greenmangostudio

So in 2009 I was in collage. There was this awful dance club, literal walking distance from the campus. This place was very much not my thing but my friends wanted me to get out more so there you go, At some point an slightly older but exceptionally attractive woman came on and started surveying our group. This college was rated one of the top party schools in the country, so this kind of thing is not uncommon. What was uncommon was she zero'ed in on me. I was a theater student and even though I am not bad looking, the other guys where waaaaayy better looking than me. I must say her flirting game was amazing. Smart and funny without ever being ridiculous. She asked me if she wanted to get out of there? And of course I said yes. Once in the parking lot her phased started to slip and she came clean. It turns out that by going through her husbands phone she found out that he was cheating on her with a college student that looked just like her 20 years ago. She was 41 when this hap...

So my mom came home from a bad day at work and asked me to make her a mug cake. I said for sure, and made her one. I was in a rush because I knew she wanted to go sit down, and I forgot to make the miniature batch of icing that goes on top. I handed it to her, told her it was hot, and she asked where the icing was. I sprinted back into the kitchen with socks on for extra boost, and made the icing really quick. I slid back into our living room and handed it to her, and she told me, "wow that was fast!" Then I said the fatal line, my ultimate demise. "I'M FAST AS FUCK BOI" The room goes quiet. I can feel the verbal beating I'm about to get. My mom tells me I'm grounded for a week and the only reason it's not two is because the mug cake is really good and she does appreciate it. So now I'm pretending to do homework but instead I'm writing this. TL:DR accidentally cussed in front of my parents, grounded for a week edit- I'm a girl hehe...

If I get caught I get caught...this is too funny not to share. My parents and me finally got to meet my 8-month-old nephew in-person over the holidays when my brother (Sam) and his wife visited. It was a big deal because they hadn't traveled at all during the height of the pandemic, and we'd only interacted over video chat. SIL's father died a couple of years ago, so she asked Sam if they could name the baby "James" after him. Sam said yes, but asked if he could choose the middle name. SIL said yes as long as she had right of refusal in case she hated it, but when he said he wanted the middle name to be "Kirk" she thought that was nice and agreed. Sam is a HUGE Star Trek fan, super into all things Star Trek. My SIL isn't interested AT ALL, and just rolls her eyes if he goes on too long about it. A couple hours after they arrived we were all sitting in the living room, and while I was playing with my nephew I said to SIL, laughing, "I can...

I visited a dentist today, and on the ride back home, I was not feeling well. My heart rate hit 156, and once I reached home, I did a blood pressure check, it came up really high. I also had minor chest pain, so I immediately went to the ER. It turns out I was fine! I have high blood pressure(due to me skipping thyroid medication), but it was not an emergency at all. I think I was just having a panic attack and I mistook it for an emergency. My doctor wanted to have more tests done, so I am stuck here for another 2 hours:( Sorry for any grammatical issues, I am not a native English speaker. TL:DR : I went to the ER thinking I had an emergency, it turns out I was fine and I was just having a panic attack. I just ended up wasting the doctor's time.

This happened over a period of time but ended last night. For background info I'm 19m and the person I'm going to mention was 15f (didnt know at the time). See I had been talking to one of my mates (18) and they introduced me to a friend of theirs. It was going great and they seemed like a super nice person so we started to talk more often. We talked for about 3 months by this point and I knew what they looked like n all that. I just assumed they were around my age, like 17-19, cause they were mates with a lot of older people and they didnt look their actual age. Anyways, I often struggle with communication cause I have special needs. I was just friendly chatting yesterday and she obviously took something I said the wrong way. She said to me something along the lines of 'tbh I really really love you, but come on you wouldn't mind dating a 15 year old would you' I just kinda sat there in silence thinking n then replied with 'what? You're 15?! Nah, im not i...

So this happened at around 7am today. I live with my boyfriend (M24), his parents and siblings. I (F25) woke up with my boyfriend when his alarm went off, popped on his dressing gown with nothing underneath and went to cook him eggy bread as I like him to be full for the work day. It’s probably good to note that his dressing gown is a 2XL and I am a size S/M. The cooking is going fine but the sleeves are quite baggy and long, I’ve cooked in it plenty of times and had no issues. My sleeve got too close to the flame on the hob and I notice the sleeve is slightly on fire at the end. I pat it out and keep quite (My boyfriend is in next room along with his mum and I don’t like to make a fuss if it’s no biggie and I’ve fixed the situation). I look down again and see a small flame on my elbow so again, I pat it out and proceed. All of a sudden I feel this sensation of heat on my back and at this point I realise I’m on fire and this is now big enough for me to make a fuss! I run to the next r...

