but I live in a small town where almost everyone knows everyone. Living in fear someone I know saw my entire boobs. TL;DR went on a bike ride not thinking about the fact my boobs are bigger than last year. Bra gives up.

I'm a non-native English speaker, having learned English in college about 10 years ago. This is also where I met my longterm girlfriend. As our relationship progressed, she let me know that she was a virgin. I didn't think much of it, I had only kissed a girl before her. In my native language, we don't really have a well known term for "someone who has never had penetrative sex", but we have a term more commonly used which is more like "never been kissed". So that is what I thought virgin was. Fast forward 10 years: A few nights ago, my girlfriend and I had a planned poker night with some friends which just turned into playing drinking games. One of the games we were playing had a truth or dare component if you drew a certain card. The questions were almost all truths, and trending towards the raunchier side, and one of the other people ended up asking my girlfriend the last time she gave a blowjob. "Two weeks ago" was her answer. Literally n...

This isn't a very big deal and shouldn't impact the subreddit in any large scale way. Rule 7 No self promotion. No making posts with the express purpose of promoting your business/video game/porn career. Even if not mentioned within the text of the post, alluding to links on your profile is not allowed. This covers implying you will set up a stream/public link/onlyfans in the future, having set up one in the past, or anything along the lines of "upvote this comment if you want me to do this." These examples are by no means comprehensive, just don't self promote. Basically, we've noticed a tangible increase of people trying to plug their side hustles over the last year. I like video games and porn as much as the next guy , but we don't really want this stuff to take over the subreddit. This is the first change in the sidebar for over five years, incidentally.

Today I fucked up because…., So as u can imagine it’s a Saturday night, I’ve been out drinking watching me and my gf’s favourite sports team play and since they’re garbage we are drinking a lot. Fast forward after a hazy bud ride home and a bag full of Chinese food…yummy dumplings… we get back to my college room. After a bit of drawing on her back drawing out the tattoos which would look amazing on her fantastic back. We decided that we would put on the Black pearl. After the introduction of Jack Sparrow… Captain Jack Sparrow. The presence of Jonny Depp makes the bedroom heated. And the deed commences. We lock my door and get down and dirty, a couple mins in my mates start banging on my door trying to come say hi after a drunken night out. Obviously being naked I stay quiet hoping they go away. After a min of banging the noise stops and I think we are free. Then my balcony door opens, and low and behold my mate standing there with mouth wide and eyes in terror as he stares down at ...

Obligatory this happened a few days ago. So for the weekend, my ldr boyfriend came up to see me. On Saturday we went to this amusement park that is near me. I was wearing a yellow sunflower tank top that day with cutoffs. We decided to go on this one roller coaster. Like most roller coasters, this one takes a picture at some point during the ride that you can buy. Also, the coaster is able to hold 28 people at once (7 cars that had 4 seats each) and our coaster was completely full, 28/28. We sat in the front section of our car. Everything felt fine on the roller coaster, near the end of the ride, my tank top and bra straps were off my shoulder on my right side. Then, my boyfriend and I went to check our photo and I was planning on buying it to sit on my dresser. As I walk over, our whole group plus a few additional people, including the man at the stand where at the photo walls with the several displays showing everyone’s pics. I found ours and I instantly saw it: my whole right t...

Decided to give streaming on twitch a go. I recently got super into flight simulator and I wanted to stream to a couple of people who might have been interested. I started up the stream and played whilst streaming to my 2 or so viewers for about an hour. After only having 2 or so viewers I decided to share the twitch link to my personal Facebook where I have quite a few friends and family. You can probably see where this is going. After sharing the link and waiting about 15 minutes or so before deciding to call it a day, I closed the game off forgetting that my webcam was still on and the stream was running. I'm living in a pretty small room in a flat and my computer was right at the end of my bed. As I jumped off the frisky mess took over and I decided to indulge in myself. Propped myself up on my bed, threw my pants down and began to do the dead not having a clue i was currently live to the world. About 5- 10 minutes in I was about to hit climax so I pushed through and as I clim...