My grandma is director of a NGO healthcare association that recently held a 2-day training seminar. Hotel accommodations, buffet meals, the works. Seeing as grandma had recently come from knee surgery and needed some TLC moving around, I was more than happy to stay the night with her at the venue as a personal assistant (not to mention she has a bit of a tendency to spoil her grandkids, so any amount of time spent with her meant some serious moolah). Unfortunately, this arrangement meant that I had to cancel a dinner date with my gf, and though she wasn't exactly pleased, we quickly made up for it that night with a series of raunchy texts and images; images which I duly saved (with her permission) like the good boyfriend that I am. Flash forward to the next afternoon, and one of the city councilors graced us with her presence for the seminar's culminating event. She was your standard politician: dressed to impress, teeth that put fluorescent lightbulbs to shame, every word, ...

Obligatory this didn’t happen today but quite a few years ago. Background: So it was just after Christmas, and I feel this is a very British thing to do, all the kids (me included) had gotten a lynx set, one of which had come with the black loofah with the scratchy pad on the back. This will be important. To the fuck up. Early evening I went up to go and have a shower, do all the usual, get your towels etc and strip down to my birthday suit. Hop in the shower, do my hair, shampoo etc, put my conditioner in. Now I always wash my body while I let the conditioner sit for a few minutes. I don’t know how I didn’t see what was wrong, but I pick up this BLACK loofah, put some body wash on it, again I apparently see nothing wrong. I close my eyes (WHY) and proceed to work from my tootsies to my chest. As you do. I suddenly become aware while washing my chesticles, of a very obscene and violent attack on my nostrils. I slow down with the body scrubbing while my brain catches up. I open ...

This happened many years ago but I hope that it still fits the theme of the sub: My fiancé and I were staying at her grandparents cabin for a weekend. Along with were her sister and and the sister's fiancé. We had all known each other for years and at that time were very involved in a conservative evangelical church. Because of that church relationship, for the sake of appearances the girls slept upstairs in front of the fire place and us fiancés slept 1 floor below. The sisters were very close in age and we were all in our twenties. Both blond with similar physical attributes. The other guy and I were of similar height and weight. I awoke early in the AM, still very dark, and went upstairs to lay down with my GF. I slid under the comforter and spooned up against her, threw my arm over her and began caressing her breasts and kissing her neck. She rolled over and I pulled the cover over us as we began to kiss deeply, our hands wandering all over and she reached below she grasped...

This took place last night. English is not my first language so i apologise for any grammatical errors that might occur. Let's start with some context. I don't really know why but sometimes when my phone is charging, my screen does stuff that i'm not making it to do, for example put in some random letters when i try to type or just clicking somewhere where i'm not clicking. Might be because of my phone and might be because of my charger. Doesn't really matter since i'm getting a new phone soon. Now to the story itself. Me and my bf were playing on playstation 4 and chatting in a party. I asked if he liked my spongebob shirt and he responded with "idk i haven't noticed it" (we mainly talk in snapchat, so he has seen it). I proceeded to send a picture of it to him. He asked "do you want to show me what's underneath it?" to which i replied sure. This is where my fuckup occured. I lifted my shirt and i wasn't wearing a bra. I took...

This evening after dinner I was cleaning up and started feeling a rumbly in my tummy. I called my husband (who I thought was downstairs) to come up and watch our toddler as I needed to poop. I couldn't wait for him so I ran up the stairs trusting he would arrive shortly. I was clenching for dear life as I rounded the corner into our bedroom. I threw open the bathroom door and to my absolute horror, saw my husband sitting on our toilet. I screamed something unintelligible and in a blind panic all I could think to do was aim for the mini potty my 2 year old daughter uses in our bathroom. Shortly after everything in my bowels was ejected, my daughter came into our bathroom looking for us because obviously her dad never showed up to watch her. I watched her tiny face morph from confusion to abject horror as she realized what happened. It got worse once I realized there was no way to ever clean that potty enough for her to use it again and bagged it up for the trash. My daughter s...

For context, I haven't been feeling well lately and in searching the medicine cabinet, I realized we were out of Tylenol, Nyquil, Dayquil, and the like. Not even any Ibuprofen in this house. But aha! I did see a possibly very old box of Alka Seltzer Cold and Flu. "Perfect", I thought to myself. I thought it was my saving grace. Despite being born in the 80's, I had never seen those commercials that my husband has now shown me many of. I also didn't read the package instructions because I figured I could just take one tablet and call it a day. They are lemon flavored so I was even more enthused about my lucky find. If I am going to eat chalk, it at least better have a flavor. Imagine my surprise, shock, and horror when I crunched into the stupid thing and my mouth started foaming...and foaming...and foaming. In a moment of sheer panic, I tried to rinse my mouth out with water and of course, that only made it worse and multiplied the foam. My husband walked into ...

Obligatory this happened a few hours ago. I am on a desktop, and English is my first language. All mistakes are on account of my own incompetence. I'm outside earlier today chatting with a coworker, who wanted my opinion on getting a 7 seater vehicle similar to the one that I have. I go over the pros and cons, and tell him to avoid a specific model year. Then I say "Dude, now is a really bad time to be buying any car! You might want to wait a little bit until this whole chip shortage thing figures itself out". My dude revealed his wife was pregnant, and he really had not much choice in the matter. I smile, and make a gesture below my belt in a waving/cutting motion "Hey Dude, I know a doctor who can help you out!" to which he deadpan responds "Nah, she's 33 weeks that's not gonna work." It took me a minute. What I meant to indicate was "Hey, my dick dock can snip yer cock" aka I know a good urologist. After what felt like an unc...

Sorry if I don't write well, English is not my main language. Also I am part Ukranian and have relatives in Ukraine which makes the situation more heated. I also live in the Baltics which I adress to make story more clear. So me and my at the time best friend met up to watch football. Everything was going great, we were talking about everything family, girlfriends, work, studies and making jokes. Everything was going well until we started talking about the war. Long story short my friend supports Putin since Zelensky has angered Putin and that Ukrainians should surrender so more people don't die. He also has seen Ruski propoganda in which Ukranians have nazis flags. But there is a thing that I just absolutely cannot forgive and I got very, very angry about is that he said that Russians should take over the Baltics since the government is "complete garbage" and would also give a second breath to business owners so he could start one. He has family here, father poli...

So my girlfriend (22F) and I (26M) got locked in my apartment complex fitness center. My girlfriend is visiting me in Florida, and I wanted to take her swimming, but the beaches can be crowded, and the fitness center has an outdoor pool. The fitness center is open at 8 am every day, but the main office is closed on weekends, so residents are given a key to the pool and gym. So we get up and change into our swimsuits; I help my girlfriend put on sunscreen. We got to the fitness center, and the gate to the pool was locked and had a padlock on it. (That should have been my first clue.) I knew we could get in through the fitness center, but I had forgotten the key in my apartment. My girlfriend didn’t want to walk all the way back to my apartment, so she waited while I went and got the key. When I got back to the center, I first tried the key on the pool gate, which didn’t work, so we went around to the fitness center door. The door wasn’t closed all the way, and we went in. (My girlfri...

Normally when I order “super hot” Indian food, I do it in restaurant. NORMALLY that’s the perfect amount of spice. Just enough to clear your sinuses and induce a mild state of euphoria. Last night however, I ordered from them on insert delivery service . Holy fucking shit. Now I heard that Indian restaurants tone it down for the white people who think they can handle it (perfectly fair). But damn I didn’t realize what problems that could pose lmao Initially, and much to my delight, what was delivered to me was far spicier than anything I have ever eaten. Past the point where spicy feels hot, just straight up vibrations from your face all the way to the tips of your fingers and toes. Absolutely delicious. After guzzling down half my meal, my right nostril starts bleeding profusely. 10 minute break, back to nirvana. Exactly two bites in, my other nostril starts bleeding. Jam that bitch up with tp and keep rolling coz this shit delicious. Not even an hour after finishing my meal...

Today was a huge fuckup. So we have a 4 month old and things are getting back to good in the bedroom, but as we don’t have a room for this baby he’s in the bedroom with us at night. Well, we had some time during the day to sneak off and pound one out. Unfortunately, we forgot the baby monitor was hooked up next to the bed since the baby just took a nap. All sorts of things were said. We made up as many excuses as we could to the other kids for the things they heard. Our other kids are 5 and 8. Things are really weird now… anyone else have anything similar happen to them? An example of said phrases words are : 1) GD you are wet 2) My c ck is f cking HARD 3) God I love your p*s£y TLDR; baby monitor broadcasted me and wife having sex to kids in another room.