I had an extremely abusive childhood and grew up to resent my parents more heavily my mom. Even though she didn’t abandon me like my dad and wasn’t nearly as abusive as him I’ve always hated her more. We got in an argument a couple of weeks ago about a package and that was the last straw for me I wanted nothing to do with her and left but I couldn’t stay gone and came back for the sake of not being homeless. Recently my life’s been looking up, I’ve got promoted in the military, have an interview for a manager position tomorrow and if I get it I’d be able to finally fully move out after a couple more months of saving. My full intention is to pack up overnight and leave block my entire family and just live in peace. I was looking at apartments on my phone when my sister noticed and a couple hours later she walks up to me and ask if I’d want to live together. I answered no of course my sister loves my mom and will defend her like it’s her job every time I’ve been stupid enough to trust ...

Last night I had my boyfriend and a few of our mutual friends over to my apartment to drink and play games. Well after a few hours we were all pretty wasted and playing truth or dare. When my boyfriend picked truth, I couldnt think of a good question so I asked jokingly which one of my friends he would sleep with. I've always been secure in our relationship so I wasnt asking because I was suspicious. I was 100% sure he would say "none of them" or give a joke answer, but no. Without hesitation he pointed to our friend Stephanie and said "probably Stephanie," then looked at her boyfriend Jacob and said "no disrespect, man, but damn you're lucky you get to hit that" and looked her up and down The room went silent. Stephanie had a disgusted look on her face. She crossed her arms to cover her chest and looked like she was about to blow up at him. He picked up on the fact that everyone was shocked by his answer so he said "What? Asked and answered...

We was shopping and just playing about together, we kept tripping eachother over and pushing eachother jokingly. But at one point I fully pushed her over, I’m not sure if she slipped or I just pushed her too hard. I can only imagine how embarrassing it was for her, everyone kept asking if she was okay, probably thinking she was with an abusive boyfriend. She was in a abusive relationship in the past and I can’t help but feel a lot like him, embarrassing her like that in public is the worst thing I’ve ever done. I’ve said sorry a lot since we got back but can imagine that doesn’t really help. She’s been okay with me but has mentioned that her hip hurts and I just feel awful. I haven’t even looked her in the eyes since we got back, we were supposed to go out for food but ended up staying in, I just can’t help but feel like this has changed her view on me. TL;DR Pushed girlfriend over in busy supermarket, feel like her abusive ex UPDATE: After some flowers and some food, we spoke and s...

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. So as the title suggest, I had a girl come over today to watch some anime shows and play some mario kart and that kind of games on my Nintendo Switch and all in all spend a good afternoon together. Everything was going great until we burnout of the Switch games (she's more of a PC player so I understand she was not having as much fun as she was not familiar with controls and the games and was just not good enough for it to be entertaining) so she suggested we install a coop game she had on her steam account, she needed to log in from her account though, an account she shared with a lot of people, some of them, exes and friends. I was totally oblivious to the fact that some time ago I used to use an account focused on NSFW games. To sum up, I own my main, serious account of gaming for friends and then there's this forgotten (I swear) account I used to use to explore NSFW games. I thought I understood how the steam library worked. As fa...

I’ve been talking to this girl recently. She's cute & we get along really well. She’s a little on the heavier side (maybe 30lbs overweight), but by no means obese or anything. Cue earlier, we’re discussing a mutual acquaintance and I say “she looks just like you, but a little less chubby”. I totally forgot who I was talking to & felt terrible saying that to her face. In my head I was saying this to another friend, something along the lines of ‘x looks like y, if she were thin’, and I forgot I was talking to her directly. I apologized profusely and assured her that she was beautiful, but I just felt awful. I know she’s insecure about her weight (it’s just a few extra lbs & she looks great regardless, but Ik she’s self-conscious about it) & I really hope she doesn’t hate me now. TL;DR In conversation with this girl I’ve been flirting with, I accidentally called her chubby/fat.