I (22F) I work at a hotel bar in a large city. I worked a particularly slow day and during those shifts I like to talk to the guests. One of them was a 22 year old teacher who was traveling by herself and a guest of the hotel. I get cut early and I decide to go out for a couple drinks. At a bar nearby, I see the guest - she is very clearly drunk and proceeds to throw up all over the bar. Now this part of town is kinda known for sleazy guys and she’s by herself - so I take her back to the hotel and get her in her room safe before anyone can take advantage of her. I leave her my number to text me when she’s awake to make sure she’s okay and she thanks me the next morning and explains she was blackout drunk and barely remembers any of the night. I thought that was the end of it - until my boss pulled me into a room and proceeded to fire me for “fraternizing with a guest”. I explained that I only got her to her room safe and was worried because she was young and alone, but nope. I’m offic...

This happened last week. My mom is a stage 4 kidney cancer survivor. She's been in remission for 10 years, but a few weeks ago, a small cyst came back as cancerous after testing. She's in the process of going through all of her tests and scans and we'll learn a lot more next week. To keep her mind off of it on a difficult day, my family took her out for breakfast. We had decided on our meals, but were debating whether or not to get these cinnamon puffs as a starter. We had a really friendly waitress, and we asker her opinion. Me: "How are the cinnamon puffs?" Waitress: "Oh they are an addiction, they are so good!" Mom: "I can tell!" Me inside: WTF Mom?! Me outside: "Ok, yeah! We'll take an order of those" I wait 10 seconds or so for the waitress to leave our table before calling out my mom. Me: "Mom! Were you calling our waitress fat?!" My partners face goes as wide eyed as I've ever seen, you know a shut ...

TIFU. So I was out for a cycle on a long path after work and i ended up absolutely dying for a piss haha, and it was like loads of trees and foliage at the sides of the path and i was looking for a place to quickly jump in and do the business and i noticed a little bit down a hill behind like a little run down looking hut with loads of trees and stuff so i was gonna tryN and take cover near there, but what i didnt realise when i was slowing the bike down to jump off while undoing my trouser zip and whipping out the wand was that there was 2 teenage girls behind the goddamn thing (ive just turned 18 myself) so obviously i quickly cycled and they seen and shouted "We saw you! Rapist" and ive never felt such a sickening feeling of dread and feelings of "ive fucked up". Should i be worried? Do you think this will come back to haunt me? At the end of the day it is my fault for not checking that no one was there but still a freakishly unlucky accident and one thats got m...

So this actually did happen today, about 20 minutes ago, and I am still mourning the tragic loss of my breakfast. I had the day off from work today, but I decided to have my normal morning smoothie anyway, because I was not about to drive to get breakfast due to extreme laziness. I got together all the normal ingredients and began chucking them into my little smoothie cup, just like normal. However, I own a tiny goblin for a cat, and this little jerk (whom I love with my entire heart) likes to wind through my legs as I walk, and nearly cause my demise on a daily basis. She was doing her usual attempt to disable me, and I stumbled backwards into her, while cursing and flailing my arms. There was also an empty milk bottle on my counter, with the red cap off it. Enter the fuck up. I must have knocked it into the cup, and thought it was a frozen strawberry in my "factory worker has a day off" grogginess. The blender, when started, began making horrific sounds, but I figured i...

Ok, so technically this happened two days ago, not today. Why didn't I post it two days ago? Because two days ago I felt like taking this embarrassing story to my grave. But today I'm feeling generous. For context, I'm a 21-year-old woman who has never even had a crush on someone, let alone dated or had sex with anyone. I do masturbate though. Usually I just flick the bean, but recently I got the idea to try putting something inside, since people seem to enjoy doing that. But I'm not about to go out and buy a dildo. So I used some air-dry clay I had on hand to make a small, smooth, penis-like object. Fast forward a bit: two days ago, I used it. Afterwards, I cleaned it up and left it next to the bathroom sink. And then I just walked away and forgot about it. Until my roommate came home. About my roommate: she is INCREDIBLY repulsed by anything sexual. She won't even wash her own vagina because she's worried she might accidentally masturbate. So anyway, she co...

Yesterday, I (32M) had a vasectomy scheduled. Before the doctor started with the procedure, I let him know that I have an extremely high tolerance to pretty much all anesthetics, using my last tooth filling as an example. They had to use so much lidocaine that it paralyzed my face for a while (which they didn't tell me was a possibility so I thought I was having a stroke). Besides the tooth pulling, I've felt several other procedures like ingrown toenail removals, and woken up during procedures like colonoscopies. So, the urologist gives me about 6 shots with his air syringe, waits maybe 30 seconds, then asks if I can feel him poking around on my scrotum. I confirm that I can. He gives me 3 more shots, waits another 30 seconds, then says, "can you feel this?" and makes the incision. Yes, I absolutely could feel it, and I told him so. He asks if I could feel the pressure, or sharpness, and I confirm that I can definitely feel the sharpness, and that I don't fee...

A while back (I know I know, that's not today) I gave my boyfriend some really important things to me. Now, I only did this cause we had plans to move in together and I figured I'd see the things again so it was no big deal. I gave him my Peter Pan book (which I thought I was giving him to read and then he'd return it, but that was not the case) and a pink dog stuffy I had since childhood that I love so much. WELL- we broke up and I was really worried that I wouldn't be able to get the things back So I thought "if I ask him if he wants his things back he'll probably want at least something" Yeahhhh, that wasn't the case. I asked last night if he wanted anything back and he said nope. Now I feel too awkward to ask for my things back. TL;DR Don't give your important things away to ANYONE.

I don't know why, but I felt the need to share.. Today I (F25) was laying in our guest bedroom/office while my fiancé (M29) was working from home at the desk. I normally try to leave him alone, but there are many times throughout the day where we goose each other for laughs. Well.. he took a break from work today and decided to pull his dick out and thought it would be funny if he started to a 'helicockpter' next to the bed. Naturally I went to put my mouth on it and when I did, there was an audible snap and I felt a shock on my mouth! My fiancé fell back into his chair and yelled, "You shocked my dick!!" He had socks on so I think when he was shaking his dick around next to me, he was building up a static charge? We ended up just laughing it off.. but I kinda feel bad. TL;DR Went to put my mouth on fiancé's penis-head, static electricity got in the way.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY, I thought our army would keep the war away from us civilians. It seems I have been wrong, now I can only wait, it is like earthquakes. My friends created shelter far out of the city, with sealed foods to last,but now I wonder if they will even survive this. I'm too young to die... we will probably be cut off from the world soon. I cannot believe this is happening in my life,only now it's real. I'm almost sure if the next bomb drops my building will fall, all I can think is I will die soon. I should have found shelter,but what are the options. The government shelter is probably already gone.God save us. No flights going in or out, especially not from Kyiv, I can hear guns shooting, I don't believe there is any way out of this. Pray for us. This is wrong TL;DR TIFU BY NOT RUNNING,I WILL PROBABLY DIE SOON There is no where to go now, we are really surrounded, no planes are flying.

TIFU by not caring about my appearance. I started my "shark week" today and just feel like hot garbage. Bloated, crampy, headache, etc., and figured I could just take it easy on myself today since my boss is on vacation, my other boss probably wouldn't be in until late, and my other boss shows up only once or twice a week and never checks in on me. I had no professional appointments (I'm a caseworker for teenage offenders) and just wanted to dress down and be comfortable today. I put on a purple tank top and black hoodie that's a little too big, black leggings and scuffed barely-even-white-anymore slip-on shoes. I had also put on black socks, intending to change into my clean sneakers when I got into my car, but completely forgot until I got to work and just shrugged it off, despite the fact they were showing really obviously. I looked like a mess, but figured, "eh, who am I going to see besides the kids? And they're in Juvie sweats, they're not g...

So we will have to set the stage for a small tifu post. A few months ago there was an AskReddit thread about how your affair started. Being a cheeky bastard I decided to reply with shit post of having a small addiction to a video game and that was my affair since it took time away from my girlfriend. I said things like friends introduced us, it started off casually enough but became more serious sometimes seeing each other four or five nights a week, staying up late, waking up early just to spend more time with "her," etc. I did end the post calling out the game I was referencing and I thought I was one clever son of a bitch. Well the reply didn't gain any traction and that's fine, I had fun writing it and it made me laugh so I promptly forget about it. Over the years I have been trying to get my girlfriend into Reddit but she never liked the interface or how confusing it can be and that's fine we both get a kick out of the stupid shit I find and share. These pa...