Last year, not today blablablah. Some bits of context: For a good chunk of the pandemic, I was living back at my parents' place, which at this point was on the outskirts of a big city in England. My parents are chill on many things but still somewhat old school. Case in point, during the pandemic, when my boyfriend would come to spend a few days at our place (he did a few days at a time because the commute was long, everyone was WFH, etc.), he slept in the guest room rather than in my room, even though all parties involved knew we were having sex. This was mostly for the benefit of my dad. This was still a relatively chill arrangement as my bf and I were still in uni at this point and would stay up a lot later than my parents, so we used that time to get it on fairly regularly. So, one evening, that's what we're up to, and the vibes are hot, we're into it, probably making some noise (but very far from my parents' room so NBD) and we peak and start to come down wh...

Hello my name is Andrew. Yesterday I already wrote part of my story here. But I decided to add a story about how the war came to my house. As I already wrote, I am from Ukraine, and now I am in the same place. On February 24, my grandmother called me and said that at 4 am Russia had launched an attack on Ukraine. It was terrible news that I did not immediately believe. At that moment I was in Kharkov, and when I heard the explosions, I realized that this was not a fake. I can't describe the feeling I experienced at that moment. It was somewhere between panic and despair. Air raid sirens sounded. There was general panic, people ran, hid, there was total chaos on the street. For 2 weeks I constantly heard explosions and shooting, I heard planes flying right over my house. I hid in the bathroom because I would not have had time to run to the basement. A terrible atmosphere of fear reigned in the subway. Hundreds of people sat on the floor and cried. I've only seen this in movi...

I recently turned 18, and I decided to take the opportunity to explore my sexuality and start having a sex life. I downloaded grindr and met someone who was looking for a fwb aswell, and he was insanely attractive. I jumped at the opportunity to be with him, and after hanging out a few times we had sex. It went great, we both had a good time, it was fine. A few days later I'm talking to my friend and she sent me a picture of her with her boyfriend. Queue me finding out that her boyfriend was in fact my fwb. Here's where I fuck up. I didn't know what to do, so I talked to my fwb and he told me just don't tell her we're fucking. I wasn't comfortable with that, so I told him I can't do that. I came up with a plan to tell her, and then she messages me. He told her EVERYTHING, leading her to be pissed at me for lying to her. I tried to explain myself but she blocked me everywhere. I wasn't trying to cause problems, but inevitably I did. TL;DR my friends...

TIFU by exposing my friend wearing her own bikini Making a throwaway account because I'm too embarrassed to post on my main one So this girl let's call her Ashley is a good friend of mine and she's pretty cute that I have a slight crush on her. We met several years back in school and she's been close to me since. I go to her place sometimes to play video games and gossip and whatever. This time though when I went, I experienced definitely the most embarrassing moment of my life. We did the usual, had fun and talked about what's going on in our lives. Apparently she had some work to do that day so she left her apartment telling me she'll be back in an hour or so. I was left alone and after some time got bored counting down the minutes when she'll return. I tried browsing the internet, taking a walk and watching TV just to kill time. Eventually I went to the bathroom to take a piss that's when I saw her bikini top and bottom lying on the laundry. Now...

Oh, good! Now I have a reason to post here! Fuck! Background - I have celiac. I have to be incredibly careful about what I eat or I will get liquid rocket shits every 15 minutes for about a week. It’s like haribo sugar free gummi bears, but constant. I’m generally pretty careful, but this morning as I’m walking into work, I feel the familiar rumble of doom. My job has two floors with four bathrooms. Men are rarely in this building. RARELY. As such, we ladies are very accustomed to using the men’s room. I don’t like pooping at work, but my intestines tell me this is non negotiable. Okay, sure. So to be extra extra safe, I use the men’s room downstairs on a Saturday. The likelihood of someone walking in is now .0001. To take care of that, I lock the door. About 5 minutes into the carnage, I hear footsteps. Ok. Sure. Not a problem. The door is locked. Except it isn’t. Some huge dude walks in on me in the thralls of evil. I am unmistakably female. I am clutching the toilet seat. I ye...