As some of you know, I’ve been hanging with my coworker for a few weeks now. It’s been a lot of fun but disaster finally struck today. I was fooling around with said coworker in the parking lot before work this morning and not to get into the details of it, but he was finishing orally and he popped out of my mouth as the act was ending. I think it was half my fault for not committing to accepting the result and half him leaning backwards from feeling pretty good. That popping out resulted in me getting hit in the right eye, followed by some absolutely searing pain. I fell back, nearly hitting my head on the door to his car, going legs over head. Full on somersault almost. I should have entered the Olympics. Naked girl tumbles in car. Gold medal for participation. Essentially it looked like I took a shotgun blast to the face at close range, but you know, in an overly dramatic fashion. It didn’t help that I was naked at the time so I think it was all about as opposite as sexy as you ...

Alright r/TIFU , buckle up because this one is a doozy. We're still suffering the repercussions of this one. This happened over the course of the last 20 or so hours. So to start, I'm a hothead. A Spicelord. That dude that will always insist he can handle the spiciest of foods. I'm sure you've already got the outcome of this situation in your heads but I promise you, you have no idea. This has nothing to do with hands. In fact, because of my propensity for hot foods, and having some unfortunate experiences in the past, I take the utmost caution in indulging in my favorite foods. My pantry is regularly stocked with ghost-pepper chips. My fridge is chock full of the most devastating of hot sauces. I'm even subscribed to Sean Evans Hot Ones Monthly Subscription Box. I pickle my own Habañeros, I've done the one-chip challenge multiple times.. I could go on. Last night my wife and I went to the bar, as is typical for any given night, but almost every Tuesday, as ...

I’ll start this off by saying this was not recent, it was 2015 at the time and I frequent this mountain a lot. Also I’m on mobile so sorry for any formatting issues So I (15F) at the time had been friends with a person on the internet (16M) for four years, he was coming down from a different province and we made plans to hang out while he was in town. I live in a fairly small town that doesn’t have a lot to do most of the time, and the middle of summer was no exception so I decided to take him to the mountain I climb because the view is beautiful, and I just enjoy climbing personally. Getting to the mountain was good, we hiked through the woods for a bit before climbing up, we took the safer path to climb but it’s still really steep and there’s a part where you have to use a rope that’s attached to a tree to get over a little kind of lip part, once your on top of the mountain it’s all easy trails to get to the rocky clearing and sit down. So we were sat at the top for a while, taki...

A bunch of my wife’s friends were talking at dinner the other night how they miss going to nude beach when they were younger. We’re not old, mid 30s but my wife had told me she went in the past with this group of friends… some which are still single and some married. So at this dinner, I said that would be fun, I’ve always wanted to go… let’s do it. My wife protested and protested saying how she didn’t want to go, how it would be weird now and so on but I persisted. Eventually I convinced her and a few of her friends (the single ones) to go today. We get there and all of a sudden my courage dropped significantly, in my mind hanging out with a bunch of naked women was an amazing thing but once our feet hit the sand and we saw other people naked I started to hesitate… the girls pressed forward, they were very excited and they dragged me along saying how this was my idea so I complied. We found a spot and set up our chairs and towels and one by one each girl stripped down, my wife went ...

Okay, this actually happened 2 years ago, when I started working at the job I currently have. I was gonna be shown the ropes by a pretty attractive girl, and we hit it off from the very start, we had lots in common, our conversations were never boring or repetitive. This went on for a about a month. There was good chemistry between us, we started to go to places, get ice cream, talk about anime/movies, and play videogames together. At this point our conversations started to get ever so spicy. She's bi, so we'd talk about the different kinds of coochies we liked, kinds of boobies we preferred, one day she pressed her small hand to mine, and asked if her hands were big enough to wrap the shaft of my penis with only one, to which I only answered a vague "Probably" with no follow-ups. Needless to say, I was quite attracted to her at this point. In hindsight, I, being a self-confidence lacking virgin at the time (still am), somehow shot down all her advances. Now, to t...

This Mexican restaurant has an incredible salsa that I vaguely remember being labeled “Aguacate”. Naturally, when I would call for pickup I would ask for it. This always precipitated the same confusing back and forth: Me: “Instead of salsa, please give me the aguacate” Them: “What?” Me: “The aguacate, instead of salsa may I please have the aguacate” Them: “Sorry sir, I am not hearing you correctly” At this point I think it’s a language barrier so I begin to describe the salsa: Me: “The aguacate. It’s uhhh, it’s green? The green aguacate.” I’ve had this conversation five times before and they always sre laughing at the other end of the phone when they figure out what I am asking for. Someone revealed to me aguacate means avocado . I am saying: “Instead of salsa, give me the avocado . It’s green. Give me the green avocado ” TL;DR: Not knowing aguacate translates to avocado, demanding to be given “the green avocado” until someone there figures out what the hell I’m ...