This happened an hour ago. Prostitution is also legal in my country. Today I (M21) decided to take some 4mmc. For those of you who don't know, it's a drug that's kinda cocaine and mdma combined. I hadn't had sex in a really long time and I was feeling REALLY horny. I thought: "I wanna hire an escort. I can miss the money and it's quite the experience" I texted one and she said: "Quickie is 20 minutes and €70'. Before I went to her house I took some Viagra, since 4mmc can make it really hard to get a boner. I went to her house and when I got there I found out out she didn't speak any English or my native language whatsoever. I gave her two €50 bills and she said she only had €20 to give. While we had sex she repeatedly stopped for like 3 times to go to another room to tell her roommate something, texting someone and even calling somebody, but she counted this towards the time I had left. 15 minutes after we started she told me time was up and...

Okay, so.. exactly that as the title says. I don't know why I thought it would be better than lube or something but my stupid horny brain thought it would be SO HOT! No pun intended. I was laying on my back, legs spread and so excited. I squirted a little bit of the oil in my hand and just started rubbing it on my coochie. Oh boy. Anyway it was okay at first and got even more horny and I kept rubbing it, BUT!.. But 😭... it started to tingle and it got me thinking.. "Okay. Something's not right", and ALL OF A SUDDEN IT STARTED TO BURNNNNNNNN. LIKE HOLY SHIT! I thought my coochie would fall off. I never in my life bolted to the bathroom so fast to clean the devil droll off. Jesus Christ. TL;DR Never use active warming massage oil on your privates. Stupid horny brain made me sit in pain as I write this sitting on an ice pack cause of this giant fuck up.

Of course the obligatory this didn't happen today, it happened 16 years ago. I (23m) started working at Home Depot and it was my second shift there, the store had just closed and my shift was over. I was walking to my car, I should mention I live in Canada and it was the middle of winter, probably around -20 C. I saw one of the cashiers leaving the parking lot to walk home, so I asked if she wanted a ride home. She said thanks that would be great. I ask what her name is because I don't really know anyone's name outside of the department I work in. She tells me and then starts in on this rant while I'm driving about how she didn't get paid enough, and how some guy ripped her off. It didn't really make sense, but I didn't question it as it was kind of awkward. She then asked if "I like to party" a bit perplexed I told her "ya I like to party", as I did enjoy going to the bar at that time. She proceeds to tell me how much a blow job is but...

Obligatory this happened a couple of days ago, not today So I’ve just started a new job as a bartender at a small, quiet pub. Things have been going really well and I love it. When I got the job, I told my dad and he said that he likes it there and goes in to drink fairly often. I told my boss (we were talking about regular customers). My boss is an older woman (late 50’s, early 60’s). She said she might recognise him if she saw a photo of him so I got my phone and started trying to find a picture. She was stood right next to me, talking to me when I was looking, and that’s when I realised that I forgot to delete/hide some photos. I was scrolling through my camera roll and accidentally showed my poor boss nudes of both me and my partner. She didn’t mention it, but I know she saw both my partners genitals and my bare ass cheeks. Before anyone asks, she did recognise my dad TL;DR: Tried to show my boss a photo of my dad and accidentally showed her my nudes

My (adoptive) parents raised since I was maybe 3 years old. Since my bio-mom named me, my surname is different from my parents. I've always felt a little weird about not having the same last name, so I decided I would change it. In the midst of changing my last name, I fell in love with my (now) husband. I knew I would be taking his last name, so I made the decision to take my parent's last name as my middle name. My last name would be my husband's name. I told my husband my plan and he was fully on board. We had SEVERAL conversations about my new name. This man said nothing. So our wedding comes and goes. My husband watches me complete the paperwork and mail everything off. I am one of those weird people who likes to personalize everything (and my husband knows this), so I made a bunch of purchases with my new initials. I was most excited about my sunhat, which had my new initials on it in bold block letters. Here's how the conversation went: Me: Honey, you like my...