The whole saga started in my home town on a warmer day in late December. With everyone coming home for the holidays, we decided it would be the perfect opportunity to link up and trip on some magic mushrooms. Unfortunately all I was able to find was some psilocybin chocolate bars, Multiverse Milkchocolates. After a nice trip with the homies, I stored the leftover chocolate in my car’s glovebox. Fast forward a few days. I’m driving, looking in my rear view mirror and see a brown ball dash across the corner of my eye. Upon realizing that it was in fact inside my car, I start screaming like a some sort of alarm. Oh my god there’s a mouse in my car! I pull over as soon as humanly possible and jump out of my car. After timidly checking all the visible areas it could hide, I call up my friend Jack for advice. After a few laughs and teasing me for being scared of a tiny mouse, he recommends using peppermint oil in an effort to deter it. Damn, no immediate solution. So I get some coffee and ...

I graduated Law School in 2020, and was part of the first class of students to get hit with Covid. No one knew what we were doing. There's no national board regulating the bar exams, they're done state by state and only administered twice a year in July and February. Thus begins my 2 years of chaos. For the July 2020 exam Texas decided they were going to administer online ( after a ton of waffling and State Bar zoom meetings where members actually fell asleep). The process they described did not inspire confidence. You were supposed to take it somewhere you set up yourself and record yourself the entire time. Any lapse in recording or "suspicious behavior" would get your test invalidated and could result into an ethics investigation. The tech they were using was also a consistently buggy mess. Because of this I elected not to take it, i didn't want to put my fate in the hands of this slapped together set up. So i get ready for February 2021. I get a job, workin...

This didn’t happen today but a week ago. So me (25F) and my boyfriend (24M) have sex fairly often. He has a very high sex drive which I luckily match. It’s fairly common for us to have morning and evening sex. Anyways, the morning before my exam was the last time I would see him until the following day. Since we wouldn’t be able to have sex that evening or the next morning, we planned to do it then. Almost as an afterthought, I realized that I probably shouldn’t have sex before the exam for obvious reasons. Anal was a special treat that I typically saved for special occasions because my boyfriend loves it. I enjoy it too, but not quite as much. So we decided to just do anal for that session and it was great. The appointment was at 9:30 in the morning, so our morning routine took place earlier than usual, thus, we finished up (he finished inside me) I finished getting ready and I was straight out the door. As I was driving to the appointment it hit me that I didn’t really think th...

So yesterday my gf f(23) and I M(22) were enjoying our Monday afternoon and decided to sneak a little fun while doing laundry. Often times it’s hard to find time during the day because we have kids. I thought about role playing and having her “be stuck” in the dryer but ultimately I ended up laying on top of a box in the laundry room and being the horse from Ralph Lauren. To spare the details my pants were wrapped around my ankles and my phone was in my pocket. iPhones have an emergency setting where if you hit the lock button 5 times it automatically calls 911. Well when my gf was on top of me her feet were by my ankles and she accidentally activated this feature and called the cops! Luckily I was able to hear the phone ring and let the dispatcher know that this was an accident and not an emergency! Technically this fuck up happened yesterday but I thought it was worth sharing ! TLDR; accidentally calling the cops in the middle of sex.

So I just adopted a stray kitten. For some reason he’s been peeing in my dustpan that I keep my broom on. I keep it in a far away closet so I didn’t smell it or anything.. My boyfriend is… well… really dumb. He made a mess while cooking so I told him he had to sweep. He noticed the broom was soaking wet and still swept my ENTIRE kitchen. I came out and saw it all wet and asked if he mopped to and he said no. I was like huh??? Then after it dried I walked on the floor and SLIPPED and fell on my butt and all I could smell was cat piss. I guess cat pee dries very slippery. I sniffed around the whole floor and yep. It smelled like cat pee!! The dustpan also had a pool of pee in it. So yeah! Now my ENTIRE kitchen floor is covered in cat pee..!! And I have to clean it because I don’t trust my bf to do a good job lol. Tldr; cat peed all over my broom and bf swept the whole kitchen with a soaked in pee broom anyway

A couple of weeks ago, I visited my parents for dinner and took my dog with me. The dog never sits down and is always sniffing and exploring. At one point in the evening, I notice he has disappeared upstairs and as I make my way to find him, he is sat at the top of the stairs with this large red rubber toy in his mouth looking very proud of himself. I internally die, run upstairs grab the toy out of his mouth, throw it into my mums bedroom and close the door and send him downstairs and think I've avoided a very awkward situation. A week later, I visit my parents for dinner again and as if I haven't learnt my lesson, I lose track of the dog and to my relief I realise he is still with us in the dining room. I then realise as I look under the dining table, the RED RUBBER TOY is laying right next to my feet. I hate awkwardness and could have died. Dinner finished and we moved to the lounge to socialise and I sat on the edge of my seat the whole time that my dog would go and fetch...

This happened over the weekend. I was talking to my partner about BM's (bowel movements) and one thing lead to another.... I said hey, I bet there is a Subreddit for poop. So in my excitement that other people may discuss BM's too, I searched for poop on Reddit. Clicked on the first thing that came up, and unbeknownst to me THERE ARE PICTURES!!!! I was so not emotionally prepared for such. I was caught off guard, and began to dry heave. My partner witnessing this all began to laugh and point and ask me what I expected. I begged him to get it off my phone, as I have tears streaming down my face, and don't want to look at ANY of it. And go back to the vicious cycle of dry heaving. He told me that it was off my phone; he LIED. Thus began the cycle of dry heaving and eventually throwing up. Sunday my back is KILLING me. I can't think of anything physically straining that I have done recently. And then it dawns on me; it had to be all the dry heaving. It hurts to laugh, it ...

TL DR at the bottom. I tried to post this last week, but I deleted it pretty soon after I got a couple of comments asking if I was ok. I wasn't and still am not. I'm not even going to attempt to fix it, so here's another attempt. Somewhat important backstory. Bought a house in late summer of 2018, and immediately had problems with it (built in 1975). In the first year we had to get a new AC unit for the outside, all new appliances, and a new water heater. It's been other things since, but the last time was in June of 2020 when we had the HVAC line cleaned out. June 2020, that's important. In April of 2019, the water heater went out and we had to get a tankless one due to how the former owners remodeled the house in 2006, so the old water heater was at least 13 years old. Had to get a new gas line for it and ended up with a gas leak. It was scary and I bought all new smoke and carbon monoxide detectors for the whole house. And forgot to install them. In June of...

She literally just left. I am beyond mortified. We had an inspection today. To start off with, our landlord is really nice. She's always there to talk to if we have any problems and she's quite reasonable. We haven't had an irl inspection for over a year (covid) so we went all out making sure every inch of the place was sparkling. Recently we noticed that there was a smell coming from the floor drain in the main bathroom. She arrives and we have pleasant small talk about the weather, etc. She asks if there's anything that we'd like to bring to their attention and I said "there's a weird smell coming from the drain in the bathroom" "Oh ok I'll go check it out" She goes in to the bathroom, and is there for like 5 minutes. I hear "oh uh..." And then nothing for a solid 60 seconds. I'm sitting on the couch thinking "wtf? Did she hurt herself or something?" Then I hear: "Hey (insert my name), can you uh... Co...

Before the padenmic, I (32F) was travelling extensively for work as I worked in international development. As part of a work perk, I get to stay in some nice hotels with pools once in a while, so I would always bring my glorious turquoise bikini to enjoy the amenities. On my last trip before the pandemic in 2019, I left my bikini at the hotel as I am often very forgetful (apologies to all hotel staff having to clean up after idiots like me). Luckily a work friend was passing by the same city the following week. He picked up my bikini from the hotel and planned to bring it the office (thanks to local colleagues helping coordinate this pick-up). Because we travel so often for work, he and I never ended up overlapping at the office until the pandemic hit. I assumed he lost my bikini in transit (RIP bikini) as he insisted he returned it to me. Flash forward, it is 2022, I get a panicked call from my friend. Apparently as he and his wife moved houses, she found my my turquoise bikini. S...

A few weeks ago I randomly felt a crushing pain in my chest that I assumed would just go away. Twenty minutes after it started it turned into the most intense pain I have ever felt complete with sweating and vomiting. My friends drove me to the ER where I waited for three hours in complete agony before I was seen. The doctor seemed pretty unconcerned and told me I had acid reflux, without asking about my pain or doing blood work. I told him how painful it was for me and he told me he had it one time and it really hurt too. It could be noted at this point that I am 20 year old Latina woman, and the doctor did ask where I was really from. I was pretty freaked out- but whatever life goes on. My mom said that it didn't sound like acid reflux and I should really get it checked out, but I told her the doctor said I was fine and had acid reflux and it wasn't a big deal and I had nothing to worry about. Two weeks later the pain started again, not quite as bad but still horribly pain...